log line practice 4 all

[scryptreader]

here is the challenge... write a log line, 25 words or less for two of your favorite (well known) movies... then write a logline for your best screenplay...

u can learn a lot from the feedback... i.e.

a frumpy mannerless female fbi agent is forced to take an undercover assignment as a beauty pageant contestant in order to catch a killer. (ms congeniality)

a moody suspenseful murder mystery that forces three adult male friends to confront a traumatic childhood experience.
(mystic river)

a nerdy young highschool freshman embarks on a disastrous mission to join the "cool" crowd in order to impress a girl.
(great wall of pigtown)

see its that simple - your turn... go for it.


theinsider@scryptreader.com

[jkk808]

Wow.

Those are really bad loglines.

[Hamboogul]

scryptreader,

You seem to know very much about the biz. I hope that you'll continue to post so that we may all learn.

Thanks. :)

[scryptreader]

go for it... lets see what you got... also, help me fix the ones i wrote - again, good practice for all.

[PipeWriter]

This is exemplery.

[angelinalovesyou]

Ham i like how encuoragin you are to your fello writers. i have a script would you like to trade scripts with me we could trade each others scripts and read them

angelina

[scryptreader]

thanx - u have good posts too - maybe we can all learn from each other... i am a writer and a reader in hollywood. can always use more info to pass on.

[scryptreader]

give it a shot pipe - lets see what ya got - it can help all of us.

[A Pathetic Writer]

a frumpy mannerless female fbi agent is forced to take an undercover assignment as a beauty pageant contestant in order to catch a killer. (ms congeniality)

a moody suspenseful murder mystery that forces three adult male friends to confront a traumatic childhood experience.
(mystic river)

a nerdy young highschool freshman embarks on a disastrous mission to join the "cool" crowd in order to impress a girl.
(great wall of pigtown)


These are all setups. Not Loglines. A setup gives us stakes, goals, and gives the reader a reason to want to request your script. None of these do this.

[scryptreader]

can u offer us a proper logline for the above two movies? it will help everyone...

[A Pathetic Writer]

can u offer us a proper logline for the above two movies? it will help everyone...

I'm pretty sure I listed 3 movies.

And I don't write loglines. That's what my agent's for.

[scryptreader]

write it out as a story at least before u approach disney - that way you will have something to discuss... and stay at it.

[angelinalovesyou]

i have the hole story in my head just didnt wont to write it all down here in case someone steals it i hear there is a lot of that in hollwyood

[scryptreader]

sorry, i didn't see them posted with your reply, will look again.

[Hamboogul]

PRINCESS DAIRIES

After being told by Julie Andrews "They won't buy the cow if they can get the milk for free," Princess decides to start a dairy. Will the cream rise to the top or will her venture turn sour?

[scryptreader]

not as much as people think but its still a good idea to get your work registered - good luck.

[scryptreader]

how did u get your agent to write loglines? you are one of the lucky ones...

[A Pathetic Writer]

I'm the writer. I write the scripts. He's the agent. He sells the scripts. Loglines are a selling tool.

Do the math, because you sure as hell can't do the spelling.

[angelinalovesyou]

ham will you read my script?????? i will read urs too and tell u what i think of it

[scryptreader]

tooshay!

[Hamboogul]

APW,

There is no need to use insults. This board was created to foster new writers like myself and it's awesome that industry professionals such as scryptreader can find the time to dispense helpful advice.

So let's all play nice. :)

[angelinalovesyou]

pathetic that is mean why u gotta be so mean that is not nice to say a thing about ur fellow writer u should be encuroaging him not slaggin him off shame on u

hamboogul will u read my script??????

[scryptreader]

no problem over here... i am sure i had it coming.

[Hamboogul]

angelina,

i'm trying to gather the subtext of your message. What is it?

[angelinalovesyou]

i dont have no subtext i just want someone to read my script and u seem like a helpful guy who knos what he is talkin about

:ack

[Optimus Maximus]

What's subtext?

[Hamboogul]

it's what goes under the text.

Like if you underline a word. That underline serves as the subtext which allows the reader to know that that word is very important.

Good scripts like American Beauty have lots of subtext. And boldtext.

