What is the worst movie you've ever seen? [Archive]

Akuma

12-01-2006, 02:24 AM

The Labrynth.

Of course, most of anything created in the 80's turned out horrendously. But The Labrynth, as trippy and fantastical of an idea it may have been, it was just too unrealistic (and this was a fantasy movie). The acting was also horrible.
And I remember one scene in particular, where the Goblin King and his goblin minions break out in song and dance.

They literally repeatedly sang: "Slap that baby, make it pee!"

My God, the 80's were terrifying.

Celia Cyanide

12-01-2006, 02:37 AM

I believe it was "make him free," not "pee." :)

clockwork

12-01-2006, 02:41 AM

Films rented in the past year which I gave one star or less on the rental company's website.

Aeon Flux
Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever
Boy and Girls
Christmas With the Kranks
Exorcist: The Beginning
The Fog
Jeepers Creepers 2
The Last Horror Movie
Resident Evil Apocalypse
The Ring 2
Stealth
XXX 2

As you can see, the majority are sequels or clearly a load of nonsense from just a cursory viewing. Most of the above I didn't finish (which is rare) but I always give films a chance, hence their rental in the first place. I like to make up my own mind about whether a film is wank or not.

The one common theme that the above share is that at some point or another they all insulted my intelligence. I think that burns me up more than anything - I hate being sold something that is clearly ridiculous or impausible.

And if I had to choose one as the grand prize winner...

It would probably be Exorcist: The Beginning. A slow-yawn fest that makes me shudder to think it was inspired by the original classic.

Must say though I'm getting very, very tired with hip'n'sexy females kicking a$$ with martial arts and guns and swords set to pounding rock music and satured with cgi, bullet-time and slow-mo bullhonkey. (Aeon Flux, Res Evil, Ultraviolet, Underworld et al) I don't care that you got Soft Image for Christmas! Show me something different!

I liked Labirynth a lot, Akuma. I think it's a classic kids' film - utter fantasy and the kind of thing you don't get a lot of these days. Plus, I think the lyric is actually, "Slap that baby, make him free." Still doesn't make a lot of sense but this is David Bowie's music we're talking about, the guy that wants to know if we wonder sometimes 'bout sound and vision. :)

Celia Cyanide

12-01-2006, 03:38 AM

Plus, I think the lyric is actually, "Slap that baby, make him free." Still doesn't make a lot of sense but this is David Bowie's music we're talking about, the guy that wants to know if we wonder sometimes 'bout sound and vision. :)

The guy who's terrified of getting to the church on time? Still, I think the "free" thing just means free from Sarah, and from his parents. Jeroth thinks that Toby becoming a goblin is liberating.

Oh, crap. I'm hijacking my own thread. Crap.

Back on topic, Akuma, if Labyrinth is really the worst movie you've ever seen, you're goddamn lucky.

I like to ask this question, because it seems to me that no one remembers the worst movie they've ever seen. The one they remember as being the worst is memorable in some way, even if it is truly awful.

I will come back later when I remember mine worst movie. Until then...anybody else? I hope that nonscreenwriters will participate, too.

wyzguy

12-01-2006, 03:40 AM

Rhinestone: Dolly Parton tries to turn Sly Stallone into a country singer?

Write_At_1st_Light

12-01-2006, 03:57 AM

Screwed.

And so aptly named. Came out in 2000, I think.

I cannot believe Danny DeVito allowed this thing to be released - with all his scenes intact.

My then-wife and I were in Maui on our honeymoon (which was terrific). We needed to kill some time before going to dinner at Mama's, so we dropped in to see this movie in the mall. Small theater. Maybe 20 of us in there.

My then-wife and I were the last to leave, and that was about 45 minutes into the film or thereabouts. So weird to look back at the door, and see the empty theater and the projector spinning out this garbage to no one at all...

Silver King

12-01-2006, 04:05 AM

Pink Flamingos. Thankfully, John Waters learned how to direct after that film. And Devine became a much better actor without all that dog shit in her mouth.

Celia Cyanide

12-01-2006, 04:15 AM

Pink Flamingos. Thankfully, John Waters learned how to direct after that film. And Devine became a much better actor without all that dog shit in her mouth.

Oh, come on! It doesn't count when the director made a bad movie on purpose! :)

Silver King

12-01-2006, 04:31 AM

Please don't get me started on the part that deals with chicken rape...;)

Amazingly, Mr. Waters is held in high regards, and rightly so, despite Flamingos. A film of that caliber would've sunk the career of almost any other director for good.

poetinahat

12-01-2006, 04:50 AM

Lindo

12-01-2006, 05:24 AM

Lately it would have to be Miami Vice. And I liked the series, like Michael Mann, like Colin Farrell. What a disaster.

Also, any movie with Ben Stiller or Owen Wilson. Starsky and Hutch must be a nightmare.

kitt

12-01-2006, 06:52 AM

I really like the labryrinth, of course I first saw it as a child, it nostalgic now. I remember loving it, I tried to pass it on and share it with my children. They were petrified...oh well. I don't know about the worst movie, there's too much crap out there too chose from.

wyzguy

12-01-2006, 07:07 AM

ooh ooh! How about Revolution? 4.5/10 on IMDB. Probably the WORST Al Pacino movie ever.

BottomlessCup

12-01-2006, 07:23 AM

Labyrinth and Royal Tenebaums are good movies! :rant:

Worst?

Gummo. It's the most pretentious piece of garbage ever made.

#2 is The Mod Squad.

#3 is Jawbreaker.

icerose

12-01-2006, 07:39 AM

The one I can think of off the top of my head is Matrix : Revolution

tlblack

12-01-2006, 07:44 AM

I think the worst and stupidest one for me was "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"... do I really need to explain why?

ajq32

12-01-2006, 07:51 AM

Possibly Bio-dome...or maybe The Manchurian Candidate(the new one, the old one is a classic) Theres unfortunatly alot of bad movies out there.

soloset

12-01-2006, 08:04 AM

I win. I sat through Alone in the Dark.

No value calls for this one. It was simply the worst piece of crap I've ever seen. It went out of its way to be bad. It was inventively bad. It was so bad it wasn't even funny.

Words fail me as I try to describe how bad it was. Truly a movie to rent just to see what never, ever to do.

I think the worst and stupidest one for me was "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes"... do I really need to explain why?

It was supposed to be. Please pass the ketchup... how can you not crack up at that? Maybe you had to be eight the first time you saw it to really get it.

beezle

12-01-2006, 08:14 AM

The worst I've seen the last couple of years at the cinema was Alien Vs. Predator.

Silver King

12-01-2006, 08:16 AM

Soloset's sentiments remind me of another one: The Blair Witch Project.

Since I'm too lazy to be creative, please refer to Soloset's comments above for my exact feelings regarding this piece of trash...

poetinahat

12-01-2006, 08:25 AM

Labyrinth and Royal Tenebaums are good movies! :rant:

Could be I'm just a heathen -- I've tried to like Woody Allen, and failed utterly -- but I couldn't bear to see RT through. Just not my taste, I s'pose.

Ensemble-cast films can be great, but not if I hate EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER in them. (Maybe the distinction here is between craft and pleasure/entertainment.) Ben Stiller, to me, is like a Triple Word Score of Pain -- an annoying character, played by Ben Stiller, equals eyeballs melting into my skull.

For good ensemble-cast films, I'll take Gosford Park and Murder By Death.

BottomlessCup

12-01-2006, 08:28 AM

I hate Woody Allen, too.

He made some okay stuff back in the day, but he's been spewing boring crap ever since.

I'm completely boggled by the constant leg-humping he gets from Hollywood.

Silver King

12-01-2006, 08:45 AM

I hate Woody Allen, too.
I suppose he's one of those directors you either love or hate...

I saw him a few times when he played with his band at Michael's in NYC. He used to be fairly approachable, and one time, he shook my hand and almost broke my wrist. Seriously. I was trying to go easy on him at the exact moment he was being macho.

In any case, if you have a chance, watch Hannah and Her Sisters. Great stuff.

Mom'sWrite

12-01-2006, 09:19 AM

I could name several dozen kid films that will forever haunt my nightmares. Apparently producers of these films will throw the most moronic pieces of shit together along with a snappy tune and a furry dancing animal and poof...another DVD hit. Kids don't need plot. Kids don't need theme. Hell, kids don't really need a coherent sequence of events. Why pay extra for it?

The worst of the worst I've seen was "Prospero's Books." Betcha I'm the only one to admit to watching the whole thing. Yeah, I'm that demented.

poetinahat

12-01-2006, 09:22 AM

Okay, this is good -- I'm on both sides of the divide now. I liked Prospero's Books. (I don't like all Greenaway, but that one, I liked.)

Mom'sWrite

12-01-2006, 09:30 AM

Okay, this is good -- I'm on both sides of the divide now. I liked Prospero's Books. (I don't like all Greenaway, but that one, I liked.)

Well, you have a lot of explaining to do, buddy.
(Starting with, what was up with the cherubim peeing in the pool? That's just incomprehensible to me. And there's more, way, way more that needs illumination here.)

poetinahat

12-01-2006, 09:36 AM

*shrug* It's Greenaway. It's a sensory feast -- or sensual gluttony, depending on how you look at it. I don't remember the scene, but I remember just thinking impressions were more important than making sense -- as with Fellini films. (Amarcord's a favorite of mine.) Maybe a lot of it was seeing it in a fantastic cinema, where the ushers handed out libretti on the way in.

It's been probably 15 years since I saw Prospero, actually; wonder if I'd still like it now. Worth my trying, especially since I've seen other Greenaway films and not been so impressed.

triceretops

12-01-2006, 09:42 AM

Will someone please tell me what happend to Hulk? A bad CG character leaping miles at a time over the screen. Most of our comic heroes have done fairly well on the screen. Couldn't find any humanity in the big green guy. They had their chance and tanked it.

Could the themes and plot of A Tale of Two Kitties be so underused that they HAD to do it again? Nothing original here. Hate that fat bastid, wise-cracking cat anyway. The Hedge had it beat hands down.

Mortal Combat, fa gawd's sakes. How many times can a four-armed giant genie raise his arms and roar? The fight scenes where everybody's hitting the gravel certainly saved on special effects--they didn't have to choreograph ANY physical confrontations. Just show all the losers hitting the gravel from different camera angles.

Tri

Mom'sWrite

12-01-2006, 09:45 AM

Good luck, young Obiwon.

If you come away still liking it, I will take that as proof positive that your level of dementia is greater than mine. (Everyone here will still love you though, they're weird like that.)

For those that haven't a clue what we're talking about; Prospero's Books is Dali-esque, art house film of Shakespeare's "The Tempest."

Maybe I hated it because I wasn't adequately medicated at the time of viewing. Yeah, that's it.

Let me know what you think. I'm interested to hear your impressions.

TrickyFiction

12-01-2006, 10:34 AM

Ronin. I remember timing the car chases for fun. We couldn't care less how they turned out.

Also, the new Star Wars movies. I think it was a combination of things with those, including my high expectations. The screenplays were... godawful. No child EVER actually says, "Yippee."

billythrilly7th

12-01-2006, 11:03 AM

Blair Witch Project.

I was literally banging my head against the wall of the theater, praying for it to end.

pepperlandgirl

12-01-2006, 12:02 PM

Star Wars: Whatever the crappy 3rd Prequel was called.

I did not like The Phantom Menace or Attack of the Clones at all, but it was more of a passive dislike. You know, "I can't believe I sat through that but I'll get over...ooh! there's something shiney!" But the 3rd movie? It was so relentlessly cynical and offensive to my intelligence that I was really left to wonder why George Lucas hated the world so much. I think a movie like whatever that prequel was called (seriously my mind blocked it) could only be created by a disgustingly greedy, shallow, misanthropic mind with a very low opinion for his audience.

