Talk. Like. This.

Akuma · Mar 2, 2006

Having recently read Stephen King's Cell, I noticed that when the characters in the book were forced to speak through mindcontrol, they Talked. Like. This. The. Whole. Time. I. Think.

It got me wondering, because I'm pretty sure I've seen this technique used before.
What I'm wondering is for what you could use this for dialogue. Particularly, not a situation where a character is imitating a robot or a superhero is being held beneath a robot.

Comments appreciated.

Sage · Mar 2, 2006

The place I see this the most is when a character is enunciating each individual word. It works really well if the character has a sentence that is only a few words long.

I've always had a question about this, though. If they start enunciating it in the middle of the sentence, would you just start the periods after the first enunciated word?

For example: "How many times do I have to tell you that I. Hate. You."

Nyna · Mar 2, 2006

Well, for that you could probably just write:

How many times do I have to tell you? I. Hate. You.

But I don't know what you'd do if the sentence couldn't be so easily broken down. Find another way of showing that they were over-enunciating and being scary and intense?

luxintenebrae · Mar 2, 2006

Don't know if it's right, but for that sentence, I would think about using em dashes.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I -- hate -- you?"

(Probably won't show up on here as em dashes though, just 2 hyphens.)

Phouka · Mar 2, 2006

The I. Hate. You. style seems really informal to me, for some reason. I hear the right tone of voice in my head, but it would definitely throw me if I saw it in more formal writing (haven't read Cell yet, obviously). I'd go with Luxintenebrae and use em dashes, but I definitely read that sentence differently than the I. Hate. You. style.

I see Capitalized Words used in a lot of forums to express emphasis, and I wonder if that is also going to migrate into other writing, too.

aghast · Mar 3, 2006

Stephen King can do anything he wants because he is STephen King but it doesn't mean it's a standard practice. I. Hate. You could be used for emphasis but if you start ot overuse it it's not good. And you are not STephen King.

Stew21 · Mar 3, 2006

I did this in my ms...sort of, see below.
It worked for me because I wanted him to be approaching her as he said it. I do break between them with a descriptor of him taking steps as he is saying each word.

"I've been planning this for weeks and I'm going." She had stopped walking down the stairs now, afraid of walking into the wall of his chest and being flung back against the wooden stairs.
He could hear the fear in her voice as she spoke and it empowered him. He loved the sound of fear. "You're pathetic, you know it?" He laughed. "You still." He took a step. "Haven't." Step. "Learned." Step. "To follow the rules."

Maybe that isn't an accurate example....

Trish

Maryn · Mar 3, 2006

I've used this style for some time now, in very small amounts. You can't have a character over-enunciate in single words every time he's bent about something, since a little goes a long way.

To my reader's eye, it imparts exactly how the characters speaks the line of dialogue, in a more direct way that saying there was over-enunciation and a pause between each word.

It certainly doesn't belong in anything formal, academic, or "literary" (of the high-fallutin' variety), but for popular fiction it's a useful tool.

Maryn, who's allowed many useful tools to rust through lack of use

aghast · Mar 3, 2006

Stew21 said:
"I've been planning this for weeks and I'm going." She had stopped walking down the stairs now, afraid of walking into the wall of his chest and being flung back against the wooden stairs.
He could hear the fear in her voice as she spoke and it empowered him. He loved the sound of fear. "You're pathetic, you know it?" He laughed. "You still." He took a step. "Haven't." Step. "Learned." Step. "To follow the rules."

not to hijack the thread but this is headhopping and I don't like that...

Stew21 · Mar 3, 2006

thanks, Aghast. I see your point. Appreciated attention to detail.

Trish

pdr · Mar 3, 2006

Ah, but...

Aghast, you are thinking like a writer. Most readers would be very happy to read this because they would know what both people are thinking and that is what they want to know.

Prosthetic Foreheads · Mar 3, 2006

pdr said:
Aghast, you are thinking like a writer. Most readers would be very happy to read this because they would know what both people are thinking and that is what they want to know.

If that were true of most readers, then they would hate a tight 3rd/limited narration (because it only conveys one character's thoughts), and that's not the case. Yes, many might not consciously notice, but more casual readers appreciate non-head-hopping authors than you think. Elmore Leonard is wildly popular and he NEVER let's the reader outside the POV character's head.

Besides, it's easy to fix that dialogue and create the same feeling without head-hopping. If it's from the man's POV:

"I've been planning this for weeks and I'm going." She had stopped walking down the stairs now, as if afraid of walking into the wall of his chest and being flung back against the wooden stairs.

He could hear the fear in her voice as she spoke and it empowered him. He loved the sound of fear. "You're pathetic, you know it?" He laughed. "You still." He took a step. "Haven't." Step. "Learned." Step. "To follow the rules."

