I'm stumped - need a suggestion or two

Stew21 · Apr 11, 2006

Hi wonderful novelists! I need some help. In the MS I'm working on, my beta readers have requested (and I agree) that my antagonist character (an abusive husband) be fleshed out more. I could easily just tell them what a jerk he is, but I would really like to show it more. So, I've been wracking my brain for days trying to come up with one more scene for him.
After my MC leaves him, he turns dark and brooding and eventually comes after her. I need to show more of this descent into dark territory. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can do this? I would like to show him doing something specific - even enough for a whole chapter, but don't really know what I should have him do.
Any suggestions would be great. If you need more info to formulate an answer I can provide that as well.
thanks in advance for any guidance!

Trish

CaroGirl · Apr 11, 2006

What does he like to do? Does he have any hobbies, play any sports? How do you plan to have him spiral downward?

Perhaps you could have him become disillusioned and bitter about something, or someone, he loves. Or maybe you could have a flashback to his childhood or adolescence where something happens that colours his personality and could account for his future bad behaviour.

Stew21 · Apr 11, 2006

CaroGirl said:
What does he like to do? Does he have any hobbies, play any sports? How do you plan to have him spiral downward?

Perhaps you could have him become disillusioned and bitter about something, or someone, he loves. Or maybe you could have a flashback to his childhood or adolescence where something happens that colours his personality and could account for his future bad behaviour.

He's a businessman. (financial ind.) likes to play golf. Likes to drink scotch and beat his wife, and has a mistress. (sounds neat, doesn't he?) I've established some of his upbringing. Prominent family, parents put on a "front" for their social lives/friends of the perfect life but he sees the dirt they hide. He rebels against this for a while and then as an adult, wanting that life they had, he realizes he also has to put on a show for others and keep the dirt in his own home when no one is around, his wife gets to see his meanness, his abusive tendencies, knows he is having an affair. I like the idea of seeing him screw up at work and show this "other side" of himself. I want him to get caught in acts of betraying his secret true self. I'm just not exactly sure how.
Thanks for the suggestions. I do think I could take one thing and then tie it back once again to his upbringing that wouuld really show this character in true light.

CaroGirl · Apr 11, 2006

Stew21 said:
He's a businessman. (financial ind.) likes to play golf. Likes to drink scotch and beat his wife, and has a mistress. (sounds neat, doesn't he?) I've established some of his upbringing. Prominent family, parents put on a "front" for their social lives/friends of the perfect life but he sees the dirt they hide. He rebels against this for a while and then as an adult, wanting that life they had, he realizes he also has to put on a show for others and keep the dirt in his own home when no one is around, his wife gets to see his meanness, his abusive tendencies, knows he is having an affair. I like the idea of seeing him screw up at work and show this "other side" of himself. I want him to get caught in acts of betraying his secret true self. I'm just not exactly sure how.
Thanks for the suggestions. I do think I could take one thing and then tie it back once again to his upbringing that wouuld really show this character in true light.

Wow, he sounds like a real charmer, Trish.

You could show some of his building frustration at work. Perhaps one of his secretaries screws something up and he loses it and comes close to hitting her, maybe in the lunchroom, in front of several co-workers. I have an abusive husband-type in one of my stories that I posted in share your work: http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=29924

I don't claim to know anything about anything, but that's how I handled it. Good luck!!

jchines · Apr 11, 2006

I know when I've written the abusive jerk character, I tend to get feedback that I'm making him too cardboard. He's too much of a bastard, and my readers simply won't accept than anyone is that completely evil. I'd be tempted to show a little bit of a good side. Not enough to make him a nice, happy guy, but I don't know ... have him rescue a kitten or something. Showing that side of his nature can make the nastiness even more effective, if that makes sense.

maestrowork · Apr 11, 2006

In my book I have the protogonist gradually sinking into borderline alchoholism. He starts to drink more, and more, and everytime he has a problem, he drinks again. It's a gradual thing and it's all show, no tell, but the readers can see the relationship between his drinking and the way he handles his problems.

So the idea is to show little things, or a trend in his behavior, without hitting the readers on the head with a 2x4 ("He's a jerk, people!"). Perhaps an off-color remarks here and there at work? Perhaps he goes to a restaurant and doesn't leave a tip... whatever that is part of his character that you can show him doing, but putting him in a situation or a place.

