'He Caught Himself Thinking'

Quentin Nokov · Mar 20, 2012

So, I ran into this little quote: 'He caught himself thinking about Character X.' I'm beta reading right now and this is gnawing at me. Does anyone really catch themselves thinking? I know what the author means and I guess in some ways I like it, but it doesn't seem right either. I'm not sure how to critique him because I don't want to sound like a jerk. I'm torn, is this acceptable / unacceptable? Does anyone have variation suggestions / opinions?

HoneyBadger · Mar 20, 2012

I guess so, but it's not really artful writing.

Like, you know when your brain is just all static, and you're hanging out not really doing anything, and then BAM you're thinking about how you left your windows down last night and it's been raining all day? And you're like Whoa, brain! Then your seat's wet.

No?

Oh.

Carry on.

Archerbird · Mar 20, 2012

I suppose it's when you think about something/someone and you're not paying attention to what your're thinking...if that makes sense. Does look and sound weird though.

Jaligard · Mar 20, 2012

It's told, not shown, that's the problem.

Makes more sense to have the character think about X, then chastise himself for doing it.

RobJ · Mar 20, 2012

Seems fine to me.

Literateparakeet · Mar 20, 2012

Yes, I think you can catch yourself thinking, but it's not the best way to write it. I love Jaligard's suggestion.

SomethingOrOther · Mar 20, 2012

He caught a cold and himself thinking.

He caught himself, in a baseball mitt of regret, thinking.

jaksen · Mar 20, 2012

I suppose it works in specific circumstances.

When he heard the tune on the jukebox, he caught himself thinking of her again and got another drink.

Usually when one of my characters is thinking about his own thinking - I'll say something like 'he realized' or 'he was (became) aware how much he kept thinking about her, even though she'd put him through nine different versions of lover's hell.'

Or similar.

rugcat · Mar 20, 2012

jaksen said:
I suppose it works in specific circumstances.

Not really. It's not terrible, but it is inferior, lazy writing, the sort of thing that you need to catch in revision and get rid of.

There are always ways of expressing the same idea better, and more cleanly. It just takes some time and thought to find them.

LillyPu · Mar 20, 2012

Unless it's recurring, I think it's okay once. It's simple, to the point, and I don't think there's one person who doesn't know what's meant by it. The reader gets an immediate identification, and we're on to either the "thought" or the next thing. Sometimes if you try and be over creative with such a simple thing, it starts sounding like writing.

It really does depend on a lot of different things. Just mark each time it jars you, along with any other comments you have. And give that writer a link here so they can read up on it. That might help them.

PPartisan · Mar 20, 2012

I'd rather just change it to "He/She thought about character X." It's more honest, as we do think about people every know and again. This will be attached to some kind of internal or external trigger.

cathyfreeze · Mar 20, 2012

LillyPu said:
Unless it's recurring, I think it's okay once. It's simple, to the point

But to me, it's not really. It often takes *less* wordage to show that kind of thing, re:

Strawberries. Molly's hair always smelled of cheap, strawberry shampoo. Silk flowing down her back to her....

Well, shit. Now he had a boner.

jjdebenedictis · Mar 20, 2012

Yes, I do occasionally catch myself thinking things, but that's because I'm trying to curtail a tendency to be negative. When my mind is wandering, sometimes I realize I'm doing it again, and then I try to derail that train of thought.

I think this is roughly how cognitive therapy works. Anyhoot, I understand what the writer meant and personally wouldn't have a problem with that line--if used once, as LillyPu said.

hlynn117 · Mar 20, 2012

When people mention 'show, don't tell', this is the type of writing they mean. You could have written about *what* the character was thinking. Then, you have the moment when the character goes, 'What? I need to do x! Stop thinking about Y person, self.' It's more true to what a person would do, and it says something about the character and lets your reader inside of the character's head.

WriteMinded · Mar 20, 2012

Quentin Nokov said:
So, I ran into this little quote: 'He caught himself thinking about Character X.' I'm beta reading right now and this is gnawing at me. Does anyone really catch themselves thinking? I know what the author means and I guess in some ways I like it, but it doesn't seem right either. I'm not sure how to critique him because I don't want to sound like a jerk. I'm torn, is this acceptable / unacceptable? Does anyone have variation suggestions / opinions?

