Limericks Live!

[PrettySpecialGal]

A flea and a fly on a floe,
Stood eskimo-like, toe to toe.
The flea asked, "Do you?"
The fly shyed, "Who knew?"

[K1P1]

A flea and a fly on a floe,
Stood eskimo-like, toe to toe.
The flea asked, "Do you?"
The fly shyed, "Who knew?
Then their noses they rubbed to and fro.

Keat's shark kept its ears open wide

[Kate Thornton]

Keats' shark kept its ears open wide
As poetry's sound was its pride

[Pthom]

Keats' shark kept its ears open wide
As poetry's sound was its pride
But as we all know,

[Unique]

Keats' shark kept its ears open wide
As poetry's sound was its pride
But as we all know,
it's a hard row to hoe

[JDCrayne]

Keats' shark kept its ears open wide
As poetry's sound was its pride
But as we all know,
it's a hard row to hoe,
And a long and most difficult ride!


What is the slimy green spot?

[Cath]

What is the slimy green spot?
It looks like somebody forgot

[K1P1]

What is the slimy green spot?
It looks like somebody forgot
To throw out the spinach

[Pthom]

What is the slimy green spot?
It looks like somebody forgot
To throw out the spinach
Along with the ostrich

[JDCrayne]

What is the slimy green spot?
It looks like somebody forgot
To throw out the spinach
Along with the ostrich
And avoid all the slugs on the lot.


That damsel without any clothes,

[Pthom]

That damsel without any clothes
Discovered some nice pantyhose

[Meaney]

That damsel without any clothes
Discovered some nice pantyhose
but th' saddle made ladders

[K1P1]

That damsel without any clothes
Discovered some nice pantyhose
but th' saddle made ladders
which exposed her to adders

[truelyana]

That damsel without any clothes
Discovered some nice pantyhose
but th' saddle made ladders
which exposed her to adders
and just about ripped off her mauves




That forrest beyond the sunset

[K1P1]

That forest beyond the sunset
Has a hermit who on his buns set

[PrettySpecialGal]

That forest beyond the sunset
Has a hermit who on his buns set
but then, every night

[MidnightMuse]

That forest beyond the sunset
Has a hermit who on his buns set
but then, ever night
there'd come such a fright!

[JDCrayne]

That forest beyond the sunset
Has a hermit who on his buns set
but then, ever night
there'd come such a fright!
Whenever a gibbering ghost he met!


I think I got lost in the rhyme,

[K1P1]

I think I got lost in the rhyme,
Distracted by all of the slime,

[PrettySpecialGal]

I think I got lost in the rhyme,
Distracted by all of the slime,
but as slime and rhyme go,

[PattiTheWicked]

I think I got lost in the rhyme,
Distracted by all of the slime,
but as slime and rhyme go
it's not bad, you know,

[MidnightMuse]

I think I got lost in the rhyme,
Distracted by all of the slime,
but as slime and rhyme go
it's not bad, you know,
We do that here 'bout every time.


Last night I got truly obsessed,

[JDCrayne]

Last night I got truly obsessed,
Over slacks that never were pressed.

[PattiTheWicked]

Last night I got truly obsessed,
Over slacks that never were pressed.
A rather large wrinkle

[Meaney]

Last night I got truly obsessed,
Over slacks that never were pressed.
A rather large wrinkle
made plural from single

[K1P1]

Last night I got truly obsessed,
Over slacks that never were pressed.
A rather large wrinkle
made plural from single
Shoved me from concerned to distressed!

An immoderate man with a gun

[Meaney]

An immoderate man with a gun
in society finds he's undone

[K1P1]

An immoderate man with a gun
in society finds he's undone
He must hide his piece

[Unique]

An immoderate man with a gun
in society finds he's undone
He must hide his piece
from foraging geese

[K1P1]

An immoderate man with a gun
in society finds he's undone
He must hide his piece
from foraging geese
Who'd really prefer a plum bun.

Snow and ice stream from the air

[Unique]

Snow and ice stream from the air
and then it gets caught in my hair

[K1P1]

Snow and ice stream from the air
and then it gets caught in my hair
it drips down my nose

[JDCrayne]

Snow and ice stream from the air
And then it gets caught in my hair
It drips down my nose;
It dampens my clothes,

[Cath]

Snow and ice stream from the air
And then it gets caught in my hair
It drips down my nose;
It dampens my clothes,
And creeps you don't want to know where.


