Quick question

FallenAngel · Mar 11, 2012

Hey everyone, been awhile since I posted here. Just wanted to ask a quick question.

Iv'e been stuck at this scene, where I don't want to reveal if the person is male or female till a specific moment allowed it. The person is cloak.

How would I describe that person?

"A cloaked person?"

"A cloaked humanoid?"

if you have any examples it would be greatly appreciated

thanks in advance.

seun · Mar 11, 2012

Depends on the context. What's the situation/genre/character viewpoint? You're probably safe with 'person' but it really does depend on the context.

Bufty · Mar 11, 2012

Try describing the character's place in the scene and/or the obvious details seen during their entrance rather than simply 'describing the character' as 'A ....'.

The tightly wrapped cloak and overhanging hood blended the stranger into the darkness of the corner farthest from the lamp.

Describing the stranger as 'him' or 'he' in the next sentence doesn't automatically mean he's a man. Depends on the POV character's perception.

FallenAngel · Mar 11, 2012

Bufty said:
Try describing the character's place in the scene and/or the obvious details seen during their entrance rather than simply 'describing the character' as 'A ....'.

The tightly wrapped cloak and overhanging hood blended the stranger into the darkness of the corner farthest from the lamp.

Describing the stranger as 'him' or 'he' in the next sentence doesn't automatically mean he's a man. Depends on the POV character's perception.

yes this is the type of decription I was looking for. (Least an example of structure I wanted).

Thank you

I will play with other similar sentence structure till I get the one I want. But aye, you gave me the perfect example of what I was looking for.

Maryn · Mar 11, 2012

He's good, isn't he?

Maryn, nodding

BethS · Mar 11, 2012

FallenAngel said:
Hey everyone, been awhile since I posted here. Just wanted to ask a quick question.

Iv'e been stuck at this scene, where I don't want to reveal if the person is male or female till a specific moment allowed it. The person is cloak.

How would I describe that person?

"A cloaked person?"

"A cloaked humanoid?"

if you have any examples it would be greatly appreciated thanks in advance.

A cloaked figure?

Though surely you'll want to vary that some. And how the person is described is going to depend on the POV character, who could, after all, make assumptions about gender.

FallenAngel · Mar 11, 2012

Aye, the POV would be from a camera at a far away angle at the start, then it would zoom focus on the character in question.
Sorry, Thought I'd clear that up

bonitakale · Mar 11, 2012

FallenAngel said:
Aye, the POV would be from a camera at a far away angle at the start, then it would zoom focus on the character in question.
Sorry, Thought I'd clear that up

BethS, I, like "figure," for the first mention:

A shadow moved at the end of the alley. In motion, it resolved itself into a cloaked figure, bent over a garbage can/ sliding away from the faint light/ climbing the fire escape...

BethS · Mar 11, 2012

FallenAngel said:
Aye, the POV would be from a camera at a far away angle at the start, then it would zoom focus on the character in question.
Sorry, Thought I'd clear that up

So...omniscient?

BethS · Mar 11, 2012

bonitakale said:
BethS, I, like "figure," for the first mention:

A shadow moved at the end of the alley. In motion, it resolved itself into a cloaked figure, bent over a garbage can/ sliding away from the faint light/ climbing the fire escape...

Nice.

And you can just call me Beth.

LindsayM · Mar 17, 2012

Bufty said:
Try describing the character's place in the scene and/or the obvious details seen during their entrance rather than simply 'describing the character' as 'A ....'.

The tightly wrapped cloak and overhanging hood blended the stranger into the darkness of the corner farthest from the lamp.

Describing the stranger as 'him' or 'he' in the next sentence doesn't automatically mean he's a man. Depends on the POV character's perception.

PERFECT answer.

Mumut · Mar 18, 2012

I used 'a cloaked figure' and things like that but I only kept the gender hidden for half a page. I'd have found it difficult for longer.

Brigid Barry · Mar 18, 2012

FallenAngel said:
Hey everyone, been awhile since I posted here. Just wanted to ask a quick question.

Iv'e been stuck at this scene, where I don't want to reveal if the person is male or female till a specific moment allowed it. The person is cloak.

How would I describe that person?

"A cloaked person?"

"A cloaked humanoid?"

if you have any examples it would be greatly appreciated thanks in advance.

"Cloaked figure" works well in this situation. You don't know what the gender is and - IMO - it conveys a humanoid. Unless of course you are writing fantasy with non-humanoids that also wear cloaks, then you may want to specify.

Have you not posted because you've been - dare I say it? - writing?

Quick question

FallenAngel

<Crusader>

seun

Horror Man

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

FallenAngel

<Crusader>

Maryn

I Tried

BethS

FallenAngel

<Crusader>

bonitakale

BethS

BethS

LindsayM

Mumut

Well begun is half done...

Brigid Barry

🧂🐎👩