You know you need to get out more if...

[sugarmuffin]

you scream, "Freebird!" at a toddler puppet show sing along.

(Um, I did this, but what was even more wierd was that the 3 other moms held up imaginary lighters).

[arrowqueen]

Your idea of 'dressy shoes is a pair of flip-flops.

[wwwatcher]

...Supper is the "big event" of your day.

[maestrowork]

... you best hairdo is the natural "bed head."

[WordSoup]

... for several days, you've had no good reason to wear a bra.

[maestrowork]

... you had eaten the last pickle.. the jar from three years ago...

[LiamJackson]

...you poll your pet menagerie daily, on the upcoming election.

[ChunkyC]

... you can't find a single article of clothing you own that fits.

[tfdswift]

....your idea of getting dressed for the day is to change pj's.

[maestrowork]

... you name your cats Kitty #1, Kitty #2, Kitty #3.... Kitty #99...

[RichMar]

You only shower when your thighs are chafed and your underwear got more pills than Bayer.

[maestrowork]

.. you name the fuss balls on your floor...

[ChunkyC]

... the pizza guy shows up at the same time every day without you having to call.

[batyler65]

... the pizza guy shows up at the same time every day without you having to call.

... and you offer him a bigger tip if he will TAKE YOU WITH HIM.

[Betty W01]

your spouse yells up the stairs, "Honey, I'm home!" and you realize that you're still in front of the computer, right where he left you this morning, and you still haven't changed out of your pajamas. Again.

[sugarmuffin]

And I thought no one would respond. These are all great.

ROFL

I especially like the last 2, and Richmar's (if his didn't gross me out so much, but at least he didn't talk about skin tags).:ack

[tfdswift]

.... your idea of a dinner party is letting the dog lick the leftovers off your plate.

~~Tammy

[maestrowork]

... you've watched LotR fifty-six times already, and you reached for the remote, and hit "play"...

(sorry, Ruth, can't resist)

[Kida Adelyn]

You follow the plots of all the soap opera's on T.V.


... you've watched LotR fifty-six times already, and you reached for the remote, and hit "play"...

You mean that unusual behavior? LOL

[RichMar]

you cried each year Susan Lucci missed an Emmy.

[maestrowork]

You know the full name of Susan Lucci's character.

[arrowqueen]

stuff 'character' - you think the soaps are real...

[RichMar]

You spent your rent money getting her autograph on ebay.

[Yeshanu]

... you've watched LotR fifty-six times already, and you reached for the remote, and hit "play"...

Hey! I resemble that remark!

... you have to read this board to find out what your daughter's up to.

... you've never actually met any of your friends in person.

[aka eraser]

foreplay means caressing your keyboard with cotton swabs dipped in Windex.

[ChunkyC]

...you order the original Star Wars Trilogy on DVD from Amazon, the first day it's available for pre-order -- six months before its release date.

Ahem. 8o

PS - aka ... :rofl

[Cary]

No!!! Chunky !! You didnt !!!! I know I need to get out more when, spyed by a friend and Im accused of not wearing any makeup, I furiously claim to be going for 'the natural look'..by god, you know Im lying......and in serious trouble...:nerd
Carybelle

[RichMar]

Ah, Cary's showed up. A shut-in if'n I've ever seen one. Bet she's shooting boar from her bedroom window and telling her hound to drag the carcass to the front door.

[reph]

...if everyone you've spoken to lately is a quadruped...especially if that description also fits everyone who's spoken to you.

...if you keep People magazine around just to remind yourself what they look like.

[Cary]

Richmar......who ratted ???? Ha !!!!:b Carybelle

[RichMar]

Yeah, but I didn't tell them about all your deep conversations with your hound, who, btw, has to tell you how the folks in the neighborhood are doing.

[Kida Adelyn]

...you sit in a cave, only speaking to a small inanimate object that you have named 'my precious' http://warofthering.net/forums/vbulletin225/upload/images/smilies/gollumicon.gif

[batyler65]

LOL@ ALLY

Excellent!


