Flintsgirl
02-08-2005, 05:37 PM
Ok, someone else showed part of there script on here, so I wondered if someone could give me an oppinion on the first few pages of mine? I was just wondering if I'm writing it right so far. I'm just touching it up, and if I'm making mistakes somewhere, I'll correct them. So here it is.
EXT. 115 CHERRY LANE
Fade up from black. On front of house as Amanda and her brother Paul walk up the front
walkway to the house.
AMANDA
My god, I can't believe how nice this house is, it's huge and so clean.
She stops and stares upward at the huge mansion. She smiles.
PAUL
You know, Dad heard from a neighbor that this house hasn't had anyone living in it since it closed somewhere in the early 1900's.
AMANDA
Wow, really?
She turns towards him.
PAUL
Yeah, crazy huh?
AMANDA
I'll say. I wonder why nobody would want to live here. It's such a nice place.
PAUL
I wonder if we can update it though. Like putting in a dishwasher and putting a pool in the backyard. That'll be the life.
AMANDA
Who knows. That'll cost a lot of money.
PAUL
Yeah but the house was cheap. And of course it's been said that there's magic powers here.
AMANDA
What, you mean the house is haunted or something? That's just plain weird.
PAUL
Who knows.
He shrugs.
Amanda and Paul enter the front door of the house
Fade to:
INT. 115 CHERRY, LIVING ROOM
A magnificent living room. High ceiling with stone carvings etched into it everywhere. Floor-to-ceiling windows line the walls. Fixtures for gas lighting are still attached to the walls.
Focus on the entryway from the main hall as a crew of movers place the last of their boxes in the living room.
Amanda's father, Carl, examines labels on the boxes that were just brought in.
CARL
Well, that's the last of it.
He hands the movers a tip.
CARL
Thanks for your help.
MOVING MAN
No problem.
The crew of movers leaves.
CARL
Well Sport, let's get you upstairs and get you situated in your room, shall we?
AMANDA
Dad, don't call me that. You've called me that since I was a baby.
She blushes
CARL
Oh, come on. I'm your daddy!
He hugs her quickly, and they walk out into the master hall.
Cut to
INT. MASTER HALL
A long narrow hallway. There are ancient paintings lining the walls. The blue carpet is thick and velvety. Wood carvings line the door archways. The hall has electric lighting installed in the ceiling, but the walls are still lined with gas light fixtures. Focus on Carl and Amanda walking towards the stairs in the center of the hall.
AMANDA
Dad, have you heard any stories about this house?
CARL
What do you mean, Sport?
AMANDA
You know. Ghost stories. Hauntings. Anything like that.
CARL
Oh please. Ghosts? Sport, that's all just a bunch of fairy tales.
AMANDA
Why did we get this place so cheap?
They reach the stairs. Camera follows them as they ascend the wide, carpeted curving stairway to the second floor.
CARL
Oh, it's just run down. But I've put a lot of work into this place. Believe me, Sport, you'll love it here. No ghosts will dare come here after all the good work I've put into this place.
He chuckles
AMANDA
Thanks, Dad.
She doesn't look satisfied with his response. They continue up the stairs.
INT. AMANDA'S BEDROOM
It is a short time later. Amanda's dad has just finished setting up her bed frame and laying the foundation and mattress down.
AMANDA
wow, it looks great.
Her bed has new Vellux-style blanketing and smooth feather pillows.
AMANDA
Well, looks like we'll be staying here for a while then?
CARL
Sport! I thought you didn't wanna live here. It was too weird for you.
AMANDA
Yeah, but that was until I saw the inside.
CARL
Well I'm glad you like it. Oh yeah, I met one of our neighbors. Nice man with a teenaged daughter about the same age as you I think. Her name is Michelle. I hope you and her wil become friends.
AMANDA
Maybe. Well I guess I'm gonna go explore then. See if there's any hidden doorways or something laying around somewhere.
CARL
Don't wander too far!
AMANDA
Sure.
She laughs as she hurries out of the room.
CUT TO:
It's night time now. The sound of crickets is heard.
INT. AMANDA'S BEDROOM
Amanda is about to go to bed. Her mom, Joanne, is tucking her in.
JOANNE
Now Amanda, it's your first day at your school tomorrow. Try not to be shy and make some friends ok?
AMANDA
Mom, don't you think I'm a little old to be tucked in? I'm a junior in high school ya know.
JOANNE
Well, I know, but it's been a long day, and we're all just happy it's over. After all, you're the youngest. No matter how old you are, you'll always be my baby.
AMANDA
Well anyway, sure, I guess. I'll try. I still miss my old school
JOANNE
Oh, I know baby. But your brother will be there just in case you need him.
AMANDA
Thanks Mom.
She smiles and her and her mom hug.
JOANNE
Ok, goodnight sweety.
