POV problem

Sounds awkward to me. Tell me, why does the POV *have* to flip back and forth? What do you lose by sticking to one POV?

Sounds to me like staying in her point of view would be much more compelling, you could always have the boys shouting down the well to show their thoughts.

Stay with her POV. It IS more compelling. You want the readers to identify with her, right? Let the readers experience what she's going through. Flipping back to the boys' POV would destroy that intimacy.

If you really want to show the boys' side of the story (perhaps one of the boys have a change of heart, and he could be a good POV character), it's probably better if you write a "parallel" scene or chapter after this, from the boys' POV, to juxtapose the teacher's POV. But not back and forth.

One of the boys later burns the rope. We won't know that from the teacher's POV.

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Sure, but do we need to know that the rope burns? I would imagine that, if the rope breaks in any way, that's all that needs to be known for the suspense tactic.

If the teacher survives the incident, then later I'm sure there would be an investigation of some kind. If the actual burning of the rope is significant, then surely someone (like a cop, or even herself upon further inspection) would make note that the boys burned it rather than cut it or let it snap on its own.

Galactic Overlord said:

It flips back and forth because the teacher cannot see what is happening above her. Thus, we won't know either. One of the boys later burns the rope. We won't know that from the teacher's POV.

I did have the boys shouting back, but sometimes she can't hear them well.

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Then the readers won't know until later as well. Do the readers have to KNOW everything that goes on? What is your story about anyway? There are many ways to show information. E.g. what the teacher hears (maybe one of the boys said, "let's burn the rope!") or maybe she smells something burning and she panics. It's more powerful that way, trust me. Later, that kind of information can be revealed (if the teacher survives... or if she doesn't, you can have scenes with investigators, or do another scene with the boys talking about what they did).

Suspense is a powerful thing.

I'm adding agreement to Maestro and Katie's advice. Stick to one POV, whether it's the teacher or one of the students (depending on who the MC is).

It sounds like you're trying to write this scene the way it would play out on TV, cutting back and forth so all the information is revealed at once. Unfortunately, novels cannot be written like that.

Galactic Overlord said:

Actually, we don't see the boys again after this. This well below her is a dimensional gateway that takes my teacher to another world. Yep, it's a fantasy tale. So that's why I wanted to get the boys out of the way so we can follow the teacher's POV from here.

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So if the story is from the teacher's POV, then why bother giving us the POV of the boys? We won't ever see or hear from them again. Keep us in the teacher's head. It will be more effective in the long run.

chaostitan said:

It sounds like you're trying to write this scene the way it would play out on TV, cutting back and forth so all the information is revealed at once. Unfortunately, novels cannot be written like that.

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Well, it can -- it's called omniscient, and it works for certain types of stories. Unfortunately, in this case, the POV character really is the teacher. And you want the readers to identify with her and go through the fantastic journey with her. So stay with her POV. Again, the readers don't have to know everything or there are ways to show us what is going on without going back to the boys. She smells something burning, she panics, then the rope snaps... Duh, the readers know what just happened!

Galactic Overlord said:

Actually, we don't see the boys again after this. This well below her is a dimensional gateway that takes my teacher to another world. Yep, it's a fantasy tale. So that's why I wanted to get the boys out of the way so we can follow the teacher's POV from here.

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Then you don't need to see anything from the boys POV. They're not returning characters and their thoughts and feelings on what is happening are irrelevant. They're what we'd call 'spear-carriers' and if you DO give their thoughts and feelings any importance in the text you'll be leading the reader up the garden path by making them invest emotionally in them (even if this investment is a burning desire to strangle them). When the boys don't get their comeuppence later on they'll be grinding their teeth.

If this is an early or opening scene for a book, you need to build up as much empathy and interest in the POV character as possible so that readers will stick with her through all these changes in the text (from hanging in a well to finding herself in another world is a big jolt). People show their true colours in adversity, so you need to take advantage of the power of this scene, stick with her, and show everything from her POV. Make this character work. And if she HAS to hear something one of the kids says, or know what is happening, then simply have that happen - a single voice can emerge clearly from a babble of voices, or she can feel the rope fraying and smell the smoke and work it out for herself.

Galactic Overlord said:

It flips back and forth because the teacher cannot see what is happening above her. Thus, we won't know either. One of the boys later burns the rope. We won't know that from the teacher's POV.

I did have the boys shouting back, but sometimes she can't hear them well.

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We don't need to see. Stay with her POV, and just let us know what she can hear. She can hear them as well as you want her to hear them. Jumping back and forth really hurts scenes such scenes.

Switching POV is fine, but not within the same scene. It's up to you to make the scene work without the need of switching back and forth.

chaostitan said:

I'm adding agreement to Maestro and Katie's advice. Stick to one POV.

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I hate being a cry baby, but Andrew and I said this first.

Galactic Overlord said:

It flips back and forth because the teacher cannot see what is happening above her. Thus, we won't know either. One of the boys later burns the rope. We won't know that from the teacher's POV.

I did have the boys shouting back, but sometimes she can't hear them well.

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The teacher can still tell the boys' voices apart sometimes, can't she? If she can, then you won't have to consider it a POV shift if she identifies who says what.