Vigorish9
01-02-2005, 11:09 PM
been really working this and this is my almost finished draft that i'm pretty happy with as the opening. ii forsaked 90 days out of my life to attempt to write a rom com with a highconcept scenario. i brainstormed for months, got an outline and then set a goal to get draft that could be sent out in four months. this is my 68 day.
FADE IN:
EXT. DODGER STADIUM (AERIAL) - ESTABLISHING - DAY
A vast blue sky, dimpled with puffy white clouds. Push down to DODGERS STADIUM, its green grass a massive welcome mat --
The ticket line snakes all the way back to THE PARKING LOT
where a DODGERS FAN, is hat to hat with a PHILLIES FAN.
DODGERS’ FAN
We don’t eat cheese steaks
        here, tubby.
PHILLIES FAN
Cause your stomachs are stapled,
        Jackass.
They stare each other down
HAYLEY (OS)
Come on fellas, where’s the love?
Two heads swing toward, HAYLEY THORNSBURY (26), a bolt of electricity. Her snug tank top reads: RE-ELECT SENATOR THORNSBURY. Her smile honey for these bees.
HAYLEY
Could you guys help me?
PHILLIES FAN
Sure - -
The Dodger fan steps in front of the Phillies fan.
DODGER’S FAN
Name it - -
She slaps ‘RE-ELECT SENATOR THORNSBURY’ bumper stickers over the team logos on their caps.
HAYLEY
Now you’re both on my team.
Re-elect Senator Thornsbury.
She puts election fliers into their hands another smil, this time wider.
2.
                HAYLEY
        Re-elect Senator Thornsbury.
She passes fliers down the line. They continue her mantra, passing fliers out.
GUYS
Re-elect Senator Thornsbury.
                       
From seemingly thin air, a man falls in step behind Hayley.
                HERB
Momma bird needs her
baby chick in the nest.
HERB BROOKS (50s), the Senator’s head of security and former black-ops agent sent to pasture.
                HAYLEY
        Herb, it’s spooky when you
        Sneak up on me.
                (she stops)
        And speak English.
HERB
Your folks don’t want you
to miss the pre-game.
HAYLEY
Ten more minutes, want to
work the front of the line.
        HERB
That would be nineteen-hundred
hours.
HAYLEY
Herb.
                HERB
        Seven-o’clock.
                HAYLEY
        Thank you.
She slips into a baby blue, ‘68’ Mustang convertible, its top down, doors plastered with re-elect Thornsbury signs.
       
She turns the key, nothing. She thumps the wheel.
Herb talks into his sleeve.
HERB
Blue bird, down. Blue
Bird, down.
EXT. VIP ENTRANCE
A line of gleaming black stretch limos wait to drop off A-list passengers as we move into one.
        3.
INT. LIMO/BACK SEAT - SAME
A polished COUPLE (late 50s) sit as far from each other as possible. Hubby pokes at his hair, trying to get it just right.
WIFE
Careful dear, there are
only so many silver-tailed
horses in the world --
(eyes him)
Wouldn’t want you to
pull a plug.
He sees her point, lowers his hand.
WIFE
I received some upsetting news
today about the Richardson’s.
HUSBAND
Don’t tell me Ross has had
another heart attack?
Pass through the dark privacy window to the driver, RUSTY TURNAGE (30). He adjusts a spy-sized listening device in his ear.
Through the earpiece - -
WIFE’S VOICE (Filtered)
God willing. He’s run off
with his nubile nutritionist.
SILENCE. Rusty slips a mini-recorder from his inside pocket and adjusts the volume button too high - -
HUSBAND’S VOICE (Filtered)
I’d never leave you, snug-ums.
BLASTS in his ear. Rusty yanks out the earpiece.
INT. STADIUM/SPORTS ANNOUNCER’S BOX - SAME
TV Sports Announcer, BO STEVENS (30), a living Ken doll, flips open a velvet ring box to reveal a solitaire engagement diamond. A pudgy CAMERA MAN, (22) whistles.
CAMERA MAN
Nice rock, man. Tonight’s the
big night, huh.
4.
BO
I’m thinking during the
seventh inning stretch, Jumbo
Tron, the whole deal.
CAMERA MAN
I’d go right after the
Anthem -- that’ll make your
stock rise with the Senator.
BO
Oooh. Excellent idea.
He snaps the ring box shut.
INT. LIMO/BACK SEAT
The wife and husband stare incredulously into the privacy window as the husbands ‘recorded voice’ plays over the back speakers - -
HUSBAND’S VOICE (FILTERED)
. . . I can’t leave her snug-ums,
        the witch has me trussed up in a
        titanium pre-nup.
