Need tips on how to smoothly link events in a scene

Question · Mar 2, 2012

There are times when simply describing events doesn't work; moving from a description of one event to a description of your next chronological event just feels like too sudden a change in focus.
I'll give an example:

"How are you doing?" Lucy asked.
"Oh, I'm okay," said Samantha, "but I've been better. I stubbed my toe this morning."
"Sorry, that must have hurt."
Five chimpanzees walked into the room.

The jump is too sudden. This example is even slightly comical. In most situations, it would be best to just scrap the idea. But what if you're dead set on those chimpanzees entering the room? How should you bridge that gap in ideas (in this example, and in similar situations?)

little_e · Mar 2, 2012

"How are you doing?" Lucy asked.
"Oh, I'm okay," said Samantha, "but I've been better. I stubbed my toe this morning."
"Sorry, that must have hurt."
A scratching sound at the door attracted Lucy's attention. She looked up from Samantha's toe, expecting her father's golden retriever to run in, but then several loud hoots and a fistful of feces burst into the room, followed by a troop of chimpanzees.

BradCarsten · Mar 2, 2012

You need to link the two thoughts together somehow.
If you know anything about the colour wheel, dont go from blue to red, throw in some purple (a colour containing both blue and red) to create a smoother transition.

some silly examples:

"How are you doing?" Lucy asked.
"Oh, I'm okay," said Samantha, "but I've been better. I stubbed my toe this morning."
"Sorry, that must have hurt." She didn't really care but it sounded like an appropriate thing to say.
Samantha opened her mouth to explain, but just then (thankfully) Five chimpanzees walked into the room.

or what about:

"How are you doing?" Lucy asked.
"Oh, I'm okay," said Samantha, "but I've been better. I stubbed my toe this morning."
"Sorry, that must have hurt... I could always cut it off for you," lucy offered, and probably would have gone ahead if Five chimpanzees hadn't walked into the room at that moment.

or

"How are you doing?" Lucy asked.
"Oh, I'm okay," said Samantha, "but I've been better. I stubbed my toe this morning."
"Sorry, that must have hurt."
"Dont worry it was noth... what the *explicit*."
Lucy spun round to see what she was gawking at and.... blah blah blah

Those are "my brain doesn't work on a friday" examples- but im sure you get the idea.

Just work the transition until it has the emphasis in the right place. The first example focuses more on Lucy dodging a bullet than on the monkeys entering. The last focuses more on the chimps.

jaksen · Mar 2, 2012

Also, think about how transitions work in your own life. People walk in and out of doors; phones ring; coffee cups spill over or land on the floor if you're clumsy; your child drops a vase in the other room; your teenage daughter screams from upstairs that there's no towels...

Interruptions happen. Normal flow happens. People come and go; events happen - rain on a window, a tree branch falls and hits your car outside - then the event stops. Or you can use: five minutes later...

When you get to the point when you're not even thinking about the transitions - and they just happen - you'll know you've got it nailed.

Jamesaritchie · Mar 2, 2012

If five chimps walk into the room, five chimps walk into the room. They may well do so abruptly, without warning. This isn't a jump at all.

Forget you're writing a story. Put things down as they really happen in your mind.

dpaterso · Mar 2, 2012

Question said:
I'll give an example:

"How are you doing?" Lucy asked.
"Oh, I'm okay," said Samantha, "but I've been better. I stubbed my toe this morning."
"Sorry, that must have hurt."
Five chimpanzees walked into the room.

I'd maybe consider inserting Lucy's reaction as the transition, e.g. Lucy's eyebrows shot up as five chimpanzees walked into the room. Now there was something she didn't see every day.

-Derek

dangerousbill · Mar 2, 2012

Question said:
Five chimpanzees walked into the room.

Critical question: are the chimps armed?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FEnZw_AeYU&feature=fvst

Hip-Hop-a-potamus · Mar 2, 2012

dangerousbill said:
Critical question: are the chimps armed?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FEnZw_AeYU&feature=fvst

Could be. Depends on the model:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8oPVVGYQ40

Question · Mar 2, 2012

Thanks everyone

so I need to gradually build up to the events! It might be hard to pull off in my MS, but at least I actually know what to do now

dangerousbill said:
Critical question: are the chimps armed?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FEnZw_AeYU&feature=fvst

LOOOOOL! It's kind of hard to think after watching that video xD For a little while I was worried that the monkey would actually hit one of them >< Well they're not going to try that again any time soon

And they're probably not getting that gun back lol

thothguard51 · Mar 2, 2012

The Ipad and Iphone have a application for that. I think its free...

llamafarmer · Mar 2, 2012

little_e said:
"How are you doing?" Lucy asked.
"Oh, I'm okay," said Samantha, "but I've been better. I stubbed my toe this morning."
"Sorry, that must have hurt."
A scratching sound at the door attracted Lucy's attention. She looked up from Samantha's toe, expecting her father's golden retriever to run in, but then several loud hoots and a fistful of feces burst into the room, followed by a troop of chimpanzees.

Genius

And you shall know them by the precedence of hoots and feces.

In response to the OP, I'd say it depends on what you want to achieve. A link isn't vital, and in fact the absence of one can prove notably jarring. If your intention is to make readers think "what the feckedy-doo just happened there??!!" and find it comical in its absurdity, there need be no link. You could simply add "Just like that" after the chimpanzee line, and have the characters remark something like:

Lucy "OK. Are you seeing what I'm seeing?"
Samantha "Chimpanzees?"
Lucy "Exactly."
Samantha "Whatever cream I used to numb my toe must be sending off hallucinogenic fumes".

Jamesaritchie · Mar 3, 2012

Sometimes you want to link and build up, but at other times this is the worst thing you can do. It comes down to what you want the scene to do, and how you want readers to react.

And also, I guess, to how long you want the book to be. If you aren't careful, linking and building every scene can mean a much longer book with much less story.

But every scene does not have to be written this way. Every scene shouldn't be written this way. Some scenes just aren't that important, some scenes work better without the buildup, and sometimes you simply need to vary your approach.

Need tips on how to smoothly link events in a scene

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