What's it gots in its pocketses? Nasty Hobbit.

[RichMar]

you're last outing was a sit-in at the Lincoln Memorial.

[maestrowork]

... you whole life is like a Martha Stewart Living commercial....

[aka eraser]

if you think those scantily-clad women in the 1-900 commercials really are interested in forming a romantic relationship with you.

[maestrowork]

... the 1, 9, and 0 buttons on your phone have been worn out. Trice.

[RichMar]

you don't know the color of your vinyl siding, and your car has more pigeon crap on it than all the statues in Central Park.

[maestrowork]

... you don't remember if you have a lawn or not.

[RichMar]

your monitor burned your home page to a point where you can't figure the latest news or the novel you've been working on.

[Yeshanu]

... you don't remember if you have a lawn or not.

or -- you look out the window and what used to be lawn is now a forest.

[maestrowork]

You use IM or email to converse with your kids, instead of sitting in a room talking to them...

[Kida Adelyn]

or -- you look out the window and what used to be lawn is now a forest.

you discribing your lawn mum?

[Yeshanu]

Stop telling secrets.

Ray, who needs IM or email? Just get them to join AW...

[Lori Basiewicz]

. . . forget what season it is and have to look out the window to try to figure it out.

[ChunkyC]

...you change batteries in your remote twice and can't remember going outside in between...

[RichMar]

It's open school week and you call your neighbor and offer her twenty bucks to say your kids are hers.

[Betty W01]

You spend more time talking to your brothers online than in person and they live across town. And attend the same church.

[arrowqueen]

...the last time you went out for a meal was a post-funeral dinner.

[maestrowork]

... the last time you saw your wife was on the internet... some porn site that was.

[ChunkyC]

...you finally do go out into your yard and the neighbors call the police to have you arrested for trespassing.

[Cary]

...Readin the grocery flyers, is the most exciting thing you'll do all day...... Carybelle

[maestrowork]

... you know who Paris Hilton is but you don't know where Hilton - Paris is.

[Yeshanu]

... you spend all day thinking up quips for a thread called, "You know you need to get out more if..." :grin

[aka eraser]

you spend several minutes trying to top Ruth's last one and can't.

:thumbs

[maestrowork]

... you know more about Jenna than about your wife (except of course, if you're Frank a.k.a. Anthony)

[absolutewrite]

Did I marry Frank, too? I thought I married Mike. AKA Anthony. Boy, I get around. :thumbs

[absolutewrite]

You forget that your brother-in-law is having surgery, but you send six musical e-cards to your online friend who has a cold.

[sugarmuffin]

Visiting your in-laws for a week is exciting.

[MrAngelwithnowings]

When you jump in the shower, fix your hair, put on cologne/perfume, wear your best going out clothes...then jump back on the computer.

:rofl

[RichMar]

the cops come in with a search warrant 'cause your neighbors said nobody's been seen since Spring.

[Betty W01]

only your on-line friends know you're sick or in need of support of one type or other.

[MrAngelwithnowings]

When someone says something to you funny in real life and you run to your computer to e-mail him..LOL

[Oxygenius]

you've read every reply on this thread more than once.


Og

[Cary]

Oxy..oh yeah, thats proof positive...:nerd Carybelle

[Yeshanu]

... you can't wait for your vacation to end so you can get back on-line.

(I'm back. :jump Anybody miss me? :grin )

[Betty W01]

your husband comes home from work and asks you if it rained here today and you have no idea. None.

[sugarmuffin]

showering is an optional part of your day.

[Yeshanu]

... you want to tell your brat (I mean kid) to do the dishes, and you use a message board to do it... :teeth

(This post has a not-so-subliminal message implanted for Kida...)

[Lori Basiewicz]

Kida, when you're done with the dishes at your mom's house, I have a few that need done, too.