My girlfriend just swallowed an ant

[K1P1]

My girlfriend just swallowed an ant
She said it had eyes on a slant.

[JDCrayne]

My girlfriend just swallowed an ant
She said it had eyes on a slant.
With horrified rage,

[PrettySpecialGal]

My girlfriend just swallowed an ant
She said it had eyes on a slant.
With horrified rage,
She jumped out of her cage

[K1P1]

My girlfriend just swallowed an ant
She said it had eyes on a slant.
With horrified rage,
She jumped out of her cage
Stamped her feet and went into a rant.

A genteel young lady from Paris

[PattiTheWicked]

A genteel young lady from Paris
said she would happily dare us

[Unique]

A genteel young lady from Paris
said she would happily dare us
to fly through the air

[K1P1]

A genteel young lady from Paris
said she would happily dare us
to fly through the air
with a devil-may-care

[JDCrayne]

A genteel young lady from Paris
said she would happily dare us
to fly through the air
with a devil-may-care
chance at the big wheel called Ferris!


She fumbled and fell through the air,

[K1P1]

She fumbled and fell through the air,
And still kept her seat in the chair

[Meaney]

She fumbled and fell through the air,
And still kept her seat in the chair
And landed just peachy

[Pthom]

She fumbled and fell through the air,
And still kept her seat in the chair
And landed just peachy
But a large tin of Litchi

[Meaney]

She fumbled and fell through the air,
And still kept her seat in the chair
And landed just peachy
But a large tin of lychee
Spilled fruits and juice everywhere.

Don't ask how I swallowed my face

[PattiTheWicked]

Don't ask how I swallowed my face
It ended up in the wrong place

[K1P1]

Don't ask how I swallowed my face
It ended up in the wrong place
It's stuck in my gullet

[MidnightMuse]

Don't ask how I swallowed my face
It ended up in the wrong place
It's stuck in my gullet
I choked on that mullet.

[JDCrayne]

Don't ask how I swallowed my face
It ended up in the wrong place
It's stuck in my gullet
I choked on that mullet
and garnished my rear with some lace.


I somehow got lost on the train,

[Meaney]

I somehow got lost on the train,
and discovered I'd swallowed my brain

:Wha:

[Unique]

I somehow got lost on the train,
and discovered I'd swallowed my brain
although it was tasty

[K1P1]

I somehow got lost on the train,
and discovered I'd swallowed my brain
although it was tasty
my meal was quite hasty

[Meaney]

I somehow got lost on the train,
and discovered I'd swallowed my brain
although it was tasty
my meal was quite hasty
and now I've intestinal pain.

The Shaolin shaped up to the bandits

:e2fight:

[JDCrayne]

The Shaolin shaped up to the bandits.
Their defeat was the subject of on dits.

[Meaney]

The Shaolin shaped up to the bandits.
Their defeat was the subject of on dits.
The victor, it's said,

[K1P1]

The Shaolin shaped up to the bandits.
Their defeat was the subject of on dits.
The victor, it's said,
Had a hole in his head

[MidnightMuse]

The Shaolin shaped up to the bandits.
Their defeat was the subject of on dits.
The victor, it's said,
Had a hole in his head.
But no one complained re: his grand bits.


My brain got all ditzy one day.

[Pat~]

My brain got all ditzy one day,
And I forgot to secure my belay;

[Meaney]

My brain got all ditzy one day,
And I forgot to secure my belay;
at the height of three feet

[JDCrayne]

My brain got all ditzy one day,
And I forgot to secure my belay;
At the height of three feet
The waves they did beat,

[poetinahat]

My brain got all ditzy one day,
And I forgot to secure my belay;
At the height of three feet
The waves they did beat,
and like Cassius, my feet turned to Clay.

The loneliest long-distance runner

[K1P1]

The loneliest long-distance runner
Has feet to which I take a scunner.

