Introducing Characters and Intercut Questions

hubbabubbs · Mar 23, 2006

a lil help?

When you introduce a character who's age can be deduced from the character's name. Example:
An OLD MAN dozes in a chair.

Or do I have do reference his age such.

An OLD MAN, 80's, dozes in a chair.

Another question. Normally you have COPS and then a little later you have Cop #1, followed by Cop #2, #3, ultimately arriving at Cop #4. Which is fine, until Cop #4, earns himself the distinction of eating a donut before COPS are introduced (what a novel thought).

Can he still be COP #4? Or does he have to be COP #1. Or COP EATING DONUT. (What happens when the donut is ate? He becomes COP EATING DONUT SANS DONUT?). Or since that donut is eventually going to get ate, do we pick on a characteristic like COP WITH WART or COP WITH DONUT GUT?

It would look something like this.

COP #4 ballances his mass over a stool, enrapt on his last donut, twisting it to catch the light just right. Then--

CRUNCH! he devours it in a single bite.

COPS burst in the doors and clap Cop #4 on the back.

COP #1
Here he is.

COP #2
Our hero.

COP #3
A donut in a bite

COP #5
I mean like, dude. whoa.

Pregunta dos.

How does one do phone conversations with changing locations. Por exemplo,

INT. TAYLOR SHOP - DAY
JACK stands still as an OLD TAYLOR runs a tape down his leg. His cell phone rings.

JACK
Aargh

INT. BRIDAL STUFF SHOP - DAY
JILL primps before a mirror in a white wedding dress, snaps a photo of herself in the mirror with her camera phone.

JILL
What?

INTERCUT BETWEEN JACK AND JILL

JACK
Nothing. I'm ticklish.

JILL
Did you see the picture.

JACK
Aargh.

JILL
What?

JACK
Nothing. Looks great hon.

***now comes the tricky part***
****Attorney General's Warning, Below = Tricky****

INT. ANOTHER BRIDAL SHOP - DAY
Jill snaps another photo.

JILL
What do you think?

*****now do I go*****

JACK
Honey. That would be great with a red bra.

******OR******

INTERCUT BETWEEN JACK AND JILL

JACK
Honey. I always liked you best in black.

no animals were killed, tortured or forced to eat cottage cheese in the making of this post, so please

help?

xhouseboy · Mar 24, 2006

First COP to be introduced would be your #1 cop. If you introduced him as #4 cop, it would confuse readers as to whether they'd missed another 3 cops somewhere in the scene.

The fact that you're giving these (I assume) minor characters lines would be okay if they're not going to be popping back up again. But if they are, best to name them (first names only if you intend to keep them mininmal).

Edit: Just read your post again - he remains #1 cop throughout, even if he does start eating a donut or battering the **** out of someone he's stopped for speeding...

INTERCUTTING.

In a recently produced script, the spec had the intercutting roughly as follows.

M (in office) lifts phone, calls G.

M
How's it going..

Intercut between M and G, who is in the car, on the way to the location as instructed.

G
Making good time..

When it was filmed, the intercuts became seperately numbered scenes.

As for the age thing - it wouldn't do any harm to mention what age you see this character as being, mid-sixties is miles off mid-eighties.

hubbabubbs · Mar 24, 2006

thanks, answered everything in like one eighth the space. kewl

scripter1 · Mar 24, 2006

Me personally

I don't like numbered characters.

No insult intended but it seems lazy and uncreative.
If you are going to give these guys lines and they aren't just a face in a crowd then give them some type of a name.

I have no problem with DOUGHNUT GUT, WITCH FACE, UNO BROW, etc.
(depending on the tone of your script.)

Simply describe them a bit in an action line.

A cop, DOUGHNUT GUT, smothers a stool with his bulk.
He ingests a ladyfinger in one gulp.

Three cops enter.
They are WITCH FACE, UNO BROW, and EGOR.

In this way you use the character's name to tell us about them instead of having to create a character description. And if the character's have just this one small part then what they LOOK like is likely more important then real character.
They are almost toss away characters who's only real job is to add flavor to a scene.

If one or two of them will impact the storyline or play a larger role then flesh them out more with a character description line.

****

Age
When in doubt be specfic.
A person can be old at 60 (depending on how old YOU are)
or they can be old at 80, or even older at 95, 100, 105.
[My greatgrandmother lived to be 106.]

Perhaps this character's role in your story will/should determine the significance of their age.

xhouseboy · Mar 24, 2006

scripter1 said:
I don't like numbered characters.

No insult intended but it seems lazy and uncreative.
.

I agree with the sentiment, scripter. But there are professional script readers who prefer peripheral characters to be numbered rather than named. The reason for this is it tends to allow them to concentrate more on the main characters as they get a feel for the story, without being encumbered by recalling the names of those who are not (in a broader sense) going to heavily influence plot, story, etc. On reading a name and description of a very minor character, it tends to give the impression that this character is integral, and naming every minor character can clutter up the story for the reader.

Just my experience.

hubbabubbs · Mar 24, 2006

thanks,

if I persist in my lazy and lackadaisical ways, and I have COPS in one scene and then later a whole different group of COPS in a different scene, would it follow that COP #1 in one scene is different than COP #1 in another scene? hmm. I guess this is why I should really name them. seems confusing otherwise.

guess on the plus side I'll get lots of practice so any future kids might not grow up hating me.

xhouseboy · Mar 24, 2006

hubbabubbs said:
thanks,

if I persist in my lazy and lackadaisical ways, and I have COPS in one scene and then later a whole different group of COPS in a different scene, would it follow that COP #1 in one scene is different than COP #1 in another scene? hmm. I guess this is why I should really name them. seems confusing otherwise.

