How old is too old for a love interest?

Missus Akasha · Mar 25, 2012

I am currently planning out/writing a fantasy story that features a seventeen-year-old girl who will be turning eighteen later on in the story with a love interest that is nineteen (almost twenty). I was discussing this with a friend of mine and she said that the love interest was way too old for the YA genre. She even went as far as saying that his age was kind of creepy. She thinks that I should lower the age to him being eighteen with his nineteenth birthday around the corner.

After thinking about her suggestion, I began to wonder if his age was really too old and how old is too old for a love interest in the YA genre. I've read tons of paranormal stories featuring angel, demon, and vampire love interests who are hundreds of years old (if not thousands) but look 16-18. However, my lead male is human ... eh, he's an alchemist, but he's human.

Do you think there's a different set of standards and tolerance towards the ages of mortal love interests compared to immortal/supernatural love interests?

Paul · Mar 25, 2012

bickazer · Mar 25, 2012

I sure hope not...since the main love interest in my WIP is eight years older than the protagonist. The age difference is a major issue and acknowledged in the story, and I don't think it would work if I lowered it.

I do think there's more leeway regarding the age of the love interest in fantasy, though, than in works with modern day real world settings.

Sage · Mar 25, 2012

There are YA LIs that are much older than 19. I don't think it's an issue at all, as long as your MC is still in high school. As to whether it's creepy, why would 19 be creepy as a LI to a 17-year-old, but 18 wouldn't be creepy as a LI to a 16-year-old?

Now, if something in your presentation of the relationship is creepy, that's different. If it's just the age, you're fine.

totopink · Mar 25, 2012

Twenty isn't a 'creepy' age. There's nothing wrong with an 18 year old having a relationship with a 20 year old, it will probably just be quite a mature relationship and you have to ask how much that will grip a YA audience.

I mean, where I'm from at least, they will both be adults. I would find it harder to see their relationship as a teenage, naive, "giving my all in the moment" type relationship, which is what I think a lot of relationships in YA are like.
Also, an 18 year old protagonist is just on the cusp of what can pass for YA, so you may want to think about lowering his age for those purposes as well.

If you're writing the character as an adult, as in, if his allure is that he's older and mature and cool, then I wouldn't worry too much about lowering his age. However, if you can write him as exactly the same character but call him 18 instead, you may want to change it just for YA purposes.

Jessianodel · Mar 25, 2012

I see nothing wrong with that age-it's not creepy. Then again me and my boyfriend have a four year age difference so I may be a little biased but I don't see a problem with it. Too old with a 17 yo would prob. be (for me) 22-23+

Paul · Mar 25, 2012

Oops. My 22 was for anyone, anywhere.

but em, for YA, a year or three difference no biggy.

Missus Akasha · Mar 25, 2012

Those are some really good points!

@Jessianodel: That is kind of why I didn't really think of his age as old or creepy because I'm 19 years old with a 23 year old boyfriend. Age difference never really bothered me, but I can see where it could make some readers uncomfortable.

@totopink: I am really still getting a feel for his personality, but I'd say he is definitely a mature person because he has a massive responsibility that can't be taken lightly or people will start dropping dead. My lead female is mature for her age, but the story is still coming-of-age because she has had a very sheltered life.

@Sage: I was really wondering the same thing. I didn't quite understand my friend's reasoning for calling my lead male's age creepy, but I guess it's all about personal preference?

mhjess · Mar 25, 2012

I think it depends on the circumstances and the maturity level of the main character. Like, if it's a sixteen year old girl who falls for a man old enough to know better, I'm going to be grossed out because it'll feel manipulative in a way. But, if it's a sixteen year old who falls for the centuries old vampire/demon/angel/whatever that can't help but love her, I'm going to be a little more forgiving. Does that make any logical sense? No. But, there you have it.

I think it's a good rule of thumb that, if your teenage MC's life is starting to resemble that of Courtney Stodden, hit your delete key as quickly as possible.

maybegenius · Mar 25, 2012

My totally-arbitrary-and-personal age cutoff for adolescents is 4 years in either direction, but skewed toward older. I don't so much care for a 14yo and an 18yo together, but it's not unheard of or unreasonable. A 16yo with a 12yo starts to get skeevy, though. Mainly due to the puberty and school-age difference.

I admit to having a bias against significantly older (5+ years) characters dating teenagers. Though some teenagers may be very mature, there's kind of a wall between high-school-aged experience and out-in-the-world-as-a-legal-adult experience, IMO. It creates a power dynamic that I really dislike.

That said, I don't have a huge issue with an 18yo dating someone in the 20-22 age range, depending on how the relationship is portrayed. If there's a definite power play going on -- the elder pressures the younger to drink, or experiment sexually, or condescends to them and treats them like a child while still viewing them as a sexualized partner -- then it's an issue. If their relationship is mutual and even-handed, I have no problem.

ETA: Also, there's no line in YA that says a boyfriend in the 19-21 age range would be unacceptable for a 17-18yo protag. I've read a few YA books where the protag's LI was 19-22.

Kriven · Mar 25, 2012

Isn't Edward like 100 years older than Bella? Judging by the masses of teen girls who aren't freaked out by this, I'd say everything is go if it works in continuity.