Stew21 · Apr 11, 2006

jchines said:
I know when I've written the abusive jerk character, I tend to get feedback that I'm making him too cardboard. He's too much of a bastard, and my readers simply won't accept than anyone is that completely evil. I'd be tempted to show a little bit of a good side. Not enough to make him a nice, happy guy, but I don't know ... have him rescue a kitten or something. Showing that side of his nature can make the nastiness even more effective, if that makes sense.

In his Outer world he is very well-liked. They went to a business function together and he is one of the "stars" of the company. I do think this shows a good side. Also in their meeting, he sort of picks her up from the rubble of a bad situation, so we also see this merciful side to him. I also show the increase in the alcohol intake. You are absolutely right, no one wants to see a character unrealistically "all bad". That's why I sort of pinned it on his parents to a degree as well. I just think if they knew him better they would appreciate his screws coming loose more.

And You're right Maestro, I don't want to beat them over the head with him, but I do want to take this character through more of a journey to the "dark side"....
hhmm....who knew re-writes would be so hard. I've done several and this is by far the hardest one.

alleycat · Apr 11, 2006

If you can set the scene before he leave, you could have him degrading or humilating his wife in public or in front of their friends or family. Maybe she tried her hardest to placate and please him but instead of being pleased, he takes out his frustrations and anger on her. Imagine the two hosting a party but nothing she's done is good enough . . . her hair is awful, the dress makes her looks like a slut, the food isn't fit for a pig, she's served the wrong wine, she's stupid since she doesn't know anything about the topic of conversation. Or, in front of their friends, he betrays some intimate trust, something very private or something that he knows will cause her pain (she's had a miscarriage, she's had an abortion, she's a prude in bed, etc.).

jchines · Apr 11, 2006

Well, if the MC just left him, he's going to be feeling out of control, which is a nasty place for an abuser to be. So he'll be looking to get that sense of control back somewhere. Could be something as simple as a racketball game, where maybe he'd normally hold back against a weaker player, but now he trounces them just to give himself that sense of power and victory...

Stew21 · Apr 11, 2006

great suggestions, I like both the dinner party and the athletic gaining back of control suggested.
I was also thinking that after MC left and he went after her, that we could have more of him stalking around, a bit more suspense until the moment he surprises her in her new place.
You've given me a great deal to think about here. thanks for the input all!

maestrowork · Apr 11, 2006

Stew21 said:
And You're right Maestro, I don't want to beat them over the head with him, but I do want to take this character through more of a journey to the "dark side"....
hhmm....who knew re-writes would be so hard. I've done several and this is by far the hardest one.

You don't have to. My protagonist was taking a journey. But for you, you just want to round out your antagonist a bit so he's not so cardboard. Without reading your ms. it's really difficult to assess what you can do in your rewrites. My suggestion is to give little hints to the readers. Let's say, if he's really "wonderful" on the outside at the office, for example, have him smile and close his office door, then do a silent scream and pretend-stab somone with a letter-opener or something. OK, bad example, but certain things to show what he DOESN'T show the other people.

Now, if you're writing from your protagonist's POV, she might not have observed the antagonist's behavior, so that would be really tough to write. Perhaps she notices something about him accidentally (walks into his office unannoucned), or he says something to her that is off-putting and out of character, etc.? Hints. Hints to the MC AND to the readers that this guy is not as nice as he seems.

Nangleator · Apr 11, 2006

How about this: We see the jerk visit his bedridden father in a rest home. The father suffers from Alzheimer's, but it's clear he was (and still is) an abuser. The jerk demonstrates that he still loves his father, yet the father uses the visit to tear his son down yet again. Maybe even takes a swing at him, in a pitiful way.

Oh, you could wring some tears out of the character and the readers here! (Damn. Maybe it's his mother instead.)

Breaking down and crying is yet more ammunition for the abuser, and the jerk leaves the scene as a wreck. Make it clear this is hardly the first time this has happened.

Later on, when the jerk needs to be a jerk, he's triggered by an echo of the earlier visit. Perhaps a perceived insult regarding his worth or stature as a man. Something his victim can't possibly know about.

I'm starting to feel bad for the poor bastard.

Stew21 · Apr 11, 2006

Nangleator said:
How about this: We see the jerk visit his bedridden father in a rest home. The father suffers from Alzheimer's, but it's clear he was (and still is) an abuser. The jerk demonstrates that he still loves his father, yet the father uses the visit to tear his son down yet again. Maybe even takes a swing at him, in a pitiful way.

Oh, you could wring some tears out of the character and the readers here! (Damn. Maybe it's his mother instead.)

