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This is thread about those things that you hate in badly written pornography or erotica. Please share--
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Bad erotica--things to avoid
- Thread starter veinglory
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I will have plenty to mention but just to get us started--comparing anything to a rosebud... ever.
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How about comparisons to 'the clashing of the waves'?
I agree with you about rosebuds. The only other thing I can remember being likened to a rosebud in erotica takes diligence to clean or it will smell much worse than a rosebud.
Regards,
Scott
I agree with you about rosebuds. The only other thing I can remember being likened to a rosebud in erotica takes diligence to clean or it will smell much worse than a rosebud.
Regards,
Scott
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Ouch.
How about the old straight to penetration bam bam bam female orgasm thing. I'm amazed how common that still is.
How about the old straight to penetration bam bam bam female orgasm thing. I'm amazed how common that still is.
I'm copying a post I made elsewhere and adding to it.
I am annoyed by writers who seem to think that the hymen is industrial strength steel (it varies in type and thickness, and in some virgins is essentially absent) that's located over the cervix.
I am annoyed by writers who refer to the phallus entering inside the cervix or the womb or uterus.
And I am really really annoyed by writers who refer to nipples having an aureola
http://www.bartleby.com/61/36/A0523600.html
rather than an areola
http://www.bartleby.com/61/52/A0415200.html
If your character has a man-root, a tool, or even a flesh-rod, I suggest he keep it in his pants or plant it outside; these are not meant for internal use.
Exploding in passion is always bad; exploding nipples, doubly so.
Nub and nubbin are not to be used; the word implies something that is a remainder after the bulk of the object was excised.
I am annoyed by writers who seem to think that the hymen is industrial strength steel (it varies in type and thickness, and in some virgins is essentially absent) that's located over the cervix.
I am annoyed by writers who refer to the phallus entering inside the cervix or the womb or uterus.
And I am really really annoyed by writers who refer to nipples having an aureola
http://www.bartleby.com/61/36/A0523600.html
rather than an areola
http://www.bartleby.com/61/52/A0415200.html
If your character has a man-root, a tool, or even a flesh-rod, I suggest he keep it in his pants or plant it outside; these are not meant for internal use.
Exploding in passion is always bad; exploding nipples, doubly so.
Nub and nubbin are not to be used; the word implies something that is a remainder after the bulk of the object was excised.
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veinglory said:
Isn't a 'nubbin' technically a THIRD nipple?
I would note however that many 'erotic' scenes in porno movies and stories take place in the bathroom, maybe it's a 'butt' rubbed finish -- like a hand rub finish.
Regards,
Scott
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One of the "icks" mentioned by a panel of erotica editors/authors recently was a tendency toward "weeping" and "raining" and otherwise precipitating vaginas.
Perhaps not as gross an image as that, but one of my turn-offs is a scene (in a story intended to be character-driven) where the woman (or man) finds the man (or other man) attractive for no reason other than his size, and even despite any icky behavior on his part. I suppose the vice-versa is also true, where the man is attracted solely based on her physical attributes.
JD
Perhaps not as gross an image as that, but one of my turn-offs is a scene (in a story intended to be character-driven) where the woman (or man) finds the man (or other man) attractive for no reason other than his size, and even despite any icky behavior on his part. I suppose the vice-versa is also true, where the man is attracted solely based on her physical attributes.
JD
Medievalist said:
Yes, anything anatomically incorrect always irritates me. Also writers who confuse "prostate" and "prostrate."
Katya
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Medievalist said:
LOL! I completely agree. I'm so weirded out by the use of "member." It's just odd.
"weeping vagina" sounds like it should be in a horror novel. *shudder*
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Don't give me ideas.Lee_OC said:
I'm with MJ I despise the word laved...
And self lubing guys. If anyone ever finds one... send them to me. I'll pay COD.
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or as a the New England Journal of Medicine.Lee_OC said:
Any piece of anatomy that "throbs with passion" just makes me want to giggle for some reason.
Exploding Nipples and Weeping Vaginas? Holy pornography batman - I guess I've lucked out to miss those.
I second the annoyance with "throbbing members" and once saw a reference to a "nose-like" nipple. Tell you what, if I see a nipple with nostrils I'm running for the freaking hills.
MFM
I second the annoyance with "throbbing members" and once saw a reference to a "nose-like" nipple. Tell you what, if I see a nipple with nostrils I'm running for the freaking hills.
MFM
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I could really do without the phrase 'cock snot'. Just eww. Other than that I'm not too picky, was never bothered by some of the words above - doesn't lave just mean wash? A tongue could certainly be described as washing something.
The real thing that bothers me is not words but when the story lacks descriptions of the characters' emotions of psychology. At least to me, reading about someone doing something is only hot if I'm inside the head and I know why the character thinks its hot - arousal is more of a vicarious/empathetic thing than an objective thing.
The real thing that bothers me is not words but when the story lacks descriptions of the characters' emotions of psychology. At least to me, reading about someone doing something is only hot if I'm inside the head and I know why the character thinks its hot - arousal is more of a vicarious/empathetic thing than an objective thing.
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"Nose-like" nipple? I don't kow if that's funny or disgusting...I do know what "cock snot" is, and that's revolting. I would return a book with that phrase in it.
Another one I find distasteful is "***** cream".
Another one I find distasteful is "***** cream".
I was lurking again, but this thread is just too funny.
Do you suppose it was a typo and intended to be a "rose-like" nipple? Equally ineffective but slightly more predictable. Nipples have little in common with roses but even less in common with noses. Unless . . . never mind.
Was that phrase actually in published erotica? I've seen it in bad fanfiction, but I can't imagine an editor would leave it in.
Ick, yes. In fact, there are very few references to one's natural lubrication that I don't find distasteful. "Juices" is far more common, but I'm not even all that fond of that one--although it certainly wouldn't make or break a scene for me.
It goes to show how difficult writing good erotica is, since most of the available language makes one giggle, cringe, or lose the mood (as is sometimes the case with language that's overly clinical). That's why I'm always thrilled to find erotica that's done well.
MyFirstMystery said:
Do you suppose it was a typo and intended to be a "rose-like" nipple? Equally ineffective but slightly more predictable. Nipples have little in common with roses but even less in common with noses. Unless . . . never mind.
DecemberQuinn said:
Was that phrase actually in published erotica? I've seen it in bad fanfiction, but I can't imagine an editor would leave it in.
Ick, yes. In fact, there are very few references to one's natural lubrication that I don't find distasteful. "Juices" is far more common, but I'm not even all that fond of that one--although it certainly wouldn't make or break a scene for me.
It goes to show how difficult writing good erotica is, since most of the available language makes one giggle, cringe, or lose the mood (as is sometimes the case with language that's overly clinical). That's why I'm always thrilled to find erotica that's done well.
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Lave has long been used to mean lick oin romance erotica but its original meaning is more like to sluice with water--as in bucketfuls.
veinglory said:
Yes. There are a lot of waves and tides laving in English poetry from previous centuries. Not a lot of tongues.
Long long ago, in the early 1980s, Harlequin circulated a pamphlet of euphumisms for Harlequin authors.
I gave my copy away in a move, but I wish I'd kept it. It was priceless, not so much for the encouragement to engage in purpling prose, as for the marvelous failed metaphors.
I gave my copy away in a move, but I wish I'd kept it. It was priceless, not so much for the encouragement to engage in purpling prose, as for the marvelous failed metaphors.
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