[Unique]

The loneliest long-distance runner
Has feet to which I take a scunner.
They're big and they stink

[K1P1]

The loneliest long-distance runner
Has feet to which I take a scunner.
They're big and they stink
And his toes have a kink

[JDCrayne]

The loneliest long-distance runner
Has feet to which I take a scunner.
They're big and they stink
And his toes have a kink
And he's known to his friends as a punner!


His friend has the shot put down pat,

[Meaney]

His friend has the shot put down pat;
from a mile he can bullseye a gnat.

[K1P1]

His friend has the shot put down pat;
from a mile he can bullseye a gnat.
Grinds it into his throat

[Unique]

His friend has the shot put down pat;
from a mile he can bullseye a gnat.
Grinds it into his throat
drops him dead in the moat

[K1P1]

His friend has the shot put down pat;
from a mile he can bullseye a gnat.
Grinds it into his throat
drops him dead in the moat
And then takes a nap on the mat.

My sister she sleeps with a yak

[Unique]

My sister she sleeps with a yak
I don't mind but it throws out her back

[K1P1]

My sister she sleeps with a yak
I don't mind but it throws out her back
Yak hair gets in her mouth

[PattiTheWicked]

My sister she sleeps with a yak
I don't mind but it throws out her back
Yak hair gets in her mouth
(And other points south)

[Unique]

My sister she sleeps with a yak
I don't mind but it throws out her back
Yak hair gets in her mouth
(And other points south)
It's tasty but not a great snack


The Left and the Right went to war

[JDCrayne]

The Left and the Right went to war,
'Cause the Left called the Right's mom a whore.

[Unique]

The Left and the Right went to war,
'Cause the Left called the Right's mom a whore.
Too bad it was true

[K1P1]

The Left and the Right went to war,
'Cause the Left called the Right's mom a whore.
Too bad it was true
She's true blue through and through

[PrettySpecialGal]

The Left and the Right went to war,
'Cause the Left called the Right's mom a whore.
Too bad it was true
She's true blue through and through
So that ended the war- it's no more!

Moms and Dads, it seems, can be funny

[K1P1]

Moms and Dads, it seems, can be funny
They always make oatmeal that's runny

[Unique]

Moms and Dads, it seems, can be funny
They always make oatmeal that's runny
It's gluey and ick

[PattiTheWicked]

Moms and Dads, it seems, can be funny
They always make oatmeal that's runny
It's gluey and ick
And stirred with a stick

[Kate Thornton]

Moms and Dads, it seems, can be funny
They always make oatmeal that's runny
It's gluey and ick
And stirred with a stick
With parts of dead puppy and bunny

A train going faster than light

[K1P1]

A train going faster than light
Gave the stately old matron a fright.

[MidnightMuse]

A train going faster than light
Gave the stately old matro a fright.
When a black-hole speed-bump,

[K1P1]

A train going faster than light
Gave the stately old matro a fright.
When a black-hole speed-bump,
Her knitting did dump

[JDCrayne]

A train going faster than light
Gave the stately old matron a fright.
When a black-hole speed-bump,
Her knitting did dump
Though a worm hole, next Friday night!


He needs a good kick in the pants!

[K1P1]

He needs a good kick in the pants!
Then we'll see how his attitude slants.

[Meaney]

He needs a good kick in the pants!
Then we'll see how his attitude slants.
Enough of his guff

[K1P1]

He needs a good kick in the pants!
Then we'll see how his attitude slants.
Enough of his guff
He'll ride surf in the buff

[Unique]

He needs a good kick in the pants!
Then we'll see how his attitude slants.
Enough of his guff
He'll ride surf in the buff
And when he drops pearls we will dance.


It was a frolicking day at the beach

[PattiTheWicked]

It was a frolicking day at the beach
My sunblock slipped just out of reach

[K1P1]

It was a frolicking day at the beach
My sunblock slipped just out of reach
Down into a tide pool

[JDCrayne]

It was a frolicking day at the beach
My sunblock slipped just out of reach
Down into a tide pool;
I grabbed like a damned fool,

[K1P1]

It was a frolicking day at the beach
My sunblock slipped just out of reach
Down into a tide pool;
I grabbed like a damned fool,
But I ended up stuck with a leech!

