Writing and Spouse

popmuze · Dec 31, 2005

Whether you're a newlywed, married with children, or an empty nester, how do you manage to balance your writing life with your significant other (as well as children), especially if you also have a full time job outside the house and what you're writing is fiction, which means you may or may not ever get paid and almost certainly won't earn back at an hourly rate anything near the minimum wage?
In other words, what kind of a response did you get from your spouse once you were finally done with your novel and sending it around when you mentioned that you might be ready to start at page one on another?

My-Immortal · Dec 31, 2005

My wife is very supportive in my writing endeavors. I've told her if she feels like I'm deglecting her (or the kids) to let me know, but so far, she says I've kept my writing and personal life fairly balanced (and I trust that she would tell me honestly if I was spending too much time writing).

I try to write mostly while the family is asleep, but I can't always do with so little sleep - so I sometimes write after dinner while my wife spends time with our son. I also try to write during naptime.

Take care all -

TwentyFour · Dec 31, 2005

Shadow_Ferret · Dec 31, 2005

I get no support. I have to write after the wife and kids are asleep. Or during slow periods and my lunch time at work.

TwentyFour · Dec 31, 2005

Luckily my fiance is crazy about video games and some of the same dvd's my son likes...they go off together to play for me to write.

Flapdoodle · Dec 31, 2005

popmuze said:
Whether you're a newlywed, married with children, or an empty nester, how do you manage to balance your writing life with your significant other (as well as children), especially if you also have a full time job outside the house and what you're writing is fiction, which means you may or may not ever get paid and almost certainly won't earn back at an hourly rate anything near the minimum wage?
In other words, what kind of a response did you get from your spouse once you were finally done with your novel and sending it around when you mentioned that you might be ready to start at page one on another?

I work late at night, usually until the early hours, and am knackered at work.
The other half makes snide remarks about writing.

TwentyFour · Dec 31, 2005

aadams73 said:
My husband is completely supportive although he doesn't read what I write. He's my biggest champion and always says "when" I am published, not "if".

Sounds like my fiance! He is supportive but will not read! He would if it had a dragon on the cover and was thin as a comic book.

Jamesaritchie · Dec 31, 2005

Spouse

popmuze said:
Whether you're a newlywed, married with children, or an empty nester, how do you manage to balance your writing life with your significant other (as well as children), especially if you also have a full time job outside the house and what you're writing is fiction, which means you may or may not ever get paid and almost certainly won't earn back at an hourly rate anything near the minimum wage?
In other words, what kind of a response did you get from your spouse once you were finally done with your novel and sending it around when you mentioned that you might be ready to start at page one on another?

I've pretty much always been a full-time writer, so I've never had a problem with my spouse. But I probably wouldn't be a writer without her.

Flapdoodle · Dec 31, 2005

Shadow_Ferret said:
I get no support. I have to write after the wife and kids are asleep. Or during slow periods and my lunch time at work.

I know the feeling (Although no kids yet). I can't sit down for a few hours at home without being nagged at for something or other. THe other half spends most of her time watching rubbish on TV, and gets annoyed when I vanish off to my study to write. THe thing is, I simply can't stand the stuff she watches, and can't even bear to be in the same room when it's on.

cleoauthor · Dec 31, 2005

It really, really helps if your spouse is also a writer!

L M Ashton · Dec 31, 2005

My spice is also a writer. We both write science fiction, and we're at the point of sharing worlds and characters, and (because he's a better plotter than me) him helping me with my plotting. I'm better with grammar and such (English is his second or third language - I forget), so I'm stronger with editing. We each have our own strengths, and while we haven't actively collaborated, we do help each other out.

He works full time, I don't, so he writes before or after work, whereas I have all day to write. I don't write all day, but that's my fault, not his. He's incredibly supportive to the point of nagging, cajoling, bribing, and rewarding. His attitude is also when, not if about publishing.

With his support, I've managed to write a novel (around 300 pages, needs descriptions and whatnot added) in two and a half weeks. Last July.

Incidentally, we've been married since August 2003 - not long - and part of the attraction was scifi writing.

Neither of us ever thought we'd be lucky enough to find someone as compatible as what we actually ended up with.

And yes, I know I'm spoiled and lucky to have someone as supportive as he is.

September skies · Dec 31, 2005

My husband is an avid reader or is always on his computer - so that helps. We are usually in the same room but sometimes he'll leave to his office downtown if I need some quiet time. And he's very supportive of my writing and will read anything I've written that I ask him to. He'll give me feedback and says he'll always be my No. 1 fan.
I can't ask for more than that.

Richard White · Dec 31, 2005

I have a primary time to write (9:30pm to 11:30pm), which allows me to spend time doing family things in the evening and still get my writing in. Luckily, she's very supportive of my writing and is my beta reader/editor. Believe me, the way she wields a red pen, any editor in America would be jealous.

It's not the writing that gets on her nerves as much as it is me going to conventions. That's always been a bit of a sore spot in the family, but I try to balance things (I hit a bunch of cons in 2005, going to quite a few less in 2006. We'll see what happens in 2007.)

It's a give and take, (just like anything else in a marriage).

