Describing Tone of Voice

TheIT · Mar 2, 2006

A couple of posts in other threads have gotten me thinking about how to describe dialogue. Usually dialogue is written in the following format:

"<statement>," said <character>, <added description or action>.

So, something like:

"Stop, don't shoot," said Fred as he backed away.

Fred's tone of voice will be very different if he's talking to a mugger who's holding a .45 rather than his nephew who's holding a water pistol. Problem is, if the tone of voice is described after writing the character's words then the reader might have to backtrack. The reader will already have an opinion on how the words were said because the words came first, so describing the tone of voice after is too late.

So, that leads me to the conclusion that if it's necessary to describe tone of voice, the tone should be described before the character says the words so the reader knows what to expect.

And that leads me to the question of when is it necessary to describe tone of voice? My instinct tells me it's only necessary to add description if the reader won't figure it out by the context and/or words themselves, or if the character's tone of voice doesn't match the words. Opinions?

Pike · Mar 2, 2006

I don't know. I think you always want to paint your scene. That's one of the joys of writing. Setting the scene, establishing tone through surroundings, character interaction, time and place, all of these help create how we'll hear the character's words.

Example: Jim tossed his feet on the audomen and stretched his toes. It was another long day of conference calls and memo pushing at the office, so much head space soaked into a project that he neither enjoyed or cared about. Here at home, surrounded by his two wild boys running through the house, blasting each other senseless with there empty super-soakers, and his wife frying up chicken for dinner, nothing could top it better then a few moments spent reading the paper. Jim straightened out the sports pages, flattening them so he could read it in one clean sweep when a stream of ice water numbed his feet. Lower the paper, he spied Little Jimmy grinning as he took aim at his father. Jim drew the paper to his chest, held out a hand in defense, and then said, "Stop, don't shoot!"

I may have gone overboard but the example gives a brief look into the lead character and what he's up to. You always want to paint the scene and give the reader what William Gibson called Eye Candy to chew on so they know exactly what is happening and it will weld them to your story.

Sage · Mar 2, 2006

TheIT said:
And that leads me to the question of when is it necessary to describe tone of voice? My instinct tells me it's only necessary to add description if the reader won't figure it out by the context and/or words themselves, or if the character's tone of voice doesn't match the words. Opinions?

I agree w/ this part. Someone's gonna come in & say that it's your job to make it obvious from the context or words, but I think there are times when that just doesn't work for some reason or another (might be a stylistic reason or a plot reason or whatever or you just don't need another couple hundred words to describe something that you can say simply & that doesn't need such attention).

I still say that while you should avoid adding the adverb & dialogue tag if possible, your reader WILL process it as they read because the eyes take in more than the part of a sentence you are focusing on. Read some dialogue w/ a dialogue tag in a novel. You knew how that person said it as you read, even though you didn't read the tag until after the dialogue. Now read some other part but block it (with a piece of paper or your hand) so you can only see each word as you read it. It's hard to get tone of the sentence this way, even if the writer shows instead of tells all the time. It doesn't even have to be dialogue, just reading a sentence of narrative one word at a time it's hard to get the rhythm & flow of the sentence.

Anitraka · Mar 2, 2006

I believe you should write the way you love to read. If you like to read descriptive scene's then i think you should write descriptive scene's. But if you like to read books/ novels that get right to the point then write that way. But thats only my opinion. I like to read descriptive novels so i get to know how the character is feeling inside and his/ her's surroundings so it feels like I'm there when them. but again that's my opinion.

reph · Mar 2, 2006

It seems to me the old detective novelists, Raymond Chandler style, had a way of describing tone without using adverbs. They'd write something like this:

"Come in and sit down." Her voice had the warmth of asphalt on a Texas highway at high noon in August.

Branwyn · Mar 2, 2006

reph said:
It seems to me the old detective novelists, Raymond Chandler style, had a way of describing tone without using adverbs. They'd write something like this:

"Come in and sit down." Her voice had the warmth of asphalt on a Texas highway at high noon in August.

I love it!

Akuma · Mar 2, 2006

How do you indidcate a complete devoid of emotion in someone's voice?

The adverb "flat" seems to be popular but I'm hoping for more to work on for one of my characters.

Sage · Mar 2, 2006

Her voice was completely devoid of emotion.

He spoke with an even tone.

Akuma · Mar 2, 2006

CaroGirl · Mar 2, 2006

Akuma said:
How do you indidcate a complete devoid of emotion in someone's voice?

You can describe what the character's doing while he's speaking, or his expression, posture, movement, the reaction of other characters.

Like this:
"I didn't know you were here." He didn't turn, but kept his straight back to her. The only movement in the room was his cigarette smoke as it curled toward the ceiling.

You don't have to describe what a character thinks and feels to convey emotion, or lack thereof. It's a show v. tell thing.

Cheryll · Mar 2, 2006

reph said:
"Come in and sit down." Her voice had the warmth of asphalt on a Texas highway at high noon in August.

Cheryll

Jamesaritchie · Mar 2, 2006

TheIT said:
A couple of posts in other threads have gotten me thinking about how to describe dialogue. Usually dialogue is written in the following format:

"<statement>," said <character>, <added description or action>.

So, something like:

"Stop, don't shoot," said Fred as he backed away.