WOMAN’S VOICE
(Swedish accent)
Lamborghini. Red. Or no more
spanky-poos.
With that the husbands shoulders sink. The privacy window glides down.
RUSTY
I believe a marriage
        requires full disclosure.
A wry smile.
HUSBAND
You just walked into
the wrong man, son.
                RUSTY
        Really?
Rusty pops out the tape. Hands it to him.
                RUSTY
        Some of your greatest hits.
                WIFE
Get out. You bastard.
Get out.
                HUSBAND
Get out…?
                WIFE
        Get out or I tell anybody
        who will listen that you
        like to dress up as Stalin
        and read his manifesto
        before sex.
Rusty smirks --
                HUSBAND
But we’re meeting the Senator.
Her face, a cold slab of granite. The husband refocuses on Rusty.
                HUSBAND
        You better hope you’re as
        smart as you think you are –
                RUSTY
        Me to sir. Me to.
                WIFE
        Get out.
5.
She hits him a couple times. He escapes out the door. She shuts it behind him. She gains a touch of composure and focuses her remaining steam on Rusty.
WIFE
You like ridiculing people,
you @#%$? Why would you do
that?
RUSTY
Cause he’s a jackass and
you’re not.
Rusty hands her a book, ‘Twice As Long’: The Mathematics of a Broken Relationship. By Dr. Martin Hannah.’
RUSTY
I highly recommend it.
She slaps him across the face.
EXT. STADIUM FIELD - SAME
CHEERS from the crowd: the Jumbo-Tron Flashes: HAYLEY, MARRY ME.
Bo is down on one knee by home plate, his outstretched hand holds the open ring box toward three private boxes:
Hayley, seated between her parents, SENATOR RICHARD THORNSBURY and his wife ELLEN (both 50s).
Her mother and father stand, applaud. Hayley stays put, eyes wide with shock. Ellen coaxes Hayley up by the arm.
ELLEN
Smile, dear. The caterer
is already picked out.
HAYLEY
You knew about this, Dad?
RICHARD
Talk to your mother.
At home plate, Bo basks in the crowd’s CHEERS. The Camera man rushes up, aims the camera --
ON THE JUMBO-TRON: Hayley appears, jaw dropped. She covers her face with a RE-ELECT THORNSBURY bumper sticker.
6.
Up in the box seats, the Senator hugs Hayley’s shoulder.
RICHARD
Ah, brilliant move princess.
Free publicity.
EXT. SELEMI’S LIMO SERVICE - NEXT DAY
Rusty hand-polishes a limo at the curb.
VOICE (OS)
Rusty! Get in here!
ROMAN SELEMI (44), a stout Albanian with a thick accent and entirely too much shoulder hair growing through his wife-beater T-shirt, steps out of the garage.
RUSTY
The wax is - -
ROMAN
(bellows)
Get in here.
INT. ROMAN’S OFFICE - DAY
An office three exits passed cluttered, a phone rings somewhere under a wall of papers -- but we can’t see it.
Roman ignores the RING, as he slaps a third nicotine patch onto his meaty arm. Rusty enters.
RUSTY
You’re supposed to wean off
the nicotine, Roman. Wean.
ROMAN
Not one death stick in
        twenty-eight days. Not
        one. Now cause of you…
        I’m drinking this stuff.
RUSTY
She needed to know Roman,
full disclosure.
                ROMAN
I don’t care about your
shrinks shinola. I car about
me. Me. Me.
7.
RUSTY
Yes you do Roman. But I’m
I’m still your best driver.
ROMAN
Were my best driver.
RUSTY
You’re firing me…?
ROMAN
The man could sue me. I
lose my babies. They are
my family.
His eyes move to TWO BLACK ROLL ROYCES, one shinier than the other, behind a perimeter of orange cones. He soothes a bit.
RUSTY
I’ve got that covered.
Rusty takes a recorder from his shirt pocket, hits the play button.
HUSBAND’S VOICE (Over)
And we’ve been double billing the
bastards for years. Ah-ha-ha-ha.
Rusty pops the tape out, tossing it at Roman.
RUSTY
Some insurance.
ROMAN
You need a new hobby.
                       
Roman hands Rusty a file folder, smudged with coffee. Rusty opens it -- scans it.
                RUSTY
        Not happening.       
                ROMAN
You’re going. Already got a room
        waiting for you at the mansion.
RUSTY
No weddings. You know that.
ROMAN
It’s the pre-wedding. Ferrying
around guests and stuff -- airport.
Jewelry store. What ever rich
people do.
8.
RUSTY
The Pre-wedding is just as bad.