And of course, whenever I say this, people always inform me it was the best of the 3. No, it wasn't. Regardless of how bad the other two movies were, they didn't rely on the audience's stupidity and blatant emotional manipulation to carry whatever passed for a story in Lucas' addled mind. I was literally laughing hysterically in the theater by the end of the film, partially out of self-defense, partially because I was genuinely amused, partially because it was either laugh or cry (for those missing hours of my life).

The so-called motivations that didn't exist (or at most were about as deep Paris Hilton after getting baked), the sub-sub-par dialogue, the too-stupid-to-live decisions, the fact that Padme died of a broken heart even as her children were being born, the lack of anything resembling coherency, the lack of truly sympathetic characters, the inept-to-the-point-of-painful directing, the reliance on wide-scale slaughter to invoke emotion in the audience instead of silly things like character development or a plot that made sense, the reliance on special effects to keep people awake. The soulless fight scenes that went on for far too long. The way I rolled my eyes at the so called "emotional" scenes that looked like what a 12 year old emotionally stunted boy would consider moving. The destruction of Darth Vader's character. The low point in Ewan McGregor's career when he hung on to whatever remained of his dignity with the same tenacity Nimoy had in Star Trek V.

In conclusion, I'm not a fan.

Inkdaub

12-01-2006, 01:46 PM

You nutters have named some good movies. I doubt I could pick one worst movie...but when I saw the title of this thread the movie that jumped into my mind was Ghost Ship.

alleycat

12-01-2006, 02:20 PM

IThe worst of the worst I've seen was "Prospero's Books." Betcha I'm the only one to admit to watching the whole thing. Yeah, I'm that demented.
Also, The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover, which I think was done by the same people.

BrianTubbs

12-01-2006, 06:28 PM

ooh ooh! How about Revolution? 4.5/10 on IMDB. Probably the WORST Al Pacino movie ever.

I agree, and I'm a huge Revolutionary War buff. Revolution is the worst movie ever made about the American Revolution, the worst made w/ Al Pacino, and one of the worst movies of all time.

BrianTubbs

12-01-2006, 06:31 PM

I will agree that the new Star Wars trilogy films qualify as having among the worst scripts in modern movie history. The dialogue in the films was absolutely awful. The "love story" dialogue in Attack of the Clones was like nails on the chalk board. And Anakin's turn to Vader was, shall we say, less than credible.

However.....the special effects, several of the characters, the atmospheric feel, and the fact that they were Star Wars saved the films from utter ruin.

Oh...and you just gotta love lightsabers! :)

Julie Worth

12-01-2006, 06:34 PM

English Patient
Lisztmania
Sophie's Choice
Mars Attacks
The Blair Witch Project
Sin City

It’s probably unfair to name these, since I suffered through them. There were so many more that I walked out on and instantly forgot.

BrianTubbs

12-01-2006, 06:36 PM

I'd have to vote for Kevin Costner's Waterworld and The Postman as being among the worst movies of the last twenty years.

Julie Worth

12-01-2006, 06:46 PM

I'd have to vote for Kevin Costner's Waterworld and The Postman as being among the worst movies of the last twenty years.

For a long time I thought Costner's best performance was in The Big Chill, where he was the dead guy.

Ol' Fashioned Girl

12-01-2006, 06:47 PM

Who can forget the classic Kingdom of the Spiders and the equally insipid White Commanche?

Julie Worth

12-01-2006, 06:49 PM

Who can forget the classic Kingdom of the Spiders and the equally insipid White Commanche?

While we're on spiders, Kiss of the Spider Woman was execrable.

icerose

12-01-2006, 07:04 PM

It's interesting, some of my favorite films are on some people's worst list. Just shows it's all according to individual tastes.

I agree with Brian Tubbs on Star Wars. The CG and such saved it, had it been any other film series and lesser graphics it would have sunk. The light saber battles were some of my favorite scenes because at least there was no dialog. :D

kitt

12-01-2006, 08:40 PM

Welcome to the Dollhouse...I remember really loathing that one.

a tree of night

12-01-2006, 09:25 PM

Romeo + Juliet (= - my lunch)

WackAMole

12-01-2006, 09:28 PM

Julie Worth

12-01-2006, 09:46 PM

Ohhhh, I almost forgot to include Borat. After that nude wrestling scene, I'm going to need therapy.

alleycat

12-01-2006, 09:54 PM

I didn't actually see it (thank God) . . . but I can guess that Can't Stop the Music with the Village People could probably safely be listed in this category.

Branwyn

12-01-2006, 09:59 PM

Sophie's Choice????

I love that movie, such a tear jerker! I loved Manhattan Murder Mystery, too.

Of course, Plan 9 From Outer Space, is the worst.

That George Clooney movie Sol-something or other.(Love George though)
Life Aquatic
There are a lot of stinkers out there.

crashbam

12-01-2006, 10:01 PM

Hudson Hawk with Bruce Willis was unbearable. It made me want to stick needles in my eyes. Not even so bad it was funny, like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes was.

Jaws 3d made me want to fly to Hollywood and open up a can of whoop ass on who ever wrote the screenplay. I can't believe Dennis Quaid was ever allowed to star in another movie after that. And the director must have had compromising photo's of Lou Gossett Jr.

Godfather III I hated Sophia Copola so much in this movie that I refuse to see Lost in Translation. I actually cheered in the movie theater when her character died. Pacino's "grief" was laughable. Way to ruin a great series of movies Francis.

BrianTubbs

12-01-2006, 10:17 PM

The light saber battles were some of my favorite scenes because at least there was no dialog. :D

AN EXCELLENT POINT!!!!!!!! And did you notice how the Obi Wan v. Anakin battle in the last movie was great so long as they weren't talking? When they started uttering dialog -- "I have failed you, Anakin. I know that" and "This is the end for you, my Master" or "It's over, Anakin. I have the high ground" -- it ruined it! I kept thinking "Shut up and fight!"

Also....I forgot to mention the music. I love the Star Wars music. John Williams is the man!

Del

12-01-2006, 10:39 PM

Reptilian AKA Younggary

So bad I guess they renamed it hoping to make additional sales.

Obvious Matchbox cars burning from lighter fluid. Monster was a dozen different sizes. The director should be executed as an example.

I'd like to say more but it was completely forgettable.

icerose

12-01-2006, 11:14 PM

I liked the third jaws movie, but the forth one. I mean impaling a shark with a boat? Not to mention a shark tracking a plane across an ocean and over an island chain so on and so forth.

Yeah Brian, the talking in the third light saber battle totally ruined what little they had built up. Just don't listen to the audio tapes, they are aweful. They have one man doing all the voices and he changes his voice to the different characters. So you have this grown man trying to do the queen's voice and Anakins (sp) voice. It's hard not to laugh yourself over.

kitt

12-01-2006, 11:20 PM

Lost in Translation. Ugg

aliajohnson

12-01-2006, 11:49 PM

I'm going to get grief for this, but . . .

Dances With Wolves. Way, way, way, way (you get the idea) too much Costner. Plus, would it have killed the heroine to rake a pinecone through her hair for her own wedding? I'd rather watch Robin Hood, and that's just sad.

Eating Out. Saw this, or tried to see this, recently--turned it off part way through. An insult to gays, straights, bisexuals, and anyone else who might be viewing. Unbelievable plot. Unlikeable characters. Horrible dialogue. Just plain awful.

I'm sure more will come to me.

Ol' Fashioned Girl

12-02-2006, 12:03 AM

Godfather III I hated Sophia Copola so much in this movie that I refuse to see Lost in Translation. I actually cheered in the movie theater when her character died. Pacino's "grief" was laughable. Way to ruin a great series of movies Francis.

I thought it was just me! Whew! They should've stopped with 2. They could've stopped with 1. I was almost relieved when Puzo died and they couldn't do IV... though, why should the death of the writer stop the juggernaut?

Del

12-02-2006, 12:19 AM

I'm going to get grief for this, but . . .

Dances With Wolves. Way, way, way, way (you get the idea) too much Costner.

I liked Dances With Wolves, again and again. I like Costner. I don't know why. All his performances are the same...he's just Costner. The only thing I credit him for 'acting' in (where he was someone other than Costner) was Water World, which I thought had some isolated great scenes but the movie as a whole was bad.

I don't know. I've never been accused of having taste.

aliajohnson

12-02-2006, 12:28 AM

I liked Dances With Wolves, again and again. I like Costner. I don't know why. All his performances are the same...he's just Costner. The only thing I credit him for 'acting' in (where he was someone other than Costner) was Water World, which I thought had some isolated great scenes but the movie as a whole was bad.

I don't know. I've never been accused of having taste.

Nothing wrong with enjoying eye candy. And it doesn't have to be in a strictly, isn't he/she hot? capacity. Some people are just nice to watch wether they're talented or not. Costner's not to my taste, but Lord knows there's a few terrible actors out there I could watch all day.

tourdeforce

12-02-2006, 12:30 AM

Worst movie of 2006- THE BLACK DAHLIA

Silverhand

12-02-2006, 01:21 AM

I find it kinda funny, that some people would relate many newer movies as, "The worst of all time." hehe

Saying that, I wish to add a few truly horrid movies.

My Boyfriend's Back (The only movie I have EVER walked out on. EVVVVEERRRRR!)
Charlies Angel's 2
Frankenfish
Rocky Horror PIcture Show

English Dave

12-02-2006, 01:32 AM

Rancid Aluminium. [2000, Rhys Ifans, Joseph Fiennes Tara Fitzgerald, Sadie Frost]

The first word of the title describes the whole movie. Billed as a comedy thriller, it had no comedy, no thrills and a plot that defied all kinds of reason and logic. It was clearly directed by a blind mute, edited by a heroin addict wearing boxing gloves, written by someone who didn't understand screenplays and acted by thespians frantically trying to call their agents so they could fire them.

Much as I tried to delete the entire film from my memory the scene with Tara Fitzgerald wiping post coital sperm from her thigh then licking her fingers is a hard one to shift.

Akuma

12-02-2006, 01:33 AM

I liked Labirynth a lot, Akuma. I think it's a classic kids' film - utter fantasy and the kind of thing you don't get a lot of these days. Plus, I think the lyric is actually, "Slap that baby, make him free." Still doesn't make a lot of sense but this is David Bowie's music we're talking about, the guy that wants to know if we wonder sometimes 'bout sound and vision. :)

Yeah, I exaggerate. I have seen worse movies, but I'm pretty sure I've blocked them out of my mind in desperate self defense. And I mistake words for 'pee'.

I actually loved The Labrynth when I was a kid. But I went back, after many years, and watched it again.

I thought I would be reliving my childhood. Sadly, I think I raped it. :(

Del

12-02-2006, 01:33 AM

[quote=Silverhand]I find it kinda funny, that some people would relate many newer movies as, "The worst of all time." hehe

Time cures all.

Akuma

12-02-2006, 01:36 AM

AN EXCELLENT POINT!!!!!!!! And did you notice how the Obi Wan v. Anakin battle in the last movie was great so long as they weren't talking? When they started uttering dialog -- "I have failed you, Anakin. I know that" and "This is the end for you, my Master" or "It's over, Anakin. I have the high ground" -- it ruined it! I kept thinking "Shut up and fight!"

Also....I forgot to mention the music. I love the Star Wars music. John Williams is the man!

Yeah, I can't say the new Stars Wars movies were brilliant, even if they did rack in money based solely on special effects.

This is one of the rare instances--if not the only one--where the cartoon series of the Clone Wars is considered better than the movies themselves...

Del

12-02-2006, 02:08 AM

Yeah, I can't say the new Stars Wars movies were brilliant, even if they did rack in money based solely on special effects.

