View Full Version : Your wish is granted...

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04-25-2006, 02:58 AM
Granted, but it's not heated. Brrrrrrr!!

I wish I had time to sort out my garden tubs of daffodils, herbs, etc - they are very untidy at the moment, and I am quite busy. There always seems to be something more important to get done.

04-26-2006, 06:48 AM
Granted but you now have no time to do anything BUT sort out your garden tubs.

I wish didn't have to go to a work related workshop tomorrow.

04-26-2006, 08:20 AM
Granted. You get a terrible bout of headache and are confined to your bed instead.

I wish my responses in this thread were as smart as some of the others.

04-26-2006, 08:27 AM
Good news! Your responses are exactly as smart as the half-dozen least smart ones.

I wish posters here could really grant wishes.

04-26-2006, 08:30 AM
Granted, but since you wished we could grant wishes, and nothing else, that's exactly what you get.

I wish I could understand my kids.

Albedo of Zero
04-26-2006, 10:50 AM
granted, you get a degree in goat language, your new husband's name is billy and please make sure you pay the troll under the bridge.

I wish I had ink in my printer.

04-26-2006, 11:19 AM
Granted. You have ink in your printer. I hope you like the color. Isn't white lovely?

I wish I always had the correct change.

04-26-2006, 04:33 PM
Granted, but you have soooo much of it, and it is soooo heavy.

I wish to be taken to my class this evening in a beautiful chauffeur driven car, which will collect me from outside college again afterwards, and whisk me off to a lovely restaurant where I shall have a delicious dinner in excellent company.

04-26-2006, 04:40 PM
Granted. Unfortunately, you linger over coffee and the spell expires. You arrive home wearing a pumpkin Speedo, with a uniformed mouse.

I wish Gilligan had gotten off the island.

04-26-2006, 06:48 PM
Hey, look, on your sofa. It's Gilligan. And several big bags of cheetoes and isn't that your liter of Mountain Dew he's guzzling, and whew did he just cut one? and look where he's put your remote.....

I wish that this year I could grow a really big pumpkin, like over 20 lbs!

04-27-2006, 01:56 AM
You got it! You try to pick it up and rupture three disks in your back and have to have surgery which goes bad leaving you with a staph infection that takes six months to heal. You get attached to the wound vac...

I wish that "Purple Rain" by Prince would become popular again.

04-27-2006, 02:40 AM
It does - after being used as background music for a haemorrhoid cream advert.

I wish I could have a wonderful holiday somewhere exotic.

04-27-2006, 03:21 AM
You do and you don't discover those heavenly mosquito bites until you return home.

I wish that this afternoon I hadn't sat through 4 hours of the most boring workshop on earth.

04-27-2006, 05:30 AM
granted. You stood.

I wish the homework I have to do today was done

04-27-2006, 06:04 AM
Granted. It's not done correctly, but it is done.

I wish I knew what to be when I 'grow up'

04-27-2006, 06:10 AM
Granted; but, unfortunately there isn't much call for ladies in waiting anymore.

I wish I hadn't eaten chicken in black bean sauce for lunch.

04-27-2006, 07:45 AM
Granted. You ate chicken in green (mouldy) bean sauce instead.

I wish I hadn't eaten half a TH cream cheese bagel today after it had sat in my parked car for four hours. Pepto Bismal anyone?

04-27-2006, 08:51 AM
Granted. You ate the whole thing, not just half. At least the ambulance is comfy.

I wish my cubicle had good feng shui.

04-27-2006, 08:53 AM
Instead, you ate the bagel earlier. Then you sat in your parked car for four hours. Talk about boring!

I wish my ink cartridges would never go empty.


Your cubicle has such good feng shui that the boss moves in with you. Pretty crowded now, huh?

04-27-2006, 03:56 PM
Granted. Now you have an endless supply of pens. To handwrite everything.

I wish I was on vacation in Hawaii.

04-27-2006, 06:13 PM
Granted but the bed in your hotel room is infested with bed bugs (does anyone have any Benadryl?).

I wish it would be sunny and a warm 17 celcius today.

04-27-2006, 06:36 PM
It is, it is, and the man on the corner is giving away free snow cones and your favorite band is giving a free concert in the park. But the president of the bank just locked you in the safe with the safe deposit boxes, then took off to the park to bang his secretary. He's forgotten all about the bank, you, and his uncles cousin too.

I wish people wouldn't make those terrible jokes about the social life on Tierra Del Fuego.

04-27-2006, 06:49 PM
Granted. They don't make any more jokes at all.

I wish that I was going to visit Japan.

04-27-2006, 06:59 PM
Granted but it is December and you only get 45 minutes at the airport while waiting for your plane to Antartica.

I wish I had enough frequent flyer miles for a free trip to Australia.

04-27-2006, 07:11 PM
Granted. You land at a small local airport far away from any thing that can be described as a tourist area, and after the plane leaves you realize you have left your luggage, wallet, cash, cell phone, passport, makeup, deodorant and nose hair clippers on the plane.

I wish there were a Shirley Temple Look-a-like marathon tap-dancing contest starting in Lafayette Park across the street from the White House today.

04-27-2006, 10:04 PM
Granted. But when Bush catches a glimpse of them, he becomes enraptured and decides he must have all the contestants for himself. They are made to worship him like a god and trail behind him while tapdancing and licking large lollipops.

I wish I knew how to swim.

04-28-2006, 10:05 PM
Granted. But the only water around for miles has one of those muck bottoms that slimes up between your toes.

I wish that more people at the audience for Hair last night had enjoyed it as much as I did.

04-29-2006, 02:08 AM
Granted but they didn't show it because they accidentally got a double dose of the authentic 60's era pharmaceuticals*.

* All drugs were supplied by our good friends at Roche (or was it Baxter, Merck, Abbott or ??????).

I wish I had gone to see Hair last night instead of pacing with pain until 3:30 p.m. when I finally took two pain pills, laid down on an ice pack, fell asleep and didn't wake up until 6:30 this morning.

04-29-2006, 04:47 AM
I wish you'd felt well enough to go to see 'Hair' as well. (Sounds too horrible to make a joke about. Hope you feel better now.)

I wish I had some of those 60s pharmaceuticals now.

04-29-2006, 05:29 AM
Granted. But you could do without those black elliposes that keep dancing in front of your eyes, even when you come down.

I wish that I did not have a fever, stiff neck or headache.

04-30-2006, 01:14 AM
Granted but now you have a stiff head and a fever in your neck.

I wish my mother in law wasn't coming to visit in August.

04-30-2006, 01:18 AM
Granted and you never get the flu again either. I'm the good genie today.
**Ooops, this was for Janet, but it fits donit?

I wish I would win second place in the "Mother's Day Poetry Contest," on the poetry thread. I like that prize better.

04-30-2006, 04:12 AM
Paint -You do win Second Prize and you get to go in the private greeting card forum. You become so entranced with it that you go in a whole new direction as a greeting card writer. Unfortunately, you can't remember how to write the word "said." (see novel board.)

Three dog people - she's now coming for the entire summer.

