Methods for staying positive

GFanthome said:

At this point, I'm seriously considering giving up on writing all together.

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Want a pep talk?

Last year, I figured I was going to give up writing (depressive bipolar phase, but the feeling lasted longer than that). I'd tried to get repped on a fairly regular basis and nada. But I had an MS that was ready, so I decided I'm going to query three agents and if nothing happens, screw it (yeah, I know, three is NOTHING! lol)

The first query I sent out got me an agent

Who got me a deal. A sweet one too.

If it can happen to me, it can happen to you.


Never give up. Never surrender.

Pick any book off your shelf published in the last, say, 30 years or so. Pick one that you really, really like. Someone you consider a genius. The modern day Tolkein or Austen or Lovecraft or whoever else you might love.

Now remember this: Their first novel was probably rejected dozens, if not hundreds of times.

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern was undoubtedly my favourite book of 2011. I thought it was the most delightful piece of literature I had picked up in a decade. I found out that Morgenstern was rejected thirty times before someone signed her on.

You know how when you take up boxing, you have to take the punches and you're meant to lose some of your first fights, you do them for the experience? Same thing with rejections. You have to amass a few of them (and when I say a few what I really mean is 30+). Look at it as your badge of honor as a writer.

Other than that, I second what everyone else has said.

... quit submitting. That's what I've done for stretches at a time. Then you're not getting any rejections back, allowing you to stay positive and to write and work at improving, so that when you return to sub'ing again your chances are improved and maybe then there will be one or two acceptances scattered in among the rejections or at least some passing interest.

There's only so many pep talks that can really help. Yesterday, I was kinda in a dark place... but you can always draw on so many stories.

If you are under 35, most writers mature and settle into their style around 30-35.

If you are over 35, Terry Goodkind published his first novel at 46, which became a TV series.

If you are any age, JK Rowling, most commercially successful novelist ever, 79 agents rejected Philosopher's Stone.

If you average a partial on 1 out of every 10 letters you sent out, you're doing okay.

If you average interest in 1 out of every 5 letters you send you, you're a fucking rockstar.

Rejection is your bedfellow. The only thing stopping you from becoming a professional writer is whether or not you'll ever give up. If you do, you won't. If you don't, you will.

Pick any one of these, hug it tightly, and move on.

The only thing I can think of to say is that if you're an active writer, then you're probably getting rejections. It's something to be proud of, really. Two years ago I was ready to quit too. Just hang in there and keep writing, keep reading, keep believing in your manuscripts, and things will eventually turn around.

GFanthome said:

How does everyone stay positive? At this point, I'm seriously considering giving up on writing all together.

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You know, I could say that if you're being tormented by your writing, you perhaps ought to throw in the towel. That's less competition for the rest of us.

But writers don't think like that. We'll keep encouraging you until you publish and get so filthy rich you can't see the rest of us any more.

I didn't write with the intention of being published. It takes the pressure off. I still write mainly for the edification of my peers. If I publish (and I have been), it's all gravy, but I don't know the folks who buy my books.

GFanthome said:

Hey guys: Could really use some advice on how to stop thinking about throwing in the towel because of all the freakin' rejection letters I'm getting. It's not just limited to my novel - because of my exhuberance, it's now extended it's evil rejection to short stories.

How does everyone stay positive? At this point, I'm seriously considering giving up on writing all together.

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You have to expect to get lots of rejections. That's the way this game goes. It only takes one "yes."

Before I got the "yes" from my first agent, I got 52 rejections. But I expected that not everybody would be into my writing, so it never got me down (and her yes started as a no -- she said she'd reconsider it if I did some revisions, and I did). Querying is the process of finding the one agent or editor out there with whom you have a strong connection. Just like dating or making friends, not all the connections you make will have the spark. You just keep putting yourself out there, though, because eventually you will bump into the one who sparks for you. But you will only bump into them if you keep trying.

GFanthome said:

How does everyone stay positive?

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I take the absolute value.

At this point, I'm seriously considering giving up on writing all together.

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If you want to give up, do it now.

A little long-winded, but I wrote this to a friend who had the same problem:

"Dear One, I've been close to packing it in myself. And I'm repped! Nothing has come easy for me it seems--a struggle all the way up that hill. I know you've been trying to snag that dream agent, and the odds are just so crazy. I know that POD small press is distasteful to you, as it is with a lot of us. But there are some gems out there that I think you should at least try--give it a shot. (Honest, I think I'm becoming the king of small press lately).