[MacAl Stone]

you involve yourself in a flame war, trying to offer a reasoned debate, arguing a position you don't even believe in--just to pass the afternoon. :smack

[maestrowork]

... you're stuck at an airport and you use your cell phone to surf AW...

:nerd

[ChunkyC]

Kida, when you're done with the dishes at your mom's house, I have a few that need done, too.
...your housework is so backed up that you go online and ask someone a thousand miles away if they could help. :grin

[Lori Basiewicz]

:rofl

[LiamJackson]

Mac, Ray, Lori....that's just scary.
:rollin

[sugarmuffin]

...you get dressed up to go to the grocery store.

L.

[Kida Adelyn]

Kida, when you're done with the dishes at your mom's house, I have a few that need done, too.
...your housework is so backed up that you go online and ask someone a thousand miles away if they could help.

I charge. :grin Cheesecake is valid payment.



...you start to believe what your toaster says is true.

:shrug I dunno where that came from.

[MacAl Stone]

...you start to believe what your toaster says is true.

:ha :rofl :rollin

Kida--I have a lovely tin-foil beanie I periodically microwave to decontaminate. It helps a LOT with the toaster thing.

[Lori Basiewicz]

Kida, I'd pay you in cheesecake. Not a problem.

[ms pasquale]

:hat

You no longer put on sunglasses to be "cool" but because the light hurts your eyes.

[maestrowork]

... you start to think your window with the view outside is a painting...

[RichMar]

On your monthly to-do list the last two items are:

- Shower.

- Shave.

[absolutewrite]

MacAl: I have a feeling you're going to love next week's AW newsletter. Just trust me and make sure you read it.

[MacAl Stone]

LOL--Jenna I always read the AW newsletter :grin

But I shall especially look forward to next week's installment.:jump

[ChunkyC]

...whenever the doorbell rings, you hide under your desk.

PS -- And Jenna, *chunky gets in proper butt-kissing position* I ALWAYS read the newsletter too!! :grin

[sugarmuffin]

You begin to resemble your desk.:ack

[RichMar]

your dog has a litter box.

[sugarmuffin]

ROFL, Richmar.:rollin

[RichMar]

Careful, Muffin. Frequent ROFL's under keyboards is an indication that one needs to see the naked sun more often. However, since your spasm was as a result of MY post it's perfectly normal.

[RichMar]

Hmm, I should say "brilliantly normal."


www.marinosward.com/ (http://www.marinosward.com/)

[arrowqueen]

...your backside has expanded by four inches.

[aka eraser]

when you find yourself in your car, staring dully at the dashboard and wondering where the Install CD is.

[Yeshanu]

...you find yourself in your car, hoping to get home from holidays a little early so you can log into the Water Cooler. :ack

[ChunkyC]

...when you're logged into the Water Cooler on two computers at the same time.

[maestrowork]

... you die of a heart attack because someone online typed "BOO!"... (then again, it doesn't matter anymore, does it?)

[sugarmuffin]

when you catch yourself wondering what funny things Richmar came up with today.

[RichMar]

when you're hoping you can vote in November via a few keyboard strokes.

when Ed Mcmahon is ringing your doorbell and you're door is rusted shut.

[sugarmuffin]

when you frequent Ed McMahon's website.

www.lifestyleslive.com (http://www.lifestyleslive.com)

[maestrowork]

... your toenails are longer than your hair...

[ChunkyC]

...when you cancel the Weather Channel.

[rebyj]

if you've joined 3 message boards in less than 24 hours, thereby doubling the ones you post at.

[Yeshanu]

Welcome to the AW nuthouse, rebyj. :grin

...when you worry about your daughter 'cause she hasn't posted in a week.

[RichMar]

...when your clothing budget is limited to socks and underwear.

...When you know all the names and ages of offspring sired by your FedEx and UPS delivery men.

[MrAngelwithnowings]

...when the homeless collect all your mail outside to recycle for cash.

OR

...when the Guiness Book of World Records is knocking on your door.