I wish that I could think up a good poem for the Mother's Day poetry contest.

Anya Smith
04-30-2006, 04:30 AM
Janet, your wish is granted. You can write a poem for the MD contest. Feel the fairy dust falling upon your bowed head? And the Muses tickling you? Go sit down and write it.

I wish to be a published author.

04-30-2006, 05:16 AM
Granted. But you don't get an advance.

I wish I could run into the cute guy I met the other day.

special needs
04-30-2006, 05:48 AM
Granted, but you'll be in your car when you run into him, and he'll die.

I wish I could decide when to get married and where...

04-30-2006, 06:22 AM
Granted. You decide on February 29 and have to wait for the next leap year.

I wish that I would get a postitive response from at least one of the three submissions I have out there.

05-01-2006, 08:38 PM
Granted. All of the Agents send you pieces of paper with +1 printed in block letters in the middle.

I wish my cat would try to stay clean after his bath.

05-01-2006, 11:05 PM
Tee hee. Your cat manages to stay clean by getting into your bed, under your covers and using your pillow as his own. He refuses to go outdoors, as he might get dirty and insists that you hand feed him, so that he doesn't drool kitty kibble onto his chest.

I wish that all my work days were as nice as the one I had this morning.

05-02-2006, 06:12 PM
Granted. But this morning you began your first and last day at work.

I wish I could see all three LoTR extended edition movies in the theatre, instead of on an itsy-bitsy screen at home.

05-02-2006, 06:44 PM
Granted. What a beautiful state of the art theatre you are in. Catered too. Just you and three of your best friends and the wonderful huge screen, sound system...everything you could possibly want. Just to make sure you are undisturbed they lock you in..now the riff raff can't interrupt you. It is just you, your 'buds' the lady at the buffet table and LoTR......did I mention that every 5 min it is interrupted by by a Saturday Morning Cereal/toy commercial?????

I wish that one of our BLECH politicians would roll up his pant legs, rouge up his knees and dance the hoochi-coochie dance for a foreign dignitary, live, on 'The Chris Matthews Show'.

05-02-2006, 09:08 PM
Granted, but this causes the politician's approval rating to go up. Who would've figured?

I wish video games weren't so addictive.

05-02-2006, 11:45 PM
Granted. You go for aversion therapy and feel sick to your stomach every time you catch sight of a video game.

I wish that I had hung out at AW all morning, instead of going to work.

05-03-2006, 05:56 AM
Granted. You're fired!

I wish Saturday morning cereal and toy commercials would be banned, especially during LoTR exclusive screenings.

05-03-2006, 06:07 AM
Granted! However, Monday through Friday morning cereal and toy commercials will now triple. But your exclusive screenings of LoTR will include LIVE commentary from Sean Astin and Ian Mc ... err, Gandalf.

I wish the restaurants in my area could score higher than 65 (Appleb--s) and 42 (Ru-y Tue-day) respectively on their health inspections.

05-03-2006, 06:16 AM
Granted. All restaurants in your area close... except the hospital cafeterias.

I wish Australia would win the soccer World Cup.

05-03-2006, 06:18 AM
Granted! But the jock strap is too small to wear it ...

I wish Stormbringer hadn't killed Elric.

05-03-2006, 07:01 AM
granted, Stormbringer hadn't killed Elric but Elric had stubbed his toe to badly that he wished he was...

I wish we could all love each-other.

05-03-2006, 07:06 AM
Granted. But we're all extremely jealous, and now we're all pouting because we're not the only one for you...

I wish we could live entirely by unwritten rules -- that everyone would behave decently without having to have things written into law.

05-03-2006, 07:10 AM
Granted. We could all live by unwritten rules & behave decently without laws, but there still are laws, & sometimes they leave us with no choice by to act indecently.

I wish it was the middle of May (my b-day & vacation)

05-03-2006, 07:38 AM
time will grant all-H*A*P*P*Y BIRTHDAY!

I wish you will have so much fun

05-03-2006, 06:11 PM

I'm having a lot of fun marinating meats and veggies, starting two grills ( one for meat one for veggies) chopping up salad, making baked beans and red skin potatoe salad. I even have some shrimp and scallops marinating for kabobs and I have two kegs of Corona, a keg of mountain Dew and two pitchers full of ice cold minted green tea. The tables are set up...but where is everyone from AW.
Now I'm still having fun setting up this feast, but the genie forgot to invite my friends...so I'm sad.

I wish the Information on the Dalmatian Nation had not been Rationed by the long haired Alsatians, who then buried the Documentation among the Impatiens!

05-03-2006, 08:13 PM
Granted. The Dalmatiens traded spots with the Impatiens and the Alsations cut their hair and preserved in in the Documentation.

I wish that my garden was already weeded and that I'd planted more tulips last fall.

05-04-2006, 12:12 AM
granted but instead of two-lips you planted threelips and they will not come up until leap year.

I wish I had planted three-lips before leap year.

05-04-2006, 12:30 AM
You did. But his boys "Two Fingers' McEvoy, 'One Eye' Sorrento, and 'Four Legs' Nasarian saw you ditch his car last fall.

I wish I were dancing on the beach in Corfu with a hot hetero man...or two.

05-04-2006, 01:46 AM
Granted - but they're hot because they're ninety and all that dancing is giving them heatstroke.

I wish the lawn didn't need to be mowed. Again.

05-04-2006, 02:18 AM
It doesn't. A swarm of locusts removed all the blades of grass, now you have a ready made garden site.

I really wish a legitimate publisher would decide to publish my work.

05-04-2006, 05:35 AM
Granted. But they accidentally received two different copies of your MS, and one of them had your name misspelled. Consequently, they accuse you of plagiarising your own work. Both MS's are pulled from the shelves. (However, you have been accepted to Harvard.)

I wish we kept discovering letters the way scientists keep discovering elements.

05-04-2006, 05:52 AM

But the most recent discovery is the letter 'poop,' and no one can think of an appropriate symbol for it withing succumbing to fits of giggles.

I wish I had another quarter so I could play more pinball.

05-04-2006, 06:09 AM
If you just step over here, yeah, right in front of that plunger looking thing. Perfect. I'm sorry, what was that? Oh, the thing at your back, don't worry about it. It's really not moving much. Now, take a deep breath and close your eyes. Oh, and here's your quarter.

(D@mn, missed giving you the quarter. Oh well, I'll catch you when you're up again.)

I wish I could make sense of European law in order to get through reading this directive with my brain intact.

05-04-2006, 08:43 AM
granted, your brain will be intact but transplanted to your pet kitty.

I wish I could stay cool in the summer heat.

05-04-2006, 08:55 AM

Your wish is granted, but now you have no clothes.

I wish I had more hours in the day to get everything done for once!!

05-04-2006, 07:21 PM
POOF!!! Jupiter just ignited providing this Solar System with another sun. So our days are now three months long punctuated by 6 hours of darkness, then another three months of day.

I wish both of you would move a little to the right...no too much go left..now back up, right under that tree...no not there.to the left..no the OTHER left..I wish you would get this right!

