Phone Calls

[K-Mark]

I need a little help with a phone call scene. There will be a few in my script, so I want to make sure I am doing them right.

I am assuming I have a few choices

1) Back and forth. But if it's that way, do I have to keep changing the scene.

2) Split screen.

3) One-sided. That one I can do, but I want the other person's dialog.

Here is what I have been doing...

TONY
(on phone)
Hello?

WALLY
(on phone)
When are you leaving?

TONY
As soon as Chris calls me back.

WALLY
I need a ride.


Any help would be great. Thanks

[Jerm]

Not real sure how you can do it. We are obviously only going to see one person talking since the other person is somewhere else. If you see them both then you may have to switch back and forth between scene headings... Which takes up line count.

You have them setup as Paranthetical's which uses up a couple extra lines which you don't need to waste. I say establish the scene prior.

Action Scene:
The phone rings. Tony picks it up.

Tony
Hello?

Wally (O.S.)
When are you leaving?

Tony
As soon as Chris calls me back.

Wally (O.S.)
I need a ride.

I thought maybe have (O.S.) off screen for the person we are not going to see, whichever that one is. I just made it Wally as O.S.

Hope this helps. Not sure if it's accurate but looks pretty good to me and helps cut out 2 to 4 extra line count.

[whistlelock]

The above example is fine. If you don't have to show Wally, then don't. the audience adn reader will understand what's going on by the conversation.

but, if you really want to show Wally use a "intercut" slug line.

[K-Mark]

Thanks, guys. No, you are right. Wally doesn't need to be seen. I just need his dialogue. I'll do it this way. It's easier. Thanks.

[alleycat]

Somewhere here in the Scripts forum is an thread about an intercut scene. I remember because I posted in it. That is, assuming it wasn't deleted when the server went down a few weeks ago. It might be worth searching for.

ac

[dpaterso]

Old threads... hopefully of some use:

Questions re telephone dialogue, montages, naming characters (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=24802)
Phone call dialogue (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=26003)
V.O. (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=27289)

-Derek
My Web Page - shameless vampyre fiction & other shameless writings. (http://hometown.aol.co.uk/DPaterson57)
Take the critiques you get with a grain of salt. Invariably, some of the critics will be kooks, bitter curmudgeons, or complete fools. ~odocoileus

[K-Mark]

Alleycat and Derek, Thanks for the links and sending me in the right directions...as always.

[razormoney]

K,

There are many ways to format the telephone scene. Just make sure you stay consistent and make sure it is clear to the reader what is going on. No sense in getting overly technical.

R

[K-Mark]

Good advice, Razor$. I will. Thanks