This is one of the rare instances--if not the only one--where the cartoon series of the Clone Wars is considered better than the movies themselves...

I wouldn't call any of Lucas's stuff brilliant (which gives me hope). I'd put his best as the Indiana Jones series. Entertaining but still not brilliant. What I'd have to respect him for regarding Star Wars is managing to put together I, II and III at all from the original novels when no prequels were ever planned for. He got it all in there even though he unwittingly limited himself by calling Star Wars: A New Hope episode IV. If he had called it VI he would have had two more volumes to tell a more robust story.

You have to remember, he only wrote them because the public asked him to.

Akuma

12-02-2006, 02:26 AM

You have to remember, he only wrote them because the public asked him to.

And the public never knows best. :P

wyzguy

12-02-2006, 02:30 AM

I'm ready to be pilloried for this:
Terms of Endearment.

A movie I SHOULD have walked out on.

English Dave

12-02-2006, 02:30 AM

I wouldn't call any of Lucas's stuff brilliant (which gives me hope). I'd put his best as the Indiana Jones series. Entertaining but still not brilliant. What I'd have to respect him for regarding Star Wars is managing to put together I, II and III at all from the original novels when no prequels were ever planned for. He got it all in there even though he unwittingly limited himself by calling Star Wars: A New Hope episode IV. If he had called it VI he would have had two more volumes to tell a more robust story.

You have to remember, he only wrote them because the public asked him to.

Be careful what you wish for.

But he wrote them because Lucas Industries needed the cash. The original Star Wars trilogy was a child of it's time. A roller coaster ride encompassing cutting edge FX and new age philosophy. Even then I thought the second two were dull.

The second trilogy? Meh. Nothing to see here folks. Move on.

But not my worst movie of all time.

eldragon

12-02-2006, 02:36 AM

There was a low-budget B movie made in the early 90's - can't remember the title of the thing - but it starred Frank Stallone - yes, that's Sylvestor's bro.

Now, Frank Stallone was in Barfly, which was great movie. (Bukowski..)

But anything else he ever did should probably not be watched for health reasons.

I have to admit that the music accompanying most 80's films - is atrocious. I mean, watch "Tootsie," or anything with Michael J Fox in it. The soundtracks are terrible! In fact, I'd like to suggest that the worst movies in history were made in the 80's.

nielsty

12-02-2006, 02:37 AM

I hate everything by Rainer Werner Fassbinder - but especially "The Marriage of Maria Braun. I saw it in our film school cinema right after seeing the first Indiana Jones film. What a downer!!!

Others:

Reptilicus - Danish Dino-film from 1961. I heard there's a cult around it on American cable. Have any of you seen it? Check it out on IMDB. Worst effects ever!

Scoop - but mostly for comming after Match Point which in my opinion was great.

Every American remake of Asian horror films.

The Postman

The Patriot (The Mel Gibson version)

eldragon

12-02-2006, 02:38 AM

OH, how could I forget "She's So Lovely," with Sean Penn, John Travolta and Robin Wright-Penn?

I mean, Sean Penn never mades horrible movies. Ok, there was Hurley Burley, which totally sucked, too.

Which reminds me of Madonna - ever watch "Who's that girl?" Crack me up!

And pretty much everything John Travolta made, besides Pulp Fiction of course, tanked.

nielsty

12-02-2006, 02:57 AM

Oh, how could I forget the only movie I have walked out on: Yes Nurse, no Nurse.

It's a Dutch musical - and Dutch singing is awful!!! And so were the acting. At least I hadn't payed for it - for some obscure reason it was shown at the Berlin Film Festival a few years ago which I was covering for a Danish regional paper.

Old Comedywriter

12-02-2006, 03:28 AM

Hotel New Hampshire and The World According To Garp
Can you tell I'm not a John Irving fan?

The Ice Storm
The 70s were bad, but they didn't suck THIS much.

2001: A Space Odyssey
I fell asleep trying to watch it when I was 9 years old. I fell asleep again watching it when I was 39. I'm not trying again when I'm 69 years old - I might not wake up.

BrianTubbs

12-02-2006, 03:36 AM

The Patriot (The Mel Gibson version)

I thought it was a good movie. Not exactly great history, but entertaining.

BrianTubbs

12-02-2006, 03:39 AM

A couple of you have knocked the 80s. Am I the only one here who LIKED the 80s?

Ol' Fashioned Girl

12-02-2006, 03:39 AM

Oh! Oh!

Lair of the White Worm

BottomlessCup

12-02-2006, 03:42 AM

English Dave

12-02-2006, 03:44 AM

Oh! Oh!

Lair of the White Worm

Good call.

Trueword

12-02-2006, 03:55 AM

Hi, newbie here.

One of the worst movies that I do remember is "King Ralph". It might have made a decent drama, but it failed as a comedy.

wyzguy

12-02-2006, 04:09 AM

Back in '85 was Ladyhawke. Horribly inappropriate music. Taking Michelle Pfeiffer off the the screen to turn her into a BIRD? Are they crazy? Matthew Broderick as anything but a smart mouth American kid?

pepperlandgirl

12-02-2006, 04:20 AM

Heh. I adored both King Ralph and Ladyhawke. Though to be fair, I haven't seen King Ralph since I was 12, and Ladyhawke was a movie I loved when I was 9 or 10. So maybe I adore the fond memories I have of these films.

Though I agree about the soundtrack for Ladyhawke....I don't know what made them think Alan Parsons was a good fit for something set in the middle ages. Probably the same thing that made people think Queen was a good fit for Highlander.

Oh that reminds me. My other nomination for this thread is Highlander.

brownie8

12-02-2006, 04:21 AM

The worst movie ever has to be "Nacho Libre" with Jack Black. That movie made me angry it was so bad. Wasn't supposed to be a comedy? The sad part is that we paid $8.00 to see it at the theater. Horrible Horrible movie.

BottomlessCup

12-02-2006, 04:24 AM

Oh that reminds me. My other nomination for this thread is Highlander.

You are in so much trouble when dclary gets here.

English Dave

12-02-2006, 04:27 AM

You are in so much trouble when dclary gets here.
Ten bucks says he'll never make it.

broughcut

12-02-2006, 04:28 AM

Signs

broughcut

12-02-2006, 04:33 AM

Of course, Plan 9 From Outer Space, is the worst.

Plan 9? Ah, yes! Plan 9 deals with the resurrection of the dead. Long distance electrodes shot into the pineal and pituitary gland of the recently dead!

eldragon

12-02-2006, 04:33 AM

I loved the 80's - twas the best time of my life, almost.

I loved the music.

But the movies? No.

tourdeforce

12-02-2006, 04:40 AM

Add I HEART HUCKABEES to the list.

nielsty

12-02-2006, 04:46 AM

I thought it was a good movie. Not exactly great history, but entertaining.

I mostly hate it in context to Brave heart - It's basically the same story - nothing new under the sun. Mel Gibson has more potential than that but I'm affraid he even made one more with some of the same themes "We were Soldiers". Not a big fan of heroic soldier films...

kitt

12-02-2006, 06:40 AM

Oh yea, have to add White Noise.

triceretops

12-02-2006, 07:48 AM

Head, starring the Monkeys. Tried to be so hip, but just full of colored lights and sucrose.

I'm about this far (this far I tell ya) from saying Kill Bill. I know it has a lot of fans. But the improbable stunts, special effects, blood-letting, sound track, and over-the-top violence just took me my the shoulders and shook me. I think it's cultish and will stay that way. I know it was a vehicle for Quentin, but why did it have to be for all of us? Sorry.

One of my dopey favorites, only because I heart Helen Slater in that short skirt and blonde wig. But I KNOW you all hate it--yeah, you know which one I'm talkin' about.

Tri

My-Immortal

12-02-2006, 07:57 AM

Some movies listed here by others I've liked, some listed here I thought were bad, but no one has mentioned....

Bloodrayne.

That was an utterly painful 'movie' to watch.

nganok

12-02-2006, 08:45 AM

Anything with Jennifer Lopez

icerose

12-02-2006, 08:55 AM

A few more to add.

Just about every creature feature with a low budget ever made.

I had a couple of others floating around but they have since escaped. It's hard to remember the bad ones, they just don't stick with you.

I haven't seen it but just from commercial I'd have to say Snakes on a Plane, few movies get me saying I am absolutely not going to see that movie and force me to go out of my way to not see it.

Ravenous was pretty bad, I couldn't get past the first thirty minutes before the little voice in my skull was screaming at me.

Lindo

12-02-2006, 10:39 AM

Did anybody mention Lost In Translation yet? What a dismal piece of crap. Is there a category for "stupidest script to ever win an Oscar"?

aruna

12-02-2006, 10:47 AM

Did anybody mention Lost In Translation yet? What a dismal piece of crap. Is there a category for "stupidest script to ever win an Oscar"?

It's been on the tip of my tongue all the time. It's the only film, in fact, that occured to me to mention. I restrained myself for fear of getting pilloried. But now you've said it, I'll say it too!
(And this other poster named it http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=955432&postcount=54)

(I should add, though, that I haven't seen most of the movies mentioned here. I'm very selective and some movies I know in advance they're crap, and won't watch.)

Nicholas S.H.J.M Woodhouse

12-02-2006, 10:50 AM

Fear Dot Com,
someone mentioned Alone In The Dark, thanks for reminding me!
Battlefield Earth
The One....it just goes on and on

pepperlandgirl

12-02-2006, 10:56 AM

You are in so much trouble when dclary gets here.

I know it's not a popular opinion, but I have watched that movie several times, trying to figure out what's so great about it. And I've got nothing.

The only good thing that came from that movie is the quote from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. "The Highlander is a documentary. And the events were filmed in real time!"

beezle

12-02-2006, 03:43 PM

BottomlessCup

12-02-2006, 04:26 PM

Okay.

I'm willing to let "Royal Tenenbaums" go.

And "Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou"? Fine. I know that some people don't like sad, sweet, funny, smart, oddball, creative films. It's an aquired taste, I guess. So fine.

But if anybody says, "Rushmore", we're gonna have words. :guns:

Spirit_Fire

12-02-2006, 04:38 PM

DeLovely - this movie made me feel ill. I really wish I didn't see it.

There are others, but I've been trying to push them out of my memory, and I guess it's working. Some things are better forgotten.

triceretops

12-02-2006, 05:01 PM

Oh, gawd yeah--Life Aquatic. What was happening there?
Tri

peppers

12-02-2006, 05:39 PM

Close call for me:

- You Light Up My Life
- The Royal Tenenbaums
- Invasion of the Bee Girls (no, that was so FleshGordonbad it was fun)

I might have included Manhattan Murder Mystery, but I turned it off too soon. Zzzzzz.

Royal Tenenbaums? are you kidding me? thats a brilliant film. Probably not Wes Anderson's best but still amazing.

Lissa

12-02-2006, 07:04 PM

Oh that reminds me. My other nomination for this thread is Highlander.

Highlander!...Oh, how could you...I'm crushed. There are so many worse films out there...Take King Ralph or Ladyhawke, for example! :tongue

Other awful films not yet mentioned (I think)...

Stephen King's Sleepwalkers
The Crow Sequel (whatever it was called)
Speed 2
Grease 2
Ishtar
Godzilla (Matthew Broderick...oh come on!)

BrianTubbs

12-02-2006, 07:14 PM

I mostly hate it in context to Brave heart - It's basically the same story - nothing new under the sun. Mel Gibson has more potential than that but I'm affraid he even made one more with some of the same themes "We were Soldiers". Not a big fan of heroic soldier films...