05-04-2006, 09:09 PM
Oh so granted! But now they won't stop dancing.

I wish I were on a warm beach with surf taking the sand out from under my toes.

05-04-2006, 09:22 PM
You're enjoying a spectacular moment of peace on the sun-anointed sands. The lapping of waves tickles yours toes, and the solace soothes your mind. You float towards a deep state of relaxation, drifting in dreams, each more pleasant than the last. And that's when the machete-wielding shark zombies attack.

I wish the cute guy I met last night would ask me on a date.

05-04-2006, 10:14 PM
Granted. But you discover that he will enter neither a restaurant or a theatre without putting his George W. mask on first.

I wish I'd stop seeing dancing frogs.

05-04-2006, 10:44 PM
Granted. Now you seedancing snapping turtles.

I wish I wasn't so gullible.

05-04-2006, 11:00 PM
So granted. Now you are bitter.

I wish I didn't have to go to this retirement party.

05-04-2006, 11:53 PM
Granted. You've got a migraine.

I wish I hadn't slept all afternoon instead of editing my current novel.

05-05-2006, 12:07 AM
Granted. Unfortunately, after your novel was edited, you got in your car to run errands. Since you didn't get your nap, you fell asleep at the wheel and plowed into a group of children and nuns. Now you have plenty of time to finish that novel. Too bad they won't give you anything sharper than a crayon on suicide watch.

I wish my phone would stop ringing.

05-05-2006, 01:07 AM
Granted. But now it talks to you in a Brittish accent and throws in odd French obcenities at random times. It also prescreens your calls, only putting through solicitors and gives your mom and friends a hard time.

I wish I knew why my cat won't wear sneakers and and sunglasses while chasing squirrels.

05-05-2006, 03:49 AM
Your cat is a nudist. Now you know.
And please tell your cat to stop chasing me. Thank you.

I wish people wouldn't drive like maniacs on the highway.

05-05-2006, 05:05 AM
Granted. Now you can find the maniacs driving right outside your front door.

I wish I was out from under the poverty star.

05-05-2006, 07:39 AM
granted now you live under the poverty planet

If I reincarnate I want to come back as an old boot

05-05-2006, 06:24 PM
Granted! You are a World War II era German Submarine. A bit rusty, but the coral and the parrot fish don't care.

I wish there were more mainstream roles for badgers, goats, cornsnakes, yaks, spotted toads and wombats in both Disney and Warner Brother Cartoons.

05-05-2006, 09:09 PM
And now there are. But all the voice-overs are done by a drunk Paula Abdul.

I wish that evil genies were nicer.

05-05-2006, 10:40 PM
Granted. They all took a niceness pill and are now calling you up on the phone every few minutes just to chat and flooding your email in box with dozens of little forwards such as jokes, prayers and baby and animal pictures.

I wish that the genies really could grant our wishes.

05-05-2006, 10:52 PM
They can, but they are evil so they don't.

I wish there really were a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and that Leprachauns really would hand it over to the person who found it.

05-05-2006, 11:35 PM
Jaycinth claps her hands together, delighted that the end of the rainbow is not a myth. Now to find the gold. She looks around, noting that there is nothing out of place in the rocky field. Where is that d@mn pot of gold? It should be here somewhere.

She lets out a startled squeak as a strange little man appears before her. As she kneels down to talk to him, she notes his traditional green attire stands out against the rocks. He just stares at her for a moment. The gold flecks in his eyes swirling hypnotically.

"Ahh, lass, we have been waiting for you," he finally says, in a voice solemn and grave. "I suppose you want this here pot o' gold."

"Yes sir, I do, I do!"

"If you are sure then lass, you need but take it, but I must warn you..." the leprechaun starts as he holds out the pot.

Entranced by the sight of so much gold, Jaycinth doesn't see the look of pure greed passing over the leprechaun's face. Before he finishes speaking, she grabs the pot and runs, not wanting to chance that he will change his mind.

The leprechaun waits until Jaycinth is out of sight before setting out after her. He strolls along for about a kilometer before stumbling across a familiar looking pot.

"Well now, here's me gold. Hmm, this one got farther than most."

He bends down and picks up the lone piece of gold on the ground. Biting down on the piece, he mumbles, "She was a good one, she was."

(I know, it's bad, but how else will I get better?:))


I wish I could focus and get some actual (paying) work done.

05-05-2006, 11:37 PM

05-05-2006, 11:40 PM
Here! Have a Ritalin IV...

I wish they had not voted Shane off "Survivor." He was the most interesting one there.

Alien Enigma
05-06-2006, 01:17 PM
A fat, lazy, unruly bum named Shane appears on Survivor that you never heard of.

I wish that I had an infinite number of wishes.


05-06-2006, 07:48 PM
Poof. But now the genie has disappeared and none of them can be granted.

I wish I would write a breathtakingly wise and compelling novel that no publisher would dare to reject or ignore.

Alien Enigma
05-07-2006, 11:52 AM
Upon acceptance of your manuscript, the publisher no longer gets back to you. The title is accredited to another author in Key West, Florida. You receive no profits from the sales of the masterpiece.

I wish that I had a fast boat.

05-07-2006, 07:41 PM
You open up the celephane package in your cereal box and pouf, your wish is granged. It's a mini lime green plastic boat that zooms across the bathtub water.

I wish that I was better at coming up with bad genie wish granting.

05-11-2006, 01:36 AM
Granted. You are now brilliant. Unfortunately everyone is jealous and now hates your guts.

I wish I had perfect teeth and didn't have to keep rushing off to the dentist.

05-11-2006, 05:37 AM
You do. They're plastic.

I wish that I would finish editing my novel and it would be brilliant.

05-11-2006, 07:12 AM
Granted. You have now finished editing it and it's brilliantly empty of any emotion.

I wish it would rain!

05-11-2006, 07:41 PM
Granted! Prince has rented 100 water trucks and filled them with purple -colored sparkling water. He has rigged them to sprinkle on your house and yard and he's performing his 'Purple Rain' revival tour on your front yard ( Yes..on) and he's wearing his classic 'end' less trousers.... ( Lets go crazy...)

I wish the pigeons and various birds would stopo using loud profanity while deciding who gets to 'oop on which part of the old statue today.

05-11-2006, 08:59 PM
Granted. Now the birds only sing Christmas Carols in the voice of Gilbert Gottfried. Loudly.

I wish I had the power to convince anyone about anything.

05-11-2006, 09:17 PM
Granted. The ability to reason suddenly leaves everybody in the earth. You could tell them anything and they'd believe you.

I wish that I'd get some revisions done to my current novel before I have to go into work in a couple of hours.

05-12-2006, 12:18 AM
Hokay. When you get home from work you won't like any of the revisions you made. You will burn the midnight oil putting the WIP back to its original writing.

I wish all the rocks I collected for my rock garden were diamonds.

