Query question

Just a couple of casual thoughts that might help. A query letter can be minimalist, e.g.

Subject: Query - "Great Title" - Genre

25-30 word logline.

Your name
Address
Telephone number
Email

...or more informal, e.g. see the (admittedly old) example on www.ScriptSales.com under Examples / Query Letter

Some execs are quoted as saying all they read is the logline, if it doesn't grab them they won't go further.

Me, I usually kick off with the logline right at the top (since the subject line already informs the reader this is a query), then include 2 short-ish paragraphs describing the story. No one's ever complained.

Given that you're only thirtysomething pages into your first screenplay, might I humbly suggest that you might be asking this question kinda prematurely?

-Derek
My web page - Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Horror - published fiction and WIPs.
Take the critiques you get with a grain of salt. Invariably, some of the critics will be kooks, bitter curmudgeons, or complete fools. ~odocoileus

I'm going to be a smart aleck here and say

WELL.
You write it well.

You address the person you are sending it to by NAME.
Yep that means you've got to do some research and find out who the person in charge of development and finding new projects is.
No, To whom it may concern, or Dear Sir. and Madame, ect.

You include a sharp, clear, interesting logline as the first paragraph.

Then you follow it up by one or two tight paragraphs giving just a bit more detail. Sentences designed to show your skill as a writer, hints at subplot or a major plot point. Not too much, just enough to hook.

If the script is a comedy then your query should produce a smile. It should show wit, humor, pacing. A dramatic story should inspire some feeling. Horror should indicate strong horror elements, etc.

You want to create in the reader a feeling that if they don't read your script they will be missing out on a very interesting story. You want them to stay up at night wondering "What will happen? How will the story work itself out? I must know!"

Then you end with My I send you the pages?

Edit it very carefully. No spelling or grammatical mistakes.
Go over it several times. Have some one proof read it.

I would format the letter as a formal buisness letter with your Contact info at the top and use a nice subtle stationary paper.