The Titan reclined on a cloud

[PrettySpecialGal]

The Titan reclined on a cloud
and said, as he thought out loud,

[Meaney]

The Titan reclined on a cloud
and said, as he thought out loud,
"What was that sound?"

[JDCrayne]

The Titan reclined on a cloud
and said, as he thought out loud,
"What was that sound?
Was it lightning rebound?"

[Pthom]

The Titan reclined on a cloud
and said, as he thought out loud,
"What was that sound?
Was it lightning rebound?
Such noises should not be allowed!"

The pile of beer caps on my desk

[K1P1]

The pile of beer caps on my desk
My long-suffering wife it did vex

[PrettySpecialGal]

The pile of beer caps on my desk
My long-suffering wife it did vex
Little did she know

[Jabs]

The pile of beer caps on my desk
My long-suffering wife it did vex
Little did she know
That they belonged to Moe

[Kate Thornton]

The pile of beer caps on my desk
My long-suffering wife it did vex
Little did she know
That they belonged to Moe
And we traded them all for sex

I wanted some tangible proof

[JDCrayne]

I wanted some tangible proof
That there wasn't a leak in the roof.

[K1P1]

I wanted some tangible proof
That there wasn't a leak in the roof.
So I got out the hose

[threedogpeople]

I wanted some tangible proof
That there wasn't a leak in the roof.
So I got out the hose,
while freezing my nose

[K1P1]

I wanted some tangible proof
That there wasn't a leak in the roof.
So I got out the hose,
while freezing my nose
Slipped and knocked my breath out with an oof!

George Washington couldn't defend

[PattiTheWicked]

George Washington couldn't defend
a fort by the south river bend

[JDCrayne]

George Washington couldn't defend
a fort by the south river bend.
The river was freezing,

[Unique]

George Washington couldn't defend
a fort by the south river bend.
The river was freezing,
The troops they were sneezing

[Pthom]

George Washington couldn't defend
a fort by the south river bend.
The river was freezing,
The troops they were sneezing
So off to the north they did wend.

"Now Betsy," said George, "please, a banner."

[K1P1]

"Now Betsy," said George, "please, a banner,
Executed in the best Colonial manner."

[Kate Thornton]

"Now Betsy," said George, "please, a banner,
Executed in the best Colonial manner."
"I can sew!" Beysy said

[Pthom]

"Now Betsy," said George, "please, a banner,
Executed in the best Colonial manner."
"I can sew!" Betsy said.
"But I'm all out of thread!"

[Kate Thornton]

"Now Betsy," said George, "please, a banner,
Executed in the best Colonial manner."
"I can sew!" Betsy said.
"But I'm all out of thread!"
Said George, "You're not much of a planner!"

While crossing the Delaware, George

[Pthom]

While crossing the Delaware, George
Left the map behind at Valley Forge

[Cath]

While crossing the Delaware, George
Left the map behind at Valley Forge
He sent a young solider

[JDCrayne]

While crossing the Delaware, George
Left the map behind at Valley Forge
He sent a young soldier
With a hot cup of Folger,

[K1P1]

While crossing the Delaware, George
Left the map behind at Valley Forge
He sent a young soldier
With a hot cup of Folger,
And tons of chocolate on which he gorged.

The troops were freezing their tushs off

[JDCrayne]

The troops were freezing their tushs off
They had sneezes and sniffles and cough.

[K1P1]

The troops were freezing their tushs off
They had sneezes and sniffles and cough.
They called for hot toddies.

[Unique]

The troops were freezing their tushs off
They had sneezes and sniffles and cough.
They called for hot toddies.
and a raft of warm bodies

[JDCrayne]

The troops were freezing their tushs off
They had sneezes and sniffles and cough.
They called for hot toddies.
and a raft of warm bodies
And ulsters they never would doff!


Meanwhile Revere, on his horse,

[K1P1]

Meanwhile Revere, on his horse,
Was riding too fast, well of course!

[Pthom]

Meanwhile Revere, on his horse,
Was riding too fast, well of course!
Hooves sliding on pebbles

[Unique]

Meanwhile Revere, on his horse,
Was riding too fast, well of course!
Hooves sliding on pebbles
the slippery devils

[K1P1]

Meanwhile Revere, on his horse,
Was riding too fast, well of course!
Hooves sliding on pebbles
the slippery devils
He should at least have felt some remorse.

