does this sentence make sense?

sense · Mar 7, 2012

"If you are not in the mood for another monologue of depressing anecdotes, put this book down."

I'm torn because on the one hand it seems logical to simply say, "I am not in the mood for more depressing anecdotes." But based on the context, it would help to have the word monologue in there (because earlier I talk about how this book is completely in the first person, as it is a memoir, so it's all about me, me, me, and how that might be annoying).

Again, I am specifically concerned about the "monologue of anecdotes" part. does monologue make sense in referring to a written memoir? is it OK to use monologue as "collection" or "series" of anecdotes, as it is in this context?

underthecity · Mar 7, 2012

Maybe put a "filled" in there. I'd also suggest rewriting it so it's positive:

If you are in the mood for another monologue filled with depressing anecdotes, then read on.

The tone of the sentence has changed. It reads lighter now.

HoneyBadger · Mar 7, 2012

It's a legitimate sentence.

Siri Kirpal · Mar 7, 2012

sense said:
"If you are not in the mood for another monologue of depressing anecdotes, put this book down."

I'm torn because on the one hand it seems logical to simply say, "I am not in the mood for more depressing anecdotes." But based on the context, it would help to have the word monologue in there (because earlier I talk about how this book is completely in the first person, as it is a memoir, so it's all about me, me, me, and how that might be annoying).

Again, I am specifically concerned about the "monologue of anecdotes" part. does monologue make sense in referring to a written memoir? is it OK to use monologue as "collection" or "series" of anecdotes, as it is in this context?

Sat Nam! (literally "Truth Name"--a Sikh greeting)

I have no problem with your sentence. But I am wondering why you want to tell your reader at length that it's in first person (most memoirs are) and why you want to tell them it's depressing. I would look at that and stop reading.

Blessings,

Siri Kirpal

Stacia Kane · Mar 7, 2012

It makes sense, but "another depressing monologue" or "a series of depressing anecdotes" sounds better to me. Take that or leave it; it's your work.

(I mean that in a friendly way, as in you don't have to listen to me, not in a snotty way.)

Susan Coffin · Mar 7, 2012

Yes, the sentence makes sense to me, but I would leave it out all together. Why tell the reader anything and take away their adventure of discovery?

Garriga · Mar 7, 2012

The sentence is perfect the way it is. I say let it stand.

E.B. White said there is always a better way to write a sentence.

Also, you might want to look at the paragraph as the basic unit of a your story. paragraphs should flow to a certain beat.

Bufty · Mar 7, 2012

I can't understand why the sentence is there at all.

It's completely negative and if it's an attempt at humour I think it may backfire.

And why suggest the book may be annoying - yes, it may well be if it's 'all about me, me, me,' but why draw attention to it?

And writing in first person is not as easy as it may seem.

sense said:
"If you are not in the mood for another monologue of depressing anecdotes, put this book down."

I'm torn because on the one hand it seems logical to simply say, "I am not in the mood for more depressing anecdotes." But based on the context, it would help to have the word monologue in there (because earlier I talk about how this book is completely in the first person, as it is a memoir, so it's all about me, me, me, and how that might be annoying).

Again, I am specifically concerned about the "monologue of anecdotes" part. does monologue make sense in referring to a written memoir? is it OK to use monologue as "collection" or "series" of anecdotes, as it is in this context?

HoneyBadger · Mar 7, 2012

Also it's pretty cliche.

The first sentence in House of Leaves, which is beautifully crazy and ridiculous, is:

This is not for you.

Gilead · Mar 7, 2012

Why not something like a torrent of depressing anecdotes, or a deluge? A collection of dreary monologues. Or an assortment of minor atrocities committed upon the written word.

Also, the sentence you posted reminds me of Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events. The first book starts with:

"If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book. In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle."

And it goes on like that for many, many books. If that's the tone you're going for, it's a fine line between setting the mood and making the reader think 'Oh, maybe I will put the book down, after all'.

Britwriter · Mar 7, 2012

It makes sense. I'd say that how well it works will depend on the rest of the writing and what tone and mood you want to create.

Ginger Writer · Mar 7, 2012

Gilead said:
Also, the sentence you posted reminds me of Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events. The first book starts with:

"If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book. In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle."