[angelinalovesyou]

hamboogul so will u read my script or not just give me a strait answer plzzzzzz

:ack

[Hamboogul]

I will read your script as soon as Marc Hernandez gets back to me with his notes.

So very very soon.

[Optimus Maximus]

I'll read your script!

[Optimus Maximus]

Angelina,

Please post the first 5 pages here and I will give you feedback.

[A Pathetic Writer]

Angelina, I'm sorry, truly sorry.

I was talking to Hamboogul and, well, he showed me how what I was doing was simply causing negative energy between you and me.

I am man enough to admit I was wrong. Are you woman enough to forgive me?

[angelinalovesyou]

i dont want to post pages incase someone steals my idea plus i want ppl to read the hole thing otherwise what is the point

:ack

[A Pathetic Writer]

Have you heard of Hamboogul? He showed me a better way. A way in which we can live in harmony, and share our scripts, and become better writers together.

Do not be afraid. Be of good cheer. We all are children of Hollywood now.

[absolutewrite]

Scryptreader: You didn't have it coming, and I'm glad you haven't been put off by this. I think the exercise is a good idea-- you've just been caught in a bunch of new members trying to amuse themselves...

My agents have never written my loglines for me. Lucky Pathetic!

I haven't seen the second two movies you used as examples and don't remember the first too well, so I'll give it a shot with a movie I actually do remember...

If passion were talent, self-destructive Sadie would have no trouble rivaling her sister, the famed country singer. Until now, she's earned only one die-hard fan with her punk stylings, but Sadie has one chance to eclipse her sister's spotlight and sing her heart out... or crash and burn in front of a nationwide audience.
(Georgia)

[absolutewrite]

Oops. Just realized you asked for 25 words.

[HConn]

Angelina, you don't want Ham to read your scripts. He licks his fingers to turn the pages, and when he returns a script the paper is damp.

:ack

[DustyReigns]

Scryptreader: You didn't have it coming, and I'm glad you haven't been put off by this. I think the exercise is a good idea-- you've just been caught in a bunch of new members trying to amuse themselves...

Glad someone noticed. Hey Hamboogal(pretending to be a newbie), Jkk808, Pathetic Writer, this board is not about roasting others. You need to keep that stuff over at Done Deal. Over here it's more about open minds and less about what school you went to (like producers care), or who you're repped by (so many writers are repped by top agencies at one point and still amount to nothing). Keep that in mind. If someone is not as far advanced as you then perhaps it's a wonderful opportunity to help rather than roast to make yourself feel good, and yet look stupid.

Exercises and practice for all is a good thing.

peace,

DR

[Optimus Maximus]

Yeah!

Hamboogal, you just got "Dusted!"

[A Pathetic Writer]

Glad someone noticed. Hey Hamboogal(pretending to be a newbie),

You've got some nerve, putting Hamboogul in that box. He's been NOTHING but kind, encouraging, and helpful in these posts. He's never said ONE bad word to anyone here.

I'd be ashamed if I were you, that someone from another board comes and tries to help, and all you can feel is jealousy, or hatred.

And I thought I was pathetic.

[mdbftp]

If passion were talent, self-destructive Sadie would have no trouble rivaling her sister, the famed country singer. Until now, she's earned only one die-hard fan with her punk stylings, but Sadie has one chance to eclipse her sister's spotlight and sing her heart out... or crash and burn in front of a nationwide audience.

Well done! But can the stakes be higher? Something that is life or death. Maybe she owes money to the mob and will be killed if the recording contract isn't signed? Or here mother has cancer and needs the money for a bone marrow transplant.

[Dew Fuzz]

scryptreader,

I know that the logline for MYSTIC RIVER can be difficult to write, just as any logline, but the one you posted looks too vague to me. I'm not saying that a logline written such as the way you wrote it could never work. This is just my opinion of putting myself in the position of someone who would ask for a script based on a logline.

While I'm not going to give my example of MYSTIC RIVER's logline since I would spend a couple of days for a real attempt (or whatever time amount is necessary), I can tell you how I would do it.