[RichMar]

the last time you went out to shop for clothes pantyhose had just debuted, and Kmart was a five and dime store in the midwest.

[maestrowork]

The Jehovah Witness and the Avon people are your best friends...

[ChunkyC]

...your children reach the age where they start asking you if there are any other people anywhere...

[arrowqueen]

...there is a spider web connecting you to your computer.

[MrAngelwithnowings]

when evolutionists use a picture of your face as an example of what we evolved from.

when tourists take your picture and send it to Ripley's Believe it or not

when Harrison Ford is being filmed breaking into your house for the next Indiana Jones movie

[maestrowork]

... the roaches ARE your children...

[reph]

"...When you know all the names and ages of offspring sired by your FedEx and UPS delivery men."

Because your wife is their mother.

[RichMar]

you thought all she ever went out for was to mail your manuscripts.

[arrowqueen]

...your omputer chair is actually a commode.

[Yeshanu]

Great idea, aq! :grin

[ChunkyC]

your omputer chair is actually a commode.
:rofl A reclining commode....

[maestrowork]

I bet you can use the Microsoft manuals as toilet paper too

[RichMar]

every Friday you simonize your mouse, send your keyboard out to a nail painting salon, and pour Drano down your computer chair.

www.marinosward.com/ (http://www.marinosward.com/)

[sugarmuffin]

You've read the above post many, many times.

[RichMar]

since you've come to crave the communication of other sentient beings, you've uncocked all of your mouse traps.

[Cate]

When somebody tells you where the "You know you need to get out more if . . . " thread is.

Hmmm.
Cate

[ChunkyC]

...when you open your curtains and wonder what that bright yellow thing in the sky is....

[maestrowork]

... when the mice have set up colonies in your kitchen and scheming to invade your bathroom...

[RichMar]

But that's okay.

They're now your friends!

[maestrowork]

and you name them after people you know online...

there's RichMar in the corner licking his... tail... there's Mike, and Frank, and Ally and Ruth... now who's nibbling on my toe? Ah, little Maestro.

[Yeshanu]

As long as you don't name a pigeon after me, Ray. :ack

[maestrowork]

How about mourning doves? I'll call one Coo Coo la Ruth.

[RichMar]

You know you need to get out more when your finely sculptured Great Horned Owl hanging from your eaves has so much pigeon "dust" on him that he looks like Casper The Ghost with pupils, and you decide to leave him undusted until after Halloween--a time when you treat costumed pre-adolescents to zit-enhancers by tossing Tootsie Rolls through your mail slot.

[RichMar]

you've been pondering whether those Tootsie Rolls are still edible because you bought them on your last shopping trip--you think it was some time during the Carter Administration. You're a bit optimistic since you're been feeding some to your new friends, the mice, and aside from a few soft stools they're pretty much healthy.

[Lori Basiewicz]

... you think you change seasons by adjusting the thermostat.

[aka eraser]

...you're pretty sure you didn't have any grey in your beard the last time you shaved.

[acetachyon]

We're supposed to get out more? :wha

[maestrowork]

Your cat is scared of your claws...

[ChunkyC]

...articles containing interviews with people claiming to have seen you start showing up in The National Enquirer....

[maestrowork]

You print your own National Enquirer...

[Yeshanu]

... you start dreaming about meeting people you've only met on-line.

[sugarmuffin]

...you only meet new people online.

[RichMar]

they all seem to have your specification on the precise distance and height of where a monitor should be positioned.

[sugarmuffin]

???

[RichMar]

Muffin, you're putting me into a position in which, to explain, I gotta dissect E.B. White's frog.

Ain't sayin' it was a great example of the idiosyncracies of a shut-in, but I thought it had a certain nuance that would evoke a chuckle from some poor soul.

Alas, if nobody's chuckling, the operation was NOT successful AND the patient died to boot.

The attempt was to disclose a possible fetish from a shut-in, where a computer monitor needs to be exactly positioned for his/her peace of mind.