Chocolate's so good on spaghetti

[PattiTheWicked]

Chocolate's so good on spaghetti
Gives ya skidmarks like Mario Andretti

[JDCrayne]

Chocolate's so good on spaghetti
Gives ya skidmarks like Mario Andretti!
Sticky and sweet,

[Pthom]

Chocolate's so good on spaghetti
Gives ya skidmarks like Mario Andretti!
Sticky and sweet,
A meal ain't complete

[JDCrayne]

Chocolate's so good on spaghetti
Gives ya skidmarks like Mario Andretti!
Sticky and sweet,
A meal ain't complete
Until shared with one Grable, Betty!


Ravioli is another nice treat!

[Pthom]

Ravioli's another nice treat!
Little stuffed pillows of meat.

[poetinahat]

Little stuffed pillows of meat.
Let's stop to ponder that beauty of a line, shall we?

...

Bliss.

[poetinahat]

Ravioli's another nice treat!
Little stuffed pillows of meat.
Curled parmesan shavings

[Pthom]

Thanks for the compliment, Poet. :D

Ravioli's another nice treat!
Little stuffed pillows of meat.
Curled parmesan shavings
Cannot quell my cravings

[K1P1]

Ravioli's another nice treat!
Little stuffed pillows of meat.
Curled parmesan shavings
Cannot quell my cravings
Those tender tidbits can't be beat.

And let's not forget macaroni

[MidnightMuse]

And let's not forget macaroni
In Italian, it means Really Phony.

[K1P1]

And let's not forget macaroni
In Italian, it means Really Phony.
Curved teethlike tubes

[PrettySpecialGal]

ah, faggetaboudit--

JDCrayne's is better

[JDCrayne]

And let's not forget macaroni
In Italian, it means Really Phony.
Curved teethlike tubes
Dripping cheese on your boobs,

[Unique]

And let's not forget macaroni
In Italian, it means Really Phony.
Curved teethlike tubes
Dripping cheese on your boobs,
I'd rather have ham or boloney.


The girls went out drinking last night

[JDCrayne]

The girls went out drinking last night.
Four out of the five came home tight.

[Pthom]

The girls went out drinking last night.
Four out of the five came home tight.
The other one, she

[PrettySpecialGal]

The girls went out drinking last night.
Four out of the five came home tight.
The other one, she
fell down on her knee

[Jabs]

The girls went out drinking last night.
Four out of the five came home tight.
The other one, she
fell down on her knee
And hooked her husband up right.

[MidnightMuse]

And since Jabs forgot to start the next one:

I seem to have misplaced my Llama.

[Jabs]

Dammit!

I seem to have misplaced my Llama.
On the way to speak with Obama

[JDCrayne]

I seem to have misplaced my Llama.
On the way to speak with Obama.
His halter and leash,

[JDCrayne]

I seem to have misplaced my Llama.
On the way to speak with Obama.
His halter and leash,
Somewhat nouveau riche,


[[sorry about that, but at least I didn't use porringer... ]]

[Unique]

I seem to have misplaced my Llama.
On the way to speak with Obama.
His halter and leash,
Somewhat nouveau riche,
instigated quite the high drama.

They asked him, 'Jose, can you see?'

[Pthom]

They asked him, "Jose, can you see?"
He said, "Not while I'm up in this tree!"

[K1P1]

They asked him, "Jose, can you see?"
He said, "Not while I'm up in this tree!"
The leaves are too thick

[Unique]

They asked him, "Jose, can you see?"
He said, "Not while I'm up in this tree!"
The leaves are too thick
So hand me a stick

[K1P1]

They asked him, "Jose, can you see?"
He said, "Not while I'm up in this tree!"
The leaves are too thick
So hand me a stick
He swung it and yelled out, "AAIIIEEEEEE!"

Out in the great state of Hawaii

[JDCrayne]

Out in the great state of Hawaii,
There's pineapple, mango, papayii!

