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oswann
08-17-2006, 10:54 AM
Are you stuck in mid-sentence? Try some of these. Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays:

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

She grew on him like she was a colony of E.coli and he was room-temperature beef.

She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

From the attic came an unearthly howl.

The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

Shots rang out, as shots are want to do.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

"Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword.

Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.



Os.

Sesselja
08-17-2006, 11:44 AM
These are briliant!

Thanks for making me laugh first thing in the morning -like a hyena might laugh if it watched the Green Wing and actually understood it.

Angelinity
08-17-2006, 11:53 AM
thanks for the LOLLLLLs ;-D

MyFirstMystery
08-17-2006, 12:08 PM
If you liked those also check out the "worst opening sentences" contest winners: http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2006.htm

I laughed until tea came out my nose. Then I blew my nose and laughed some more.

MFM

smiley10000
08-17-2006, 03:09 PM
Are you stuck in mid-sentence? Try some of these. Actual Analogies and Metaphors Found in High School Essays:

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.



PERFECT! These two will go excellently in my WIP. They fit like a wedding gown that is two sizes too small but the bride will become anorexic to wear.

:ROFL: 10000

expatbrat
08-17-2006, 03:48 PM
My top is wet from wiping all the tears of laughter on the neckline. Brilliant - like a really big hole deep in the ground, sort of like a big mine but without lights, or torches or fireflys, isn't.

laurel29
08-17-2006, 05:04 PM
Thank you. I love this :) I laughed so loud I almost woke up my daughter.

Aizeron
08-17-2006, 05:11 PM
Heh, and I thought some of the things I made reference to in my metaphors were bad. Thanks for posting. It's nice to have a laugh this early in the morning.

Bufty
08-17-2006, 05:26 PM
Some of these are real drink-spillers. Brilliant. Wish I could dream up just one like them. Thanks for sharing.

Whatever mood I was in before, I'm in a different one now. :snoopy:

Jamesaritchie
08-17-2006, 05:42 PM
I've seen these before. Most are truly horrible, and hilarious, but two or three or four of them aren't that bad, if used at the right time and place.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. (This is a great line for a parody of hard-boiled fiction. And it's pretty accurate, for that matter. On TV and in the movies, bodies tend to thump, bleed a bit, and that's it. It real life they do often make a sound much like the Hefty bag, and leave a mess that looks like vegetable soup. The body often comes apart, it splatters, and you get a huge pool of blood and gore, filled with bits of white, brown, gray, and green.)

From the attic came an unearthly howl. (I've actually read this one in a novel, and read the same line with woods, forest, or basement instead of attic.. It's neither analogy nor metaphor. Just a statement of fact.)

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. (What, you don't have a brother-law-like Phil?)

She was as easy as the TV Guide crossword. (Sure fits some women I've known.)

MarkEsq
08-17-2006, 05:59 PM
I don't get it. Why do people take stuff I've done, worked hard over, and make fun of it? You people are just stupid and don't recognize original eloquence when you see it.
And, frankly, given that you are so eager to laugh at my labor, I find you as insensitive as a section of a patient's gum that has been numbed so that the dentist can insert a larger needle without causing pain.

MidnightMuse
08-17-2006, 06:49 PM
It real life they do often make a sound much like the Hefty bag, and leave a mess that looks like vegetable soup. The body often comes apart, it splatters, and you get a huge pool of blood and gore, filled with bits of white, brown, gray, and green.)

*puts down her breakfast muffin*

Actually yeah, I like that one for a hard boiled, funny take on a PI story :D

expatbrat
08-18-2006, 05:13 AM
My hormones are going crazy - I was explaining some of these analogies to David over dinner last night and I was laughing so hard I had these tears running down my face, my tummy hurt, and it got to the point that him just looking at me and I went into this incredible hysterics all over again. I snorted and snot came out and that got me laughing more, and then David was looking at me like “oooh my god are you high” and that made things worse. It is funny - but not that funny.

Hormones are fantastic aren’t they? I love been this emotional – it is hysterical. Only 243 days to go…

And Mark - you are my favourite!

kristie911
08-18-2006, 06:51 AM
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.


He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

"Oh, Jason, take me!"; she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.



OMG! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! You know, it actually takes some talent (?) to write this creatively (and strangely?)!

^ Those were my favorites...I'm saving all of them though...who knows when you might need them! lol :)