1. Since Sean Penn's character is the leading character in the film, that's how I would treat it in the logline.

2. I would specifically mention that his teenage daughter was murdered.

3. I would mention that the event has reunited* him with two childhood friends.

4. The character's previous run-ins with the law would also be included.

5. The protagnist's attempt to take the law into his own hands also be mentioned.

6. Most likely, I would mention the setting of the story. It has a very big pressence in the story just like in the films GOOD WILL HUNTING and THE LAST PICTURE SHOW.


* The relationship in the present is much different than their relationship with each other as kids. In the logline, I'd make sure that I don't give the false impression that they are reunited as the commrades they used to be.


You want to make sure that your concept stands out in the logline from other concepts that are similar. Provide some details to it.

[DustyReigns]

Pathetic, you make me laugh, always got Hamboogul's back.

You've got some nerve, putting Hamboogul in that box.

Yes I do have nerve considering I am not jealous and am actually a sold writer, not some film school wanna be. I personally made those statements to let newbies know about Hamboogul's "big surprise". See Hamboogul likes to get newbies in chat and along with his other chat bullies (gary whitta, jkk808, Pathetic) they like to lead newbies on pretending they are new too, and then all of a sudden, DROP goes the hammer(Hamboogul went to USC, he's repped by ICM). And then he makes fun of the newbies saying how he'd never trade scripts with them because they're nobodies, etc. It makes Hamboogul and his cronies feel good about themselves, while making fun of newbies. I don't like when others make fun of people who know less than them simply because they're new.

Yup I've got nerve, baby. At least I don't prey on newbies to make myself feel good.

DR

[Hamboogul]

Hm,

Based on all of Dusty's posts on this board, I get the distinct feeling that he is not fond of me... which actually wouldn't be unique.

[Optimus Maximus]

I hate you.

[Ravenlocks01]

Dusty obviously hasn't spent much time in DD chat.

If you come in and act cool, you'll be accepted in no time. If you come in and act like a jerk, you get treated like a jerk. It's that simple.

[DustyReigns]

If you come in and act cool, you'll be accepted in no time. If you come in and act like a jerk, you get treated like a jerk. It's that simple.

Thanks for the heads up Raven. I'll keep that in mind...Especially when I see someone who's totally new(no chance to act jerky) get roasted. I could care less about when people roast me. I have this thing about when these guys take out their frustrations on unsuspecting newbies. I've been in DD chat for quite some time under my alter ego and the people treat me fine. This whole DR thing is just to point out folks should lay off the newbies(keep an open, welcoming forum). It's a pet peeve of mine. For what it's worth Raven, I've always liked you in chat. :)

[DustyReigns]

Based on all of Dusty's posts on this board, I get the distinct feeling that he is not fond of me... which actually wouldn't be unique.

Quite the contrary Hamboogul. I got nothing but luv for you homey. I've been around long enough to see you're a talented writer. I wish you all the best. I only get on you because I hope that you will realize that you can do so much better for yourself and for others if you turn around and help those who have not yet reached your level rather than roast them. When you reach that level Hamboogul, I'm willing to bet it will put you over the edge with your own work. Things will all become that much easier. It's a spiritual thing, when your heart is in the right place, everything else flows with ease. What I hope is that you don't waste all that talent and knowledge you have on attacking newbies, but rather help others even if they never reach your level. Of course what you do is up to you, but I am in no way your enemy. As I've stated before, I am content with myself and my writing, and am not threatened by anyone else's success. IMHO Hamboogul you have the potential to rise above the petty mess, and when I single you out it's because I hope you realize that and don't resort to following the gang of other jaded writers in picking on new folks. Hamboogul I know you're better than that. Help, rather than hurt and you will find yourself on a new plateau. You got it kid, I only hope you realize it.

peace,
DR

[dpaterso]

Hamboogul, I've said to you before that you ought to remember that you, too, were once a sperm. But, I s'ppose if you and others were to actually use your skill and experience for good instead of evil, and offered helpful advice that assisted lesser mortals to climb the ladder of success rather than kick them off, the world would be a much more boring place.

-Derek
-----------------------One of the many reasons you should never listen to dpat ~PipeWriter

[Ravenlocks01]

For what it's worth Raven, I've always liked you in chat. :)
Thanks.

Now, of course, I really really wonder what nick you chat under.

:grin

[mdbftp]

I was hoping to get logline advise from the wise and wonderful :hail Ravenlocks.