Revision dilemma

I've run into a bit of a problem with my ms during editing. I've already gone though and scanned for grammar and dialogue and most of the simple things. As a final review I'm reading it through for flow and continuity.

The problem that popped up was this: in my first draft I had a series of three dream sequences (the dream aspect is very critical to the story). In a true display of amateur writing, I wrote the story in third person limited in the past tense, but used the dream sequences as intersection breaks and wrote them in first person present.

I managed to work two of the three sequences back into the story without actually going into the dream, but I can't see a way around leaving the third. If the third stays in it's current form, however, it doesn't fit into the structure of the manuscript. (Does this make sense to anyone? I'm having trouble finding the right way to describe it right now).

For those that do understand, can you think of any quick suggestions? I've considered writing it into the story, but that doesn't fit well. I was going to break it into its own chapter, but it's 5 pages while the rest of the chapters are 10-20. That doesn't address the issue brought up by confusing the reader since they wouldn't know that it was a dream until after the fact, and confusing the reader is never good...

*sigh* Any help is welcome, and if nothing else, I expect that I'll learn something new about the craft, and that is always a good thing...

Amiton.

Heya Chaostitan,

Well, I can't honestly say that the information NEEDS to be presented the way that I have it, but I will say that I can't figure out a different presentation that has worked so far.

I did try to edit into the third person limited, but the issue that I ran into was the same that you mentioned...it seemed like just another part of the story that was worded really strangely. I wrote it into the first person present to distinctly identify it as a different setting, e.g. the dreamscape, and in the 3rd limited, it came off as exactly the cheesy dream sequence that gives dream sequences a bad name in fiction.

So now I kind of feel like I can't continue on the current road, and the changes that I can figure all break my story mechanics in a really bad way. I'm starting to worry that the story is unrecoverable as it stands, which sucks since I'm so close to really being done (or at least done enough to put it down and submit).

Amiton.

P.S. - Thanks for the feedback and suggestions!

Carmy,
I pulled the first two with the intention of cutting them all. The thinking was to cull what isn't necessary and minimize jarring POV shifts. This particular sequence didn't want to play nice. In so much as putting it in italics, it would be possible, but it would be five pages of it. Thinking as a reader, that would only make me put a book down no matter how good it was.

FergieC,
Second-person is an idea that hadn't occured to me. I have to admit that it's a scary one to me - my skill and experience with second-person is pretty poor. I'll play with it and see what comes of it, though.

More thanks from me =)

Amiton.

Sorry about the delay in responding...I've been working =p

In the end it looks like I'm just going to cut the dream sequence pages. I really don't like how it flows, but it seems like there are enough references in the later chapters for the reader to understand what happened. It's not a big cludge, but it's not my best writing by far. Unfortunately for my ego, it is still better than trying to force things to stand as they were.

Amiton.