I agree that it doesn't hold a candle (or...er...tomahawk) to Braveheart. Actually, The Patriot originally (I read somewhere) was going to be about "The Swamp Fox" (aka Francis Marion). I think it would have been excellent had they had done that. Stick to actual history. But..instead they did Yankee Doodle Braveheart.

BrianTubbs

12-02-2006, 07:16 PM

Highlander wasn't a great movie, but worst of all time? I don't think anything w/ Sean Connery in it deserves to be called the worst movie of all time. (Of course, some of the Highlander sequels might qualify).

Mom'sWrite

12-02-2006, 07:18 PM

I'm going right for the jugular...

"Citizen Kane" was a disappointment of epic proportions.

Rosebud....

tourdeforce

12-02-2006, 07:33 PM

Hard to imagine someone feeling that way.

CITIZEN KANE is almost universally considered one of the greatest films ever made and, by even an objective standard, it is certainly one of the most influential.

Give it another shot.

clockwork

12-02-2006, 07:47 PM

There was a great article in Empire magazine a couple of years ago which was about the writing staff admitting to the fact that they haven't seen classic films. They included Citizen Kane, Gone With The Wind, Raging Bull, Taxi Driver, Schinlder's List etc... Anyway, they got around to seeing them and posted reviews and although all the films were recognised as classics, many of the reviews were not exactly banging the drum.

I think if we're talking about truly the worst film of all time then for me it would be a film I saw a few years ago; an American film about ninjas in Japan which was clearly filmed in Vancouver or somewhere cheaper. Half the film was original material and half was footage spliced from some other, completely unrelated Japanse/Hong Kong martial arts flick. Lousy production values, poor editing and costumes, terrible acting, zero budget and probably the funniest thing I've ever seen.

And no, it wasn't Kung Pow. Kung Pow was probably inspired by this film I've seen which was not tongue in cheek but deadly serious. I'll have to try and find the name...

aruna

12-02-2006, 07:47 PM

I tried Citizen Kane. I have it. I never got past the fist 20 minutes.

Celia Cyanide

12-02-2006, 08:14 PM

Blair Witch -

This story was so hyped up. The absolute best marketing campaign for a low budget film I've ever seen.

I was so ticked off and motion sick by the time I finished watching it that I ALMOST asked for my money back.

Im a horror fan and there was only one scene at the end of this movie that was even remotely creepy. BLECH

Any time I point out that this movie is stupid and most totally UNscary, defenders start talking about the brilliant marketing campaign. It's a pretty bad sign when the promotional material is more interesting than the freakin movie! If a major studio had produced this crap, those same people would be crying foul. But since it's an indie flick, people are somehow impressed.

POSSIBLE SPOILERS:
In one of the promotional fake docs, they interview the kids' prof. He talks about how talented Heather is, and how she would have been a great filmmaker. Then, in the actual movie, Heather gets to the pile of rocks and says, "What did that old lady say about a pile of rocks? I wasn't paying attention to her!" This leads me to the conclusion that she is actually NOT a very good documentary filmmaker, because all she did was tape some people talking, and didn't even listen. I know that this has to do with how the filmmakers set this up. They told the actors that they were interviewing actual people, not actors. The rocks were a surprise. But this was a stupid way to do it, because it betrayed the reality of the situation.

Wack, I agree, the ending was a little creepy, but sitting through the whole thing for that one moment was totally not worth it.

clockwork

12-02-2006, 08:24 PM

I think the opposite is true though. Anytime I talk about the Blair Witch in a positive light, people cite the marketing campaign as a reason for it being a bad film.

I loved Blair Witch, I think it's a superb film. I don't find it particularly realistic (at all) but for whatever reason that just doesn't bother me. I think part of the reason is that I remember absolutely nothing about the marketing campaign. I live in the UK so it was probably marketed nowhere near as passionately as it was in the US but I also remember it came out on DVD in America the day it was released in the cinemas in the UK. At the time I was really into seeing films before they were released here so I bought the US DVD, not really knowing that much about it and watched it at home. I found it consistently scary throughout and I think it's because I let my guard down after the first five minutes. It's possible I wouldn't have enjoyed it in the cinema as much, I think I definitely benefitted from seeing it at home alone on a TV set.

EDIT - By the way, I didn't for one single second believe that this was really a documentary about kids that had gotten lost in the woods. Not even for half a second. I think a lot of people's resentment of the film quite understandably stems from the feeling of being duped into believing its content was more serious than it really was.

dpaterso

12-02-2006, 08:32 PM

clockwork

12-02-2006, 08:35 PM

I liked Blair Witch lots. Wouldn't watch it again, but I liked it lots. Getting totally lost in neverending woods, pitch black nights, creepy things happening, nerves stretched to snapping point as people fall apart -- yeah, I think it did the biz as a horror flick.

I've nothing against Sean Connery but The Avengers and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen were unfortunate choices. Still, money's money, and golf fees are always going up!

-Derek

Oh Lord... why am I doing this?

You know what? There's something about The Avengers that tickled me. I admit it's shocking but for some damn, dumb reason I enjoyed it. Clearly I'm a fan of the original series so that may sound like utter heresy but I felt a lot of the kooky-surreal sensibilities of the original series made it into the remake.

I did hear that the release cut was hacked to pieces by the studio and that some "masterpiece" edition exists somewhere with forty minutes of missing footage back into the edit but... a lot of films use that as an excuse, don't they?

With you all the way on LXG though. That really was a stinker.

dpaterso

12-02-2006, 08:39 PM

Heck I wanted to like it, I have very fond memories of the original series (well, who hasn't?) and really, really wanted it to be something. As always, what annoys me most with duds like this is the enormous waste of resource and talent that could have so easily been redirected into something watchable and memorable.

-Derek

Mom'sWrite

12-02-2006, 08:40 PM

clockwork

12-02-2006, 08:43 PM

Ha. Nope I really didn't like it and my massive disappointment in it stems directly from it's iconic reputation of being the "best of all time".

I found the whole "Rosebud" premise to be sappy and although the overall look of the film was supposed to be ground breaking, I felt it was heavy, stilted and way more "art"ificial than artistic.

To this day I wonder if maybe I'm just not wired right. Everyone thinks this film is the best thing since sliced bread. I think it's a bizarre film and it tries hard to be that way.

(But, I also walked out of "Out of Africa." )

Don't feel bad. It's not an easy film to watch, I admit. I also think there's a distinction to be made between a film being good and a film being important. Citizen Kane IMO was an important film in that it broke ground on a wide variety of cinematic and storytelling techniques. Purists watch the film with this in mind but for someone who's viewing it as a piece of entertainment... I don't think any less of you for not liking it. ;)

Mom'sWrite

12-02-2006, 08:46 PM

Don't feel bad. It's not an easy film to watch, I admit. I also think there's a distinction to be made between a film being good and a film being important. Citizen Kane IMO was an important film in that it broke ground on a wide variety of cinematic and storytelling techniques. Purists watch the film with this in mind but for someone who's viewing it as a piece of entertainment... I don't think any less of you for not liking it. ;)

Bless you, sir.

Carol the Heretic

aghast

12-02-2006, 11:01 PM

I hate Woody Allen, too.

match point was great simply because it was so un-woody allen plus the ending was really chilling - worst movie last year has to be brothers grimm like what the fuck was that

tourdeforce

12-02-2006, 11:11 PM

Investors should just flush their money down the toilet instead of giving it to Terry Gilliam.

eldragon

12-02-2006, 11:11 PM

Did anybody mention Lost In Translation yet? What a dismal piece of crap. Is there a category for "stupidest script to ever win an Oscar"?

I loved it. I like Bill Murray and Scarlet Johannsen was cool, too.

eldragon

12-02-2006, 11:12 PM

tourdeforce

12-02-2006, 11:13 PM

LOST IN TRANSLATION was an excellent film.

kitt

12-03-2006, 04:15 AM

I completly forgot about Napoleon Dynamite, I must of blocked it out cause it was sooooo horrid.

Writing Jedi

12-03-2006, 04:43 AM

I HATED "Leaving Las Vegas". It was the most boring piece of crud I can remember. I wanted to poke my eyes out and stick chopsticks into my eardrums just to relieve the boredom. A lot of people I know really liked it. I can never look at those people the same way again.

And for the record, I loved all the Star Wars prequels so there ya go.

tourdeforce

12-03-2006, 04:47 AM

Adding two more De Palma films to the list-

FEMME FATALE
BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES

eldragon

12-03-2006, 04:48 AM

I loved Napoleon Dynamite! The first time I watched it, I thought I might die laughing.

I immediately bought the movie, and it became a family favorite. My nine year old daughter and I recited every word of it by heart. We bought a Napoleon Bobblehead, and a book about the movie. I even have a t-shirt that says, "You got like 3 feet of air that time." My daughter has a shirt that says,"Whatever I feel like, Gosh!"

Napoleon Dynamite is a classic!

soloset

12-03-2006, 04:50 AM

I completly forgot about Napoleon Dynamite, I must of blocked it out cause it was sooooo horrid.

I enjoyed it, mostly because it reminded me a *lot* of growing up in the NW, and I could finally point to my friends and say, "That! That was exactly what it was like! Marvel at how normal I am despite this handicap!"

I HATED "Leaving Las Vegas". It was the most boring piece of crud I can remember. I wanted to poke my eyes out and stick chopsticks into my eardrums just to relieve the boredom. A lot of people I know really liked it. I can never look at those people the same way again.

That was the only movie I ever walked out on because of boredom. It was appalling; with all the crazy things going on, it shouldn't have been boring, but somehow the handling made it mind-numbingly blah.

eldragon

12-03-2006, 04:58 AM

Walking out of the theatre is what I feel like doing when I have to watch kids movies. I can't stand them anymore. One more kids movie and I'm going to hang myself by the theatre lights, using film as my rope.

They are all the same. There's a crazy character - like a bear, or a fish or a dog, that is living ok, but not taking any chances, when some other character shows up and gets them into trouble. They usually get lost and have to find their way back home. Most of the movie resolves around finding their way home, all the other characters they meet - good ones, bad ones, cute ones, funny ones, etc. There is farting and rap music, and then the two main characters fight and split up. That leaves the main character lost - reflecting on his friendship - which, of course he starts to feel bad about. The misunderstood other character rights something - undos a wrong or returns something stolen, or saves the main guy when he falls in a hole. They become friends again and by this time, the movie is almost over. (And I am getting right pissed at being taken for a sucker again.....)

There's always a happy ending. The main character gets home and remains friends with the weird guy. ALWAYS. Without fail.

kitt

12-03-2006, 05:22 AM

Yes I've noticed it's one of those films(Napoleon Dynamite) that people either love or loath. I loath it.

Rhymer

12-03-2006, 05:40 AM

It’s recent but….Silent Hill…it was horrible, no it was beyond horrible. By the end of the movie I was confused, angry, nauseous, maybe even a little hostile….but not scared…the only thing terrifying about this movie was it’s plot. Now that was frightening.

aruna

12-03-2006, 09:07 AM

LOST IN TRANSLATION was an excellent film.

oh, come on! A film about two self-absorbed whiners in a 5 star hotel, complaining about these dang furriners who don't speak English and who are too short! One long drone without a story or a point, trite and trivial, and xenophobic to boot.

aghast

12-03-2006, 09:32 AM

the thing about lost in translation is that it is storyless and that ironically is very japanese and the movie is about two americans finding comfort in each other in japan so i think thats very cute in a sense and bill murray and scarlett are excellent, i wasnt bored at all, i was more bored by these overblown hollywood action flicts that has zero intelligence in their script - i think lost in translation is very smart - i dont think its xenophobic at all or the characters are too self-absorbed, in fact i think the film makes fun of americans who are not 'wordly' enough to undrstand differences in cultures - the anna faris actress character clearly makes fun of obnoxious americans and i find that character funny - to me its just two lost souls trying to make a connection in the most unlikely place.... i didnt love napolean dynamite but i didnt hate it either, i just thought it was too quirky for quirky sake - the story is a fish out of water, the oddball triumphs against all odds plot, something i have seen in babe

aruna

12-03-2006, 09:58 AM

the thing about lost in translation is that it is storyless and that ironically is very japanese and the movie is about two americans finding comfort in each other in japan so i think thats very cute in a sense

Imagine a query: my book/script is about two Americans finding comfort in each other. Can you imagine the flood of rejections? Where on earth is the HOOK? Where is the meat? It's empty! trite! Grrrrrrrr!
And their being in Japan had nothing to do with it; their lives were emtpy because they were losers, period - might as well film it in Small Town USA. Japan just gave them something to bash, and even not being Japanese I was horrified. These were two horrible xenophobic Americans being xenophobic - that's all it was. What's cute about that? You wouldn't find it so cute of you were japanese, believe me. Imagine if it was filmed in Africa, and they went around making jokes because the people were black, or about the African accents....
And I am not being PC; that's just not me at all. I am not Japanese but this just plain painful to watch.

