Boyfriend/Girlfriend labels - are they necessary?

CAMueller · Mar 16, 2012

The couple in my MS find themselves in one of those harrowing situations that forms fast bonds. As such, their relationship moves quickly -- strong loyalty, etc. CP and beta have found the relationship organic except for one part -- it feels weird when they refer to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend because they haven't sat down and had a talk, etc.

So, here's my question: Would it bother you to read older teens (17 and 18) who were in an understood relationship, but they never label it? There are kissing/make-out scenes. It would be clear they are together, but they'd never name it as a relationship per se.

kuwisdelu · Mar 16, 2012

I don't think so, as long as it fits their characters. My ex and I were like that.

Dreity · Mar 16, 2012

Makes sense to me. When my husband and I were dating, boyfriend never seemed to have enough of a "grown-up" feel to it for me to want to use that term. I only used it to explain my relationship to people who were unaware of it - to everyone else, he was Matt.

CAMueller · Mar 16, 2012

Thanks!

Also, Dreity, my husband is also named Matt. *high five*

veinglory · Mar 16, 2012

I think younger readers might be more familiar with it then older ones. It is hardly uncommon to have 'it's complicated' or asymmetrical relationships at that age.

missesdash · Mar 16, 2012

I agree it can stay unlabeled. But I also don't think you need a "talk" to go with boyfriend/girlfriend. I've never had such a talk in my life, I just start using the terms when it feels right.

So I'd say you're fine either way.

CAMueller · Mar 16, 2012

missesdash said:
But I also don't think you need a "talk" to go with boyfriend/girlfriend. I've never had such a talk in my life, I just start using the terms when it feels right.

So I'd say you're fine either way.

Thank you.

I don't think I could write a "talk" scene with these characters, because in my head it sounds like "soooo, I like you and stuff."

I can do battle scenes. I can do make out scenes. Let's define our relationship scenes? IDK.

In other words, I'm pleased others think the relationship identifiers (boyfriend/girlfriend) aren't necessary if the emotional part is clear.

Kriven · Mar 16, 2012

If they're making out, and they consider themselves exclusive, I don't see the problem with using those labels.

veinglory · Mar 16, 2012

The problem to my mind is that someone has to consent to be your girl/boyfriend even if you have ticked the boxes. You can't just assume it, they have to agree--or at least not object.

missesdash · Mar 16, 2012

veinglory said:
The problem to my mind is that someone has to consent to be your girl/boyfriend even if you have ticked the boxes. You can't just assume it, they have to agree--or at least not object.

Well generally they are consenting by going through the motions. I've never been in a situation where I'm clearly dating someone and they are offended when I (or an outside party) breaks out specific terms. It can be mutually agreed upon without being discussed.

Besides, 99% of the time, you will refer to them by their name.

CAMueller · Mar 16, 2012

veinglory said:
The problem to my mind is that someone has to consent to be your girl/boyfriend even if you have ticked the boxes. You can't just assume it, they have to agree--or at least not object.

Fair point.

My question is more would it bother you to read scenes where a teen couple makes out, acting in a romantic nature without having their relationship defined.

They may later sit down and agree to use labels, etc. But for the time-being it would just be them together without having that discussion.

Sage · Mar 16, 2012

I don't know. It would never occur to me that this would even be a question. For some characters it's important to define what the relationship is. Some will be asking (at least mentally) whether they're a boy/girlfriend now or not. Sometimes it will come up in conversation with other people. But sometimes it's just natural that it doesn't come up. You can show the relationship just as easily as the characters can tell us it. Do whatever feels natural for that romance, for those characters.

n3onkn1ght · Mar 16, 2012

I think this can fall under "Show, Don't Tell". If their actions say it, then you don't need to.

missesdash · Mar 16, 2012

Sage said:
I don't know. It would never occur to me that this would even be a question. For some characters it's important to define what the relationship is. Some will be asking (at least mentally) whether they're a boy/girlfriend now or not. Sometimes it will come up in conversation with other people. But sometimes it's just natural that it doesn't come up. You can show the relationship just as easily as the characters can tell us it. Do whatever feels natural for that romance, for those characters.

This. Not all teenagers are the type to need a verbal agreement. Some definitely would. Depends on what your characters are like.

kuwisdelu · Mar 16, 2012

For me, it was typically a situation where we'd been friends for a long time, and at some point it turned romantic, but actually calling each other boyfriend or girlfriend meant changing the status quo, and acknowledging that change in our relationship meant acknowledging we were putting our friendship at risk for the hope of something more. All subconsciously, I think. Maybe we knew.

Megx1987 · Mar 16, 2012

I don't actually think I've ever read a story where the MC's "defined" their relationship, or had "the talk". That includes YA fiction as well as some of the romances that I've read.

lolchemist · Mar 16, 2012

Megx1987 said:
I don't actually think I've ever read a story where the MC's "defined" their relationship, or had "the talk". That includes YA fiction as well as some of the romances that I've read.

This.

I mean I don't think even Bella and Edward had the "Are we boyfriend and girlfriend now?" talk. Unless it adds anything to the story (like character development or conflict, like for example the convo comes up and one of them refuses because he/she wants to keep their options open and date others or they DO want to be monogamous but they're opposed to being labeled or whatever) we don't really need to see it.

You know your characters better than anyone else. Ask them, do they want to be called boyfriend/girlfriend? If yes, then good. if no, then why not? etc etc.

breaking_burgundy · Mar 17, 2012

I would love to see more undefined relationships. Titles make relationships feel so restrictive!

Boyfriend/Girlfriend labels - are they necessary?

CAMueller

Part-time ninja

kuwisdelu

Revolutionize the World

Dreity

CAMueller

Part-time ninja

veinglory

volitare nequeo

missesdash

You can't sit with us!

CAMueller

Part-time ninja

Kriven

veinglory

volitare nequeo

missesdash

You can't sit with us!

CAMueller

Part-time ninja

Sage

Our Lady of Parentheticals

n3onkn1ght

missesdash

You can't sit with us!

kuwisdelu

Revolutionize the World

Megx1987

lolchemist

Shooting stars.

breaking_burgundy