Breaking down and crying is yet more ammunition for the abuser, and the jerk leaves the scene as a wreck. Make it clear this is hardly the first time this has happened.

Later on, when the jerk needs to be a jerk, he's triggered by an echo of the earlier visit. Perhaps a perceived insult regarding his worth or stature as a man. Something his victim can't possibly know about.

I'm starting to feel bad for the poor bastard.

I like the way you think....not bad at all. I hadn't even thought of using his parents in this way...show him belittled, triggers him belittling others...this is a tasty little piece too.

YOU GUYS ARE SO GOOD!!!!

Stew21 · Apr 11, 2006

maestrowork said:
You don't have to. My protagonist was taking a journey. But for you, you just want to round out your antagonist a bit so he's not so cardboard. Without reading your ms. it's really difficult to assess what you can do in your rewrites. My suggestion is to give little hints to the readers. Let's say, if he's really "wonderful" on the outside at the office, for example, have him smile and close his office door, then do a silent scream and pretend-stab somone with a letter-opener or something. OK, bad example, but certain things to show what he DOESN'T show the other people.

Now, if you're writing from your protagonist's POV, she might not have observed the antagonist's behavior, so that would be really tough to write. Perhaps she notices something about him accidentally (walks into his office unannoucned), or he says something to her that is off-putting and out of character, etc.? Hints. Hints to the MC AND to the readers that this guy is not as nice as he seems.

MC always sees this other side of him, she's the only one who really gets to. (readers see it too). However, since it is her POV, and I like where you are going with this, it could be the earlier suggested dinner party she witnesses reactions to his betrayal of his own put on character. Its when other people see the cracks - suddenly not in nearly as much control as he was of this facade. Always kept it under control, and then one day, when he realizes he is losing his grip on his wife, he can't hide it as easily.
This coupled with a meeting at a nursing home (as suggested by someone else), could be just enough to bring our man full circle. The hardest part of this character is balancing the good and bad. I got half way through the first draft and realized I had to have a reason for her to have married him in the first place, we know he's bad, we just need to see him get bad enough that he is willing to risk everything, and we have to see it run deep enough - trickling from the past, exposed in front of others for what he really is, to make him move on with snapping under the pressure.
He has turned out to be more complex than expected, and I like that...he needs to be a meaty character. The readers wanted to see more of how he got there...I think you have done a great job of helping me pinpoint the ways in which I can show it.
thanks

maestrowork · Apr 11, 2006

I think the best thing to remember is that every character is a real human being -- they have good or bad sides. Even Hitler had his good sides. If we keep that in mind, we would be able to show complex characters that are real, and not just cardboard "good" and "bad."

jchines · Apr 11, 2006

Stew21 said:
I got half way through the first draft and realized I had to have a reason for her to have married him in the first place

Abusers are often quite charming. I actually worked in the DV field for a few years, and I remember sitting in a batterer's group and thinking even with my background, I wouldn't have been able to pick these guys out of a crowd. Some of them were folks I found myself liking, people I'd have been happy to hang out with in other circumstances (where I didn't know they had beaten, raped, and shot their wife, for example.)

Most of the time, the abuse doesn't surface until after they've got the victim under control (married, economically tied to the abuser, etc.) So it wouldn't surprise me at all if your MC still thinks back to those early days before they were married, when he treated her like a queen and was the most charming gentleman in the world...

Stew21 · Apr 11, 2006

maestrowork said:
I think the best thing to remember is that every character is a real human being -- they have good or bad sides. Even Hitler had his good sides. If we keep that in mind, we would be able to show complex characters that are real, and not just cardboard "good" and "bad."

Yes, finding good in him was a challenge...I did that in first draft. That's why it is so important to show him unraveling, I think. In order to make him real, it would take a lot for even him to snap. That's why I wanted it to be a gradual downward spiral - a journey - to this deeper malice and violence.
The good things in him were explained through her choice in marrying him, how they met, being socially liked and respected, but perhaps he needs a pet that he treats better than his wife....it would show him capable of a loving side, wouldn't it? I'm trying really hard to let the cracks show gradually so he is realistic.
Thanks RAy, for all the input and suggestions. I really appreciate the detail you are providing in your answers. Means a lot to me and has given me more to think about! I'm going to re-read this character and make sure I'm giving him enough good and bad and showing him following a realistic path to "sociopath". THANKS!