Cheez, I've never been to a foreign country - and I've been to a lot of them - and been bored. there is so much to discover and learn. You don't go around complaining and commenting on how dumb the people are and whining that they don't speak English. YOU learn THEIR language. How many Americnas speak Japanese? So yes, these were whiners and losers.
I just don't like books or movies about whiners and losers, unless they change and grow in the course of the story.

Nor does a slow-paced book or movie bother me. In fact I can't stand action movies. I am currently reading The Raj Quartet, whic is almost 2000 pages long but VERY slow. And I love it! Slow paced or not, what I want is SUBSTANCE. This fim had none.

I do love Bill Murray, but not here. Scarlet looked good but that's all.

Celia Cyanide

12-03-2006, 09:59 AM

Someone else said Gummo. I think I have him/her a rep point, but I forgot to agree. Mean spirited pile of steaming crap.

aghast

12-03-2006, 10:10 AM

Imagine a query: my book/script is about two Americans finding comfort in each other. Can you imagine the flood of rejections?

not if you market it as a literary fiction lol - but thats the thing about all things literary you have to look deeper for themes and i am not sure if you look deep enough but then people will say 'nah you are just trying to be cultural elite by saying theres more than what meet the eyes' but to me the film is more about making fun of americans and how inept they are in a foreign culture - are they self absorbed, of course, but if we have two perfectly great, unflawed, selfless characters it wouldnt be character study would it, and the culture plays a big part, its a metaphor for their self absorbness and loneliness - plus speak about self-absorbed, flawed, boring people lets examine the movie the hours, we spend two hours following these depressing, selfish, self absorbed, mental women and i just wanted to shake them and say wake up, there are people who fucking love you, but it is a very good movie and i totally get it - try to come up with a query for that one but the book won a pulitzer

wyzguy

12-03-2006, 11:05 AM

not if you market it as a literary fiction lol - but thats the thing about all things literary you have to look deeper for themes and i am not sure if you look deep enough but then people will say 'nah you are just trying to be cultural elite by saying theres more than what meet the eyes' but to me the film is more about making fun of americans and how inept they are in a foreign culture - are they self absorbed, of course, but if we have two perfectly great, unflawed, selfless characters it wouldnt be character study would it, and the culture plays a big part, its a metaphor for their self absorbness and loneliness - plus speak about self-absorbed, flawed, boring people lets examine the movie the hours, we spend two hours following these depressing, selfish, self absorbed, mental women and i just wanted to shake them and say wake up, there are people who fucking love you, but it is a very good movie and i totally get it - try to come up with a query for that one but the book won a pulitzer

I don't know how deep I'd have to look for a theme but I will have to look a little longer for coherent punctuation.

aruna

12-03-2006, 11:15 AM

not if you market it as a literary fiction lol - but thats the thing about all things literary you have to look deeper for themes and i am not sure if you look deep enough but then people will say 'nah you are just trying to be cultural elite by saying theres more than what meet the eyes' but to me the film is more about making fun of americans and how inept they are in a foreign culture - are they self absorbed, of course, but if we have two perfectly great, unflawed, selfless characters it wouldnt be character study would it, and the culture plays a big part, its a metaphor for their self absorbness and loneliness - plus speak about self-absorbed, flawed, boring people lets examine the movie the hours, we spend two hours following these depressing, selfish, self absorbed, mental women and i just wanted to shake them and say wake up, there are people who fucking love you, but it is a very good movie and i totally get it - try to come up with a query for that one but the book won a pulitzer

Wel, l I hated The Hours as well (Number Two on my list!), so that's a sign of where I stand. I just don't want to spend time with self-absorbed, boring people! But I guess if you want artsy and literary, that's the way to go....

tourdeforce

12-03-2006, 11:22 AM

The quality of a film and one's own liking of it are, of course, subjective matters. One can dislike a film for whatever reason they chose, no explanation required.

What they can't do is change the facts of what actually happens in a film.

Nicholas S.H.J.M Woodhouse

12-03-2006, 11:24 AM

coffee and cigarettes was piss poor for me.

i think a lot of its got to be with expectations. someone tells you 'oh my god, this is the best fecking film ever!', you're expecting something pretty special, but if someone says 'my god, i've seen more impressive things in the toilet bowl', then you're going in likely to be impressed by anything that isn't poo.

Silver King

12-03-2006, 05:09 PM

I don't know how deep I'd have to look for a theme but I will have to look a little longer for coherent punctuation.
You ARE a Wise Guy.:)

Everyone knows aghast prefers a less conventional way to communicate. It just takes a little more effort to discover those pearls of wisdom gleaming in his posts; and the search is always worth what you'll find.

Spirit_Fire

12-03-2006, 05:22 PM

You ARE a Wise Guy.:)

Everyone knows aghast prefers a less conventional way to communicate. It just takes a little more effort to discover those pearls of wisdom gleaming in his posts; and the search is always worth what you'll find.

Of crs, we cd all hv r own less convenshnl metds of comunic8n. Bt it dznt mk it e-z-er 2 read. Duz it?

Silver King

12-03-2006, 05:28 PM

Of crs, we cd all hv r own less convenshnl metds of comunic8n. Bt it dznt mk it e-z-er 2 read. Duz it?
Wow, two wise guys in one thread. I must've forgotten this was the Script Writing forum, though it's starting to sound like Grammar for Grasshoppers.

dpaterso

12-03-2006, 07:38 PM

The best wise guy dialogue will be recycled into daytime soap scripts. Great material so far! End of commercial break, we now return you to the thread topic.

-Derek

Del

12-03-2006, 07:44 PM

Syble Daning's Worrior Queen.

It was in the family section at the movie store. I turned it off during the sex orgy with the 9 foot penis statues.

The movie store got an earfull.

Medievalist

12-03-2006, 09:05 PM

I walked out of a movie with Sylvester Stallone after, oh, maybe ten minutes?

I don't remember what it was; it was around 1990, give or take a year, not Rocky --

I wish I'd walked out of The Cook the Thief His Wife and Her Lover.

Baaaad.

eldragon

12-03-2006, 09:11 PM

Someone else said Gummo. I think I have him/her a rep point, but I forgot to agree. Mean spirited pile of steaming crap.

I loved Gummo. I also have a Gummo shirt. It's faded as heck now, but I still wear it on occasion.

I love my weird t-shirts. I have Gummo, Napoleon Dynamite, Mr. Bean, Austin Powers and Tito, the old president of Yugoslavia, to name a few.

eldragon

12-03-2006, 09:23 PM

Also, it's clear to me that age plays a part in what you might like in a movie.

For instance, I love certain types of films, but I'm 43 . My mom, who is 64, usually doesn't care for the same movies as I do. Some films we agree on, like The Notebook - we both loved it.

But some of the off-comedies I love, she doesn't get. And likewise, someone young and hip like Celia Cyanide - probably likes movies I don't care fot.

I never cared for John Waters movies, even though my late brother was a huge fan. He even traveled 200 miles once to see Waters give a talk. Then he followed him across the street to a coffee shop and had a friend photograph him (my brother) in close proximity of Waters. Those pics were hilarious! Waters was sitting at a table, talking to someone, and my brother would be lurking in the background, incognito. Too funny.

In fact, Celia - I couldn't even sit through Pecker.

Do you hate me now?

I do like Cry Baby.

Celia Cyanide

12-03-2006, 09:41 PM

In fact, Celia - I couldn't even sit through Pecker.

Do you hate me now?

It's my favorite comedy, but no, I don't hate you. If you bash Eddie Furlong, however, I'm going to have to ask you to step outside! :)

Gummo I just didn't like because I thought it was this privledged rich kid making a movie just to say, "Let's laugh at all the stupid poor people." I've been to Xenia, OH, and the huge majority of people are not like that at all. If it weren't for that movie, I would not have been so reluctant to see Julian Donkey Boy, which I enjoyed, but probably because of Ewen Bremner.

eldragon

12-03-2006, 10:53 PM

No, I think I'm safe. Edward Furlong is a cute boy.

I remember him from Jack The Bear.

Celia Cyanide

12-03-2006, 11:22 PM

He wasn't in that.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0000411/

But I'll let that go, because I know Furlong's genius is confined to obscurity.

threedogpeople

12-03-2006, 11:57 PM

Dr. T and the Women with Richard Gere, Helen Hunt, Farah Faucett, Shelly Long

We bought this on DVD on super sale. It was so bad that we threw it away rather than give it away. Other than Gere playing a gynocologist and being desired by his patients it had absolutely no plot.

Spanglish with Adam Sandler and Tea Leone

Yikes! Add this one to the list of movies that I wish I could wash from my brain. The whole plot is: Sandler's character is married to an emotionally unstable woman and he's unhappy.

Gigli with Ben Aflack

How could we forget this stinker? Thank God I had the good sense not to see this one.

Meet the Fockers with Ben Stiller, Barbara Streisand, Dustin Hoffman, Blyth Danner, Robert De Nero, etc.

Miserable sequil to Meet the Parents even the all star cast couldn't save this one.

Dustin Hoffman also played in the stinker of all stinkers, Ishtar (Ishitar?) -enough said.

eldragon

12-04-2006, 12:04 AM

I liked Ishtar and Spanglish. I'm a big Sandler fan, though.

eldragon

12-04-2006, 12:05 AM

He wasn't in that.

http://imdb.com/name/nm0000411/

But I'll let that go, because I know Furlong's genius is confined to obscurity.

That's weird. I always thought it was Edward Furlong, but apparently it's Robert J. Steinmiller Jr. - an actor I cannot even find a photograph for.

Of course, it's been years since I saw the movie - but the part was played by a skinny, brown-headed sad little boy. Not Edward?

draculeen

12-04-2006, 12:09 AM

The Libertine, with Johnny Depp. My friends and I couldn't go past the first 15 minutes. It was awful.

dpaterso

12-04-2006, 12:09 AM

There are worst film lists all over the internet, it's easy to pick names at random and debate how bad they are:

Films considered the worst ever
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Films_considered_the_worst_ever

IMDb Bottom 100
http://www.imdb.com/chart/bottom
(really just a bunch of titles, but you can link to the imdb entries)

I didn't see Spanglish but I read the script and liked it. I thought it was about the girl and her mother...

I kinda liked Gigli. I've never let bad (or in this case lethal) press put me off watching a film. I laughed. In places.

I liked Ishtar too, way back when. Kinda corny, but I didn't see what everybody got so fussed about.

And not that it matters but I couldn't get to the end of Lost In Translation, with hindsight I could just about perceive the alienation/loneliness themes, but there just wasn't enough to keep me in my seat.

