Verb choices in dialog vs. narrative

Trevor Bruhn · May 7, 2012

Some very good crits of other writers' work stress the use of vivid verbs rather than weak verbs supported with adverbs or conjugations of "to be". I took this to heart and scoured my latest SYW posting to put my verbs on steroids. Using that trick in Word 2007 where you click more>show all verb tenses and then find>display all, I got this latest post, "Student Loans", down to 7 "to be" verbs in 1400 words. The problem is, I don't know if it works as well in dialog as in narrative. People talk with easy constructions, maybe without adverbs but with a lot of "am", "is", "was", etc. My dialog that avoids that comes off stilted at times, I think. There are some ace dialog writers in this community, what do y'all think?
I know this should go on the Grammar and Syntax board but I am shameless enough to hustle a few views on the Erotica SYW board, which ppl here are more likely to visit.

Trevor, trying to imagine a forbidden romance for an AC repair guy

F.C.H. · May 7, 2012

I'm not claiming to be a dialog ace or anything but here are my two cents. I understand the idea of tightening up the language in a third person POV narration. In situations where the narration is first person POV or dialog I feel that sometimes the quest for the strongest verb choice comes at the cost of the voice. I personally don't know anyone who self edits their speech to avoid adverbs and weak verbs. Granted, most people also indulge in verbal tics such as "um" or "like" and those don't get translated into written dialog with the same frequency as they would appear in an actual conversation.

For me, reading or writing, the voice is more important than the tightness of the writing especially if I'm in someone's head or someone is actually speaking. In my opinion, in those two contexts, having adverbs and weak verbs makes the characters feel more authentic and natural.

Maryn · May 8, 2012

For me, when it comes to dialogue you get to throw out all the rules and suggestions. The goal is to emulate real spoken words as the character you've created would say them. That's part of the fun of being inside your POV person's head, or observing those s/he interacts with.

The stronger, leaner language which works best for exposition usually doesn't fly in dialogue, unless your narrating character has a hell of a way with words.

So I'm good with something like:

"I'm going, already. You shouldn't be all mad. I din't mean nothin' by it."

The hell she didn't. I wasn't nearly that obtuse.

Maryn, who hears din't from some characters.

Fallen · May 9, 2012

Trevor Bruhn said:
I know this should go on the Grammar and Syntax board but I am shameless enough to hustle a few views on the Erotica SYW board, which ppl here are more likely to visit.

*runs off to G&S section, huddles in a group, and points a finger several times in the general direction of the Erotica forum and Trevor dude* sez we've got no friends, he does -- get him.

I agree with Maryn. Narrative and dialogue are two differenrt beasts with two different feeding patterns.

With dialogue you're after natural fluency. And one thing you with spoken language is that it's created on the spot with little time to think. Writing dialogue is a little different, yes, you have more control over 'time' and 'production', but if you start applying unnatural restrictions, you lose authenticity. Sure make every ounce of dialogue count, but in a natural way.

Kerosene · May 9, 2012

I'm with Maryn.

Dialogue should be purely spoken word. I see dialogue as if you're making a informal speech to someone. You shouldn't worry about tenses or even voice.

I worry about what the characters might say, rather than my writing rules.

I would say half of my writing, maybe more, would be dialogue. And it's written much like what I'm writing, right now. Natural and as if I was speaking it. (It helps if you can dictate as fast as you can speak)

And about all that constructive, mumbo jumbo, I won't use it. If it sounds good, makes sense; It's good. If it doesn't: It's worthless. I could care less what a software program and some code calls me on something.
I also don't use Word/Libreoffice/DEADopenoffice. Scrivener is pretty striped down and after it learns your vocab, you're good to go.

Verb choices in dialog vs. narrative

Trevor Bruhn

F.C.H.

CF4L

Maryn

I Tried

Fallen

Stood at the coalface

Kerosene

Your Pixie Queen