A man's perspective with love

The first question I'd ask is whether he is "head over heels" in love or just attracted to the woman? His feelings and actions would probably be different accordingly. Perhaps his feelings will change over the course of the book?

I can tell you what I've experienced. About five years ago, a man fell head over heels for me. This man had just retired from the U.S. Navy (Navy Seal, no less) and was very respectable and looked absolutely great in his uniform. But something happened to him when he came around me. In his own words (not mine, I swear) he went ga-ga (whatever that means) when he was around me. I think love can really melt a person. Don't know why me, but he was always trying to find totally unique ways to do things different or impress me. (think fatal attraction here) I mean, he really went out of his way. (Our first kiss involved illegal fireworks - LOL - that he had his best friend shoot off into the air) I'll email you with some of the things this person did.

Hey, Christa -

I'm not a Romance writer, but I do write a romantic subplot from time to time. Here goes:

If he's really noble and honorable and interested in more than a short-term thing, he'll probably do everything he can not to let on that he's thinking about sex. He'll want her to be comfortable around him, and will probably go out of his way to make her so. He'll probably be a little confused, because the ways he's accustomed to dealing with people don't apply with her. And a little scared, because the love a soldier has for his buddies is nothing like what he feels for a woman he wants to court. It'll be an unfamiliar sensation.

As to what "ga-ga" feels like? His palms may sweat. His breath may get short. His chest may ache. It will be difficult to concentrate on potential hazards for wanting to look at her--another source of frustration for a soldier accustomed to watching for danger. He may be looking at her, realize she's asked him a question and have no idea what it was because he was too busy trying to memorize every line of her face. He may glance at her, ahem, assets and then curse himself (inwardly, of course) for not being a gentleman. You guessed it--confusion. Frustration. But he keeps at it because the frustration he feels around her beats the familiarity of the world he knows.

If she's in danger, he may start to panic--he's accustomed to dealing with hazards to himself, and the worst thing he can imagine is harm coming to her.

Of course, if he's not really all those things, he'll try to figure out the shortest distance to the inside of her skirt, stay there as long as he can, and not look back when it's time to leave. Then he'll try to contact her again a year later when he's next in town, and may not understand when she explains she's married now and can't see him.

Hope this helps. Sorry for horning in on y'all's forum.
HN

I think he sounds like someone who would be interested in something other than 'just' sex. "warrior of sorts, respectable, honorable, noble" - perhaps he loves her personality...the things he cherishs in himself being mirrored in her. Guys don't only think of sex. I remember when my wife and I were just friends. I loved her laugh. The way she pulled her hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear with her left index finger. Her clothes. Her patchouli oil. The way she spoke to people who miffed and tiffed her, the taking care of business attitude she exuded. Wasn't all about sex. Maybe he likes her values...watches her when she doesn't know he's watching. sniffs at the air as she moves past him. Romance is so much more effective than in-your-face stuff. Just noticing somebody and making their nuances something you fall in love with. GUYS REALLY DO DO THAT, YOU KNOW. Just my two cents.

Disclaimer: horrible generalizations ahead!

It has been my experience that when men fall in love, they fall hard. They have difficulty controlling their behavior around the object of their affection, which may result in worshipful or creatively romantic actions, but may also result in semi-cruel teasing, stakling, kidnapping, etc.

If the guy is not quite in love, on the other hand, he probably thinks a good deal about the social value of the relationship - whether it will be controversial, whether he will be criticized or admired by his family and friends who see him with this person. A man may be strongly sexually attracted to someone yet totally unwilling to be seen in public with them. He may forbid himself to see the person again, find himself there anyway, and take out his anger at this on the person. Or, if a guy is not strongly sexually attracted to a person he may be very gentlemanly toward them, but forget about them easily and get irritated if they won't let themselves be forgotten.

Then there are guys who love women in general instead of one particular woman - they are either blushingly shy or charmingly flirtatious with all women they find attractive, but have no urge to be true to one, it's out of sight, out of mind, and then they're surprised and genuinely distressed if one of the women feels betrayed or jealous.

Read some man's fiction by men (the older hard-boiled mysteries work well), and male autobiographies. Watch some John Ford movies. Hang out with a male buddy if one is available.

Women tend to complain about their feet, men about their backs. They shave daily (mostly). The good ones have the Testosterone Poisoning Thing under control (mostly). The plumbing is different and sometimes has its own special name, but he won't share it.

Contrary to popular thinking, men aren't from Mars and women aren't from Venus. What I mean is, men don't fall in love any differently than women do. You don't need to agonise over getting the male perspective right, because it isn't really any different from your own. Just imagine yourself as the character and ignore the fact he's a man. We don't think any differently than you do. Put yourself in the character's shoes, and whatever you think he'd do, that's it, that's what you write.

I came to this conclusion a few years a go, after I'd spent quite a lot of time working in an office where I was the only man amongst a dozen women. I couldn't help but notice there were no typical female behaviours. What you had were twelve individuals who just happen to share the same gender. I think it suits certain segments of society to think that men and women are totally different; it makes the world an easier place to understand. As a man I'm supposed to like cars, sport and drinking beer. I don't like any of those things, but I know I'm expected to. It would be easy for me to assume that all women like shopping, cooking and talking to their friends on the phone, but I know they don't.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm criticising your original post, because that's certainly not my intention.

guys get smittened tonguetied etc and they can be shy when it comes to love it depends on the person but i agree that men are human beings and they are not totally different than women and read some mens novels would help you understand how good honorable honest man -- aragon in lord of the rings for example feels about the woman he loves

ChristaCarol13 said:

TAnd before this question, when he was with her alone (she's an empress by the way...) he caught scent of her hair, felt a strand of hair brush against his shoulder, etc. But that's about all I could think of, besides the probably cliche "He could get lost in those eyes." saying.

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someone once said to me that attraction is dull but action is more interesting so you may want to figure out how to put all that into action or nonaction because like you said if you write something like he could get lost in her eyes its just boring, so what does the guy do and not do about his feelings around her and what action does the take and that would define everything much better than catching her scent or heart thumping fast - like stuttering would be good or bumbling around her making a fuss of his hot coffee or something