-Derek

Mike The Mover

12-04-2006, 12:58 AM

The Libertine, with Johnny Depp. My friends and I couldn't go past the first 15 minutes. It was awful.

I'm sorry to have to say this but you and your friends are a bunch of dirty monkeys.

draculeen

12-04-2006, 01:10 AM

I'm sorry to have to say this but you and your friends are a bunch of dirty monkeys.
lolol yes, maybe we didn't like the movie because there were no bananas in any of the scenes!:banana::banana::banana:

aruna

12-04-2006, 09:39 AM

There are worst film lists all over the internet, it's easy to pick names at random and debate how bad they are:

Films considered the worst ever
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Films_considered_the_worst_ever

IMDb Bottom 100
http://www.imdb.com/chart/bottom
(really just a bunch of titles, but you can link to the imdb entries)

And not that it matters but I couldn't get to the end of Lost In Translation, with hindsight I could just about perceive the alienation/loneliness themes, but there just wasn't enough to keep me in my seat.

-Derek

Yes, those lists reminded me of Swept Away, and of course Catwoman. (didn't see that one)

Celia Cyanide

12-04-2006, 04:44 PM

Swept Away

The remake?

Del

12-04-2006, 06:41 PM

Yes, those lists reminded me of Swept Away, and of course Catwoman. (didn't see that one)

I liked Catwoman mostly. But I'm a guy. Heheheh. I have a lot of criticism for it. The director should be hung up by his bells in a studio that does real work. The script had potential and the stars are competent. So how come the movie sucked? I wonder if it was a deadline issue and they rushed the editing.

Kate Thornton

12-04-2006, 07:07 PM

The remake?

I hope the remake, and not Lina Wertmuller's 1974 classic. The original was classy.

AdamH

12-04-2006, 07:39 PM

Very Bad Things (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0124198/)

Very BAAAAD movie. There are very few movies that I won't at least see through to the end...but this was one of them. At least they titled it correctly. :)

blackbird

12-04-2006, 07:46 PM

The Libertine, with Johnny Depp. My friends and I couldn't go past the first 15 minutes. It was awful.

I loved The Libertine (but again, I love just about everything Johnny Depp does). I agree the first 15 minutes or so is slow going, but I thought it was a great performance. The pay-off is the Dildo Play, which is hilarious!
This is one that I would say, if you couldn't get past the first 15 minutes, give it another shake; you might be pleasantly surprised.

Now if you want to talk of Johnny Depp in something that's truly awful, try getting hold of a copy of The Brave (hard to do because the film was SO bad it was never released in the US). THIS was painful to watch; a movie so bad that, having suffered through it once for curiosity's sake, I've never had the urge to play it again. (And I think Depp actually directed this one-probably a good reason why he hasn't attempted directing since).
Even Depp and Marlon Brando couldn't save this stinker, which just goes to show any actor is only as good as the script and direction they are given.

aghast

12-04-2006, 11:44 PM

the island of dr moreau, and the ghost of mars - both horrid tripes from used-to-be-decent directors

kitt

12-05-2006, 01:05 AM

I liked Swept Away, the whole snobby rich bitch turned into submissive sex slave thing kinda turned me on, but I think it could have been executed soo much better, and the whole scene with Madonna singing for her supper ruined it for me. Wait did I say I liked the film, I take that back, I just like the sexy parts.

English Dave

12-05-2006, 01:29 AM

the island of dr moreau, and the ghost of mars - both horrid tripes from used-to-be-decent directors

John Carpenter lost the plot when he started insisting his movies should be trailed as John Carpenters.......whatever crap

BottomlessCup

12-05-2006, 07:45 AM

Gigli with Ben Aflack

How could we forget this stinker? Thank God I had the good sense not to see this one.

If you didn't see it, how do you know it was bad?

You don't acutally trust the critics, do you?

Mac H.

12-05-2006, 10:25 AM

The REALLY bad ones are totally unseen. They never get a cinema release. Never get DVD distribution.

There is even one where most of the main actors managed to get names off the IMDB entry. (*cough* 'Meat Pie' *cough*) (The only positive comment was from someone who created an IMDB account, commented on how it was the greatest movie ever, then never said another word)

The worse one that I've seen (not including amateur film festivals etc) would have to be 'Encino Man 2'.

I think it was entirely the script's fault.

Mac

aruna

12-05-2006, 10:43 AM

I hope the remake, and not Lina Wertmuller's 1974 classic. The original was classy.

Yes, sorry, the remake. I never saw the first one, so didn't think to mention it.

Del

12-05-2006, 07:48 PM

Oh oh oh!!

The Bad Lieutenant

A bad reason to make a bad movie.

Crosshatcher

12-06-2006, 03:59 AM

First Spaceship on Venus. They threw science out the window to tell a cheesy story

razormoney

12-06-2006, 05:44 AM

Some people on this thread have lost their marbles.

Highlander is a classic. The director's cut is cool because it explains even more of what happened to Macleod throughout history. Some of the scene transitions from past to present were incredible. I can only assume the poster was refering to the sequels, which as a Highlander purist, I refuse to watch.

SPOILER WARNING

Borat is only bad if you don't have a sense of humor. It is hands down the funniest movie I've seen probably since Dumb and Dumber. If you aren't in tears at some point during this movie, you definitely need to loosen up. I mean, what's not funny about two naked dudes wrestling? Especially when one is fat and one is skinny. Together they made the number "10" -- only when they weren't "69ing" each other, of course (sorry, couldn't resist).

As for truly awful movies -- I try to forget them. But here are some that I didn't see mentioned in this quite lengthy thread.

- Adrenaline - avoid this movie at all costs. Christopher Lambert could not repeat his classic Macleod role. Deniro couldn't have saved this script. It was so bad the wife and I now use it to rate other movies -- "Was that movie as bad as Adrenaline?" or "How does that rate on the Adrenaline scale?"

- Vanilla Sky and The Sweetest Thing and Magnolia - these movies have either Tom Cruise or Cameron Diaz, which already drags them down a few notches. VS just sucked in my opinion. I know some people liked it but I found it excrutiating to watch. The twist at the end was ridiculous. TST lost me when the women started singing about penises -- :rant:. Then there's Magnolia. I've heard that some people love this film. Why oh why? There's artsy fartsy and then there's just plain crap. Maybe I just don't get it -- and I'm glad I don't because that movie was just plain painful.

I have to piggy back on one other which I might consider one of the 3 worst movies I've ever seen --

THE ENGLISH PATIENT!

OMG, I'm so glad that Seinfeld episode raked that movie through the coals. One of the most over rated pieces of "pudu" (for all you Star Wars prequel fans) ever transferred to celluloid.

OK -- that's all I have for now.

R

Celia Cyanide

12-06-2006, 05:47 AM

- Vanilla Sky and The Sweetest Thing and Magnolia - these movies have either Tom Cruise or Cameron Diaz, which already drags them down a few notches. VS just sucked in my opinion. I know some people liked it but I found it excrutiating to watch. The twist at the end was ridiculous.

I also hated Vanilla Sky, but I was a very big fan of Open Your Eyes. The twist at the end was rendered much more successfully. And Penelope Cruz was topless, not that that has anything to do with it. :)

blacbird

12-06-2006, 06:07 AM

Men at Work, Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen. I got trapped into watching this dog on a transcontinental flight a few years back.

caw

Mom'sWrite

12-06-2006, 07:23 AM

Rabid

Marilyn Chambers attempts acting while standing up.

blackbird

12-06-2006, 07:25 AM

Men at Work, Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen. I got trapped into watching this dog on a transcontinental flight a few years back.

caw

I've never seen a good movie shown on an airline flight, except once I got lucky (sort of) and the film happened to be Finding Neverland (not necessarily a favorite, but it does have Johnny Depp). Most of the time, they show crap.

Mom'sWrite

12-06-2006, 07:32 AM

I saw the latest version of "Pride and Prejudice" today. It was a train wreck to say the least. Every wittily written character was abducted by aliens and replaced with bobble heads.

aruna

12-06-2006, 08:35 AM

I saw the latest version of "Pride and Prejudice" today. It was a train wreck to say the least. Every wittily written character was abducted by aliens and replaced with bobble heads.

I agree! It wasn't nearly as good as the TV one.

aruna

12-06-2006, 08:37 AM

Borat is only bad if you don't have a sense of humor. It is hands down the funniest movie I've seen probably since Dumb and Dumber. If you aren't in tears at some point during this movie, you definitely need to loosen up. I mean, what's not funny about two naked dudes wrestling? Especially when one is fat and one is skinny.

R

There are different kinds of sense of humour. This kind of stuff you describe wpuld make me want to walk out. What makes me laugh is great wit - such as The Importance of Being Earnest.

mooncars

12-06-2006, 08:40 AM

Most recently, Benchwarmers. Odd haow flatulence has become a genre in and of itself.

Ffwwwaaaaarrrpppp!,
Rick

aruna

12-06-2006, 08:44 AM

Most recently, Benchwarmers. Odd haow flatulence has become a genre in and of itself.

Ffwwwaaaaarrrpppp!,
Rick

It's what I call little boy humour.

Celia Cyanide

12-06-2006, 06:39 PM

Rabid

Marilyn Chambers attempts acting while standing up.

Rabid was made my by all time favorite director!!!!

He wanted Sissy Spacek. But his peeps said she wasn't famous enough.

eldragon

12-06-2006, 06:46 PM

Most recently, Benchwarmers. Odd haow flatulence has become a genre in and of itself.

Ffwwwaaaaarrrpppp!,
Rick

I fairly agree. I watched it with my girls at the theatre, because we are John Heder and David Spade fans.

The first scene, when John Heder picks his nose and eats it - is disgusting. At the end, when he kisses the girl - all I can think about is the first scene.

David Spade is getting too old to play these roles. He looked like crap. Fat or something.

I went to the movie knowing it would suck, and it did.

Bmwhtly

12-06-2006, 06:48 PM

Rabid was made my by all time favorite director!!!!

He wanted Sissy Spacek. But his peeps said she wasn't famous enough.I thought Rabid was OK.
Aside from the film itself it could be because of one of the following:

1. I like George Romero's films and this had a similar feel to some of them.

2. I watched it second in a double bil with Shivers (which really was lousy)

3. It's David Cronenburg, so I was expecting to like it.

4. As far as horror films go, it had some interesting ideas.

Or, more likely, a sprinkling of each of the above, slow baked with moderate amounts of beer.

C.bronco

12-06-2006, 07:13 PM

Streets of Fire (1984) was possibly the worst movie ever.

blackbird

12-06-2006, 07:56 PM

There are different kinds of sense of humour. This kind of stuff you describe wpuld make me want to walk out. What makes me laugh is great wit - such as The Importance of Being Earnest.

I would daresay that Borat is actually satirizing that kind of humor, and the whole notion of what Americans think is funny. The film is at its sharpest in those moments when it is working directly as satire, such as the scene where the psychologist is instructing Borat on American humor (how to joke like an American) or when he tries to "talk Black" after having an encounter with some boys from the 'hood. The former scene, particularly, is probably one of the wittiest I've seen in a long time. That doesn't mean the film doesn't have some moments that fall flat, or where the toilet humor isn't simply gratuitous. But overall, it definitely has some compensating qualities that push it a level beyond something like Jackass 2-I'd daresay several notches beyond. It's one of those movies where, after you've laughed at a certain scene, you will instantly find yourself questioning and analyzing why you laughed.

aruna

12-06-2006, 08:07 PM

Well, I;ve never seen (or for that matter heard of, before now!) Borat, much less Jackass. Just hearing about them is enough to keep me away!

eldragon

12-06-2006, 08:22 PM

razormoney

12-06-2006, 11:21 PM

I would daresay that Borat is actually satirizing that kind of humor, and the whole notion of what Americans think is funny. The film is at its sharpest in those moments when it is working directly as satire, such as the scene where the psychologist is instructing Borat on American humor (how to joke like an American) or when he tries to "talk Black" after having an encounter with some boys from the 'hood. The former scene, particularly, is probably one of the wittiest I've seen in a long time. That doesn't mean the film doesn't have some moments that fall flat, or where the toilet humor isn't simply gratuitous. But overall, it definitely has some compensating qualities that push it a level beyond something like Jackass 2-I'd daresay several notches beyond. It's one of those movies where, after you've laughed at a certain scene, you will instantly find yourself questioning and analyzing why you laughed.