AMANDA
Night.
Joanne leaves the room, closing the door behind her. Amanda lays for a few seconds, staring at the ceiling. She then gets out of bed and walks to the huge walk-in closet in the corner of her room.
AMANDA
Magic powers,. Oh Paul. Come on get real. There's nothing...
The light flashes for a few seconds, then stops. She gasps.
AMANDA
Shew, oh god. Ok, maybe the light was burning out. I'll have to get dad in the morning.
She leaves the closet and goes to bed.
Fade to black
EXT. High school
Cars are pulling up and Amanda's mom is dropping her off at the front door.
The bell rings and she goes to a history class.
INT. History class
MRS JOYCE
Well class first I have a few announcements to make. One is that for those of you who aren't reading the bullitin board, the wizard of oz play will be delayed an extra few days because the choir director is still sick.
A few people give an awww sound.
MRS. JOYCE
Second I have to say we have a new student in the class. Amanda Carpenter.
Amanda sits up streight in her chair.
MRS. JOYCE
Come to the front Amanda for a few seconds so the class knows who you are.
Amanda gets up slowly.
AMANDA
Waht is this, kindergarden?
She mudders.
The class gives a little giggle.
MRS. JOYCE
So where do you live?
The teacher looks at her curiously.
AMANDA
Um, 115 Cherry Lane. The big house. It's blue with...
MRS. JOYCE
Yes, I know which one you're talking about.
Everyone gasps.
A boy from the class:'
You live there? Who picked that dump?
AMANDA
My dad. It's not so bad though. It's nice on the inside, we just need to do a bit of remodeling, and it should be fine.
Same boy
If you say so.
MRS. JOYCE
Do you know that the house is full of wicked powers? There is a history behind the house.
AMANDA
Um, I'm not sure.
She goes back to her seat and she stares off.
mrs. joyce
Are you listening? I'm going to tell you.
AMANDA
Ok, cuz I don't think my parents know.
MRS. JOYCE
Alright then. Long ago about a hundred years or so, there lived this evil sorcerer who cared about nothing but money. That's why your house is so nice and beautiful. He made servants work day and night to clean and do other chores. If someone didn't do what he said to, then they would be turned into something which could be anything because he could do what he liked with his powers. They would never become human again for disobeying him. Then one day, his assistant Mathew, was daydreaming about one of the princesses that lived in a castle somewhere. He was so much in love with her, but he knew that if the sorcerer found out, he'd be doomed to be whatever it was the evil man would change him into. Well, it happened. He was sweeping the floor singing a song that had the girls name in it, and the sorcerer found out, and punished him and changed him into a monster. He still had his love and kindness, even though he looked ugly. Being clever, Mathew knew the antidote to the spell and he changed back into a human and ran far away from the mansion. Then the sorcerer dies, everyone thinks. He wanted to free all the other servants from being under the sorcerer's spell and have them be human again, but time went on, and he couldn't find the potions to make them change. So he lost hope. The spellbook is gone. So yes, that house is evil, so be careful, and don't wish for anything, it could be dangerous.
AMANDA
I'll remember that.
She says it sarcastically.
Then the teacher starts talking and Amanda stares down at her desk her hands folder in front of her. Then the bell rings.
Cut to.
Amanda is standing at her locker and she meets her brother. He taps her on the sholder.
PAUL
Hey,
AMANDA
Oh, hey, you startled me.
PAUL
Yeah, sorry bout that. Um, did any of your teacher tell you a story of the house that we live in today?
AMANDA
Yeah, my history teacher, Mrs. Joyce did. The kids in my class thought i was weird or something.
PAUL
Yeah me to. Oh well, at least we know that we're real people.
AMANDA
Yeah, I guess so.
Then the bell rings and Paul asks her if she wants a lift home. She says yes, and they drive home in his car.
Cut to.
Ext. Front of House
Amanda and her brother are just driving up the drive and her brother kills the engine and they get out and walk up to the house.
They meet their mom when they walk in.
INT. House
JOEANNE
Well, hi guys. How was the first day?
AMANDA
It was ok.
PAUL
Yeah, alright.
JOEANNE
Well that's good.
She seems very cheery.
Amanda hangs up her coat and starts walking up the stairs.
JOEANNE
Amanda, where are you going?
AMANDA
Upstairs for a little bit, I need to lay down.
JOEANNE
Are you feeling ok?
AMANDA
Yeah, I'm ok.
She goes upstairs to her room and opens the door to her room. She looks around. We see her computer, her little tv on her nightstand, her phone, and her cd player. Nothing seems to have been touched, but she's looking around anyway.
She goes to her computer desk and sits down. She turns on her computer and goes to the internet. Then she goes to a real estate website and types in her address. On the screen a message says sold, and gives the dates of when the house was built and says Clayton Estate. It said it was built in 1870.