If it's from the woman's POV:

"I've been planning this for weeks and I'm going." She had stopped walking down the stairs now, afraid of walking into the wall of his chest and being flung back against the wooden stairs.

She knew the trembling of her voice betrayed her fear and it was clear from the glint in his eye that he loved every second of it.

"You're pathetic, you know it?" He laughed. "You still." He took a step. "Haven't." Step. "Learned." Step. "To follow the rules."

BTW, Trish, I like how you use action to denote the speaker, and no dialogue tags.

aghast · Mar 3, 2006

trust me readers do notice headhopping because it takes them away from the character they're following, it doesn't mean you shouldnt headhop thats definitely a legit way of telling a story, just not my favorite. sorry for hijacking the thread, we can now return to our normal programming. I think doing the talk. like. this. is okay for effect but not repeat as a style

Sage · Mar 3, 2006

aghast said:
I think doing the talk. like. this. is okay for effect but not repeat as a style

Well, yeah, if you do it too much, it loses it's effectiveness. The only use I've ever heard of as a "style" is the Stephen King reference that started the thread.

Akuma · Mar 3, 2006

Dang, Stephen King gets all the fun...
Why can't I get to have three letter paragraphs? *grumble*

LightShadow · Mar 3, 2006

We must follow the rules carefully, guys like Stephen King (with $17 million advances) can do pretty much as he pleases. Our goal? Get to a point where your name alone dictates acceptance.

Prosthetic Foreheads · Mar 3, 2006

LightShadow said:
Our goal? Get to a point where your name alone dictates acceptance.

That would be absolutely fabulous.

LightShadow · Mar 3, 2006

Ah, but aren't we a lot of dreamers? Greatness is built on a foundation of dreams, but action makes those dreams come true.

triceretops · Mar 4, 2006

I used one sentence like this in my last booK: I. Don't. Believe. This.

Tri

Stew21 · Mar 4, 2006

Prosthetic Foreheads said:
If that were true of most readers, then they would hate a tight 3rd/limited narration (because it only conveys one character's thoughts), and that's not the case. Yes, many might not consciously notice, but more casual readers appreciate non-head-hopping authors than you think. Elmore Leonard is wildly popular and he NEVER let's the reader outside the POV character's head.

Besides, it's easy to fix that dialogue and create the same feeling without head-hopping. If it's from the man's POV:

"I've been planning this for weeks and I'm going." She had stopped walking down the stairs now, as if afraid of walking into the wall of his chest and being flung back against the wooden stairs.

He could hear the fear in her voice as she spoke and it empowered him. He loved the sound of fear. "You're pathetic, you know it?" He laughed. "You still." He took a step. "Haven't." Step. "Learned." Step. "To follow the rules."

If it's from the woman's POV:

"I've been planning this for weeks and I'm going." She had stopped walking down the stairs now, afraid of walking into the wall of his chest and being flung back against the wooden stairs.

She knew the trembling of her voice betrayed her fear and it was clear from the glint in his eye that he loved every second of it.

"You're pathetic, you know it?" He laughed. "You still." He took a step. "Haven't." Step. "Learned." Step. "To follow the rules."

BTW, Trish, I like how you use action to denote the speaker, and no dialogue tags.

I'd been thinking about this last night and how I would change it. I was leaning more towards the woman's POV because most of the rest of that scene/chapter is in her POV. But I do appreciate the examples you made here. And thanks as well for the compliment. BTW, (and back to the original topic) it is the only place i have ever used a series of one word sentences for enunciation/effect.

Albedo of Zero · Mar 4, 2006

This. Kind. Of text. Reminds me. Of. How. William Shatner. Talked. As Captain Kirk.

Space. The final. Frontier.

Phouka · Mar 4, 2006

Albedo of Zero said:
This. Kind. Of text. Reminds me. Of. How. William Shatner. Talked. As Captain Kirk.

Ok, now I can't read Cell because this is how all the dialog with sound to me. With horrible overacting and such faaa-bulous emoting. Snort.

LightShadow · Mar 4, 2006

Cell by King? What? Who? And Captain Kirk? Are. we. all. mad?

Just kiddin'. But, it does kind of damper whether or not I will read Cell...sounds, I don't know, like something he threw together just so that he had something on the shelf.

Talk. Like. This.

Akuma

Rare Writer Pokemon

Sage

Our Lady of Parentheticals

Nyna

luxintenebrae

Phouka

aghast

Stew21

Maryn

I Tried

aghast

Stew21

pdr

Prosthetic Foreheads

aghast

Sage

Our Lady of Parentheticals

Akuma

Rare Writer Pokemon

LightShadow

defender of the blahs!

Prosthetic Foreheads

LightShadow

defender of the blahs!

triceretops

Stew21

Albedo of Zero

That didn't hurt

Phouka

LightShadow

defender of the blahs!