Does this work?

Sury · Mar 29, 2006

I don't know if this has been discussed before, so apologies if it sounds repetitive.

I have a short story (about 1,500 words) that deals with a nine-year-old boy coping with the imminent divorce of his parents. The story is told in first person in the boy's voice. However, I used certain scenes from the boy's life to move the story rather than following a definitive beginning-middle-end pattern.

My question is, does that style of writing work as a deterrent? Or is the boy's voice the more important element in this case?

Thoughts?

Sury

Jamesaritchie · Mar 29, 2006

Sury said:
I don't know if this has been discussed before, so apologies if it sounds repetitive.

I have a short story (about 1,500 words) that deals with a nine-year-old boy coping with the imminent divorce of his parents. The story is told in first person in the boy's voice. However, I used certain scenes from the boy's life to move the story rather than following a definitive beginning-middle-end pattern.

My question is, does that style of writing work as a deterrent? Or is the boy's voice the more important element in this case?

Thoughts?

Sury

If I really understand what you mean, I think it could work very well.

McGill · Mar 30, 2006

Hey Sury, If you are writing your story in the first person, then the whole story must be told this way. If you are talking about using flashbacks, that is fine, as long as the boy has either witnessed the scene you are writing about, or has been told about it. The boy cannot for example tell about a fight between his parents when he was not around when it happened, but he may be around afterwards and figure out they had been fighting from the way that they are acting toward one another. I don't know if this is what you were referring to or not!

Sury · Mar 30, 2006

Let me see if I can make myself clearer. The scenes I mentioned in the first post of this thread refer to a sequence of unrelated situations in the boy's life. As he relates them one after the other, we can see the conflict and emotional trauma he is dealing with. As such, the story doesn't have a singular cohesive plot. My main focus was bringing across the boy's voice and seeing the larger conflict of his parents through his (still innocent) eyes.

Sury

Jamesaritchie · Mar 30, 2006

Story

Sury said:
Let me see if I can make myself clearer. The scenes I mentioned in the first post of this thread refer to a sequence of unrelated situations in the boy's life. As he relates them one after the other, we can see the conflict and emotional trauma he is dealing with. As such, the story doesn't have a singular cohesive plot. My main focus was bringing across the boy's voice and seeing the larger conflict of his parents through his (still innocent) eyes.

Sury

Everythng depends on how well you do it, but this is a very good method of telling a story, and has been used effectively more than once.

McGill · Mar 31, 2006

Sury, It seems to me that you are talking about telling your story through the use of flashbacks, which is perfectly fine. The only advice I would give you is to make sure the reader knows the difference between when you're in present time and when you're using a flashback, and to try to make these transitions as seamless as possible.

Doctor Shifty · Apr 18, 2006

Children process stuff much more thematically than adults, and chronology is probably not as important if you are following the theme of his emotional responses to his family life, whether they be correctly interpreted or not.

If you do it well, there is no reason I can see why you need a beginning/middle/end. All you need is to relay enough of his thoughts so that the reader forms whatever sense of chronology is necessary. The real import in such a story is the emotional tension that comes from the boy's interpretation of the events.

Wasn't it in Kafka's "The Trial" that he wanted to write a novel in which the chapters could be printed in any order, and the reader would still get it?

Kim

Sury · Apr 18, 2006

Thanks for the responses, everyone! I agree with all of you. What prompted my question was the feedback from a particular reader who felt this story, being "plotless," didn't make much sense.

All the other readers who read the story, however, liked the little boy's voice and felt his innocence and helplessness.

Doctor Shifty said:
If you do it well, there is no reason I can see why you need a beginning/middle/end.

Kim

I couldn't agree more. In the end, doing "it well" is all it boils down to. I hope I didn't do too badly

.

Sury

Jamesaritchie · Apr 18, 2006

Story

However you write the story, there had better be a beginning, a middle, and an ending.

RobCurtis · Apr 18, 2006

Without a beginning, middle and end, it ain't no story. It is a piece of narrative, a series of reminiscences. It may come across very well, and engage the reader, but I think the reader will end up disappointed. Even if it starts with "I suppose the first time I knew about the trouble ..." and ends with "... I haven't seen my dad for thirty years now. I guess it's too late." Or something.

Doctor Shifty · Apr 19, 2006

RobCurtis said:
Without a beginning, middle and end, it ain't no story. It is a piece of narrative, a series of reminiscences. It may come across very well, and engage the reader, but I think the reader will end up disappointed. Even if it starts with "I suppose the first time I knew about the trouble ..." and ends with "... I haven't seen my dad for thirty years now. I guess it's too late." Or something.

While I have no problem with what RobCurtis says here, my comment earlier about not needing a beginning/middle/end related to a sense of chronology in the boy's experience. I still agree that the story needs an opening and a closing and a bunch of stuff in between. What I don't think is necessary is that the story elements of opening/middle/ending need to relate to the flow of his domestic life.

RobCurtis · Apr 19, 2006

Doctor Shifty said:
What I don't think is necessary is that the story elements of opening/middle/ending need to relate to the flow of his domestic life.

Yep. The parts detailing the boy's life can be any unrelated series of incidents, in any chronological order - as long as they fit the story.

Sury · Apr 19, 2006

RobCurtis said:
Yep. The parts detailing the boy's life can be any unrelated series of incidents, in any chronological order - as long as they fit the story.

That's how it is in the story I mentioned. A series of episodes, which do run chronologically, but aren't really related to each other. I feel that's also how children usually talk; without much of cohesive structure, yet full of raw emotions and spontaneous feelings.

The story has been dispatched to a YA market. Keeping fingers crossed!

Sury

RobCurtis · Apr 19, 2006

Sury said:
The story has been dispatched to a YA market. Keeping fingers crossed!

Fingers crossed here too! It would be interesting to hear if you get any feedback

Does this work?

Sury

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