Arg, I'm screwing up my foreshadowing scene. Help, please.

I introduced a secondary character earlier in the book, Arthur, a friendly old guy who runs a specialty bookstore. Arthur filled the MC in on some important subject history.

I had intended from the start to give Arthur a greater role in the story later on, and he figures importantly in the climax in what was SUPPOSED TO BE a very clever and UNEXPECTED plot twist.

So, here we are at "later on." I've shown that Arthur is a retired stage magician (who hangs out at The Magic Castle in Hollywood) and have just revealed that he is ALSO a "real" magician, a practicing warlock with a very shady past. He and fellow magicians were not against committing murder in pursuit of casting a particular spell (in the 1960s) on a Ouija board, which the MC later buys at his shop.

Anyhow, I'm writing a scene right now to show that Arthur has nefarious plans in store for that Ouija board which the MC doesn't know is partially enchanted. But I don't want to spell it all out because it's supposed to come out later as a big surprise.

How can I handle this?

allen

The MC meets Arthur earlier on, when he is seeking out an expert on the paranormal. For sale in his shop is the Ouija board, which has been "waiting for the right buyer to come along." This is the only time MC meets Arthur, but plans to contact him later on. Arthur likes the MC just fine. He does not care about "using" him later on in the climax (or anti-climax, I haven't decided yet.) MC doesn't think of him being pushy or odd, but he does sell the Ouija board at a surprisingly affordable price. This is a rare board from the 1930s.

2/3 of the way through the book is this scene with Arthur at the library in the Magic Castle. Arthur thinks about how they used the Ouija board in a failed attempt to "enchant" it with the spirit of a sacrificed human psychic.

In the finale later on, in what was supposed to be a big surprise to the reader, Arthur interrupts MC's experiments to try to finish what he started in the 1960s.

allen

TheIT said:

So the foreshadowing scene is from Arthur's POV, not the MC? Who is the usual POV character? Is any of the previous narrative from Arthur's POV?

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The foreshadowing scene is Arthur's POV. Most previous scenes have been from Greg's (MC) POV and some from his wife's, one from a friend who life was messed up after they all used the Ouija board.

Maybe one of Arthur's colleagues left a diary behind or a letter which the MC finds. This way you can convey the history of the board to the reader, but keep Arthur's participation hidden.

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I'd rather the POV be with Arthur here because he needed a scene all its own. We needed to see who he really was, more than what the reader knew from the first meeting. I'm doing this partially so later on when Arthur does his plot twist, it doesn't come completely out of left field, there's some buildup to it.

There already is a diary belonging to Arthur's great grandfather outlining some experiences that echo what Greg is currently involved in.

allen

All right guys,

I took all your advice and re-thought the whole chapter. What I had, in first-draft form, was a lot of narrative about Arthur and his backstory as a stage magician, then a dialog meeting in the library with his old friend Chet, where they discussed what they did with the Ouija board. Then more narrative going into greater detail about their "procedure" which had ended with someone's death (that they presumably got away with). Then they visited the "secret library" where it was revealed that the were both actually warlocks. This was all through Arthur's POV. It was also very rough.

So, throughout today I rewrote the entire thing.

Now, in Greg's POV, Arthur invites Greg to dinner at the Magic Castle. All through dialogue, Greg learns of Arthur's stage magician past, and there's a brief "tour" of the Castle as they head to the dining room (Arthur describes things as they pass them). At dinner, they talk more about his past. After dinner, they head to the library and visit with "Chet," an old magician friend of Arthur's whom he used to be an apprentice for in the '60s.

After some dialog about Greg buying the old Ouija board, there's oblique dialogue, where Chet and Arthur discuss what happened many years ago. This includes:

“We never finished,” Arthur said, seeming to have forgotten Greg was there. “It’s fine.”

“Why’d we try do to it, anyway?”

“What we had wanted to do would have been easier.”

Greg thought, what on earth were they talking about?

“There was only one way to charge it,” Arthur said. He glanced up at Greg, who wore a blank expression.

“There were other ways.”

“The books said it was the best way.”

Chet shook his head. “Poor thing. Didn’t deserve it.”

Arthur stood up. “It happens. It’s happened many times before too."


Following this, Arthur leaves to use the restroom, and Chet quickly tells him about the ceremony that ended up with a dead body and a partially enchanted Ouija board.

Does this work better?

allen

TheIt,

You are correct in your assumptions. While Chet confesses to Greg about the history of the Ouija board, he doesn't name names. Plus, he leaves out a lot of details since he only has a couple minutes to tell him. He tells him this because not only does he not have anything to lose, but he feels it is his duty to inform him what happened.

And you are indeed correct, Arthur has greater intentions to use Greg. In my earlier draft, narrative told of Arthur being a secret warlock. In the new version, all through dialogue taking place between Arthur and Greg in the "secret library" that holds books about witchcraft and real magic, Arthur nearly hypnotizes Greg into helping him finish a procedure his great grandfather started a century before. He never says he's a warlock, he never says he uses magic. It's all implied. I think this is a much better scene now, and gives enough information to the reader to know something really weird is going on, but the reader isn't exactly sure what it is.

As a result, Greg is now obligated to help Arthur do some mysterious experiment, which kind of changes my ending in a significant way.

But it's a lot more interesting now, that's for sure.

Thanks for the pushes in the right direction.

This also pushes me past page 202, so that's nice.

allen