Trish

Stew21 · Apr 11, 2006

jchines said:
Abusers are often quite charming. I actually worked in the DV field for a few years, and I remember sitting in a batterer's group and thinking even with my background, I wouldn't have been able to pick these guys out of a crowd. Some of them were folks I found myself liking, people I'd have been happy to hang out with in other circumstances (where I didn't know they had beaten, raped, and shot their wife, for example.)

Most of the time, the abuse doesn't surface until after they've got the victim under control (married, economically tied to the abuser, etc.) So it wouldn't surprise me at all if your MC still thinks back to those early days before they were married, when he treated her like a queen and was the most charming gentleman in the world...

This is an excellent point. Yes, he is quite charming, at one point he was her "knight"; her rescuer. The insight you provided is great. It is good to know that it was realistic for him to get abusive after he had gotten her under control.
Thanks!

jchines · Apr 11, 2006

It's very realistic. I'm not sure how much of this you already know (so feel free to ignore me), but there would probably tend to be a slowly worsening cycle of abuse. Maybe the first time he loses his temper and shouts and curses, then comes back with flowers and is all charm. The next time, maybe he breaks a plate, but takes her out for a wonderful dinner to make up for it, promising it's a one-time thing, and he's just stressed. Each time it gets a little worse, but it's so gradual it's harder for the victim to realize what's happening...Can you tell you've got me going on one of my pet topics?

Stew21 · Apr 11, 2006

jchines said:
It's very realistic. I'm not sure how much of this you already know (so feel free to ignore me), but there would probably tend to be a slowly worsening cycle of abuse. Maybe the first time he loses his temper and shouts and curses, then comes back with flowers and is all charm. The next time, maybe he breaks a plate, but takes her out for a wonderful dinner to make up for it, promising it's a one-time thing, and he's just stressed. Each time it gets a little worse, but it's so gradual it's harder for the victim to realize what's happening...Can you tell you've got me going on one of my pet topics?

Thanks jchines! I will (as mentioned to Ray) re-read the character with your input in mind! Much much appreciated!

Shadow_Ferret · Apr 11, 2006

First thing I'd do is make him a rye whiskey drinker.

We scotch drinkers don't abuse our wives.

zornhau · Apr 11, 2006

Have him beat up the mistress, then mentally blame the wife's flight for the "lapse".

Stew21 · Apr 11, 2006

Shadow_Ferret said:
First thing I'd do is make him a rye whiskey drinker.

We scotch drinkers don't abuse our wives.

The Scotch is one of his "refinements"...one of his good qualities (until he drinks too much of it.)

Anya Smith · Apr 11, 2006

Stew21 said:
He's a businessman. (financial ind.) likes to play golf. Likes to drink scotch and beat his wife, and has a mistress. (sounds neat, doesn't he?) I've established some of his upbringing. Prominent family, parents put on a "front" for their social lives/friends of the perfect life but he sees the dirt they hide. He rebels against this for a while and then as an adult, wanting that life they had, he realizes he also has to put on a show for others and keep the dirt in his own home when no one is around, his wife gets to see his meanness, his abusive tendencies, knows he is having an affair. I like the idea of seeing him screw up at work and show this "other side" of himself. I want him to get caught in acts of betraying his secret true self. I'm just not exactly sure how.
Thanks for the suggestions. I do think I could take one thing and then tie it back once again to his upbringing that wouuld really show this character in true light.

I would do a scene with him and his mistress. How he treats her; hit her, act unreasonable, demeaning her, humiliates her front of others, etc. Perhaps show that he lied to her. Depends what the novel is like, perhaps include a sex scene.

banjo · Apr 11, 2006

If I were you in this situation, I'd start by writing a character profile on him. I'd discuss his strengths and weaknesses. I'd look into who he is and how he came to be that. Then I'd put him into various situations, especially conflict situations, and see how he performs.

Then I'd sudy all this info and learn better exactly who this a-hole is.

When you know him like you know characters you meet in daily life that you detest, you'll know why you detest him, if you do, and you will be able to write about him in abundance.

I'm stumped - need a suggestion or two

Stew21

CaroGirl

Living the dream

Stew21

CaroGirl

Living the dream

jchines

Got the hang of it, here

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Stew21

alleycat

Still around

jchines

Got the hang of it, here

Stew21

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

Nangleator

Rep Point Whore

Stew21

Stew21

maestrowork

Fear the Death Ray

jchines

Got the hang of it, here

Stew21

Stew21

jchines

Got the hang of it, here

Stew21

Shadow_Ferret

Court Jester

zornhau

Swordsman

Stew21

Anya Smith

House Dragon

banjo