Used and abused words and phrases

earthshoes · Aug 19, 2006

In editing recently, I discovered that I am the world's worst for using the same phrases to describe character's actions over and over throughout my manuscripts. I wasn't as guilty of this with this project as I was the first, but it still crept in during the first write. It is unintended laziness--when I did it, I was just trying to write the scene, move the characters through the book, etc. Sometimes it is amusing.

He shook his head is my worst offense. I caugh this one something like a 129 times in a 150,000 word manuscript. At least it's easy to fix.

What are some of yours?

Mayor of Moronia · Aug 19, 2006

One of my obsessions is catching this problem when it happens, so I have radar for it.

Thomma Lyn · Aug 19, 2006

I rid my first drafts of all unnecessary occurences of "smiled", "grinned" and "nodded".

Soccer Mom · Aug 19, 2006

I'm guilty of really and just. I just really love those words. I no longer obsess over them. I just leave them alone until editing and use the find program to hunt them down and eliminate them. Same way for grinning, nodding, laughing, smiling, head shaking, etc.

kristie911 · Aug 19, 2006

By far my worst offense is using the word "that" unnecessarily. I find myself using it in my speech too...but now I'm aware of it and I catch it much easier...even when speaking.

triceretops · Aug 19, 2006

That
was
had
suddenly
obviously
looked
smiled
Just as
When
In the next moment
After a minute
Without realizing it--without knowing
certainly
Surprizingly
grinned slyly
mouth gaped
furrowed her brows

I will say that in over 400,000 words, I've never, ever used the word "snapped' as a dialogue tag, nor will I ever. I have been guilty of "barked" which might be just as bad. No "exclaimed" or "ejaculated."

Tri

aric77 · Aug 19, 2006

i know exactly what you mean by that, earthshoes. during the entire process of writhing my fnovel i made that mistake. a lot 'when' 'with' and 'after' are among my frequent faults.

i got alot of editting ahead of me.

katiemac · Aug 19, 2006

I use "just" constantly. It's scattered all over my posts, I'm sure.

Writing Jedi · Aug 19, 2006

For me, it was "he narrowed his eyes", "she narrowed her eyes", "her eyes narrowed", "his eyes narrowed"...I never realized I had so many people frowning all the time, not to mention phrased in the exact same way EVERY time. It was comical. Thank goodness I noticed it though.

Bayou Bill · Aug 19, 2006

Pellegrina Leoni said:
I rid my first drafts of all unnecessary occurences of "smiled", "grinned" and "nodded".

Yep. Me, too.

Bayou Bill

Shadow_Ferret · Aug 19, 2006

So, just so I understand.

My characters are not supposed to shake their heads, nod, smile, grin or do anything that would make them seem "human?"

Because in real life, I shake my head several times a day, I nod, I smile I grin. I have expressions.

scully931 · Aug 19, 2006

Ok, this isn't one I do, but if I swore if I read the word "snog" one more time in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I was going to start taking hostages. (And, I looove that series, by the way.) The word 'snog' makes my skin crawl even when I only read it once. Also 'Pansy shrieked.' Ahhh... I don't mean to be criticizing a book I love. But, those two things really distracted me because of the frequent appearances. Interesting, though - I read an interview with JKR recently where she was asked if she ever wished she could go back and change something from her previous books. She said she doesn't read them all that often, but the one thing that irks her is when she notices how often she uses certain phrases. Thought that was interesting.

(By the way, and totally off-topic - I love your signature picture, earth shoes! Long live Scully. haha.) :tongue

Bayou Bill · Aug 19, 2006

Shadow_Ferret said:
So, just so I understand.

My characters are not supposed to shake their heads, nod, smile, grin or do anything that would make them seem "human?"

Because in real life, I shake my head several times a day, I nod, I smile I grin. I have expressions.

The problem is using any term so often the reader begins to notice. If that happens, they have been "thrown out of the story" which means they're noticing the writing instead of the story, one of the major no-no's.