All the white fluff, all the - -
ROMAN
You’re going - -
                RUSTY
Fine. But no wedding.
                ROMAN
Deal. And consider this
your last i’m sorry.
FADE IN:
EXT. DODGER STADIUM (AERIAL) - ESTABLISHING - DAY
A vast blue sky, dimpled with puffy white clouds. Push down to DODGERS STADIUM, its green grass a massive welcome mat --
The ticket line snakes all the way back to THE PARKING LOT
where a DODGERS FAN, is hat to hat with a PHILLIES FAN.
DODGERS’ FAN
We don’t eat cheese steaks
        here, tubby.
PHILLIES FAN
Cause your stomachs are stapled,
        Jackass.
They stare each other down
HAYLEY (OS)
Come on fellas, where’s the love?
Two heads swing toward, HAYLEY THORNSBURY (26), a bolt of electricity. Her snug tank top reads: RE-ELECT SENATOR THORNSBURY. Her smile honey for these bees.
HAYLEY
Could you guys help me?
PHILLIES FAN
Sure - -
The Dodger fan steps in front of the Phillies fan.
DODGER’S FAN
Name it - -
She slaps ‘RE-ELECT SENATOR THORNSBURY’ bumper stickers over the team logos on their caps.
HAYLEY
Now you’re both on my team.
Re-elect Senator Thornsbury.
She puts election fliers into their hands another smil, this time wider.
2.
                HAYLEY
        Re-elect Senator Thornsbury.
She passes fliers down the line. They continue her mantra, passing fliers out.
GUYS
Re-elect Senator Thornsbury.
                       
From seemingly thin air, a man falls in step behind Hayley.
                HERB
Momma bird needs her
baby chick in the nest.
HERB BROOKS (50s), the Senator’s head of security and former black-ops agent sent to pasture.
                HAYLEY
        Herb, it’s spooky when you
        Sneak up on me.
                (she stops)
        And speak English.
HERB
Your folks don’t want you
to miss the pre-game.
HAYLEY
Ten more minutes, want to
work the front of the line.
        HERB
That would be nineteen-hundred
hours.
HAYLEY
Herb.
                HERB
        Seven-o’clock.
                HAYLEY
        Thank you.
She slips into a baby blue, ‘68’ Mustang convertible, its top down, doors plastered with re-elect Thornsbury signs.
       
She turns the key, nothing. She thumps the wheel.
Herb talks into his sleeve.
HERB
Blue bird, down. Blue
Bird, down.
EXT. VIP ENTRANCE
A line of gleaming black stretch limos wait to drop off A-list passengers as we move into one.
        3.
INT. LIMO/BACK SEAT - SAME
A polished COUPLE (late 50s) sit as far from each other as possible. Hubby pokes at his hair, trying to get it just right.
WIFE
Careful dear, there are
only so many silver-tailed
horses in the world --
(eyes him)
Wouldn’t want you to
pull a plug.
He sees her point, lowers his hand.
WIFE
I received some upsetting news
today about the Richardson’s.
HUSBAND
Don’t tell me Ross has had
another heart attack?
Pass through the dark privacy window to the driver, RUSTY TURNAGE (30). He adjusts a spy-sized listening device in his ear.
Through the earpiece - -
WIFE’S VOICE (Filtered)
God willing. He’s run off
with his nubile nutritionist.
SILENCE. Rusty slips a mini-recorder from his inside pocket and adjusts the volume button too high - -
HUSBAND’S VOICE (Filtered)
I’d never leave you, snug-ums.
BLASTS in his ear. Rusty yanks out the earpiece.
INT. STADIUM/SPORTS ANNOUNCER’S BOX - SAME
TV Sports Announcer, BO STEVENS (30), a living Ken doll, flips open a velvet ring box to reveal a solitaire engagement diamond. A pudgy CAMERA MAN, (22) whistles.
CAMERA MAN
Nice rock, man. Tonight’s the
big night, huh.
4.
BO
I’m thinking during the
seventh inning stretch, Jumbo
Tron, the whole deal.
CAMERA MAN
I’d go right after the
Anthem -- that’ll make your
stock rise with the Senator.
BO
Oooh. Excellent idea.
He snaps the ring box shut.
INT. LIMO/BACK SEAT
The wife and husband stare incredulously into the privacy window as the husbands ‘recorded voice’ plays over the back speakers - -
HUSBAND’S VOICE (FILTERED)
. . . I can’t leave her snug-ums,
        the witch has me trussed up in a
        titanium pre-nup.
WOMAN’S VOICE
(Swedish accent)
Lamborghini. Red. Or no more
spanky-poos.
