Books That Have Sinned Against the English Language

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Spy_on_the_Inside

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I'm not talking about books you just disliked or even REALLY disliked. I want to hear about books that you've read with such bad character development, such horrible plot, bad English, absolutely nothing redeemable, that it made you lose faith in humanity just a little.

Maybe I'm being dramatic, but I'm going through a dry phase and one of my mentors suggested going out and reading the WORST books I can find. He said knowing when a story is garbage helps us appriciate a story that's good. He said, even better, read a book that is actually somewhat well-known. No slumming it in the Harlequins. It may even anger you enough to write something truly great to restore the proper order of balance to the literary world.

Yes, my mentor can be a touch dramatic too, but he's shown he knows what he's talking about so far.

I have one book I'd like to share before I start being, though.


Finding Alice, by Melody Carlson

I always found this author to be one of the more mediocre Christian writers, following the mentality: teenagers and bored housewives will read anything. But when she wrote this story about a young woman with schizophrenia, I honestly feel the world would have been better off in terms of it's perseption of the mentally ill if the idea had never come into her head.

Maybe as a mental health professional, this is why the book angered me so much. It was horribly researched, nothing matched with what I have studied in books and learned from first-hand experience, and I would be shocked if she spoke to one psychiatrist while writing this book. All through it I was screaming, "You know nothing of schizophrenia! They don't name their voices, and the voices don't become imaginery friends that follow them around like Harvey the Rabbit!"

I also feel like it was such a wasted oppurtunity. She could have done so much for teaching people about a frightening disorder, but she also could have done so much with it stylistically. She could have delved deep into the hallucinations and created a real, original type of Wonderland instead of just attaching Lewis Carroll's names to everything.


That's mine. What are yours?
 

Tom from UK

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Can I be the first to mention the Da Vinci Code? Calling the characters two-dimensional is overly kind. The writing is, at best, poor, with heavy use of cliché and repeated use of unnecessary adverbs. Given how many people took it seriously, the level of research is terrible. He can't even get the location of the toilets in the Louvre right. He has 'machismo' down as a French word. He refers to 'the Palace of Buckingham' when he means Buckingham Palace. He doesn't know the first thing about how the British deploy armed police. Dan Brown seems, if the romance sub-plot is anything to go by, to be sexually repressed and poor at interpersonal relationships. The rest of the plot is a joke.

It is (and I think that here on AW, we tend to underplay the importance of this) a good yarn, that makes you want to know what happens next (even if you throw your hands up in horror when you find out). But I don't think this excuses all the other faults. And in 'Deception Point' he doesn't even have that excuse. If you have a computer with its own power source about to tell the world all the US nuclear secrets by phone, get the local exchange to cut the line. Duh! (Oh dear, have I given away the ending? Never mind, now you won't have to read the damn thing.)
 

Bufty

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Is a book like the one mentioned in your opening paragraph worth recalling if that is how you view it - or even finishing?

One man's meat...

Dan Brown appears already? Wait for the others.

The thread is heading downhill from here on in - probably shortly hitting the padlocked fence.
 

Buffysquirrel

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If the book was that bad, I doubt I'd finish it.
 

jaksen

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Is a book like the one mentioned in your opening paragraph worth recalling if that is how you view it - or even finishing?

One man's meat...

Dan Brown appears already? Wait for the others.

The thread is heading downhill from here on in - probably shortly hitting the padlocked fence.

Yeah, you've set up a thread where people who like one sort of writer and not the other, and will disagree on who's good, who isn't, who's popular, and whether or not popularity matters, etc...

Everyone has strong ideas about their favorite authors, so naming one as poorer or better than others...

Example: I read The DaVinci Code and liked it. But I also like Dickens, Austen and Mark Twain. (Btw Twain did a great parody of James Fenimore Cooper, who he claimed was a very poor writer. Twain didn't like Austen either, go figure.)
 

Spy_on_the_Inside

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Maybe it would be best to lock and grave the thread then. My goal wasn't to try and start a thread war, but to see books people truly felt violated a lot of the rules of what a great novel should be. But if the mods think this will only lead to trouble, probably best to close it. I shall seek to follow my mentor's advice through other means.
 
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quicklime

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locked or otherwise, throw me in the Brown camp. he could keep things moving, no question..I was the one stopping the flow...mostly to re-read a line, goran, and maybe mutter "what the fuck?!"

that said, ideally I would think he would want to keep the plot moving without cultivating so many moments of disbelief/frustration/amusement in the reader....and in keeping with the title, Brown is perhaps a poster child for the thread--his sins are against the English Language....his pacing and plot were actually what made up for it.
 

quicklime

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prior to lock, if you want "bad books", read Atlanta Nights....your purchase goes to a good cause, and it was deliberately written badly, so it manages to cover every sin imagineable (from crazy-purple to checking oneself out in a mirror as an excuse to describe physical features and beyond....) and do so enthusiastically.

Brown doesn't have a particular quirk so much as a host of really odd sentences and pained word choices. Fireflies by Piers Anthony I consider his ode to the rhetorical question and especially the exclamation point in inner monologue; you'd think his characters were all on meth, their train of thought is so exciteable...

whether these will inspire you to write for new heights is debateable, but that's my short-list.
 

ChaosTitan

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We have a long-running thread for talking about books you don't like for whatever reason.

There have been many attempts at threads like this, and they never work, partly because they delve into author bashing. And that just doesn't fly here.
 
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