a Question on Dialogue

Garriga · Mar 6, 2012

Is it better to describe action, then start a new paragraph for the dialogue, or should the dialogue go at the end of the paragraph after the action?

here are two examples.

Hendrix was running through the canopy of Elm Trees, when he veered right disappearing into the woods. Sam and Delia were leaning on Whalen's shoulders until he spun around. Sam slid off landing on his side as Delia landed on her stomach.

Whalen cocked his gun. "Hold it.”

Mason shot his arms in the air. “I’m unarmed,” he said.

“Alright,” Whalen said holstering his gun.

***

Hendrix was running through the canopy of Elm Trees, when he veered right disappearing into the woods. Sam and Delia were leaning on Whalen's shoulders until he spun around. Sam slid off landing on his side as Delia landed on her stomach.

Whalen cocked his gun.
"Hold it.”

Mason shot his arms in the air.
“I’m unarmed,” he said.

“Alright,” Whalen said holstering his gun.

I favor putting the dialogue at the end of the paragraph unless the character speaks before the action. too many breaks can cause paragraphs not to quicken.

I am open for suggestions, or does it even matter? I don't see how one is really different than the other.

HoneyBadger · Mar 6, 2012

"It depends," she says, fully aware of her answer's less-than-helpful nature.

The First Five Pages and Self-Editing for Fiction Writers are both outstanding books and you should rush out and buy them both right now.

"Really?" you ask.

She nods, once. "Really."

GFanthome · Mar 6, 2012

I think either is acceptable.

To me, I think it depends on the mood or pace you want to set in a particular scene. You don't always have to just use one or the other.

Nonuw · Mar 6, 2012

The first example flows better for me, but that is a personal choice.

BethS · Mar 6, 2012

Garriga said:
Is it better to describe action, then start a new paragraph for the dialogue, or should the dialogue go at the end of the paragraph after the action?

here are two examples.

Hendrix was running through the canopy of Elm Trees, when he veered right disappearing into the woods. Sam and Delia were leaning on Whalen's shoulders until he spun around. Sam slid off landing on his side as Delia landed on her stomach.

Whalen cocked his gun. "Hold it.”

Mason shot his arms in the air. “I’m unarmed,” he said.

“Alright,” Whalen said holstering his gun.

Definitely this one. Don't separate dialogue from the action that tags it. That makes it hard to tell who's speaking.

Oh, and you don't need "he said" after Mason's dialogue. That's what you call double tagging. It's perfectly clear from the action that he's the one speaking.

trumpetology · Mar 6, 2012

another vote for the first version. Mainly due to feeling that it flows better

Nick Rolynd · Mar 6, 2012

The first one.

By convention, I believe you only start a new paragraph for dialogue if the speaker changes. That is, if you were describing Whalen and then Mason says something, you'd start a new paragraph for Mason's dialogue. But, as in your first example, if you're describing Whalen and then he says something, you wouldn't start a new paragraph.

There's no need to split a character's description apart from his/her dialogue (with a few exceptions, such as lengthy descriptions that need a cutoff point). Doing so with no real purpose only serves to confuse the reader and disrupt the flow. When I see a new paragraph, I expect some sort of change from the previous one. If I see a new paragraph that starts with dialogue, I immediately think a different character than the one previously described has started speaking (with some exceptions, such as monologues).

Now, if you're going for a certain style of writing, that's a different case altogether. But what I "typically" see in writing is what I described. Technically, your second example is not wrong, but I would be rather annoyed reading an entire book structured like that because I would keep expecting character-dialogue shifts where there are none.

dpaterso · Mar 6, 2012

Garriga said:
Whalen cocked his gun. "Hold it.”

Mason shot his arms in the air. “I’m unarmed,” he said.

“Alright,” Whalen said holstering his gun.

None of these sentences really needs a dialogue tag.

Mason shot his arms in the air. “I’m unarmed!”

“All right.” Whalen holstered his gun.

...I must say, Whalen is very trusting.

Hendrix was running through the canopy of Elm Trees, when he veered right disappearing into the woods. Sam and Delia were leaning on Whalen's shoulders until he spun around. Sam slid off landing on his side as Delia landed on her stomach.

If this was hurriedly made up on the spot just for example's sake, no worries... if it's an actual sample and you want edit suggestions, say so.

-Derek

Garriga · Mar 7, 2012

dpaterso said:
None of these sentences really needs a dialogue tag.

Mason shot his arms in the air. “I’m unarmed!”

“All right.” Whalen holstered his gun.

...I must say, Whalen is very trusting.

If this was hurriedly made up on the spot just for example's sake, no worries... if it's an actual sample and you want edit suggestions, say so.

-Derek

I would like suggestions.

suzie · Mar 7, 2012

Again because of personal choice, I'd go with the first one as well. For me, it reads better x

Tepelus · Mar 7, 2012

Another vote for the first one. And what dpaterso said about the dialogue tags.

Terie · Mar 7, 2012

I recently read a book where a new paragraph started before and after action tags, even when the actor and speaker were the same.

There were times when the actor was referred to by a pronoun and you couldn't tell which of the 'him's or 'her's performed the action. It drove me crazy.

As Nick said upstream, "you only start a new paragraph for dialogue if the speaker changes.' That sums it up quite nicely.

jaksen · Mar 7, 2012

And just my opinion here...

When writing an action or dialogue sequence with multiple characters ... it's often hard to know who is doing what to whom with whom or whatever. These sections have to be written very carefully.

StaceyJaine · Mar 7, 2012

Definitely the first version.

brianjanuary · Mar 7, 2012

I say the first is best, but as long as it's clear who's speaking, it doesn't matter.

a Question on Dialogue

Garriga

HoneyBadger

terribly loud, emotionally distant

GFanthome

At the computer, opening a vein

Nonuw

taking time to smell the flowers

BethS

trumpetology

Nick Rolynd

50% Dark, 50% Snark

dpaterso

Also in our Discord and IRC chat channels

Garriga

suzie

Tepelus

And so...

Terie

Writer is as Writer does

jaksen

Caped Codder

StaceyJaine

brianjanuary