Writer2011 · Jan 1, 2006

I tend to do my writing whenever my wife is doing something else or has gone to bed. She supports my writing and understands this is something that's important to me...I too am supportive of things she does as well.

expatbrat · Jan 1, 2006

Fiancée is very supportive. He asks about word and page counts all the time and brags he plans to retire when I sell my first two million books. I think he really believes in what I am writing.

We are living in Thailand so he can further his career. I have been offered plenty of jobs in other cities but not where we live, hence without a job I have all day to write. We even have a maid (her name is “Wow” – great name for a maid huh?) so I don’t even need to do the house work.

We will be married in 3 weeks!

ANNIE · Jan 1, 2006

My Husband tries to be supportive- he really does, but honestly he just doesn't get it. he's not a reader either and oesn't read anything I write, wich hurts more than I let him know. he's going back to school for the next thre years and when he's done he will have a guarenteed job that will triple our income and then i can either quit or just do flex time, but I don't (can't!) put my writing on hold for three years!

He gets crazy about me taking full responsibilty for the house/ bils/ horses/ kids and stuff when he goes back and doesn't see how I can fit writing in- I try to tell him you can't have a plan for everything- sometimes you just have to go with the flow-

WVWriterGirl · Jan 1, 2006

My husband has always loved the fact that I write. He is an avid reader, even in the genre I write. He's supportive, but not badgering (sometimes I wish he WOULD badger me...just a bit...). He loves to read what I've written, but only after it's finished (he says he doesn't like to read a story that doesn't have an end).

I feel for those of you who don't have supportive significant others. It's hard with a spouse that loves that I write and thinks I'm a great writer - I can't imagine it without his support.

TwentyFour · Jan 1, 2006

I get support, just he isnt a reader. I actually am glad. If I stink the page up he'll never know! LOL...and I sure wouldn't tell.

pepperlandgirl · Jan 1, 2006

My husband is my greatest cheerleader and keeps me going when I feel like giving up. Tonight I confided that I felt like a fool...somebody who wasn't self-aware enough to realize I sucked, and maybe I should find a better use of my time. He calmly pointed out that 2/3rd of my submissions have been accepted, and the only book with multiple rejections was the one we already knew would be a tough sell due to the subject matter (though all my rejections on that project have been personalized and rather nice).

Tonight I was prepping a submission to a contest that really means a lot to me, and he sat and listened while I read all 12, 000 words aloud, helping me catch mistakes and fix word choice issues.

I've been offered two jobs in the past week. he flat out told me to take the one with the fewer hours because he knows that while we need the money, I would like the time to finish my projects and continue pursuing my career.

He listens to me whenever I'm stumped and I need to talk out a plot point or a character problem. He also offers suggestions.

He's here for all my successes and failures.

He has absolute faith in my ability to reach my goals...which is good, because I often need to borrow some of that faith to keep me going.

aruna · Jan 1, 2006

My husband was not supportive when I was writing my first novel. He thought I should go back to work and contribute etc etc instead of wasting my time. Then when I got lucky and money came in, he was happy and proud - but never read my books. Then he was less happy when I spent the money on private education for the kids (It was important - not justa whim) and sent them to England.
Now he's grumbling again because I haven't yet found a publisher for the 4th book. Worse yet - he is ill and has to take early retirement, so we really, really need money now. Plus, no longer workng he needs more of my time, and possibly I'll have to become an almost full time carer in the next couple years. So things aren't to bright - but I'm still hopeful.

kristie911 · Jan 2, 2006

I work full-time, have a 17 month old son and my husband is completely unsupportive of my writing. I do most of my writing at work...both my work partners are supportive and both men, so it irks me to no end that hubby can't at least keep his snide comments to himself. When I do write at home (usually while he's watching football) he always says (in a nasty tone), "Now what the hell are you doing?" My answer: "writing" then he makes a scoffing sound and tells me to quit wasting my time. He also hates when I read...he'd rather I stare blankly at the TV. He also gets upset when I'm sending out queries to agents and publishers (I'm wasting my time and money again). It does get old, I wish I had someone who believed in me or at least would pretend he did.

I never write when my son is awake, only after he goes to bed. One, I want to spend time with him and, two, he likes to sneak up and push the power button on my laptop!

Despite my lack of support, I refuse to give up on my dream. And when I get rich I'm not sharing my money with him!

pepperlandgirl · Jan 2, 2006

I honestly couldn't live with a man who "scoffed" at me or made snide comments to me. I had enough of that with my parents, I certainly didn't want it in my adult life!

I guess I better make sure my hubby knows I'm thankful to have him around.

blacbird · Jan 2, 2006

Utter absence of sympathy. Might have something to do with utter absence of success. I don't write much at home anymore.

caw.

SusanR · Jan 2, 2006

My husband doesn't read my work, but he's supportive where it counts. He doesn't comment on the proliferation of dust bunnies and dirty laundry. And, while I've been offered a very high-paying (but utterly time-consuming) position, he's totally okay with me passing it up in order to finish this novel. That's supportive...

SusanR

Good Word · Jan 2, 2006

Not much in the support department here, unfortunately.

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