Fred's tone of voice will be very different if he's talking to a mugger who's holding a .45 rather than his nephew who's holding a water pistol. Problem is, if the tone of voice is described after writing the character's words then the reader might have to backtrack. The reader will already have an opinion on how the words were said because the words came first, so describing the tone of voice after is too late.

So, that leads me to the conclusion that if it's necessary to describe tone of voice, the tone should be described before the character says the words so the reader knows what to expect.

And that leads me to the question of when is it necessary to describe tone of voice? My instinct tells me it's only necessary to add description if the reader won't figure it out by the context and/or words themselves, or if the character's tone of voice doesn't match the words. Opinions?

The reader will read his words in a different manner, depending on whether he's talking to a mugger or a kid with a water pistol. Sometimes you just have to give your readers credit for knowing how to read dialogue.

And when you see you are going to have to describe teh tone of someone's voice, rathe rthan doing so it's probaby a much better idea to ask why you have to do this, and rewrite the scene so it isn't necessary.

I think such things can, on very rare occasions, be necessary, but they're usually stuck in through mistrust or laziness. Either the writer doesn't trust his writing, or doesn't trust the readers, or he's simply too lazy to rewrite the scene, or maybe so inexperienced that he doesn't even realize it's teh writing cuasing the problem.

Prosthetic Foreheads · Mar 2, 2006

reph said:
"Come in and sit down." Her voice had the warmth of asphalt on a Texas highway at high noon in August.

Clever, but I don't find the idea of hot asphalt the least bit pleasant.

reph · Mar 2, 2006

Prosthetic Foreheads said:
Clever, but I don't find the idea of hot asphalt the least bit pleasant.

Had this been a paid project, I would have tried harder. Maybe something about pancakes and melting butter.

Prosthetic Foreheads · Mar 2, 2006

There you go.

Prosthetic Foreheads · Mar 2, 2006

Not related to tone of voice, but in Lullaby, Chuck Palaniuk describes colors of various things throughout the novel, but doesn't use adjectives to do so. For example:

"Helen's suit is red, but not a strawberry red. It's more the red of a strawberry mousse, topped with whipped creme fraiche and served in a stemmed crystal compote. Inside her pink cloud of hair, her earrings sparkle pink and red in the sunlight."

Chacounne · Mar 2, 2006

Reph and Prosthetic Foreheads,

Those were inspiring descripitions; thanks,

Happy acceptances,
Chac

zornhau · Mar 3, 2006

reph said:
Had this been a paid project, I would have tried harder. Maybe something about pancakes and melting butter.

Good attitude. Useful answer in the first place.

reph · Mar 3, 2006

On asphalt and buttered pancakes

But, you see, the metaphors and similes in those novels weren't always pleasant. They fit the persona of the hard-boiled detective narrator.

Stew21 · Mar 3, 2006

why not in the middle of the dialogue?

I always went more toward the body language or action being indicative of tone and avoided the adverb that way.
someone saying, "Matt doesn't miss me." while she trails the edge of her desk with her finger is different than if she pounded her fist on the desk, gritted her teeth, wiped a tear or even if she said it in a mumble that was barely audible.
I don't mind reading the occasional adverb in a dialogue tag, but I try not to use them very often.

I do see that a certain amount of the scene is set up prior to the dialogue and that would help those tags fall into place, and I think you would lose the punch of the words they spoke if you tried to explain the way they were going to say it before they said it. I also like the occasional tag in mid-sentence. Sort of indicates a pause, provides a bit of action between words, what they are doing while speaking or what they are thinking while speaking.

Here's my example of brief scene setting at first, and the dialogue tags that follow:
With this Maggie could read no further, realized she still had several pages to go, and just needed time to process what she had just read. She dropped the paper to the desk, elbows on the edge and buried her face in her hands.

Her phone beeped and Monica’s high, nasally voice came over the speaker, “Mrs. Michaels? Your one o’clock is here.” Annoying.

“I’m terribly sorry. I just received some news; an emergency. I have to go to Texas right away. Cancel my appointments for the week starting with this one.” Maggie was impatient and hated that Monica would hear the pain in her voice.

“Well, uh, oh. Ok Maggie?" Monica paused and when Maggie didn't asnwer, continued, "Can I get something for you?”

Maggie punched the button with her middle finger, wanting to be left alone and replied, “A rental car and a hotel reservation in Austin.”

Ronda · Mar 7, 2006

Write it whatever way makes sense. You won't be using __said much anyway according to the current fashion. But I have used a description of someone's voice sounding slippery, like melted butter or honey-sweet or slow and methodical. It reveals something of character. "I knew it was Hardware Jim, 'cause his voice sounds like gravel," is a line from one of my stories. I'm mostly blind and love to do things with sound, taste, smell, and also the look/color.
Ronda

Mistook · Mar 7, 2006

I've had good results getting across flat sarcasm by using the other character's reaction. One of the things about a flat affect is that it really does tend to be misread, or fool people who aren't familiar with such a character. So if the reader is momentarily confused... well, that's what they'd feel like if they met the character in person.

"My boyfriend's ex came over asking for the child support while I was making him breakfast."
"Uhg! How did you handle that?"
"I stabbed her in the neck, and she fell dead."
"I take it she was a b*tch."

Describing Tone of Voice

TheIT

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Sage

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reph

Fig of authority

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