BB,

I couldn't have said it any better! What's really funny is people taking this movie seriously. Sacha Baron Cohen is not an anti-semite. He's simply making fun of the fact that a lot of the world thinks that all Muslims are anti-semites. He pokes fun where the thinks he can get the biggest rise out of people -- like you said, it's called satire and it's funny as hell. Of course, there will be people like Aruna, who choose not to see such a movie because they don't think they're funny. This is understandable and as she says, there are different "senses of humor." There are very few "universally" funny movies, you'll always find someone who doesn't like one brand of humor or another. I think the key is to remain open-minded. For instance, my son wanted to see a movie called Four Brothers a year or two ago. I took him thinking it was going to suck because it had Mark Wahlberg in it. If you haven't seen it, it's a pretty damn good movie. You never know until you watch. That's what's great about DVDS -- if you hate the flick, just turn it off -- but at least you gave it a chance.

R

beezle

12-06-2006, 11:27 PM

Oh oh, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. It was so bad it made me angry.

Celia Cyanide

12-06-2006, 11:40 PM

Oh oh, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. It was so bad it made me angry.

And Angelina Jolie is STILL popular after "acting" in that horse crap!

eldragon

12-07-2006, 12:00 AM

Razormoney's post reminded me of a horrible movie :
Zoolander

God. I couldn't even watch it. I like Ben Stiller, but Owen Wilson? I don't get it. They were good in Meet the Parents, though.

Ben Stiller has been in alot of horrible movies.

Not to say that all movies based on silly things are bad. Example : A Night a the Roxbury with Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan.

It was funny. I love those two.

eldragon

12-07-2006, 12:02 AM

Another disapointment: Tristan Shandy.

tourdeforce

12-07-2006, 12:15 AM

Oh oh, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. It was so bad it made me angry.

Should have been so much better than it was but it was a very fascinating failure in the process.

jst5150

12-07-2006, 12:19 AM

Tie.

Miami Vice.

I feel asleep, woke up and everyone was still brooding.

Swept Away.

As Adams would say, like being smashed in the head with a lemon peel wrapped around a large gold brick.

Julie Worth

12-07-2006, 12:21 AM

I would daresay that Borat is actually satirizing that kind of humor, and the whole notion of what Americans think is funny.

I write humor, and I didn't see where Borat was satirizing anything. His sense of humor doesn't rise much above the three stooges. That's not a bad thing, but people are giving him far too much intellectual credit when he's just the class clown.

dpaterso

12-07-2006, 12:31 AM

Much of Mr. Cohen's cleverness lies in the fact he's able to convince nearly everyone he talks to that he's for real. People are continually fooled -- and even if they experience a tickle of suspicion that they're being duped, he keeps the act going with such force that they're either swayed again, or they're so entertained that they play along. That takes some doing. No fluffy amateur could make this work the way he does.

We've watched him in the UK for several years now under his various guises. Clever as hell, sometimes, but I don't think I could watch the same character in a film-length showcase.

Shrug, my opinion.

-Derek

Shadow_Ferret

12-07-2006, 12:38 AM

tourdeforce

12-07-2006, 12:53 AM

Anything by M. Night Shyamalan other than The Sixth Sense.

Mom'sWrite

12-07-2006, 02:36 AM

Rabid was made my by all time favorite director!!!!

He wanted Sissy Spacek. But his peeps said she wasn't famous enough.

So... they replaced her with that beacon of fame and theatrical nuance, Marilyn Chambers?

Wha?

eldragon

12-07-2006, 03:39 AM

Napoleon Dynamite
Blair Witch Project
White Noise
Napoleon Dynamite
Up the Creek
Anything with Ben Stiller, Will Farrell, Adam Sandler, David Spade, or heck any alumn of SNL.
And of course, Napoleon Dynamite

Wow! Good thing you don't live in my house! We have all the best of SNL shows! And I love Napoleon Dynamite! (we have it, too.)

But SNL is the best, especially:
Chris Farley
Adam Sandler
Dana Carvey
Will Ferrell
Chris Kattan
Cheri Oteri

blacbird

12-07-2006, 03:57 AM

Celia Cyanide

12-07-2006, 03:59 AM

So... they replaced her with that beacon of fame and theatrical nuance, Marilyn Chambers?

Wha?

Yup. Which was more well known at the time? Badlands or Behind The Green Door? :)

nielsty

12-08-2006, 12:53 AM

Oh, totally forgot about Show Girls! Watching it right now - how did Elizabeth Berkley make it in Hollywood? And what was Kyle MacLachlan thinking? (I know that the answer to both questions could be "boobs"...)

This is so awful!

Another one for the worst of all time list could be "nine weeks". I like Hugh Grant and Julianne Moore but they had no chemistry and I didn't find it funny at all.

And "Final Cut" with Robin Williams. Saw it at the world premiere at the Berlin Film Festival. Only sat through it to experience the press conference afterwards which was brilliant! Williams was running up and down the walls and acting like an ADHD-child on coke. Much more entertainment there than in the film.

anavicenteferreira

12-08-2006, 01:12 AM

Starship Troopers was awfull: weak characters, weak story, not even the special effects were that good (but maybe that was because I was having such a hard time swallowing the movie that I couldn't believe the giant beetles either).

I love Tim Burton, but I really hated his Planet of the Apes film. Don't ask me why, I just did.

I hated Valentine and Urban Legend, basically because five minutes into the movie I had already figured out who the killers where. On the first one it was an obvious casting mistake: I mean, didn't anyone notice that David Boreanaz is built like a truck and the other fellows who were suspected of being the killer, simply are not? The second one was bad storytelling, plain and simple.

Silent Hill is dreadful. I couldn't even watch it all the way through. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The Bridges of Maddison County is one of the most dreadful things I've ever watched. Not even Meryll Strip and Clint Eastwood could save that sogggy trainwreck.

And then, of course, I have no patience for d***K flicks. Stuff like The Fast and the Furious ("Storyline? We don't need no stinking storyline. We got car chases and babes!") and those really juvenile comedies that are just about the protagonist having the brain capacity of an amoeba.

Celia Cyanide

12-08-2006, 02:05 AM

I would say Glitter except that I loved it...for all the wrong reasons. I was hoping Crossroads would deliver more of the same, but no such luck.

nielsty

12-08-2006, 02:10 AM

TemlynWriting

12-08-2006, 02:18 AM

I usually think that most movies have some sort of redeeming quality, and rarely despise one, but as a young adult I watched "Nothing But Trouble" (featuring John Candy, Chevy Chase, Demi Moore, and Dan Akroyd). It was absolutely stupid, and I've not watched it since. I don't even remember much of it right now, but it was ridiculous.

There's also something about "Dumb and Dumber" that makes me twitch.

capluvshll

12-08-2006, 05:18 AM

Field of Dreams

Bmwhtly

12-08-2006, 11:54 AM

Some people on this thread have lost their marbles.

Borat is only bad if you don't have a sense of humor. It is hands down the funniest movie I've seen probably since Dumb and Dumber. Isn't that like saying JFK was the best presidential assination since Lincoln?
For me, both Borat and Dumb and Dumber belong to that sub-genre of Comedy infested with toilet humour and infantile jokes. That may just be me, but I hope not.

Celia Cyanide

12-08-2006, 06:09 PM

Oh, totally forgot about Show Girls! Watching it right now - how did Elizabeth Berkley make it in Hollywood? And what was Kyle MacLachlan thinking? (I know that the answer to both questions could be "boobs"...)

This movie is king. It is probably the only film I have ever seen that did not have one decent actor, moment, or even line. Everyone, from the actors, to the writer, to the makeup artist, is making the most wrong choice they could possibly make at any given moment.

In my heart of hearts, I believe that the explanation for Kyle McLachlin's horrible career decision (and horrible performance) can be found in the final scene of Twin Peaks. Peaks fans (and you know who you are) will understand what I'm talking about.

alleycat

12-08-2006, 06:18 PM

This movie is king. It is probably the only film I have ever seen that did not have one decent actor, moment, or even line. Everyone, from the actors, to the writer, to the makeup artist, is making the most wrong choice they could possibly make at any given moment.

Oh, be sure to catch The Wrath with Charlie Sheen if it's ever on some late night. It is so bad that it's almost fun to watch.

Nicholas S.H.J.M Woodhouse

12-08-2006, 06:21 PM

This movie is king.

i've got to agree - Showgirls is one of the most incredible things ever made. You're given millions of dollars, people with actual skills...it takes an act of God to make something that bad.

That poolscene was the first sex scene I'd ever watched. I thought that was how everyone did it. So I practiced, two hours every night, for two years, wiggling in the mirror. I'll never forgive you god.

Bad Penny

12-08-2006, 07:06 PM

I might have included Manhattan Murder Mystery, but I turned it off too soon. Zzzzzz.

I made it all the way through it. Indeed a piece of crap

Bad Penny

12-08-2006, 07:13 PM

I'm ready to be pilloried for this:
Terms of Endearment.

not by me. one of the worst i've ever suffered through too

Bad Penny

12-08-2006, 07:31 PM

eldragon

12-08-2006, 07:37 PM

We tried to watch a real crapfest last night: a "dark comedy," from the 70's called "The Hospital." It starred George C Scott. There was nothing dark or comedic about it. It did have a few rare, short appearances by actors who later became more famous.

But we turned it off halfway through. Too dull to finish. It was a Netflix rental, and far from the description.

nielsty

12-08-2006, 09:17 PM

Ok I've thought of a few of my own that I've suffered through in the past couple of years:

Faster, Pussycat! Kill Kill!
Invasion of the Body Snatchers ('78 remake)
Everything You've Always Wanted to Know About Sex
Starship Troopers

God aren't movies fun?

Arh, yuo can't put Faster, Pussycat! Kill Kill! in this category - it's pure cult in a good way! I agree on the remake of Bodysnatchers but I loved the original - especially the scene near the end where they just run and run for five minutes...

I'm sad to see that you mention one of the few good Woody Allen films in your worst-list - and am I the only person here who liked "Starship Troopers"?http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/icons/icon8.gifhttp://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/images/icons/icon8.gif

Celia Cyanide

12-08-2006, 09:41 PM

Arh, yuo can't put Faster, Pussycat! Kill Kill! in this category - it's pure cult in a good way!

I think Russ Meyer was a good filmmaker. Totally awesome and underrated. And if want to put one of his movies in this thread, it should be The Immoral Mr. Teas, not Pussycat.

But what I do know? I also liked Starship Troopers. Although I have had some trouble discerning whether or not the humor was intentional.

alleycat

12-08-2006, 09:48 PM

For the budget they had to make it, I think I might add The Fantastic Four to my list. Plus, I hated the DVD they put out.

And that's coming from someone who owns stock in Marvel Entertainment.

blackbird

12-08-2006, 09:51 PM

Ok I've thought of a few of my own that I've suffered through in the past couple of years:

The World of Henry Orient
The Witches
Krull
Faster, Pussycat! Kill Kill!
Kill Bill
Invasion of the Body Snatchers ('78 remake)
Everything You've Always Wanted to Know About Sex
I Love You to Death
The Wiz
The Adventures of Marco Polo (A candidate for 10 worst ever made)
Starship Troopers
Frankenstein (Deniro/Branagh)
The Boondock Saints
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
A Knight's Tale
Windtalkers
Interview With the Vampire
Judge Dredd

God aren't movies fun?

