Which way sounds best?

LindsayP · Apr 12, 2006

I'm revising my novel...again and I'm trying really hard to put my sentences into active voice vs passive voice. Which sentence sounds best?

What I longed for most was a partner.

or

I was longing for a partner.

Thanks so much!

janetbellinger · Apr 12, 2006

How about: I longed for a partner. It's Simple and active.

CaroGirl · Apr 12, 2006

LindsayP said:
I'm revising my novel...again and I'm trying really hard to put my sentences into active voice vs passive voice. Which sentence sounds best?

What I longed for most was a partner.

or

I was longing for a partner.

Thanks so much!

Neither:

I longed for a partner.

*edit*: Janet's faster than me.

LindsayP · Apr 12, 2006

Thanks guys!

brokenfingers · Apr 12, 2006

One of the key indicators of passive voice is overuse of the verb to be - especially the word was.

What I longed for most was a partner.
or
I was longing for a partner.

If you use Word for your writing, one of the moderators here, Roger Carlson, was kind enough to develop and post a macro that will highlight these instances for you in your manuscript. If you'd like to check it out, it's here:

http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=11330

Deenabythesea · Apr 13, 2006

What I longed for most was a partner.

Can feel the anguish and desire in just that short sentence

Which way sounds best?

LindsayP

janetbellinger

CaroGirl

Living the dream

LindsayP

brokenfingers

Walkin' That Road

Deenabythesea