Now that I've wielded my rather clumsy scalpel, I would hope that the denizens here will not follow up with a sardonically, cruel, "Ah! ha, ha!"

[Yeshanu]

Ah! Ha ha! :grin

... when you watch the sun rise.


Via somebody's web cam.


3000 miles away.

[RichMar]

???

[ChunkyC]

:ha

(for elucidation, please see previous half-dozen posts)

[maestrowork]

.. you argue with yourself. Online.

[RichMar]

still lose most of the arguements.

[sugarmuffin]

Richmar, I thought your obscure reference actually was to webcams, and I had a paranoid freak out moment. Then I went and combed my hair and tidied up my living room a bit before I turned the computer back on.

Can you see the zit on my chin?

[RichMar]

a little time in the real sun will clear it up.

[arrowqueen]

The photo of yourself you put up online is now eight years out of date...

[Yeshanu]

aq, You actually have a photo of yourself?

... no-one's actually seen you since 1995 or so.

[ChunkyC]

... no-one's actually seen you since 1995 or so.
That's about how long it's been since I've seen my feet. :grin

[RichMar]

We're talking about shut-ins CC--not beer-belly vision.

[maestrowork]

If it's beer belly it wouldn't only be his feet he's not seeing...

[ChunkyC]

We're talking about shut-ins CC--not beer-belly vision
Yeah, I know, Rich. Just a little side-comment. Oh, and it's from food, not beer, just so you know ... not to invite me over for dinner if you have a small fridge, that is. :grin

[RichMar]

Will a 27 cube in the kitchen and an 18 in the basement keep you from starvation--in an empty nest to boot? We throw more meat out from freezer burn than Angus can produce.

[arrowqueen]

...we can order more online.

[RichMar]

Well, hell, then you have him over.

[ChunkyC]

So many choices.... http://pages.prodigy.net/bestsmileys1/emoticons1/eat.gif

[maestrowork]

CC...

www.cnn.com/2004/HEALTH/d...index.html (http://www.cnn.com/2004/HEALTH/diet.fitness/10/21/diet.sperm.ap/index.html)

:grr :grr

[sugarmuffin]

So many websites to peruse, so little time...Ray dude, you need to get out more...

Drop and give me 500 words, like ohmygodimtotallyserious...

don't make me come over there...

mwaha mwaha mwahahahahahah:ack

[batyler65]

You need to get out more if...

You can post a link to a relevant web site for every post you read.

Um... Ray? What Lisa said.

[maestrowork]

You need to get out more if...

you're playing demented mother to some online person who doesn't exist. Like maestrowork. He doesn't exist.

:grin

[msQTpi]

if you've had grandchildren since the last time you "went out" and they are now in school.

if "going out" to you means walking to the mailbox

if you have to email your mother to get your own phone number, and have to choose which of the 10 email addresses you use to do it from

if you use the instant message service on your cell phone more often than the actual phone service

if you have ever said, "Let me talk it over with Buttons (Your cat) first", before making a decision

if the last time you went outside your hair was much shorter and didn't have grey in it

if you have to trim your nails because they get hung up in your keyboard

if while watching a comedian on TV you hear yourself say, "LOL" for the third time and that makes you add, "LMAO"

[arrowqueen]

...you turn your head sideways when you smile at people.

[batyler65]

...you turn your head sideways when you smile at people.
:^)

[maestrowork]

You talk like this in real life: "ur so kewl, n yw. brb."

[gia052505]

haha! very funny!
you know you have to get out more when you run out of cheese whiz

[Betty W01]

...when your husband comes home from work and asks you, "Did it rain here today?" and you have no idea.

When smilies start appearing in your dreams.

When you've lost the top of your desk and the floor of your office.

[maestrowork]

The next time someone asks you where you live (on the phone of course), you said, "john@hotmail.com."

[ChunkyC]

When the people you feel the greatest bond with are at the other end of the Internet.

[triceretops]

When you need practical experience in paleontology so you go out in the back yard and dig in the kid's sandbox.