[K1P1]

Out in the great state of Hawaii,
There's pineapple, mango, papayii!
The bananas are firm

[Deadbeat 007]

Out in the great state of Hawaii,
There's pineapple, mango, papayii!
The bananas are firm,
They're covered in worms,

[Pthom]

Out in the great state of Hawaii,
There's pineapple, mango, papayii!
The bananas are firm,
They're covered in worms,
Which make them look lots like a cowrie.

When writing a poem don't be anxious

[JDCrayne]

When writing a poem don't be anxious!
Be bright and sharp and vivacious!

[Pthom]

When writing a poem don't be anxious!
Be bright and sharp and vivacious!
For a wayward iamb

[JDCrayne]

When writing a poem don't be anxious!
Be bright and sharp and vivacious!
For a wayward iamb,
Can still be a ham,

[Solatium]

When writing a poem don't be anxious!
Be bright and sharp and vivacious!
For a wayward iamb,
Can still be a ham,
And a ham can be downright bodacious.

---

One thousand five hundred words

[K1P1]

One thousand five hundred words
Fly in and out of my mind like wild birds.

[Unique]

One thousand five hundred words
Fly in and out of my mind like wild birds.
They peck and they scratch

[K1P1]

One thousand five hundred words
Fly in and out of my mind like wild birds.
They peck and they scratch
'Til I find ones that match

[Rich]

One thousand five hundred words
Fly in and out of my mind like wild birds.
They peck and they scratch
'Til I find ones that match
In the hope that they're jewels and not turds.

[Rich]

Global warming: a myth or a fact?

[K1P1]

Global warming: a myth or a fact?
True believers have signed a compact

[PattiTheWicked]

Global warming: a myth or a fact?
True believers have signed a compact
If you ask Albert Gore

[K1P1]

Global warming: a myth or a fact?
True believers have signed a compact
If you ask Albert Gore
He'll talk 'til you snore

[JDCrayne]

Global warming: a myth or a fact?
True believers have signed a compact
If you ask Albert Gore
He'll talk 'til you snore
But he'll never, no never, retract.

Around the corner comes Spring

[PattiTheWicked]

Around the corner comes Spring
and a flutter of butterfly wings

[JDCrayne]

Around the corner comes Spring
and a flutter of butterfly wings.
The bees are a-buzzing,

[Unique]

Around the corner comes Spring
and a flutter of butterfly wings.
The bees are a-buzzing,
the cats are de-fuzzing

[Pthom]

Around the corner comes Spring
and a flutter of butterfly wings.
The bees are a-buzzing,
the cats are de-fuzzing
It's time for a big Macy's fling!

When Jill lost her alergy meds

[JDCrayne]

When Jill lost her allergy meds,
A neighboring man called the Feds.

[K1P1]

When Jill lost her allergy meds,
A neighboring man called the Feds.
They came with a warrant

[JDCrayne]

When Jill lost her allergy meds,
A neighboring man called the Feds.
They came with a warrant
For drugs most abhorrant

[Zonk]

When Jill lost her allergy meds,
A neighboring man called the Feds.
They came with a warrant
For drugs most abhorrant
And found crack, ice, weed and reds...

Liz Bennett thought Darcy had Pride


:D:D:D

[K1P1]

Liz Bennett thought Darcy had Pride
It made annoyed and quite snide.

[JDCrayne]

Liz Bennett thought Darcy had Pride
It made annoyed and quite snide.
But his housekeeper said,

[K1P1]

Liz Bennett thought Darcy had Pride
It made her annoyed and quite snide.
But his housekeeper said,
He's the most well bred

[Unique]

Liz Bennett thought Darcy had Pride
It made annoyed and quite snide.
But his housekeeper said,
He's the most well bred
He does all his business outside.

This war has gone over the top

[JDCrayne]

This war has gone over the top,
And the budget has turned into slop!

[Unique]

This war has gone over the top,
And the budget has turned into slop!
They've run off with the cash

[PrettySpecialGal]

This war has gone over the top,
And the budget has turned into slop!
They've run off with the cash
And then threw a wild bash

[JDCrayne]

This war has gone over the top,
And the budget has turned into slop!
They've run off with the cash
And then threw a wild bash
Even scandal won't make them stop.