Gawd knows publication with the smaller outfits won't give you that mass-market paperback deal you've been looking for. Dawg knows that you won't get a thread in your favorite writing group, praising you for your accomplishments to the high heavens, nor hundreds of members buying your book. But what it will give you is vindication that somebody, anybody, read your book and loved it--believed in you--believed in that story. It's all about positive reinforcement--that drive to keep you going, pushing for that next step.

Just taking one example: I landed my agent with a survival tale--kind of a cross between Robison Crusoe on Mars and Starship troopers. Oh, did I have high hopes for that one! We spent months hammering out the plot, polishing the prose. After it went through two rounds of agent subs over a year's period without selling, I was totally crushed. I thought this was the end.

Until I sent it out.

Two editors at one small publisher loved it and requested minor changes. Contract came. I got a small advance and a wonderful contract. I thought it was fluke. I kept thinking author mill. It was later that the publisher came under some terrible discrimination and floundered. So I voided the contract but kept the advance. I sold it again to a larger e-pub/print publisher. Two editors there said they loved it. When I tried to work the contract in my favor they wouldn't budge. So I pulled the book from them.

My final sale was to a newish pub house that specialized in SF. They praised it up one side down the other. The editor shared the manuscript with a "name" SF author. Yep, done deal. They wanted some minor changes--which I made happily.

That was not a fluke.

My point is, a lot people couldn't be wrong. Nine, including me. The big houses probably cut me off at the knees at the synopsis stage or the first chapter. I was dismissed out-of-hand. But I'll tell you something very important I learned; I knew that my instincts were right all along. I had something very special, but for whatever reason, those big name houses didn't catch it, couldn't see the potential. Bad timing, bad luck, bad breath, the stars out of alignment, some damn evil force conspired to get me and hold me down.

I think you need to so something similar for YOU. And I have to admit that handing out rejection slips to publishers sure did something for my ego.

I'm reminded of another writer, and the hassle she went through trying to find a publisher. She had a memoir that just had to be told. It seemed like it took her forever, but she finally landed with a respectable publisher and turned the small press on its ear by selling more books than anyone expected. Wonderful reviews, TV and radio spots followed--it all came into place for her. I'm positive that she never regretted that decision. A great story will find its way to the readers, in spite of all the obstacles. She didn't give up.

But that means you can't give up on it. Listen to your heart. Screw the establishment."

Like Ken said, keep writing, but stop querying for a while. Give your natural optimism a chance to build up again.

Because trying to get published is what's bumming you out--not writing. They're two completely distinct pursuits. There's no need to give up writing when it's the query game that is wearing you down.

So keep writing and take a break from trying to get published. When you're ready to give it another shot, the opportunities will be there.

jjdebenedictis said:

Because trying to get published is what's bumming you out--not writing. They're two completely distinct pursuits. There's no need to give up writing when it's the query game that is wearing you down.

So keep writing and take a break from trying to get published. When you're ready to give it another shot, the opportunities will be there.

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this. It's just a long road for most of us. I had years when I stopped writing, I had years when I stopped querying, but I came back to it because i couldn't imagine not doing it. Those years were actually good years-I lived a lot of life in them and used some of the experiences to make my writing better.

When I'm at my lowest, I get out of my apartment, go somewhere peaceful, and let the outside world get me out of my own head. It really recharges you!

CharacterInWhite said:

Pick any book off your shelf published in the last, say, 30 years or so. Pick one that you really, really like. Someone you consider a genius. The modern day Tolkein or Austen or Lovecraft or whoever else you might love.

Now remember this: Their first novel was probably rejected dozens, if not hundreds of times.

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern was undoubtedly my favourite book of 2011. I thought it was the most delightful piece of literature I had picked up in a decade. I found out that Morgenstern was rejected thirty times before someone signed her on.

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Didya know:
It started as a NANOWRIMO novel, and she used to be a semi-regular here on AW?

She's lovely, charming, witty, and bright, and totally just like the rest of us -- just trying to create something someone might like to read.


If she can do it, if I can do it, if a ton of folks on here can do it - you can too. Just have to push through this part.

Maybe reading through and participating in this thread will help? (if you haven't done so already)

Mharvey said:

There's only so many pep talks that can really help. Yesterday, I was kinda in a dark place... but you can always draw on so many stories.

