Backstory

Another question.
As some of you know, my script is based on the Jonestown mass suicide/murder.

I need to get in some of Jones's backstory - he started out as a sincere pastor, full of idealism, reaching out to black people at a time when few people did. His was one of the very first integrated churches in the US.
I need to get this in without cluttering the script.

At the moment, I handle it by having a relative of a Jonestown member telling Congressman Ryan about Jones's beginnings. This is boring, and makes for long chunks of dialogue.

So my idea is this: have this relative (Joe) keep his story about Jones, but as he speaks in VO, have a montage of those early days, so that we see how the younger Jim Jones had integrated churches, helped blacks, visited the sick etc.
Is that a good idea? Any other suggestions?

By the way, I finished the first draft this morning! great feeling! And it woreked out at exactly 119 pages, without my having to manipulate or cut anything ( I tend to write too long rather than short). In fact, I had planned a few extra scenes, an epilogue sort of, which would have delivered a last minute twist and an unhappy ending. But when I got to page 119 this morning I realised it was perfect as it was, and dropped the twist.

I'll keep that for the novel of the same name!
Meanwhile, it's rewriting time....

dpaterso said:

Congrats on finishing!

When does your protag learn about Jones? Could we the audience learn about him at the same time instead of hearing it from a third party we don't know?

She's a journalist. Could she get access to a film projector and watch amateur 8mm film records of Jones's earlier work?

Shrug, random thoughts.

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Guess I should have given more info! Introducng Ryan at this stage is actually a set up - Ryan plays a pivotal role in the script, as he's the one who investigates Jones and visits Jonestown, and then gets gunned down by Jones, setting off the whole genocide thing. So he needs to be introduced early, and this is the way I did it. Joe, too is not there by accident: we meet his wife Gladys later, and shes the one who pulls the trigger on Jones...

The heroine doesnt have access to anything, she lives in the rainforest! Not even a telephone. But that idea with the films is neverthelessuseful - I coul dhave Ryan sending the tapes to the US Embassy attache who is the heroine's love interest, and have him show them to her, later on in the movie...

I just wonder if that's plausible... he works at the US Embassy, she's a friend/romantic interest on the case - would he be allowed to show her tapes?

Thanks a lot for the feedback.

Aldenard said:

Wow that sounds like a veyr interesting concept, aruna. And 'gratz on finishing your first draft. I don't really have much to contribute with this post, but simply wanted to stand up for A History of Violence, which I personally loved and thought was one of the better films of 2005.

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By pure coincidence, I was looking at the "History of Violence" website yesterday and thought it looked really interesting; I'll certainly try to watch it. Unfortnately, where I live only very few movies come to the big screen so we have to wait for the video. I haven't even seen Ray yet.
I am now up to my neck in rewrite! It's a wonderful feeling to shift one scene somewhere else and know it makes FAR more sense this way.