There's a storm looming on the horizon

[The Scip]

There's a storm looming on the horizon
and it's caused me to switch to verizon

[K1P1]

There's a storm looming on the horizon
and it's caused me to switch to verizon
My DSL's hell

[Pthom]

There's a storm looming on the horizon
and it's caused me to switch to verizon
My DSL's hell
Oh, where is Ma Bell?

[K1P1]

There's a storm looming on the horizon
and it's caused me to switch to verizon
My DSL's hell
Oh, where is Ma Bell?
She's gone the way of the bison.

There's truly no fiber like silk

[Cath]

There's truely no fiber like silk
for sexy undies and that ilk

[K1P1]

There's truly no fiber like silk
for sexy undies and that ilk
Though it comes out of worms

[JDCrayne]

There's truly no fiber like silk
for sexy undies and that ilk
Though it comes out of worms
It's lacking in germs,

[JDCrayne]

There's truly no fiber like silk
for sexy undies and that ilk
Though it comes out of worms
It's lacking in germs,
And great for straining raw milk!


The snow comes down in great flakes,

[Unique]

The snow comes down in great flakes,
who handed out these dumb rakes?

[JDCrayne]

The snow comes down in great flakes,
who handed out these dumb rakes?
When next summer comes,

[K1P1]

The snow comes down in great flakes,
who handed out these dumb rakes?
When next summer comes,
We'll eat hot cross buns

[Unique]

The snow comes down in great flakes,
who handed out these dumb rakes?
When next summer comes,
We'll eat hot cross buns
And hold onto the rakes for the snakes.


When sliding on ice slick like glass

[JDCrayne]

When sliding on ice slick like glass,
One wishes for summertime grass.

[Unique]

When sliding on ice slick like glass,
One wishes for summertime grass.
It's soft and it's green

[Solatium]

When sliding on ice slick like glass,
One wishes for summertime grass.
It's soft and it's green;
It's warm and it's clean

[JDCrayne]

When sliding on ice slick like glass,
One wishes for summertime grass.
It's soft and it's green;
It's warm and it's clean,
Except where the dog put his... posterior.


Hurrah for the night time migration!

[PattiTheWicked]

Hurrah for the night time migration!
It's always a big celebration.

[Unique]

Hurrah for the night time migration!
It's always a big celebration.
there's food and there's beer

[Pthom]

Hurrah for the night time migration!
It's always a big celebration.
There's food and there's beer
And I'm sure glad you're here.

__________________

[JDCrayne]

Hurrah for the night time migration!
It's always a big celebration.
There's food and there's beer
And I'm sure glad you're here.
We needed someone for castration.



Alas for the lot of mankind!

[Solatium]

Alas for the lot of mankind!
We have neither mercy nor mind

[Unique]

Alas for the lot of mankind!
We have neither mercy nor mind
We believed a big lie

[Pthom]

Alas for the lot of mankind!
We have neither mercy nor mind
We believed a big lie
(There's no plum in the pie)

[Unique]

Alas for the lot of mankind!
We have neither mercy nor mind
We believed a big lie
(There's no plum in the pie)
We're also a little behind.


The shark lost control of the deck

[Cath]

The shark lost control of the deck
And all he could say was "oh heck"

[Solatium]

The shark lost control of the deck,
And all he could say was "Oh, heck."
He hadn't allowed

[K1P1]

The shark lost control of the deck,
And all he could say was "Oh, heck."
He hadn't allowed
For the size of the crowd

[JDCrayne]

The shark lost control of the deck,
And all he could say was "Oh, heck."
He hadn't allowed
For the size of the crowd,
Or having to pay the large check!


After the crowd went away,

[Pthom]

After the crowd went away,
The shark said, "Cool, now I can play!"

[Cath]

After the crowd went away,
The shark said, "Cool, now I can play!"
Said his ma, "not unless

[Pthom]

After the crowd went away,
The shark said, "Cool, now I can play!"
Said his ma, "not unless
You take off that dress!"

[Solatium]

After the crowd went away,
The shark said, "Cool, now I can play!"
Said his ma, "not unless
You take off that dress!
I'm doing the laundry today."

"But what shall I wear while you wash?