Elysium · Mar 25, 2012

Call me weird, but I personally don't mind age differences in YA. I find relationships where the LI and the MC are two different ages very fascinating. The main character of my YA contemp is 17 and her LI is 24. Now a lot of people might cringe at that but it all depends on how you handle the story.

For example, Rose, the MC in the Vampire Academy series is dating her instrutor who is 7 years her senior. I love those books and I didn't find their relationship creepy so...yeah.

Just be careful how you handle the story and a two year age difference isn't really that bad. I say...go for it. Don't change the ages unless you really feel you need to.

Niiicola · Mar 25, 2012

When I was 17, I had a 19-year-old boyfriend. Nobody thought it was creepy in the least. I may be wrong, but I don't think there's really any age limit on the LI as long as the MC's universe is still that of a teen.

Elysium · Mar 25, 2012

Kriven said:
Isn't Edward like 100 years older than Bella? Judging by the masses of teen girls who aren't freaked out by this, I'd say everything is go if it works in continuity.

^

THIS. lol

maybegenius · Mar 25, 2012

And see, the Edward/Bella dynamic skeeved me out because he talks down to her and acts as though he knows what's best for her... but he still wants to bang her. Do not like. Either you think she's a kid or you think she's your equal.

Sage · Mar 25, 2012

I seem to remember hearing about a formula for "Okay" age difference. I believe you take the older person's age, divide by 2 and add 7 (because I remember thinking 14 = 14). I'm sure this formula is based on nothing whatsoever, but I definitely remember it being a topic of conversation among my friends as what's acceptable.

Becca C. · Mar 25, 2012

I think it's all in the narrative's awareness of the LI's age.

Lol, vague. But I have one book with an eighteen-year-old protagonist, and throughout the book he has two LIs. One is sixteen and very emotionally all-over-the-place, very manipulative, very teenagerish. The other is twenty-six, very steady and comfortable in his skin but very lonely. The older LI ends up being the one he stays with because the younger one proves to be extremely selfish and ends up betraying him. Even though he's eight years older, he would never betray him in a million years and he offers complete security and a more mature relationship, based on trust and an emotional bond rather than a purely physical one.

The narrative is aware of the age difference, though. The MC does get a little weirded out by it, since the LI is a police officer who used to get him in trouble a lot. There's very much an awareness of just how "grown up" the LI is, and it does cause some difficulties for them but it works because the whole theme of the book is maturity and growing up.

tl;dr

missesdash · Mar 25, 2012

I had to read this a few times because I thought maybe it actually said 14 and 19 and I was misreading it haha. It's not creepy at all. Seriously, anyone who thinks it is probably has a few hangups about age differences.

My first boyfriend was 17 and I was 12.
That was creepy.
In retrospect.

little_e · Mar 25, 2012

When I was 17, I was dating a guy who was 26.

I know a couple which began dating when the girl was 16 and the guy was 30. (And years later, they seemed quite happy together.) That is probably getting out of the 'normal' romance age range that most folks would be comfortable with--but it happens.

17 and 19? Pfft. That's nothing.

Maxinquaye · Mar 25, 2012

My current 16-year old MC has the total hots for a grown woman. Well, she's the Aphrodite, and she's like 200 years old, and he has to sit down and put something in his lap when he's in the room with her. She's his boss too because he's Eros.

It's not a problem.

JQTrotter · Mar 25, 2012

It seems like that everyone is pretty much in agreement that the age difference between your MC and her 19 yo boyfriend is acceptable. But here's my two cents anyway

I think this is completely fine. That's barely an age difference at all. As long as it fits into the story like mhjess said.

Literateparakeet · Mar 26, 2012

I agree with the others 17 and 19, no problem.

For me, the age difference can increase as the characters get older. For example, I think a 14 yr old with a 19 yr old (5 yrs) is too big of a gap, simply because one of them is 14. If the characters were 30, and 40, then even 10 years would be no big deal to me.

KateSmash · Mar 26, 2012

It's not so much age that would creep me out (my parents are ten years apart, I've had a lifetime to think of it as kind of status quo), but the imbalance of power. And by imbalance of power I mean the teen dating their teacher, mentor, or anyone with any sort of authority over them. So the relationship in Vampire Academy rubs me the wrong way.

I will say I find most of the teen-falls-for-supernatural-all-powerful-critter relationships confusing and problematic. Like, why is a 300 year old master vampire were-kitten wendigo sniffing around a high school? Even if they look like teenagers themselves, they wouldn't have any of the same restrictions or interests. So I have to figure they're either ephebophiles or on the look about for abuse-prey or both.

Delio · Mar 26, 2012

I know I don't see any problem with the ages. I will echo a few people here about teachers dating students and what not. That always rubs me the wrong way as the teacher seems to be abusing their power.

Either way what you have is fine. Go nuts.

dancing-drama · Mar 26, 2012

19 is totally fine.
In the (bestselling) Vampire Academy series the protag is 17 and her LI is 24. Her other LI is 21. Just to name an example.

My MC is 16 and her LI is 19.

It's public knowledge that girls mature a lot faster than boys... And if you think down the road wife 47 y.o. and husband 49 y.o. is not creepy at all.

How old is too old for a love interest?

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