Well, obviously this thread could go on and on indefinitely because someone's going to come to the defense of nearly every movie listed. Interview With the Vampire is one of the classiest horror films ever made, IMHO. The performances of Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and especially Kirsten Dunst all set it a level above most vampire fare (although admittedly Pitt's whining Louis gets a bit wearisome, but what great eye candy! And besides, Cruise's Lestat and Dunst's Claudia more than make up for it).

Now if you want to talk of a horrid movie...that awful Queen of the Damned sequel is the one I'd put on my list. Although it had a great soundtrack and Townsend was an okay Lestat, it's such a cheesy ripoff in comparison to IWTV that, quite frankly, there is no comparison. A horrible script, horrible acting, and horrible special effects. If I watch it at all, it's only to fastforward to Townsend and Aliyah's hot tub scene. Now THAT was hot...but otherwise, a total piece of crap.

Celia Cyanide

12-08-2006, 09:58 PM

If I watch it all, it's only to fastforward to Townsend and Aliyah's hot tub scene. Now THAT was hot...

Indeed. When you first mentioned it, I thought, "wait! That movie was awesome!" until I remember that I was only thinking of that one scene, and the rest of it blew ass.

I saw Warriors Of Terra last night. Edward Furlong owes me big time for being such a loyal fan.

maestrowork

12-09-2006, 01:44 AM

Have anyone mentioned the following two movies:

Brothers Grimm. It was atrocious. Incredible waste of money, talent, and time.

The Promise. I couldn't believe Keige Chang made this, and it was the most expensive movie made in China. It was truly horrific.

Lindo

12-09-2006, 12:05 PM

Once Upon A Time In Mexico

I took a nine year old girl to it because she is enthralled by Salma Hayek. About fifteen minutes into it she asked me, "This is a really stupid script, isn't it?"

blacbird

12-09-2006, 12:12 PM

Isn't that like saying JFK was the best presidential assination since Lincoln?
For me, both Borat and Dumb and Dumber belong to that sub-genre of Comedy infested with toilet humour and infantile jokes. That may just be me, but I hope not.

Ain't just you.

caw

Mark Lazer

12-09-2006, 02:24 PM

Worst movie, probably something with Leslie Nielsen in it.

ATP

12-09-2006, 07:09 PM

As someone said earlier, what one has listed as one of the worst, another might defend it against this.

But, what simply amazes me, is how many here seem to have been raised on a foundation of MTV and films from the 80s on.

Worrying still, is the earlier comment that the reviewers of Empire magazine (I suspect of the MTV generation) hadn't seen many of the classics that make up the canon of western film history. The same generation from which many of the Rolling Stone critics now come from?

Worst films...?
Royal Tenenbaums? Citizen Kane?(especially). Some here seem to need to clock up many hours watching the classics - French, German, US, British, Japanese, Chinese, Indian, Italian for starters.

Bad Penny

12-09-2006, 07:28 PM

) Some here seem to need to clock up many hours watching the classics - French, German, US, British, Japanese, Chinese, Indian, Italian for starters.

great. now some tarantino nut will start a 'best of Bruce Li and Kirk Morris' thread.

Hollow

05-01-2007, 10:52 PM

*uses his 56 INT and 72 MND to ressurect this thread with REVIVE*

So um...

-Napoleon Dynamite (Watched it in school and later wished I had a research paper to do)
-The Prestige (I only watched 30 minutes and grew dissinterested)
-How Stella Got Her Groove Back (Ok, I watched this with a room full of middle-aged women, I was screwed from the beginning)
-Aeon Flux
-Ultraviolet
-Underworld Evolution
-Steel (Shaq? Seriously...)
-The Covenant
-Alien vs Predator
-Pluto Nash
-Haunted Mansion (How does Eddie keep getting work?)
-BloodRayne (Uwe Boll you son of a bitch...)
-The Omen (2006, I went with a gothic friend who actually believed the world might be over that day. I guess that made the event somewhat entertaining.)
-The Fast & The Furious: Tokyo Drift (I love Japan, and I love cars. I hate Lil Bowwow. The casting director must have smoked a crack rock the size of a small dog's head before making that call.)
-Borat (Funny at some parts, just plain nasty at most. Still going through therapy from... well.. you know)

A lot of the newer movies are getting crappier and crappier. Although my opinion may be biased. I watch "B" movies a lot. My Cousin Vinny, anybody?

Oh, and Miami Vice made me want to slit my wrists out of boredom.

Rainy Night

05-01-2007, 11:02 PM

The Guardian

dgl

05-02-2007, 04:55 AM

Highlander 2.

Kosh

05-02-2007, 06:09 AM

Catwoman. It's bad, but it thinks it's not. But I'm a Bat-fan, so I might be bias.

akiwiguy

05-02-2007, 06:30 AM

For me it was Independence Day. To this day I can't remember a thing about it except the scene where the White House got zapped, and I'd already watched it 50 times cause it was the basis of the trailer. Oh, and Will Smith making some pathetic "I'm going to kick your ass" comment to an alien. Or something. Seriously, how the hell could that shit have become the biggest earner of all time? Every fibre of my being positively loathes the 5 seconds I can remember of that movie.

dgl

05-02-2007, 07:01 AM

Oh, and the "Fantastic Four." Right up there with "Highlander 2."

Silver King

05-02-2007, 07:07 AM

Seriously, how the hell could that shit have become the biggest earner of all time?
Sometimes, viewers watch films through their ass. There is no other explanation.

blacbird

05-02-2007, 08:13 AM

Some years ago I got trapped into watching "Men at Work" on an airplane flight. Emilio Estevez and Charlie Sheen as garbagemen. Supposed to be a comedy. Numerous moments of the two brothers desecrating their father's genes by flinging trashcan lids as frisbees. Estevez wrote and directed it, I think. Good news is, his career seems shortly thereafter to have been equally trashed.

caw

McDuff

05-02-2007, 09:53 AM

I've said it once, I'll say it a thousand times: Highlander. Bad bad bad bad bad. Bad.

And Doom, too. Appalling film.

Veniar

05-02-2007, 09:58 AM

The Covenant

Everything was incredibly predictable and was basically a rip-off of Dragonball Z.

Zoombie

05-02-2007, 10:17 AM

I've said it once, I'll say it a thousand times: Highlander. Bad bad bad bad bad. Bad.

And Doom, too. Appalling film.

Highlander? What is Highlande-...OH yeah! That movie...I always thought it was called "A commercial for Queen"

And Doom pisses me off in every way possible. If they had just had the monsters be from Hell, they'd have solved ten problems. They'd have more and better monsters that we all remember from the game (The Revenents, the Cyberdeamons, the Cherubs...ugh. Ugh! The Cherubs still give me nightmares.) and they woulden't have anyone be annoyed by their moronic genetics explination. Genetics is real. Hell being accidentally accsessed via alien teleportation device is a whole lot less real and there fore, less annoying.

Better to have no science than bad science. And no science is MAGIC. Hell is magic and NOT magic parading around as technology.

Grumble grumble. Grumble...

Oh a worst movie for me will be and always will be: "Zardoz."

Shean Connery, at the hight of his "James Bond carrier", chooses to be in a movie where, in the first five minuts, a giant flying stone head comes down and shouts: "THIS IS ZARDOZ! THE GUN IS GOOD! THE PENIS IS EVIL! THE GUN SHOOTS DEATH, CLENSING THE EARTH! THE PENIS SHOOTS LIFE, TO SPREAD A PLAUGE OF MEN ACROSS THIS WORLD. GO FORTH, MY FOLLOWERS...AND KILL!"

Followers all chant: "The gun is good! The gun is good!"

And that is the sanest part of the movie.

Inkdaub

05-02-2007, 01:52 PM

I seem to have already posted in this thread but I can't find my post and can't remember what I chose as a bad movie...so I'm going to post again and hope you will forgive any repeat selections.

Ghost Ship

Miami Vice

Daredevil...this is my favorite comic character so it was good odds I wouldn't like it. And yet the movie managed to go above and beyond the call of duty and be even worse than I feared it might be.

Crash...the Cronenberg one about car wreck sex.

Planet of the Apes has been mentioned but I'll add it again. My reasoning is that Burton is a great filmmaker and should be whipped for this horrid garbage.

dpaterso

05-02-2007, 03:37 PM

And Doom pisses me off in every way possible. If they had just had the monsters be from Hell, they'd have solved ten problems. They'd have more and better monsters that we all remember from the game ... and they woulden't have anyone be annoyed by their moronic genetics explination.
Memo to producers: never make the lead female the lead male's sister -- that means he can't kiss her at the end as they cling onto each other, exhausted and hurt, the only survivors of the bloody nightmare. Well, OK, technically he could. But that would be wrong. Probably.

-Derek

Tsu Dho Nimh

05-02-2007, 04:42 PM

Absolute WORST recent adaptation of a novel: Howl's Moving Castle

I realize that having 100% fidelity is impossible, but putting in a war (complete with overdone bombing raid), removing the heroine's magic and spunk, and turning Howl into the usual Anime-style hero was morethan I could tolerate.

jonereb

05-02-2007, 05:43 PM

Blair Witch. I kept thinking something is going to happen. It never did. My wife wanted to leave about half way through. I should have listened.

stormie

05-02-2007, 05:53 PM

Did anyone mention Twelve Monkeys? So, so bad. I fell asleep. So did most of the theatre. When the movie was over, I looked around and everyone seemed comatose.

Hollow

05-02-2007, 06:52 PM

Did anyone mention Twelve Monkeys? So, so bad. I fell asleep. So did most of the theatre. When the movie was over, I looked around and everyone seemed comatose.

LOL I liked that movie... it was odd... I like that. Plus I love Bruce Willis. Brad Pitt was hilarious as well. With his dead eye and all.

Father: You're INSANE!
Pitt: .... No I'm not

Rainy Night

05-02-2007, 08:22 PM

I've said it once, I'll say it a thousand times: Highlander. Bad bad bad bad bad. Bad.

And Doom, too. Appalling film.

The first Highlander was excellent, the sequals and tv series ruined the first movie for me.

Rainy Night

05-02-2007, 08:25 PM

Did anyone mention Twelve Monkeys? So, so bad. I fell asleep. So did most of the theatre. When the movie was over, I looked around and everyone seemed comatose.

No, no, no I love that movie too....

NikeeGoddess

05-02-2007, 10:55 PM

Istar will always remain on my personal worst movie list
why because it had super talented dustin hoffman and warren beatty and it was horrendous!!!

dp wrote:
Memo to producers: never make the lead female the lead male's sister -- that means he can't kiss her at the end as they cling onto each other, exhausted and hurt, the only survivors of the bloody nightmare. Well, OK, technically he could. But that would be wrong. Probably.

this little flick is blazen in my memory b/c fonda and fonda, bro and sis, were love interests. was that wrong?! or just artsy fartsy?!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063715/

dpaterso

05-02-2007, 11:39 PM

this little flick is blazen in my memory b/c fonda and fonda, bro and sis, were love interests. was that wrong?! or just artsy fartsy?!
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063715/
Spirits of the Dead. Hmm, can't say I remember seeing that one, sounds interesting. How close did the Fondas (playing cousins, not brother and sister) get? Can you remember?

I'd venture to suggest that it's artsy fartsy up until the point where the director instructs his own wife to make out with or have sex with her brother, at which point it veers towards wrong in the ewww sense.

Mind you, I was talking about characters in a film, not real life family relationships.

-Derek