AMANDA
Wow, I can't believe this. Our house is this old?
She turns off the computer and leaves her room.
EXT. 115 CHERRY LANE
Fade up from black. On front of house as Amanda and her brother Paul walk up the front
walkway to the house.
AMANDA
My god, I can't believe how nice this house is, it's huge and so clean.
She stops and stares upward at the huge mansion. She smiles.
PAUL
You know, Dad heard from a neighbor that this house hasn't had anyone living in it since it closed somewhere in the early 1900's.
AMANDA
Wow, really?
She turns towards him.
PAUL
Yeah, crazy huh?
AMANDA
I'll say. I wonder why nobody would want to live here. It's such a nice place.
PAUL
I wonder if we can update it though. Like putting in a dishwasher and putting a pool in the backyard. That'll be the life.
AMANDA
Who knows. That'll cost a lot of money.
PAUL
Yeah but the house was cheap. And of course it's been said that there's magic powers here.
AMANDA
What, you mean the house is haunted or something? That's just plain weird.
PAUL
Who knows.
He shrugs.
Amanda and Paul enter the front door of the house
Fade to:
INT. 115 CHERRY, LIVING ROOM
A magnificent living room. High ceiling with stone carvings etched into it everywhere. Floor-to-ceiling windows line the walls. Fixtures for gas lighting are still attached to the walls.
Focus on the entryway from the main hall as a crew of movers place the last of their boxes in the living room.
Amanda's father, Carl, examines labels on the boxes that were just brought in.
CARL
Well, that's the last of it.
He hands the movers a tip.
CARL
Thanks for your help.
MOVING MAN
No problem.
The crew of movers leaves.
CARL
Well Sport, let's get you upstairs and get you situated in your room, shall we?
AMANDA
Dad, don't call me that. You've called me that since I was a baby.
She blushes
CARL
Oh, come on. I'm your daddy!
He hugs her quickly, and they walk out into the master hall.
Cut to
INT. MASTER HALL
A long narrow hallway. There are ancient paintings lining the walls. The blue carpet is thick and velvety. Wood carvings line the door archways. The hall has electric lighting installed in the ceiling, but the walls are still lined with gas light fixtures. Focus on Carl and Amanda walking towards the stairs in the center of the hall.
AMANDA
Dad, have you heard any stories about this house?
CARL
What do you mean, Sport?
AMANDA
You know. Ghost stories. Hauntings. Anything like that.
CARL
Oh please. Ghosts? Sport, that's all just a bunch of fairy tales.
AMANDA
Why did we get this place so cheap?
They reach the stairs. Camera follows them as they ascend the wide, carpeted curving stairway to the second floor.
CARL
Oh, it's just run down. But I've put a lot of work into this place. Believe me, Sport, you'll love it here. No ghosts will dare come here after all the good work I've put into this place.
He chuckles
AMANDA
Thanks, Dad.
She doesn't look satisfied with his response. They continue up the stairs.
INT. AMANDA'S BEDROOM
It is a short time later. Amanda's dad has just finished setting up her bed frame and laying the foundation and mattress down.
AMANDA
wow, it looks great.
Her bed has new Vellux-style blanketing and smooth feather pillows.
AMANDA
Well, looks like we'll be staying here for a while then?
CARL
Sport! I thought you didn't wanna live here. It was too weird for you.
AMANDA
Yeah, but that was until I saw the inside.
CARL
Well I'm glad you like it. Oh yeah, I met one of our neighbors. Nice man with a teenaged daughter about the same age as you I think. Her name is Michelle. I hope you and her wil become friends.
AMANDA
Maybe. Well I guess I'm gonna go explore then. See if there's any hidden doorways or something laying around somewhere.
CARL
Don't wander too far!
AMANDA
Sure.
She laughs as she hurries out of the room.
CUT TO:
It's night time now. The sound of crickets is heard.
INT. AMANDA'S BEDROOM
Amanda is about to go to bed. Her mom, Joanne, is tucking her in.
JOANNE
Now Amanda, it's your first day at your school tomorrow. Try not to be shy and make some friends ok?
AMANDA
Mom, don't you think I'm a little old to be tucked in? I'm a junior in high school ya know.
JOANNE
Well, I know, but it's been a long day, and we're all just happy it's over. After all, you're the youngest. No matter how old you are, you'll always be my baby.
AMANDA
Well anyway, sure, I guess. I'll try. I still miss my old school
JOANNE
Oh, I know baby. But your brother will be there just in case you need him.
AMANDA
Thanks Mom.
She smiles and her and her mom hug.
JOANNE
Ok, goodnight sweety.
AMANDA
Night.
Joanne leaves the room, closing the door behind her. Amanda lays for a few seconds, staring at the ceiling. She then gets out of bed and walks to the huge walk-in closet in the corner of her room.