Like everything else, best to stick with what you feel comfortable with.

But to answer your question, it would follow that COP 1 in one scene is different from COP 1 in a subsequent scene, if that is the way it has been written. Casting director tells actor 1 that he's playing cop 1 in scene 22, actor 2 is playing cop 1 in scene 67. Again it all hinges upon whether these characters have important lines and are crucial to the story. If merely peripherals, the end credits would probably read something like Cops in Diner played by X,Y,Z. It would be an exercise in futility to name these characters in the credits if we, the audience, did not know their character names. Plus, even throwaway dialogue for minor players in the story can cause problems with the production. Too many non-essential speaking parts can increase the budget by a fair whack.

In a recent medical drama script a family lingered at the bedside of a dying child. 3 nurses were also present. The family and the child were obviously named characters, the nurses had to settle for 1,2 and 3. To have named them would have unneccesarily cluttered the scene, although the 3rd Nurse did have a line of dialogue. Later in same script, 2 different nurses were attending to this child - they were also named nurses 1 & 2.

scripter1 · Mar 25, 2006

Houseboy,

It's a big industry and all kinds of experiences can happen.
Perhaps there are readers out there who for what ever reasons prefer numbered characters.

In my research it seems that most working writers consider numbering characters to be outdated and frankly, lazy writing.
They say that giving them names is the best way to establish the characters.
Otherwise the characters may be considered throw aways and so why write them at all?

The case of identical twins has been brought up.
That does seem like a logical excuse for using numbers.

If you know a certain reader wants the script a specfic way then by all means write to who's reading.

xhouseboy · Mar 25, 2006

scripter1 said:
It's a big industry and all kinds of experiences can happen.
Perhaps there are readers out there who for what ever reasons prefer numbered characters.

In my research it seems that most working writers consider numbering characters to be outdated and frankly, lazy writing.
They say that giving them names is the best way to establish the characters.
Otherwise the characters may be considered throw aways and so why write them at all?

That was my point - they are throwaways. Why write them at all? It's difficult to show a hospital environment without medical staff hovering in the background (see my previous post as to why I believe it would have had a negative effect to actually name these characters).

I've attended read-throughs where these minor characters weren't yet cast, even at that late stage. Members of the production team took up the slack if any of the numbered characters had an odd line here or there.

Lazy writing? I'd be more inclined to call it 'needs dictating'.

hubbabubbs · Mar 26, 2006

hmm okay what about M.O.S.

I guess I'll decide which ones I will just leave at A COP and which ones I get to name.

And then I'll run for Congress.

okay now got an unrelated question pertaining to

M.O.S.

all examples I have seen merely use it to denote mitt out sound for a single line by prefacing the line with (you guessed it) M.O.S. (okay, maybe you knew that already)

Ergo, the proverbial rub. How do you denote multiple shots all without sound? Preface every line with M.O.S?

seems kinda lame and not very pizzazz

clue me in would ya?

scripter1 · Mar 27, 2006

House, you are talking about crowd scenes right?
Would these nurses have lines, be the focus of the camera, or would the focus be on the patient, on other major characters.

The determining factor for me is the focus.
If characters are the sole focus of the camera and scene then they ought to be named. As in the COPS example.

If they are background characters, merly fleshing out such a scene as in a hospital then I guess depending on what they do and say numbering them wouldn't be all that bad. Yes, might even be better.

The determining factor would be the focus, the main objective of the scene.

scripter1 · Mar 27, 2006

Hmm,

what kinds of scenes are these?

Is it a montage?

Then it would be MONTAGE MOS

or SERIES OF SHOTS MOS

Then you would close with END MONTAGE or END SERIES
or if the next scene HAD sound you would write
END MOS., or ALL CAP a sound effect, but that might be missed.

By all means play around with it, see what feels right, what best suites the scenes.

For any one who is new to screenwriting MOS stands for With Out Sound.

BUT you say, it's an M not a W.

Well years ago there was this German director, I forget his name.
[I know, I know, what a travesty.]
He couldn't pronounce the W sound and so when he spoke it came out "Mitt out sound."

Guess he was really good. MOS became the Industry standard.

xhouseboy · Mar 27, 2006

scripter1 said:
The determining factor for me is the focus.
If characters are the sole focus of the camera and scene then they ought to be named. As in the COPS example.

I'd totally agree with that, scripter. It's all about balance. What I was mainly emphasising was that the odd b/g character could/might have a line to keep the natural flow of the scene going as we perhaps tracked past them to the main focus, say in a diner or a hospital corridor/ward. Blink and you'd miss it, but without that odd throwaway the scene could be flat and unnatural.

hubbabubbs · Mar 28, 2006

SERIES OF SHOTS MOS

Then you would close with END SERIES

Perfect. It a reaction moment, where something devastating has just occured
(like someone else eating the last oreo).

thanks

scripter1 · Mar 28, 2006

Ooooh,

I HATE that!!!!!

You eat the last Oreo in MY house and you most definately want what comes next to be MOS.

hubbabubbs · Mar 30, 2006

awkward MOS?

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