Will you tell me what you think of my query letter?

Dear Editor,

Maddy Weaver is not your typical bookworm. She’s a spunky Texas tomboy with a girly streak she tries to keep hidden. Though plagued by thoughts of the mother who left when she was a baby, Maddy is basically happy, and grateful for the life she has. She just turned twelve, her daddy and grandma love her, and summer vacation started off with a bang when she danced with Brandon Burton at the end of school party. Plus she and her best friend, Corey, finally got up the nerve to brave the notorious waters of the Blue Hole. Carefree days of books, baseball, bikes and adventure stretch out before them.


However, carefree flies out the window once Maddy overhears one too many hushed conversations about her mother. That same night, Sylvia Weaver comes to her daughter in a dream, begging to be found. Corey offers his geek services, and the two of them set out on a journey into an enigmatic, hidden electronic world where dark secrets lie. Maddy confronts her family with what she’s discovered, and the past is revealed. Hard truths come to light. But when all is said and done, the sun truly does shine on Maddy Weaver.

My essays, fiction and poetry have appeared in Skive Magazine, Foliate Oak, True Romance and The Culture Star Reader, who nominated my story “Breath” for a Pushcart Prize in 2005.

May I send my 33, 000 word manuscript “The Sun Shines on Maddy Weaver” for your consideration?

Thank you for your time.


Sincerely,

Thanks, Lauri, let me try again.

Dear Editor,

Maddy Weaver is not your typical bookworm. She’s a spunky Texas tomboy with a girly streak she tries to keep hidden. Though plagued by thoughts of the mother who left when she was a baby, Maddy is basically happy; grateful for the life she has. She just turned twelve, romance is in the air, and summer vacation started off with a bang when she and her best friend, Corey, finally got up the nerve to brave the notorious waters of the Blue Hole. Maddy is looking forward to the glorious, carefree days of books, baseball, bikes and adventure.

But carefree flies out the window once she overhears one too many hushed conversations about her mother. That same night, Sylvia Weaver comes to her daughter in a dream, begging to be found. Corey offers his extensive geek know-how, and the two of them set out on a journey into an enigmatic, hidden electronic world, a part of the internet where dark secrets lie. Maddy confronts her family with what they discover. As the past is revealed, hard truths come to light. But when all is said and done, the sun truly does shine on Maddy Weaver.

My essays, fiction and poetry have appeared in Skive Magazine, Foliate Oak, True Romance and The Culture Star Reader, who nominated my story “Breath” for a Pushcart Prize in 2005.

May I send my 33, 000 word manuscript “The Sun Shines on Maddy Weaver” for your consideration?

Thank you for your time.


Sincerely,

This should clear everything up.

Dear Editor,

(This paragraph will be why I chose this particular publisher to query in regard to my 33, 000-word middle reader, “The Sun Shines on Maddy Weaver.” Research I’ve done into what they've published, etc.)

Maddy is not your typical bookworm. She’s a spunky Texas tomboy with a girly streak she tries to keep hidden. Though plagued by thoughts of the mother who left when she was a baby, she is grateful for the life she has. She just turned twelve, romance is in the air, and summer vacation starts off with a bang when she and her best friend, Corey, finally get up the nerve to brave the notorious waters of the Blue Hole. Carefree days of books, baseball, bikes and adventure are all that’s on Maddy’s agenda.

But carefree flies out the window when she overhears one too many hushed conversations. No one has ever talked to Maddy about her mother and she’s fed up. Maddy tells Corey how she feels, and he offers his extensive computer skills to help her search for the elusive Sylvia Weaver. When Sylvia comes to her daughter in a dream, begging to be found, Maddy and Corey set out on a journey into an enigmatic, electronic world, a little-known place on the Internet where dark secrets lie. She confronts her family with the awful truth. And not only is the past revealed, Maddy learns some hard truths about herself. When all is said and done, the sun truly does shine on Maddy Weaver.

I am a full-time writer with essays, fiction and poetry appearing online and in print. My short piece “Breath” was nominated for a Pushcart Prize in 2005.

I certainly thank you for your time. May I send you the manuscript?


Best regards,

Uwe said:

Dear Denise:

My two cents from a guy who receives hundreds of queries a week:

Dear Editor,

(This paragraph will be why I chose this particular publisher to query in regard to my 33, 000-word middle reader, “The Sun Shines on Maddy Weaver.” Research I’ve done into what they've published, etc.)

Maddy is not your typical bookworm. She’s a spunky Texas tomboy with a girly streak she tries to keep hidden. Though plagued by thoughts of the mother who left when she was a baby, she is grateful for the life she has. She just turned twelve, romance is in the air, and summer vacation starts off with a bang when she and her best friend, Corey, finally get up the nerve to brave the notorious waters of the Blue Hole. Carefree days of books, baseball, bikes and adventure are all that’s on Maddy’s agenda.

I really like this paragraph. It draws me in and frankly if this were a query addressed to me I already would have decided at this point that I would like to see a partial.

But carefree flies out the window when she overhears one too many hushed conversations. No one has ever talked to Maddy about her mother and she’s fed up. Maddy tells Corey how she feels, and he offers his extensive computer skills to help her search for the elusive Sylvia Weaver. When Sylvia comes to her daughter in a dream, begging to be found, Maddy and Corey set out on a journey into an enigmatic, electronic world, a little-known place on the Internet where dark secrets lie. She confronts her family with the awful truth. And not only is the past revealed, Maddy learns some hard truths about herself. When all is said and done, the sun truly does shine on Maddy Weaver.


This is fine as well, although, to me, "a journey into an enigmatic, electronic world, a little-known place on the Internet where dark secrets lie" is a bit too much. I would shorten it to "a journey into an enigmatic little-known place on the Internet where dark secrets lie."

I am a full-time writer with essays, fiction and poetry appearing online and in print. My short piece “Breath” was nominated for a Pushcart Prize in 2005.

A Pushcart Prize nomination is a nice recognition and if at this point I had not been sure that I really want to see it, but am on the edge of 50%/50% for or against that statement would push me toward wanting to see it. (But you would have had my interest much earlier as I said). Good luck to you!

I certainly thank you for your time. May I send you the manuscript?


Best regards,

Click to expand...

Wow, Uwe, I know who you are, not that many people are named Uwe, and you just made my day!!

Thanks for the input, Sandi and jchines.

I have decided over the last few days to seek an agent rather than try to find a publisher on my own. Since Uwe liked this, I think I'll try with it first, but if I don't get any bites, Stormie, I will take your advice and use the info from my site.

Thanks!