05-12-2006, 01:41 AM
They are, they are! And so are the rocks in your neighbor's yard, and the other neighbor's yard, and the gravel in your aquarium, and the gravel in your driveway, and that big rock in the park, and all the little rocks in the park. And every bag of gravel in the home center stores, and every rock in the quarry too. Oh Yes, all of that imported Italian marbel in the new museum...diamond..... that granite counter top...diamond... the star sapphire you hubby bought you for your anniversary..diamond... . now the sun rises and you remember you forgot sunglasses.

I wish my cat would stop making those ridiculous 'Dogbert' faces at me while I do crunches.

05-12-2006, 06:32 AM
Granted. It swishes its tail in front of your face instead, and you get treated to a whiff of flatulent kitty dinner.

I wish I would get my act together and start doing crunches again.

05-12-2006, 07:55 AM
Granted. You put an energetic CD on the stereo, and dressed in your old workout clothes. But as soon as you did the first one, you heard this loud ripping sound as the seam gave way on your overly tight exercise pants.

Then you stood up to find the neighbourhood kids had gathered in your backyard, and were looking in the window, and pointing at your rip and laughing...

I wish I really was an elf.

05-12-2006, 05:58 PM
( Why oh why did you ask for this....?)

Granted! and you are a happy elf, a friend to humans. you spread kindness and good where ever you go. But your human friends age and get feeble and finally you have to help their children..some of whom you helped deliver...bury them. Then they get old, and their kids get old...and their kids get old...and all of your elf friends tell you not to worry about short-lived mortals...but since you once were one...you can't help but care..so your heart keeps breaking over and over again...but you never waiver in your kindness to humans...

I wish she hadn't wished that on herself.

05-12-2006, 06:11 PM
Granted. And, Jaycinth, you are a happy elf, a friend to humans. ...

I wish I could think of the perfect retorts when they're useful, not five minutes later.

05-12-2006, 10:06 PM
Your wish is granted. You now can come up with the most biting, humourous, acerbic retorts to any comment. However, when you speak them, they come out in reverse, and in an esoteric dialect of sanskrit.

I wish for perfect health, great wealth, and the love of the most beautiful woman on Earth.

05-13-2006, 04:38 AM
Granted. You're JFK.

I wish the limerick thread would stay at the top of the first page of active threads (!).

05-13-2006, 05:16 AM
Granted, but everybody starts writing the kind of limericks we whispered and then giggled about when we were kids.

I wish I could give up caffeine.

05-13-2006, 06:03 AM
Granted. You are now... what are you doing? Hey! Get back... stop! Someone grab the coffee ... aaaaauuuuggggghhhhh.....

I wish to stop using so many adverbs in my writing.

05-14-2006, 12:01 AM
granted. you have severe writer's block. worse than Stephen King's when he got hit by a van. you can only write short sentances. with no capital letters. your agent drops you.

I wish my kid hadn't taken my house key.

05-14-2006, 12:06 AM
he didn't, he forgot it. you locked the door after him and turned around to see that aliens were overtaking your home. your son returns for the key, and can hear your screams and cries, but has no key to come in and help...

i wish all stories had happy endings.

05-14-2006, 01:13 AM
Me too, but since I have to be an evil genie, the stories all have happy endings but now they all have sad beginnings.

I wish that summer was longer.

05-14-2006, 05:08 AM
Granted, but for every extra day of summer, you have an extra month of winter.

I wish I could stop wasting time.

05-15-2006, 03:31 AM
Granted. Now you're a Type A workaholic who wouldn't think of wasting time, who wouldn't even think of taking a break. You take your writing with you when you go on holidays and while everybody else is enjoying the surf, you are banging the keys on your laptop computer.

I wish I could quit changing the direction of my novel.

05-15-2006, 07:52 AM
Granted. You finally settle on a plot direction you like, and you're enthused about finishing the dern thing. But then all heck breaks loose in your life, and you've got no time to write, and by the time you get back to it, you've forgotten what the book was supposed to be about in the first place.

I wish my kids would do the dishes once in a while.

Taurus Rising
05-15-2006, 10:38 AM
Granted. Then they surprise you by doing the dishes after a family feast celebrating a big holiday, and accidently smash and destroy your prize heirloom dishes brought over by your great-grandparents from the old county.

I wish I knew for sure my wife wasn't having an extramarital affair.

05-15-2006, 10:45 AM
of course she's not. you know this because you hire a PI. unfortunately, she becomes suspicious of your secret meetings and begins to wonder if you have a gay lover...

i wish my dog wasn't so flatulant.

05-15-2006, 11:03 AM
Granted. That's not flatulence. She's in heat, and the smell is everywhere. Who-who-who-who let the dogs out?

I wish I could just ignore people who insulted me, rather than brooding about them for ages.

05-15-2006, 03:23 PM
Granted, but now you're not as sensitive and can't write such wonderful insightful poems.

I wish I didn't have to go to work this morning.

05-15-2006, 07:51 PM
Granted. There's been an explosion, and your workplace was obliterated. No loss of life (I'm not that mean) but the company you work for is now out of business. Is your resume up to date?

I wish the food at the grocery store was free.

05-15-2006, 10:56 PM
Granted, it's now composed entirely of day old and past expiry date offerings, but it's free.

I wish I didn't have a headache.

05-16-2006, 02:32 AM
You're now a noble during the French Revolution. No head, no headache.

I wish I didn't have a cold.

05-16-2006, 05:30 AM
you don't. your doctor called to say you have bronchitis, and it's pretty bad..back to bed you go.

i wish my bedroom stayed as cool as the rest of the house.

05-16-2006, 05:50 AM
Done. Ain't nothing going to happen in there to heat it up.

I wish I felt more confidence in my writing.

special needs
05-16-2006, 06:23 AM
Well, sure...but you are going to become overconfident, and the agents aren't going to like your pompous attitude!

I wish that my mother was nicer, and that she didn't freak out at me for not abiding to her stupid rules.

Alien Enigma
05-16-2006, 11:30 AM
Your mother is now nicer. In fact, so nice that it has become a black mark on your relationship. She worries so much about you, that she has to know where you are every second of the day. You cannot go to town, without her knowing it. She has become ultra-clingy.

I wish that I owned a mega-casino in Vegas.

Taurus Rising
05-16-2006, 12:13 PM
Granted, too bad your general manager is so corrupt he embezzled most of your profits while framing you. You're now bankrupt and in prison with a ruined reputation.

I wish I was wiser.

05-16-2006, 07:08 PM
You are wiser. POOF!!! You are the wiseist guy onthe planet. You are so wise that the FBI Rico probe nets you and you wind up in the Federal Pen in New Jersey. And you are the wiseist guy there, too.

I wish I could buy a bottle of nail polish remover and reasonably expect it not to vanish and be returned empty a week later. I wish the same were also true of my nailpolish. . .

05-17-2006, 12:36 PM
Granted. You now have bottles of both kinds that refill themselves. This has made you so nervous, though, that you no longer have any need for either.

I wish I could sleep.

05-17-2006, 04:07 PM
Granted, but now you can't wake up and when you do, you keep nodding off at awkward and embarrasing times.

I wish my fingernails didn't grow. Cutting and filing them is so boring.