Yes! I catch myself thinking about something I'd promised myself not to think about. Or I catch myself thinking about that same damn thing again. It's when my mind has gone where my will did not intend it to go, and my consciousness suddenly catches up.

You mean you never do that??? Lucky you.

lolchemist · Mar 20, 2012

For me the "He caught himself thinking about *name of person*" thing would make sense if he had specifically told himself to STOP thinking about the person and he felt frustrated because he just caught himself doing it again. Without a context like that, the word 'caught' seems inappropriate. "He FOUND himself..." would make more sense.

wishflower · Mar 20, 2012

Mary Kole did a great blog post about this at kidlit.com

http://kidlit.com/2012/03/14/interrupted-thoughts/

For everyone who says that they catch themselves thinking about things, do you think "I caught myself thinking about..." when you do it? No (at least I really hope not. Even my internal monologues don't go THAT far...)

Like several others have suggested, showing the actual thought process and interruption is way more effective, lets the reader into your character's head, and doesn't draw attention to itself.

Quentin, if it caught you up, it'll catch others up. Just highlight/circle whatever as show, don't tell, and if he has questions, link to the kidlit article. At least, that's what I'd do.

Bufty · Mar 21, 2012

If I came across that phrase - or any phrase for that matter - and I followed what it meant in context, I would move on.

Devil Ledbetter · Mar 21, 2012

Jaligard said:
It's told, not shown, that's the problem.

Makes more sense to have the character think about X, then chastise himself for doing it.

Not everything has to be shown. Tell is okay, too. The problem with "he caught himself thinking" is that it's a big filter. Filters are okay sometimes too, but since this one snagged the reader it's probably too much.

It's really a POV issue. In close POV, you'd just write the characters thoughts without even pointing out that they're his thoughts. In a more distance POV, he thought, or he caught himself thinking, could work.

Quentin Nokov · Mar 21, 2012

WriteMinded said:
You mean you never do that??? Lucky you.

When I read 'He caught himself thinking', to me it sounds like he was unaware of what he was thinking until it was thought. Whereas I know what I'm thinking while I'm thinking it, but then realize later I should try to stop myself because it's upsetting or I promised I would never ponder such a thing again, blah blah blah.

@ Lolchemist: Found may be a better word, I'll suggest it to him.

@Wishflower: Thanks for the link.

@ Devil Ledbetter: You know, maybe it was the POV that startled me. It seems like he goes in and out of distant-third a lot. This felt very close which made me double-take.

Thanks for all your input guys.

bonitakale · Mar 21, 2012

Like Bufty, I'd read it and move on. No problem, unless it's one of umpteen times it's used.

I could see its being very useful --

Every time he caught himself thinking about George, he gave himself a mental slap. George wasn't his problem anymore.

Dr.Gonzo · Mar 21, 2012

I understand what it means. It's one of those lines I feel like I've read a thousand times. That's my problem with it. It's just a bit dull and ho-hum, business as usual, nothing new to see here. of course, that's just one line from an MS, completely out of context. It isn't very inspired. And writing this post about that line is...

GFanthome · Mar 21, 2012

Jaligard said:
It's told, not shown, that's the problem.

Makes more sense to have the character think about X, then chastise himself for doing it.

I would have to agree.

I *caught myself thinking* yesterday, actually. I was out for a walk on my lunch hour, it was a gorgeous day outside, and then my thoughts just stopped when I realized I wasn't noticing anything around me, like the spring flowers or the birds chirping.

BethS · Mar 21, 2012

Used once, within the right context? I don't see an issue with it.

Used repeatedly, it's a problem, if only because of the repetition.

Rufus Coppertop · Mar 21, 2012

Literateparakeet said:
Yes, I think you can catch yourself thinking, but it's not the best way to write it.

It's better than this:

He abruptly caught himself wallowing mentally in frivolous cogitation with the cunning net of competently deployed mindfulness.

'He Caught Himself Thinking'

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