QUERY FOR MY MEMOIR---TOLD IT'S TOO DESPERATE

It does sound a little intense. I would remove "I didn't use a bullet, pills, a rope or a razor. I chose words--62,000 words to quiet the pre-menopausal ramblings in my head, put to sleep depression-inducing doubts, suffocate frustration and decimate fear," and start with the next paragraph and add the word count to the last sentence. "Would you consider the entire 62,000 word manuscript?"

Just my thoughts....

A while ago, there was a thread on another of the fora here on AW where authors reprinted the queries that got them book deals. You might want to try searching for that thread.

I agree with the advice the others have given you. The tone of this query is highly emotional and intense. You want to play up the strengths of your book in a query, so talking more about your book and why it's interesting will probably get you farther.

Best of luck!

it doesn't really sell me on why I should read your book - what makes *your* story more interesting than the person next to you, in other words.

I mean, at first glance it seems that you're just an ordinary person with nothing special about you at all - SELL me on why your story is different and deserves to be published.

jmo.

query

This does sound WAAAYYY too desperate. Agents, editors and readers want to hear about triumph and success, and this is what you have to hit them with. Make the qery show success and hope, not desperation.

A couple of things spring to mind here.

First, the opening paragraph just paints you as scary. While I realize that you don't intend it that way, it does sound a bit along the lines of "if you don't publish me I'll kill myself."

Second, while I agree that writing is therapeutic, I'm not entirely sure anyone wants to read books that were written as catharsis. The world is full of unpublished writers, and thank the gods we haven't all written a book about how we deal with not being published. Really, you need to sell this project -- and by that, I mean show a potential agent or editor what makes you so special. Or at least more special than the other nine thousand manuscripts that arrived in his in-box this month. The bottom line is that to publish a memoir, there needs to be something in there that is worth reading about for Joe Bookbuyer. If you're a struggling writer, you've been through a divorce, you bought a house, and you've coped with depression, I know *I* ain't going to buy that book, because it's no different than my own life. You've just described me and thousands of other suburban women.

Finally, the last paragraph could probably be deleted unless it establishes some sort of credential, which I don't think it does. It doesn't matter that you've WRITTEN fourteen plays, unless those fourteen have been performed somewhere, in which case you could say "I am a published playwright whose works include blah blah blah."

Also, I think if you're writing a memoir about being unpublished, the LAST thing you want to do is make an agent say "Er, I wonder why this person is unpublishable" and then draw their own conclusions.

I'd definitely recommend reading the thread on query letters.

Hmm. IMO, it's still much too much about you and not enough about your book.

Try this: Imagine you're in a bookstore, looking for a reason to pick this book above any of the others on the shelf. You don't know the author and don't really care what it took to get the book written or published. All you care about as a reader is if this book is going to be worth your time and money, and if it seems more interesting than any of the others you could pick up instead. What would make you pick this book?

When you say that this book was written seven years ago and you haven't been able to get it published yet, honestly, my first thought is, "Uh oh. Why's that?"

I really recommend looking up that other thread on query letters that led to book deals. That will give you ideas for how to model your query.

my problem is that, and please - do NOT think that I'm making light of your experience or anything - but abuse stories are a dime a dozen these days on the shelves. Thanks to old James Frey there abuse stories and survivor stories are literally a dime a dozen - and while your experience is horrific it doesn't really grab me since I've seen so many like it on the shelves.

again, what makes *your* life different from everyone elses to the degree that it warrants a book? Again, NOT to lessen your trauma and certainly not to say that anyone's abusive childhood isn't a horrible, life-changing experience, but what puts you above the rest? And if you can't get your memoir published, why should a book *about* your inability to get your memoir published warrant me picking it up off the shelf?

as Aconite said - put yourself in the place of a person browsing the bookshelves... what would make your book stand out from the rest of the rack and why should I pick it up?

good luck!

aathomas said:

Dear Agent:

Not long ago, my boss asked me if I got along with my mother and father. I told him my mother was dead and I never knew my father. His face turned bright red. He assumed that I was raised with my parents, in a loving, nurturing, middleclass home.

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I'd delete this paragraph altogether, because it seems just unnecessary. Cut out any bells and whistles and tell them what they need to know upfront. I'd begin right here:

Dear Agent Topdawg,

Thirteen years ago, my lover almost beat me to death. To add insult to injury, he did it in front of his wife and children. Ironically enough, it wasn't the first time I was nearly killed by someone I loved and trusted -- my own mother had nearly murdered me in my sleep at the age of __. My 62,000 word memoir, Insert Title Here, is the story of how a victim became a survivor.

I have a journalism degree from U.S.C., and my play "Grandpa's Truth" recently ran at the Inglewood Playhouse in California, where it was extended twice due to popular demand. [Delete the bit about the mayor and Stevie Wonder, it sounds like name-dropping and won't advance your case any]

As per your submission guidelines, I have enclosed the first three chapters of Insert Title Here, as well as a self-addressed stamped envelope. May I send you the rest of the manuscript for your review?

Sincerely,

Author Extraordinaire

Again, as one poster pointed out, the bookstores are rife with stories of people who overcame absolutely horrible trauma. What makes YOURS the one they want to read? Convince the agent that your book is better than the others, or at least more sellable, and you'll get a positive response from your query.

aathomas said:

Aconite, not finding the thread regarding the query letters that led to book deals.

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After some poking around, I found it: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33425. Try entering "query letter""deal" into the Search function, too, and see what else comes up.

I believe the site crashed and that some material pre May 23 was lost. Do you know if this thread is still availabe?

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Sort of a crash. (It's complicated, and I won't go into it here.) The upshot is that we have everything prior to May 23, but some material from between May 23 and late June was lost.

ETA: Whoops, I misremembered. The thread isn't about queries that got book deals, but ones that got magazine assignments. The queries are still very good to use as models.

Interesting thread, Aconite; recently I was thinking it would be great to have a thread with successful query letters - ones that attracted requests for fulls and partials.

aathomas. welcome to AW and if you want to study the art of querying you can't do better than read Evil Editor's blog. Also, Miss Snark has a pile of queries on her Crapometer.

Let me encourage you first in that you have a story to tell. People like drama. Some of the greatest dramas in life were borne in dysfunction. Right away I think of Joseph in Egypt- four mothers competing for the love of one husband using children as a weapon. Joseph's father was born to a dysfunctional father who didn't "Choose" him, and driven and distant, he winds up working for a shady used-camel dealership. Joseph is hated by his brothers and sold into slavery then falsely accused and tossed into Prison.

Reading stories of overcoming obstacles is inspiring to people. The trick is telling them how your hard life is relevent to everyday people- the readers. Joseph goes from the pits to becoming the Prime Minister of the greatest kingdom in the world of his day.

A) Going through things gives you a platform and gives you a right to speak on things. So don't be ashamed to tell your story. Even if you don't get nominated for a royal title, you've learned lessons. That's the hook, because everyone can learn from lessons learned.

B) People like hard stories with uplifting endings. How is your story about overcoming? I'm not so certain a depressing beginning is a bad place to start. Line one can sound like a headline, but people have to see within the first paragraph there's a story and not just a metaphorical trainwreck. I think some of us are stories in the making, having interesting tales, but the hardest part is finding the ending. (I've gotten somewhere worth the telling)

good luck with that

Is it weird to be able to write 14 plays but not a novel?

wow! what's wrong with your novel?

Did you get an agent? That's wonderful! Do you mind telling us who it is?