05-17-2006, 11:42 PM
Your fingernails have stoped growing and your nails are now well shaped and perfect. Did I mention you no longer have to worry about chips or breaks either. Your nails contain self repairing nano machines that not only repair, but change the laquer instantly to suit your fancy.

Your toenails grow. And grow. They absorb all of the growth that your fingers don't use. And those self repairing nano-machines make it imppossible to cut, file, trim or in anyway control your toenails. Shoes are a faint memory. Remember the velociraptors in that movie. See their nails....

I wish I lived in a three story octagonal house with hexagonal doorways and rhomboid faceted stained glass windows with said house on a heptagonal lot, where five streets intersect with an entrance to the subway.

05-18-2006, 02:09 AM
You do. Unfortunately, this particular geometric combination unlocks the gates to Hell. The subway mouth is glowing bloodily and you are about to have some rather unpleasant house-guests.

I wish I could travel in time.

05-18-2006, 04:13 AM
Granted, but every time you travel forward, you get amnesia, and every time you travel backward, you suffer paralyzing bouts of deja vu.

I wish I knew what the heck to do with my life.

05-18-2006, 05:27 AM
You decide to devote your life to helping underpriviledged ants and ruin your eyesight staring into anthills. You also develop allergies from all that sand in your nostrils.

I wish I could get paid for my writing.

05-18-2006, 05:37 AM
You are paid your worth in seashells and pickled pigs' feet.

I wish I could sing beautifully.

05-18-2006, 05:41 AM
Granted... you are Farinello.

I wish I'd gotten more sleep last night.

05-18-2006, 05:42 AM
You're still asleep.

I wish I'd taken this percoset four hours ago.

05-18-2006, 06:12 AM
You did, and now you're wishing you hadn't taken it four hours ago.

I wish I wasn't so tired.

Alan Yee
05-18-2006, 06:31 AM
Granted... you will stay wide awake for the rest of your life and will never ever have the need to sleep ever again.

I wish guys were banned from wearing tight jeans.

05-18-2006, 06:44 AM
Granted. All men now have to dress in school uniforms, just like Angus Young.

I wish I could play guitar like Angus Young.

Alan Yee
05-18-2006, 06:58 AM
Granted. Except Angus Young will now track you down and threaten you to renounce your newly acquired guitar playing skills. A good karate kick at his a$$ should make him squeal in pain and leave you alone.

I wish I could write a book that will sell more copies than The Da Vinci Code since it would be so much better anyway.

05-18-2006, 08:23 PM
Granted, but it's suddenly revealed that the Da Vinci Code wasn't such a hot seller after all. Turns out it only sold 50 copies.

I wish that poetinahat would change his avatar back to the one with the guy in the water.

05-19-2006, 09:23 PM
Granted. He changes it back for one minute, then puts a new avatar of him next to a motorcycle that he pretends is his. (jk, poet :)

I wish I could tell when people were not telling the truth.

05-20-2006, 05:27 AM
You suddenly develop psychic abilitites and can read everybody's mind. You can tell instantly when people aren't telling the truth. Unfortunately, you become very depressed because you can also tell when people aren't telling themselves the truth.

I wish I didn't take myself so seriously.

05-20-2006, 05:42 AM
You don't. Unfortunately the clown nose clashes horrendously with your hair.

I wish the ants in the kitchen would just eat the poison, feck off and die..

05-20-2006, 06:02 AM
The ants in your kitchen devour the poison, feck off and die, just as you wished.

Unfortunately, those are only the ants in your kitchen. The ones outside are really pissed off that you killed their relatives and, taking extra vitamins, grow to immense size and squash your car.

I wish I could come up with better answers to these things.

05-20-2006, 09:43 AM
Granted. You get free "how to be a Genie" lessons from Robin Williams and Barbara Eden. They move into your house and clean out your fridge. Barbara gets depressed about her failed career, but her sobbing proves to be a nice counterpoint to Robin's incessant, hyper-manic voice impressions.

I wish I'll have a nice, naughty dream tonight.

Puddle Jumper
05-20-2006, 10:01 AM
Granted but tonight some punk kids will be doing some naughty things to your car.

I wish I had the power to heal incurable diseases.

Taurus Rising
05-21-2006, 12:34 AM
Granted, now you have no peace because an endless stream of people come to you to be healed. The lack of sleep drives you mad and you soon begin to kill the people that have come to you for help.

I wish I could save my life at certain points like a computer game, and then go back to the last saved point if things I tried didn't go as I liked - while remembering what I tried and the results.

05-21-2006, 02:52 AM
Okay. Done.

'Course now, the balance of your life is spent at this address: Dell C:\ (Seagate ATA 9GB, 7200RPM) and your neighbor on one side is an ancient 5 1/4" floppy disk drive, and on the other, a 24x CD drive.

I wish I could control who moves into the vacant house next door.

05-21-2006, 07:01 AM
Granted. A remote control drops into your hands from the air. It's controls every movement of the people who move in next door. Too bad its a family of super intelligence remote controls who control you even in your dreams.

I wish I could write original poems.

05-21-2006, 08:05 AM
Done. Of course, they're so 'original' that they're in an ancient language that hasn't been spoken for thousands of years, but they are original.

I wish I had enough time to write all my novels.

05-21-2006, 09:30 AM
Granted. You're amazed at how much free time you have in prison.

I wish I understood what was really happening in the TV show "Lost."

05-21-2006, 10:09 PM
Granted. Now you can't write, because you're fixated no the show. But you understand it.

I wish I wasn't in such a fog today.

05-21-2006, 11:58 PM
Granted. You now live in the Sahara. Hope you brought your sunblock.

I wish my novel to be finished in less than a month.

05-22-2006, 01:03 AM
Granted. You are now known as Dama Negra. :D

I wish I didn't have to go outside and clean out my car.

05-22-2006, 01:20 AM
Granted. The brakes failed and your car is now in your front room.

I wish Dawno would run over a few more things.

05-22-2006, 04:51 PM
Granted. Your new bicycle is now a tortured mass of twisted metal lying on your driveway. You'll never leave it out there again.

I wish I'd get offered a really sweet deal by a publilsher.

05-22-2006, 05:05 PM
Done! Bloomsbury is offering free chocolate fudge ice cream with Harry Potter box sets.

I wish I didn't have to cook dinner tonight.

05-22-2006, 05:07 PM
Granted. Raw tofu for everyone!

I wish janetbellinger were happier than her avatar looks.

05-22-2006, 06:55 PM
Janet has suddenly won a special writer's jackpot prize that allows her to take her family and live somewhere for 5 years on an allowance of 92,000 Euros a year..au gratis. All she has to do is write and be happy, and she is sooo happy she moves in right next door to you and everymorning at 6 she appears in your home, waking tyour family up with coffee totell you how happy she is. She dances on your lawn at noon and she has had the pet store tie dye your pets and put happpy face stickers all over them. She has hireed people to follow you around telling you that she is still, at that momant ..happy. She visits you every evening for dinner, and when she finishes writing at night she comes over again to tell you that she is happy and will be going to sleep, ahppy and she'll come back inthe AM to tell you how happy she is.