If you are under 35, most writers mature and settle into their style around 30-35.

If you are over 35, Terry Goodkind published his first novel at 46, which became a TV series.

If you are any age, JK Rowling, most commercially successful novelist ever, 79 agents rejected Philosopher's Stone.

If you average a partial on 1 out of every 10 letters you sent out, you're doing okay.

If you average interest in 1 out of every 5 letters you send you, you're a fucking rockstar.

Rejection is your bedfellow. The only thing stopping you from becoming a professional writer is whether or not you'll ever give up. If you do, you won't. If you don't, you will.

Pick any one of these, hug it tightly, and move on.

Click to expand...

About Rowling, I'm almost sure that even after she got the agent, she still got twelve rejections from publishers!

CharacterInWhite said:

Pick any book off your shelf published in the last, say, 30 years or so. Pick one that you really, really like. Someone you consider a genius. The modern day Tolkein or Austen or Lovecraft or whoever else you might love.

Now remember this: Their first novel was probably rejected dozens, if not hundreds of times.

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Then talk to our own JamesARitchie about all the horrible difficulties he had in getting his work accepted. Which we all hear about at every golden opportunity.

caw

GFanthome said:

Hey guys: Could really use some advice on how to stop thinking about throwing in the towel because of all the freakin' rejection letters I'm getting. It's not just limited to my novel - because of my exhuberance, it's now extended it's evil rejection to short stories.

How does everyone stay positive? At this point, I'm seriously considering giving up on writing all together.

Click to expand...

my first grad school teacher used to say "if it was easy, everyone would be doing it".

I think that is at least as true for writing.

So, are you an "everyone" or one of the folks who makes it happen?

Honestly? I write the stories I want to write, characters I love and passionate about.
I don't write to be published.
If I never receive that 'yes,' I won't be hanging up the USB and red editing pen. I'll keep writing, keep trying, and that's okay.

Of course, if someone at Orion offers me a six-figure, three book deal, that's fine by me too.

GFanthome said:

Thanks everyone for your kind, encouraging words.

Usually I'm made of tougher stuff than this, but I guess I just reached the breaking point. As you're all aware, trying to find a publisher (or even an agent) sometimes feels like you're hitting yourself over the head repeatedly with a baseball bat.

But not to fret... I shall boldly forge on. Guess I just had to feel sorry for myself there for a moment.

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One thing I didn't see...have you tried to figure out where you might be going wrong? I got a ton of rejects because my query was terrible. So I stopped making an ass of myself, stopped querying and I've been working for two months on my query while I edit my ms.

In all honesty, taking a break, taking a step back and working on the writing (which is what I love) really helps.

As a matter of fact I'm staying at work an extra half hour tonight to do more editing. Because I can.

gothicangel said:

I don't write to be published.
If I never receive that 'yes,' I won't be hanging up the USB and red editing pen. I'll keep writing, keep trying, and that's okay.

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Amen. I get huge satisfaction from my thoughts getting inked on paper. Perhaps too much. I write to tell stories to the children in my life. And tbh at times I think I really don't want to share with the rest of the world.

Is your story or your words any less valuable to you if it doesn't get published? And if you wrote a piece of trash that became popular, would you get the same satisfaction from it?

Write for an audience and you might never be satisfied, but write for yourself and you'll never be disappointed.

(1)Would you be happier if you quit? Do what makes you happy. Life is too short for anything else.

(2) How do you know you're not rubbish at writing? This is a sincere question. How do you know? Where's your proof? I've met plenty of people who thought they could write but who were, in fact, terrible and simply clueless about it. If you don't have proof that you are good, you'll always be second guessing yourself. Make sure you know your proof and keep reminding yourself of it. (Hint: If you take part in a writing group and can't tell who is the worst writer there, it's probably you.)

blacbird said:

Which we all hear about at every golden opportunity.

caw

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No sniping, please. I swear I don't know what's gotten into the water around here lately, but we could all use a little less of it.

Back to the OP's post: It's not something I usually struggle with in writing, but back when I was getting a university degree, it was brutally hard and I wanted to quit in the worst way. The best thing to do (for me) was to go for a walk or work in the garden for a while--I had a little garden of my own next to my apartment. Sometimes just thinking about something else can lighten the strain.