With that the husbands shoulders sink. The privacy window glides down.
RUSTY
I believe a marriage
        requires full disclosure.
A wry smile.
HUSBAND
You just walked into
the wrong man, son.
                RUSTY
        Really?
Rusty pops out the tape. Hands it to him.
                RUSTY
        Some of your greatest hits.
                WIFE
Get out. You bastard.
Get out.
                HUSBAND
Get out…?
                WIFE
        Get out or I tell anybody
        who will listen that you
        like to dress up as Stalin
        and read his manifesto
        before sex.
Rusty smirks --
                HUSBAND
But we’re meeting the Senator.
Her face, a cold slab of granite. The husband refocuses on Rusty.
                HUSBAND
        You better hope you’re as
        smart as you think you are –
                RUSTY
        Me to sir. Me to.
                WIFE
        Get out.
5.
She hits him a couple times. He escapes out the door. She shuts it behind him. She gains a touch of composure and focuses her remaining steam on Rusty.
WIFE
You like ridiculing people,
you @#%$? Why would you do
that?
RUSTY
Cause he’s a jackass and
you’re not.
Rusty hands her a book, ‘Twice As Long’: The Mathematics of a Broken Relationship. By Dr. Martin Hannah.’
RUSTY
I highly recommend it.
She slaps him across the face.
EXT. STADIUM FIELD - SAME
CHEERS from the crowd: the Jumbo-Tron Flashes: HAYLEY, MARRY ME.
Bo is down on one knee by home plate, his outstretched hand holds the open ring box toward three private boxes:
Hayley, seated between her parents, SENATOR RICHARD THORNSBURY and his wife ELLEN (both 50s).
Her mother and father stand, applaud. Hayley stays put, eyes wide with shock. Ellen coaxes Hayley up by the arm.
ELLEN
Smile, dear. The caterer
is already picked out.
HAYLEY
You knew about this, Dad?
RICHARD
Talk to your mother.
At home plate, Bo basks in the crowd’s CHEERS. The Camera man rushes up, aims the camera --
ON THE JUMBO-TRON: Hayley appears, jaw dropped. She covers her face with a RE-ELECT THORNSBURY bumper sticker.
6.
Up in the box seats, the Senator hugs Hayley’s shoulder.
RICHARD
Ah, brilliant move princess.
Free publicity.
EXT. SELEMI’S LIMO SERVICE - NEXT DAY
Rusty hand-polishes a limo at the curb.
VOICE (OS)
Rusty! Get in here!
ROMAN SELEMI (44), a stout Albanian with a thick accent and entirely too much shoulder hair growing through his wife-beater T-shirt, steps out of the garage.
RUSTY
The wax is - -
ROMAN
(bellows)
Get in here.
INT. ROMAN’S OFFICE - DAY
An office three exits passed cluttered, a phone rings somewhere under a wall of papers -- but we can’t see it.
Roman ignores the RING, as he slaps a third nicotine patch onto his meaty arm. Rusty enters.
RUSTY
You’re supposed to wean off
the nicotine, Roman. Wean.
ROMAN
Not one death stick in
        twenty-eight days. Not
        one. Now cause of you…
        I’m drinking this stuff.
RUSTY
She needed to know Roman,
full disclosure.
                ROMAN
I don’t care about your
shrinks shinola. I car about
me. Me. Me.
7.
RUSTY
Yes you do Roman. But I’m
I’m still your best driver.
ROMAN
Were my best driver.
RUSTY
You’re firing me…?
ROMAN
The man could sue me. I
lose my babies. They are
my family.
His eyes move to TWO BLACK ROLL ROYCES, one shinier than the other, behind a perimeter of orange cones. He soothes a bit.
RUSTY
I’ve got that covered.
Rusty takes a recorder from his shirt pocket, hits the play button.
HUSBAND’S VOICE (Over)
And we’ve been double billing the
bastards for years. Ah-ha-ha-ha.
Rusty pops the tape out, tossing it at Roman.
RUSTY
Some insurance.
ROMAN
You need a new hobby.
                       
Roman hands Rusty a file folder, smudged with coffee. Rusty opens it -- scans it.
                RUSTY
        Not happening.       
                ROMAN
You’re going. Already got a room
        waiting for you at the mansion.
RUSTY
No weddings. You know that.
ROMAN
It’s the pre-wedding. Ferrying
around guests and stuff -- airport.
Jewelry store. What ever rich
people do.
8.
RUSTY
The Pre-wedding is just as bad.
All the white fluff, all the - -
ROMAN
You’re going - -
                RUSTY
Fine. But no wedding.
                ROMAN
Deal. And consider this
your last i’m sorry.