Bayou Bill

MMWyrm · Aug 19, 2006

Scowling, scowled, scowls, scowl.... My main character is going to get horrid wrinkles from all the scowling he does in the beginning of the book. But... he's a scowly type of guy and no one reading it has ever mentioned a problem with it.

maestrowork · Aug 20, 2006

I overuse "just" and "then." And "gesture." The "nodding" or "smiling" is tough to completely get rid of... you can't have the characters saying "Yes, my dear" all the time. People DO nod when they're in agreement. So sometimes I will have to write "he agreed" instead.

gp101 · Aug 20, 2006

I have a lot of upset, doublecrossed characters in my story and just realized how often I used "pissed", "pissy", and "pissed off". Also seems there's a cell phone used in every other scene.

As much as I hate reading "wrylies" in published works, the worst offender for me is the root of that evil... "wryly" itself. I see that word and I shake my head and shrug.

earthshoes · Aug 20, 2006

I had a friend who read my first attempt at a book who told me that if one of my characters nodded and smiled one more time, he was going to scream. It was a memorable phrase and made me aware that I did it. Another friend pointed out the dreaded "that"s. So now I go to edit, pull up "find" and do searches for frequent offenders. I am less guilty of "that" in the first draft than I used to be, but still have to pay attention to gestures, especially nodded.

It's not that hard to write around it, really. There are other gestures that go with nodding that suffice nicely.

Thomma Lyn · Aug 20, 2006

Shadow_Ferret said:
So, just so I understand.

My characters are not supposed to shake their heads, nod, smile, grin or do anything that would make them seem "human?"

Because in real life, I shake my head several times a day, I nod, I smile I grin. I have expressions.

LOL! Yeah, so do I.

Having characters nod, smile, and grin is fine - the key, I believe, is to take out the "smiled", "grinned", or "nodded" when it detracts from the flow of the story or is redundant (already implied by exposition, dialogue, or other action).

Camilla · Aug 20, 2006

My characters keep pausing after saying something. As in

Arabella said, "That banana pie would have tasted much nicer with bananas instead of fish heads." She paused for a moment, then went on, "Although garlic dipped fish heads are quite nice..."

It used to drive me bonkers until I realised my characters were pausing so I could catch up and think of the next thing they were going to say :tongue

Now I just try to catch myself in the act and delete the pauses!

ETA: I also hate "suddenly" and "all of a sudden". Stupid words, springing up suddenly all over the place all of a sudden.

MajorDrums · Aug 20, 2006

i use "seemingly" too too much.

Shadow_Ferret · Aug 20, 2006

When I first started out I used "suddenly" all the time to indicate that something shocking was going to happen.

"Suddenly, the door opened and a dinosaur burst into the room."

I used to use "that" all the time, too but broke myself of that habit.

Now I seem to have a big "but" problem. My story is peppered with them and I have to do a search and rearrange the sentences around to eliminate it or just change it to a semicolon.

And now I guess I'm going to have to go get rid of all my smiles and nods and any expression that might show my characters are human *he said tongue in cheek with a smile on his face.*

emeraldcite · Aug 20, 2006

I'm obsessed with smiling.

I think it's in the same vein as Carver's man-with-a-gun advice. When I get stuck, they smile.

Anyway, when I think I might be over-using a word or phrase, I do a Find and Replace with bold characters. The bold really shows you how many times you're using a certain word or phrase throughout. Then you can decide if it's too much.

janetbellinger · Aug 20, 2006

There's lots of them in my own writing. I tend to use too much interior monologue with sentences starting with "Maybe he" or "Perhaps" which is a double mistake since it indicates too much uncertaintly along with being boring.

Maryn · Aug 20, 2006

Is there a place to list "All of the above"?

Maryn, guilty of everything, and more

glutton · Aug 20, 2006

"ran her through"
"impaled/skewered/spitted her"
"blood gushed/spurted/poured/sprayed from her wound"
"ignoring the terrible/deathly/unbearable/mortal pain/agony, she..."

I think it's more a theme thing than word choice here, obviously. I can't seem to write a story without a female character capable of fighting through immense injuries... I mean, my main girl Rose is still the queen of damage soak (she has fought with a huge spear transfixing her heart, with her intestines hanging out, with an arrow in her throat, after being shot in the head with a bullet-like object, with third-degree burns all over, after being stomped by a dragon, etc), but all my other warrior girls end up pretty insanely tough as well...

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