I try very hard not to have ANY dialogue tags in the book, but sometimes, it's unavoidable. Having more than two people in the conversation sort of demands a brief nod to tags, but two people seldom requires it. Action speaks much louder than words. For example, here's a brief passage from my new WIP. There's not a single dialogue tag in it, but the reader still knows exactly who is saying what:
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A slender blonde woman about a decade older than me looked up from a computer screen as I approached. I nodded in greeting. "Good evening, I’m Roxanne McCoy. I’m here to see Ms. Roche for an interview."
She held out a tiny, well-manicured hand that was covered in sparkling rings. I shook it, but was sorry I did. She had one of those flimsy, jellyfish grips and a damp palm that made me want to wipe off my hand. She looked a bit startled at my firm grasp that loosened abruptly after the initial ‘ick’ factor.
"I’m Mrs. Roche. Is it Miss or Mrs. McCoy?"
I raised my eyebrows, but kept my voice mild and sweet. "Does my marital status matter?" It had better not, since it was against the law to ask. Thank heavens for labor laws, and a little brother capable of interpreting them.
Her small frown spoke volumes. "I suppose not. But here at Royal Crest Hotels, we believe in a traditional approach toward our staff—and our guests. We merely want to address our people in an appropriate manner."
I stifled a shudder that was probably identical to one my great-great-grandmother had felt when she’d become an indentured servant to earn passage to this country.
Traditional.
Appropriate.
Our People. All sorts of scary words in two tiny little sentences. My feet kept trying to turn back toward the door, but my brain wouldn’t let them. I needed this job if I wanted to keep my car and eat.
I like my car. I like food.
My feet remained pointed toward
Mrs. Limp-wrist, and I smiled in what I hoped was a traditional, appropriate manner. "Of course. How very . . .
nice. Perhaps you could simply call me Roxanne. After all, it is
tradition to call a housekeeper by her first name." It wasn’t perfect, but my continuing lack of male companionship was none of her business.
Her face actually brightened at that statement, which made my stomach churn. "What a lovely idea, Roxanne." She came out from behind the counter, all smiles and bouncy steps. Eww. "Well, shall we start the interview? I thought we’d start by looking over some of the rooms, so you have some idea of the layout." She walked away, leaving me to follow behind her a few steps until I could catch up.
***************
In our first book, before we discovered the Chicago Manual of Style, we had lots of dialogue tags. But after one kind editor (in his rejection) offered to look at it again if we could remove them, we discovered how much better the story was without them.
Take the time to remove them. It'll be worth it!