I wish a very very large and habitually over fed elephant would copulate repeatedly with my 'ex's' car. Every day. Forever.

05-22-2006, 07:56 PM
Done. But, I had to grant the "ex's" wish to. The car is permanently parked in your driveway.

I wish I could write a novel that was so adored my name would be more famous than Shakespeare.

05-22-2006, 10:56 PM
Granted but the adoring fans are Trekies and you are only more famous than Shakespere because your work isn't taken seriously by anyone else.

I wish someone else would give my dogs a bath so they would be clean and fluffy and smell sweet (especially the youngest one because she currently smells like dog sweat).

05-23-2006, 02:48 AM
Pouf. A person from one of those pampered pet type services pays a house visit in order to bathe your dogs. The dogs come out sweet smelling - they should smell sweet for the dog groomer poured your $98. an ounce cologne into the bath water (your Jacuzzi) plus used all your Body Bar sponges and bubblebaths.

I wished I hadn't eaten so many Cheesies.

05-23-2006, 02:45 PM
There's no fix for eating too many Cheesies.
But there is a fix for your attitude. From now on, you are as orange as your avatar, for the very reason you eat too many Cheesies. The good side of this coin is that you have your choice of wigs: chartreusse, day-glo pink or violet.
Oh, and you WILL be happy. ;)

I wish there was an extra day this week and an extra four hours in each day of it. I hate deadlines.

05-23-2006, 06:30 PM
Granted! POOF!!!!
Earth and Mars have changed places in the solar system. The day is longer, the week is longer and the year is longer. And the line of rotting zombies that was trying to get into your house has vanished.

I wish people wouldn't think of me as evil.

05-23-2006, 08:39 PM
Poof. You've lost your accounting job and decide to make your living as a spiritual healer. You change your name to Jade and teach people to meditate while standing on their heads. You get so spaced out from the sage brushes you ignite in order to clear the souls of your students that nobody could possibly hate you. How could they hate a person who isn't even mentally present?

I wish I wasn't afraid of june bugs.

05-23-2006, 10:26 PM
Have no more fears.

From now on, those alien looking things that fly into your face and tangle in your hair are called July bugs.

I wish the line of rotting zombies was back; I was in the middle of writing a cool movie script.

07-03-2006, 01:26 AM
They are. Unfortunately the stench is so appalling you are too nauseated to write and are throwing up in the loo instead.

I wish I could control time.

07-03-2006, 01:50 AM
You can, for ten minutes, so you keep pushing things back another ten minutes until you finally get trapped and realize that time loops are a pain in the time loops are a pain in the time loops are a pain in the . . .

I wish the computer gods hadn't lost all those posts and all my witty, intelligent words of wisdom, forcing me to try and be witty, intelligent and wise all over again.

07-03-2006, 03:09 AM
Granted. The posts are being kept in a hermetically sealed mayonnaise jar on the front porch of Google. No one will expect you to be witty again.

I wish it really was May 23rd again.

07-03-2006, 04:14 AM
I wish it really was May 23rd again.

Granted! It is May 23, 1887. Thefirst transcontinental train arrives in Vancouver, BC! I hope you are pleased.

I wish I was more motivated.

07-03-2006, 04:21 AM
Granted. Where's my cattle prod?

I wish I could fly without a plane.

07-03-2006, 05:27 AM
Granted, you can fly like an eagle and you don't need a plane at all. Too bad you can't land without one.

I wish I could figure out what to make for dinner tonight.

07-03-2006, 02:31 PM
Granted..you fell asleep thinking about it, and dreamt the whole meal. Meanwhile, your family got fed-up with waiting and went out to eat somewhere nice, without you.

I wish we could skip July.

07-03-2006, 02:36 PM
Granted. Just walk across a busy street with your eyes closed. After you're hit by a bus, you'll be in a coma for a month. Wake up . . . it's August! You will have a bit of a nasty headache however.

I wish July was more like May (cooler, and more flowers in bloom).

07-03-2006, 08:36 PM
Granted. You've just gotten a $90K per year job. It comes with a house and a garden. The garden is in a greenhouse attached to your house. Your house is next to McMurdo Airforce base. Since that is in Antarctica, July will be as cool as May.

I wish my post about the cannibal teacher hadn't been lost.

07-03-2006, 09:41 PM
Granted. They're not lost, just digesting. Should be out in a few hours, since the cannibal teacher had some Metamucil last night . . .

I wish I hadn't come to work today.

07-03-2006, 09:48 PM
Granted. You didn't come to work, only to play around and chit-chat with your friends. Use the motto, "No need to do today what can be put off until tomorrow."

I wish it would rain today (it's been hot and dry here).

07-03-2006, 10:06 PM
Granted, it rains, cats and dogs. Real cats and dogs. And frogs too. Splat splat splat..messy!

I wish I had a new grill.

07-03-2006, 10:17 PM
Granted. What's on the menu? Frogs. Sizzle, sizzle, sizzle . . .mmm, tasty!

I wish it was lunch time.

07-03-2006, 10:19 PM
Granted. It's lunchtime here. I'm having a sandwich. Later, ice cream.

I wish I someone would wash my car for me. While I took a nap.

07-03-2006, 10:22 PM
Granted, your friendly neighbor washes your car while you nap. Then they take it for a drive to air-dry it, unfortunately they crash it by sideswiping a cop car. Hope you had good insurance.

I wish I could take a nap.

07-04-2006, 12:52 AM
Of course you can. See that nice field, see that nice tree. Now just settle down in the warm sun and naaaaappppppppp.
(Shhhhhhh, did I forget to mention that this is a nice quiet resort in the Catskills....named 'Sleepy Hollow' shhhhhhhhhhh)

I wish my son would finish repairing my car. (I also I wish I had a cup of clean ice water, but I'm too lazy to walk 10 feet to get it.)

07-04-2006, 12:56 AM
Granted - but he got confused near the end and put a fresh glass of ice water in where the oil goes.

I wish I hadn't just thought of three more novel ideas that I don't have time to write just now!

07-04-2006, 04:06 AM
Granted - those ideas were given to Dan Brown instead, and he just made millions off of each of them!

I wish I would get off my lazy butt and actually write something.

07-04-2006, 04:45 AM
POOF! Who'd ever have imagined that you'd manage to spray paint an entire epic novel on the Capitol Building overnight!

I'm in awe.

Agents Smith and Smith aren't.

I wish I could imagine how you'll get out of this.

07-04-2006, 05:11 AM
Granted. Not only have you imagined it, you wrote it, and the entire story became a best seller. Unfortunately it also gave terrorists and skateboarders ideas, and Agents Smith and Smith are after you.

Cuba's nice this time of year.

I wish I knew more about publishing in magazines and trades.

07-05-2006, 02:00 AM
Granted. You get a copy of Jenna's book and read it from cover to cover.

I wish it would rain (before my fireworks-crazy neighbors set us all on fire).

07-05-2006, 10:38 PM
You get rain. Buckets and buckets of rain. It is 1% H20 and 99% HNO3 . You light a match. . . .