And it goes on like that for many, many books. If that's the tone you're going for, it's a fine line between setting the mood and making the reader think 'Oh, maybe I will put the book down, after all'.

Gilead beat me to the punch. This is more or less what I was going to say. So, uh, I second that.

BethS · Mar 7, 2012

sense said:
"If you are not in the mood for another monologue of depressing anecdotes, put this book down."

Again, I am specifically concerned about the "monologue of anecdotes" part. does monologue make sense in referring to a written memoir? is it OK to use monologue as "collection" or "series" of anecdotes, as it is in this context?

If the writer of the memoir drones interminably on in one long speech, then you can call it a monologue, even if it contains a number of anecdotes.

sense · Mar 7, 2012

BethS said:
If the writer of the memoir drones interminably on in one long speech, then you can call it a monologue, even if it contains a number of anecdotes.

Obviously the memoir is not just one long speech. There is dialogue. But I'm wondering if the fact that the whole book is from one narrator's point of view, does that qualify as a monologue?

And the other poster above brings up a good point: is it better to say "monologue filled with" .....or does "monologue of anecdotes" imply the same thing.

Sorry for splitting hairs! Also, please don't waste your time critiquing the sentence beyond my issue. I sort of altered it --what I am actually using is a little better/less cliche sounding.

dangerousbill · Mar 8, 2012

sense said:
Again, I am specifically concerned about the "monologue of anecdotes" part. does monologue make sense in referring to a written memoir? is it OK to use monologue as "collection" or "series" of anecdotes, as it is in this context?

Are you sure you don't mean 'monograph', which is a book on a single subject, or by a single author?

The Lonely One · Mar 8, 2012

Susan Littlefield said:
Yes, the sentence makes sense to me, but I would leave it out all together. Why tell the reader anything and take away their adventure of discovery?

To me, a reader is really unlikely to walk away from a book based on this alone. I think it automatically reads like a "wink-wink" sentence. In other words, if this book were more of the same old crap, I don't see why it would even be published. Or purchased.

And I would remove the "monologue" bit, or include "filled with" like someone upthread mentions.

Orianna2000 · Mar 8, 2012

"Dialogue" is two people talking to each other, so "monologue" means one person talking to himself. There are scenes in plays where one person is talking for awhile, waxing poetical to himself, and those are sometimes called monologues. So if your book is nothing but one person talking without stop, then it might be a monologue. But if you have other stuff in it, that might not be the right term. A "monograph" is a treatise on one particular subject, such as a biography, according to Dictionary.com, so that might work if your subject is limited.

Other words to consider: chronicle, vignette, treatise, soliloquy.

BethS · Mar 8, 2012

sense said:
And the other poster above brings up a good point: is it better to say "monologue filled with" .....

Yes.

Prince Vega · Mar 8, 2012

"monologue filled with" works in my opinion.

Architectus · Mar 10, 2012

I would think first if it's worth addressing the reader, breaking that fourth wall.

But if I were to do so, I might go about it like this.

Regardless of your mood, I will take you down a depressing rollercoaster that you can't seem to put down. That sounds crazy, but I am crazy, and besides, this book is only partly depressing. In fact, only little bits are depressing. Or maybe it's totally depressing, and I just don't see it because my mind is wacky, so wacky in fact that this one time I thought I was talking to a flower. I'll start there if you don't mind.

Gilead · Mar 10, 2012

Architectus said:
Regardless of your mood, I will take you down a depressing rollercoaster that you can't seem to put down.

Barman, mix me a metaphor.

Maybe: 'What you are about to read is like an incontinent spaniel. It will make you miserable, but you won't be able to put it down.'

does this sentence make sense?

sense

underthecity

Finestkind

HoneyBadger

terribly loud, emotionally distant

Siri Kirpal

Swan in Process

Stacia Kane

Girl Detective

Susan Coffin

Tell it like it Is

Garriga

Bufty

Where have the last ten years gone?

HoneyBadger

terribly loud, emotionally distant

Gilead

Britwriter

Ginger Writer

Writing like a madwoman

BethS

sense

dangerousbill

Retired Illuminatus

The Lonely One

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

Orianna2000

Freelance Writer

BethS

Prince Vega

Architectus

Gilead