[Cath]

But what shall I wear while you wash
Said the shark, in his accent so posh

[JDCrayne]

"But what shall I wear while you wash?"
Said the shark, in his accent so posh.
"I haven't a thread,

[Cath]

"But what shall I wear while you wash?"
Said the shark, in his accent so posh.
"I haven't a thread,
of hair left on my head

[Pthom]

"But what shall I wear while you wash?"
Said the shark, in his accent so posh.
"I haven't a thread,
Of hair left on my head
And I haven't Godiva's panache."

"I guess you'll just have to stay in

[K1P1]

"I guess you'll just have to stay in
Wishing for a gift of the djinn

[JDCrayne]

"I guess you'll just have to stay in
Wishing for a gift of the djinn,
'Cause nudity's banned,

[Solatium]

"I guess you'll just have to stay in
Wishing for a gift of the djinn,
'Cause nudity's banned
In this cold northern land

[Cath]

"I guess you'll just have to stay in
Wishing for a gift of the djinn,
'Cause nudity's banned
In this cold northern land
And you threw all your clothes in the bin


There is a young lass called Sarina

[Pthom]

There is a young lass called Sarina changed because the kid just got here
Who can't yet eat her farina

[PattiTheWicked]

There is a young lass called Sarina
Who can't yet eat her farina
She's cuddly and cute

[K1P1]

There is a young lass called Sarina
Who can't yet eat her farina
She's cuddly and cute
And her parents astute

[threedogpeople]

There is a young lass called Sarina
Who can't yet eat her farina
She's cuddly and cute
And her parents astute
so they're saving a box of pastina.

The trees here are starting to bud

[Cath]

The trees here are starting to bud
But the rain's coming down in a flood

[Unique]

The trees here are starting to bud
But the rain's coming down in a flood
There's mud everywhere

[Cath]

The trees here are starting to bud
But the rain's coming down in a flood
There's mud everywhere
(it's even in my hair)

[Pthom]

The trees here are starting to bud
But the rain's coming down in a flood
There's mud everywhere
(it's even in my hair)
I think P. Phil's prediction's a dud!

But it's snowing today (not again!)

[MajorDrums]

But it's snowing today (not again!)
I'll stay indoors with my Barbie and Ken.

[Unique]

But it's snowing today (not again!)
I'll stay indoors with my Barbie and Ken.
But they're naked and blue

[The Scip]

But it's snowing today (not again!)
I'll stay indoors with my Barbie and Ken.
But they're naked and blue
and ken's missing a shoe

[Unique]

But it's snowing today (not again!)
I'll stay indoors with my Barbie and Ken.
But they're naked and blue
and ken's missing a shoe
And Barbie ran off with the yen.

The kids went to play in the park

[The Scip]

The kids went to play in the park
But it's getting very near dark

[Pthom]

The kids went to play in the park
But it's getting very near dark
And the ol' Boogey man

[Cath]

The kids went to play in the park
But it's getting very near dark
And the ol' Boogey man
Well he's formin' a plan

[threedogpeople]

The kids went to play in the park
But it's getting very near dark
And the ol' Boogey man
Well he's formin' a plan
'til the neighborhood dog starts to bark.

The sun's shined two days in a row!

[Cath]

The sun's shined two days in a row!
And my skin, now, it's starting to glow

[Unique]

The sun's shined two days in a row!
And my skin, now, it's starting to glow
But I also have spots

[threedogpeople]

The sun's shined two days in a row!
And my skin, now, it's starting to glow
But I also have spots
and some odd orange knots

[Pthom]

The sun's shined two days in a row!
And my skin, now, it's starting to glow
But I also have spots
and some odd orange knots
and I've misplaced my jar of aloe!

So by Sunday I'll peel and I'll flake.

[Solatium]

So by Sunday I'll peel and I'll flake --
But more than my beauty's at stake

[JDCrayne]

So by Sunday I'll peel and I'll flake --
But more than my beauty's at stake.
The itch of my skin,

[Unique]

So by Sunday I'll peel and I'll flake --
But more than my beauty's at stake.
The itch of my skin
on the back of my fin

[Solatium]

So by Sunday I'll peel and I'll flake --
But more than my beauty's at stake.
The itch of my skin
on the back of my fin
Makes me an unhappyish hake.

---

My nerves are not steel; my spine