I wish 'Cindy' would bring me some staples.

07-05-2006, 10:47 PM
Granted. She staples you to your desk then forces you to sit there and listen to her book proposal that she's sure you'll want to write for her.

I wish the weekends were longer.

07-05-2006, 10:52 PM
Granted. From now on you'll spend your weekends in a doctor's waiting room, or standing in line to renew your drivers license. It will seem like all eternity.

I wish the year wasn't half over already.

07-05-2006, 11:16 PM
Granted. The year is no longer half over. It's now half baked, half-assed, and has only half a mind.

I wish I could drop a few pounds.

07-05-2006, 11:18 PM
Granted, You drop a few pounds, right on your foot. Ouch. Looks like you'll be laid up for a while.

I wish my kids would remember to take the trash out.

07-05-2006, 11:20 PM
Granted. They will . . . about three weeks from now. Gee, your house is smelly.

I wish my cat would learn to change her own litter box.

07-05-2006, 11:29 PM
Granted. Kitty can now change the litter pan, and drive the car to the store for fresh litter and some nice scented liners. And a gross of tuna, five pallets of fresh salmon and twenty seven steaks. Oh, and that's all on your VISA.

I wish the Scottish Highland Games were this weekend, instead of the end of the month.

07-05-2006, 11:46 PM
Granted. You are now Jenna. Don't let the server go down again, Omni-G.

I wish God would, like, forget all the stuff I've done. Just this once.

07-06-2006, 12:42 AM
He remembers allright. Everything you've done. Everything. Do you have lightening insurance?

I wish I didn't have a black widow infestation in my camping gear.

07-06-2006, 02:38 AM
Granted. The black widow infestation is now in your underwear drawer.

I wish my favorite socks didn't have that annoying hole in the heel.

07-06-2006, 02:43 AM
Granted. Your youngest child has just called 911 for a sock emergency. Expect a visit shortly. Uh, don't expect smiling faces.

I wish I had a new Martin guitar.

07-06-2006, 02:49 AM
Granted but it's a Doc Martin.

I wish I hadn't overdone it during my running workout this morning.

07-06-2006, 03:51 AM
You didn't. You lay around in slothful idleness and now all your muscles have turned to mush.

I wish I could get fit without actually having to do anything healthy.

07-06-2006, 07:43 PM
POOF! While you are lying around a dozen Italian tailors appear with plates of pastries and rich Italian coffee. While you are sampling and relaxing they measure you and by mid afternoon you have and incredible wardrobe that fits like a glove.

Too bad it is all in magenta leather.....

I wish people would learn to give me their time cards on time and filled out correctly the first time.

07-06-2006, 09:44 PM
Granted. They're not only on time and filled out correctly, but they've included all the time cards for the rest of this year. They've found a time machine and know everything that's going to happen until December 28th 2006. And now they keep looking at you funny and offering you paperclips.

I wish I didn't work with so many morons.

07-07-2006, 05:34 AM
Granted, but now everyone you work with is smarter than you.

I wish I could be invisible at certain times.

07-07-2006, 05:39 AM
What? Who said that?

I wish someone would run all my errands tomorrow.

07-07-2006, 05:46 AM
I will. Just hand over the credit card first.

I wish I could take a wine-tasting trip soon.

07-07-2006, 05:50 AM
Granted. Only the bus driver couldn't hear well, and thought you meant Whine tasting - and dropped you off at a spoiled brat convention. He'll pick you up in ten hours.

I wish I had a chocolate bar.

07-07-2006, 06:03 AM
Granted, unfortunately it's the middle of the desert, 100 degrees and the chocolate's melting and covered in sand.

I wish I actually had a piece of writing good enough to submit...

07-07-2006, 09:14 AM
Granted, unfortunately it's the middle of the desert, 100 degrees and the chocolate's melting and covered in sand.

I wish I actually had a piece of writing good enough to submit...

Granted. But you didn't write it.

I wish I had a million wishes.

07-07-2006, 12:24 PM
Granted. You had them. Do you remember what you used them for?

I wish the '00's weren't such a terrible decade for pop music.

07-07-2006, 12:28 PM
granted. suddenly there is a fresh new music explosion with talent popping up everywhere. in fact, your boss is 'discovered' and leaves for stardome, ditching the company and putting you on the unemployment line.

i wish i had a new dictionary. mine is falling apart.

07-07-2006, 12:31 PM
Granted. I'll just use a couple of rolls of duct tape and your dictionary will be as good as new. It might be a bit hard to open, but I guarantee that it will not fall apart.

I wish my cat wouldn't hate me if I got a puppy.

07-07-2006, 12:39 PM
granted. she'll love you for the midnight prey/snack.

I wish I could get another parakeet without worrying about my cats eating it.

07-07-2006, 12:43 PM
Granted. But now your cats have no tails and your parakeet looks fat and bearded.

I wish Culture Club were still together.

07-07-2006, 01:16 PM
Granted. They can all share the same room about rehab.

I wish I could go to the lake tomorrow.

07-07-2006, 07:00 PM
Granted. Lake Tehran is open for swimming, just watch your step on the beach.

I wish I could write my ms and mow my lawn at the same time.

07-07-2006, 07:17 PM
Easier done than said. You are now the proud owner of the new 'Smart Mower' it has an onboard computer with a word processor, wireless connectivity and when you ctrl-shift and hit the arrows on the right side you can guide your mower while looking at the screen in screen display of the lawn in front of you and typing your manuscript at the same time.

Better yer the mower is solar powered, and because it is smart it has memorized the size and shape of all the lawns in your county.

Alas. You hit the wrong programming button so the mower has decided to mow all the lawns in the county at a speed of 75mph and it has locked you into your seat for safety. It won't turn off because it is programmed to save your work and to it, that means not turning off. And the sun is bright and hot, meaning the solar cells are constantly charged.

I wish I could remember the question I wanted to post on the Horror thread.

07-07-2006, 07:42 PM
Granted. You've asked all your Horror writing friends the best way to torture girls named 'Cindy' who don't get you coffee and staples when you ask for them. They've made so many suggestions, you're busy writing them all down when 'Cindy' comes by your desk and asks what you're so busy doing. Then you snapped and attacked her with the staples, and she fought off with paperclips and hot coffee. But you finally iced her.

I wish my teddy bears could talk to me.

Variant Frequencies
07-08-2006, 12:47 AM
Granted. But they're depressed, and won't stop whining about it.

I wish I had a swimming pool.

07-08-2006, 12:49 AM
Granted. Check your basement. I just bored a large hole in your water line.

I wish I could dance all night.

07-08-2006, 12:56 AM
Granted, but during the last dance your impression of John Travolta causes a riot, people are hurt and you spend the next five years recovering from a serious back injury.

I wish the pottery studio had fired my pots so I could go back and glaze them tommorrow.

07-08-2006, 01:25 AM
Granted. They're fired. And you're fired. Now you have all the time you want to go glaze them, and several dozen doughnuts while you look for a new job.

I wish I had a big pitcher of berry sangria right now.