AMANDA
Magic powers,. Oh Paul. Come on get real. There's nothing...
The light flashes for a few seconds, then stops. She gasps.
AMANDA
Shew, oh god. Ok, maybe the light was burning out. I'll have to get dad in the morning.
She leaves the closet and goes to bed.
Fade to black
EXT. High school
Cars are pulling up and Amanda's mom is dropping her off at the front door.
The bell rings and she goes to a history class.
INT. History class
MRS JOYCE
Well class first I have a few announcements to make. One is that for those of you who aren't reading the bullitin board, the wizard of oz play will be delayed an extra few days because the choir director is still sick.
A few people give an awww sound.
MRS. JOYCE
Second I have to say we have a new student in the class. Amanda Carpenter.
Amanda sits up streight in her chair.
MRS. JOYCE
Come to the front Amanda for a few seconds so the class knows who you are.
Amanda gets up slowly.
AMANDA
Waht is this, kindergarden?
She mudders.
The class gives a little giggle.
MRS. JOYCE
So where do you live?
The teacher looks at her curiously.
AMANDA
Um, 115 Cherry Lane. The big house. It's blue with...
MRS. JOYCE
Yes, I know which one you're talking about.
Everyone gasps.
A boy from the class:'
You live there? Who picked that dump?
AMANDA
My dad. It's not so bad though. It's nice on the inside, we just need to do a bit of remodeling, and it should be fine.
Same boy
If you say so.
MRS. JOYCE
Do you know that the house is full of wicked powers? There is a history behind the house.
AMANDA
Um, I'm not sure.
She goes back to her seat and she stares off.
mrs. joyce
Are you listening? I'm going to tell you.
AMANDA
Ok, cuz I don't think my parents know.
MRS. JOYCE
Alright then. Long ago about a hundred years or so, there lived this evil sorcerer who cared about nothing but money. That's why your house is so nice and beautiful. He made servants work day and night to clean and do other chores. If someone didn't do what he said to, then they would be turned into something which could be anything because he could do what he liked with his powers. They would never become human again for disobeying him. Then one day, his assistant Mathew, was daydreaming about one of the princesses that lived in a castle somewhere. He was so much in love with her, but he knew that if the sorcerer found out, he'd be doomed to be whatever it was the evil man would change him into. Well, it happened. He was sweeping the floor singing a song that had the girls name in it, and the sorcerer found out, and punished him and changed him into a monster. He still had his love and kindness, even though he looked ugly. Being clever, Mathew knew the antidote to the spell and he changed back into a human and ran far away from the mansion. Then the sorcerer dies, everyone thinks. He wanted to free all the other servants from being under the sorcerer's spell and have them be human again, but time went on, and he couldn't find the potions to make them change. So he lost hope. The spellbook is gone. So yes, that house is evil, so be careful, and don't wish for anything, it could be dangerous.
AMANDA
I'll remember that.
She says it sarcastically.
Then the teacher starts talking and Amanda stares down at her desk her hands folder in front of her. Then the bell rings.
Cut to.
Amanda is standing at her locker and she meets her brother. He taps her on the sholder.
PAUL
Hey,
AMANDA
Oh, hey, you startled me.
PAUL
Yeah, sorry bout that. Um, did any of your teacher tell you a story of the house that we live in today?
AMANDA
Yeah, my history teacher, Mrs. Joyce did. The kids in my class thought i was weird or something.
PAUL
Yeah me to. Oh well, at least we know that we're real people.
AMANDA
Yeah, I guess so.
Then the bell rings and Paul asks her if she wants a lift home. She says yes, and they drive home in his car.
Cut to.
Ext. Front of House
Amanda and her brother are just driving up the drive and her brother kills the engine and they get out and walk up to the house.
They meet their mom when they walk in.
INT. House
JOEANNE
Well, hi guys. How was the first day?
AMANDA
It was ok.
PAUL
Yeah, alright.
JOEANNE
Well that's good.
She seems very cheery.
Amanda hangs up her coat and starts walking up the stairs.
JOEANNE
Amanda, where are you going?
AMANDA
Upstairs for a little bit, I need to lay down.
JOEANNE
Are you feeling ok?
AMANDA
Yeah, I'm ok.
She goes upstairs to her room and opens the door to her room. She looks around. We see her computer, her little tv on her nightstand, her phone, and her cd player. Nothing seems to have been touched, but she's looking around anyway.
She goes to her computer desk and sits down. She turns on her computer and goes to the internet. Then she goes to a real estate website and types in her address. On the screen a message says sold, and gives the dates of when the house was built and says Clayton Estate. It said it was built in 1870.
AMANDA
Wow, I can't believe this. Our house is this old?
She turns off the computer and leaves her room.