Lady Cat
07-08-2006, 04:16 AM
Granted. But unfortunately the berries are belladonna berries.

I wish I could win the lottery.

07-08-2006, 04:42 AM
You win! You have been selected in the Reverse Green Card Lottery. Pack your belongings,, you're moving to Russia!

I wish I could get a new carpet.

07-08-2006, 04:47 AM
Granted. But the installers were inept and you are now stapled underneath it.

I wish to be a genius.

07-08-2006, 04:48 AM
nevermind - Freestyle beat me to it...

07-08-2006, 06:23 AM
Granted. You're SO smart, you've discovered a cure for cancer and the fountain of youth. Now you're surrounded by a bunch of old bittys who want you to marry their grandchildren.

I wish my other sister would show me some respect

07-08-2006, 11:07 PM
Granted. Only the cops finally caught up to you for driving that cement truck, and you're doing LIFE in the state pen.

I wish my cat could speak Swedish.

07-09-2006, 12:48 AM
Granted. She changes her name to "meatball" and hops a boat to Sweden to find other Swedish-speaking cats.

I wish I were a little bit taller. I wish I were a baller.

07-09-2006, 01:28 AM
Granted. You've sprouted up suddenly overnight, an extra 12 inches as a matter of fact. The shock of such sudden growth at your age has affected your mind, however. Now you've started running around town, kicking strange men in the nads. It's gotten to be such a problem, you've been given nicknames by the police such as The Tall Baller.

There's a warrant out for your arrest.

I wish the moon was purple.

07-09-2006, 01:31 AM
Granted, unfortunately it's because it's been inhabited by strange ant-like aliens who are on their way to earth...

I wish hubby would hurry up, get off the PC and take me out for dinner, like he promised.

07-09-2006, 01:32 AM
Granted. You want fries with that?

I wish the ant people would invade, it'd be cool.

07-09-2006, 01:36 AM
Granted. But now the phenomenon known as the moon's 'Purple Pull' has caused massive, rhythmic ocean waves that drown flocks and flocks of doves that squeal in high E.

I wish my writing had depth.

Edit: ACK, I'm so late!! This was for M&M's purple moon...

07-09-2006, 01:42 AM
Granted - it's now sitting on the floor of the Pacific Ocean.

I wish I could sleep without those wretched cats waking me up every 20 minutes.

07-09-2006, 01:47 AM
Granted. Now, only the non-wretched cats wake you up every twenty minutes.

I wish to be in better shape.

07-09-2006, 02:00 AM
Granted - you're now a perfect circle.

I wish I could win the lottery...

07-09-2006, 04:50 AM
Granted. You've won the Toss A Virgin To The Volcano lottery. You'll be missed.

I wish I could breathe under water

07-09-2006, 09:28 PM
Granted, you're a fish and still in your apartment. Have a nice...life.

I wish I wouldn't die until I chose to.

07-09-2006, 10:21 PM
Granted. But your staunch resistance to suicide dictates that you never choose death under any circumstances and you therefore live forever, body and mind crumbling, rotting as the centuries pass.

I wish I knew everything there is to know in the entire universe and beyond.

07-09-2006, 10:23 PM
Granted, unfortunately your head grows so big that children taunt you in the street, you develop acute agoraphobia and spend your days hiding in a log cabin in the woods where you meet neither man nor beast until your lonely death 60 years hence.

I wish I could eat as much as I wanted without putting on weight.

07-09-2006, 10:27 PM
Granted. Now, whatever you ingest disappears immediately upon arrival at your stomach. You are therefore unable to absorb any nutrients or fluids whatsoever through oral intake. You must remain attached to an IV for the remainder of your life. But DAMN, do you look slim!!:Thumbs:

I wish I could speak Italian fluently.

07-10-2006, 12:10 AM
Granted. But due to an unfortunate mistake in aim, North Korea has completely destroyed Italy and there's no one left on this Earth who understands what you're saying except for all those pompous Italian language instructors.

I wish I could be invisible now and again.

07-10-2006, 12:11 AM
Who said that? Come out, come out wherever you are!

I wish I didn't feel the urge to go pick on my napping cat.

07-10-2006, 12:32 AM
(Oh, I'm glad I'm not the only one who does that...)

Granted - unfortunately, your cat is so rested that she keeps you up all night wanting a fuss.

I wish I was a professional photographer covering the Champ Car series and got to travel all over the place watching the racing.

07-10-2006, 01:17 AM
Granted! Your travel/photography career begins soon...however, you must become a man to do so. The operation is Monday.

I wish I had the energy to get my yard work done.

07-10-2006, 01:43 AM
Granted. Due to a sudden spurt of energy and enthusiasm, you've been in the yard for 3 weeks, non stop. Your roses are now three inches tall from over pruning, your lawn can be golfed on, and your hedges are all Disney characters. Now all the neighbors are fighting over your services and there's only time for writing while pushing the mower. You have to pay the neighbor kid ten bucks an hour to copy down the words you've been mowing into the grass.

I wish my sister's migraine would go away.

07-10-2006, 04:14 AM
Granted. And since I thought it was so nice of you to have them in her stead here's some Tylenol to get you started. Might want to get some sunglasses as well.

07-10-2006, 04:20 AM
Since Rivana didn't have a wish, I gave her a rep point!

I wish I had a puppy.

07-10-2006, 04:27 AM
Granted - unfortunately, it just chased the kitty behind the stove. Whilst trying to persuade her to come out, you suffer serious scratches, get jaundice and spend most of the next week in hospital.

I wish I hadn't eaten that last bowl of ice-cream.

07-10-2006, 04:29 AM
Granted. You will eat another bowl. So that won't be your last.

I wish I knew half as much as I think I do.

07-10-2006, 04:31 AM
You now have only half the knowledge you had before you posted. This means you've forgotten how to drive, write, eat and sleep - enjoy!

I wish I actually had a piece of work I could submit to a magazine so I can get the submission pledge in my sig moving.

07-10-2006, 04:37 AM
*blushes furiously*
I can't believe I forgot the wish and still got a rep point. Thanks alleycat.
And now here I am, going to be all mean to someone else... Oh well... *g*

Granted. Unfortunately someone decided they were the author of that particular piece and not you. They sued the magazine who in turn sued you. Now you're dead poor and living on the street.

I wish my father wasn't such a controlling egotist quite so often.

07-10-2006, 05:11 AM
Granted. Now your father is a completely OUT of control egotist all the time.

I wish I could figure out what this pain in my side really was.

07-10-2006, 05:16 AM
Granted. It's an inoperable tumor.

I wish for people to become more enlightened.

07-10-2006, 08:07 AM
Granted. But now everyone is infinitely more enlightened than you are and you are categorized as the lone ignoramus on the planet.

I wish I wasn't so addicted to this "writing exercises, prompts, and games" forum!

07-10-2006, 01:07 PM
Granted. Now you're addicted to coke instead.

I wish for world peace.

07-10-2006, 03:56 PM
Granted. For the next eight seconds no one will start a war.


I wish it was May again and not the middle of July.