Action Tags Preceeded by Incomplete Dialog

I don't know the hard "rule" (if there is one) for this, but here's what I'd do:

"But," he crossed his arms, "why wouldn't they blah blah blah."

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You don't need to exaggerate the interruption with an em-dash or ellipsis, because by breaking it up with an action the reader will understand there is a pause in the character's words.

The em-dash generally implies a sound disruption like an engine backfiring or a gun shooting or a character speaking over them.

The ellipsis is one of those things you should probably use sparingly, like adverbs. Too many of them and its just lazy writing.

Ellipsis make me think he cut off mid sentence. Same goes for em-dash. I agree with CharacterInWhite as the dialog parts aren't full sentences.

If they're full sentences I'd have gone with periods ("It isn't that simple." He crossed his arms. "We have a lot to deal with.")

CharacterInWhite said:

"But," he crossed his arms, "why wouldn't they blah blah blah."

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Yeah that suggestion works for me.

As does [7] Don't do it. Is it really so important that the sentence can't be recast in another, simpler, form?

Then again maybe it's something more dramatic than the posted example, e.g. "The thing is," -- he drew a gun and thumbed back the hammer -- "I really do insist you tell me." ...Which would be [7b]

-Derek

I actually prefer 1. I'm not a grammarian nor an expert on these technicalities; it just looks "more right" to me. Although, honestly, all of them look funny. I'd agree with the suggestion to just...not write it like that, and go with

He crossed his arms. "But...why wouldn't they want to sing a classic like 'Ain't There Anyone Here For Love'?"

"Because it's...it's just not appropriate for a national anthem."

"It's a national anthem of LOVE."

"No. No it isn't."

The way you have it split up just doesn't read nice. And that's what it's all about, yeah? It's not about laziness, it's about word-sexing smithing.

You can use the ellipsis. My 79k word manuscript has two, and both are used to delineate that someone is losing interest in the topic. But the ellipsis also takes up a lot of space that doesn't necessarily communicate anything--I'd rather replace my ellipses with body language than leave them there. That's why too many of them can be frustrating. They don't mean anything, they're just space.

ETA: I made a then/than error. *commits seppuku*

I consider myself a grammarian, and I have a strong preference and some explanation about why, which you can take or leave as you choose.

First, there's a difference between ellipses and dashes. Ellipses is trailing off, like when...

You know the way people are when their thoughts overtake their words and pull all their attention inside their own skulls, and they stop talking without completing their sentence or thought? That's an ellipsis used as grammarians demand. (Demand, I tell you!)

A dash is more about interrupting, like when another thought overtakes the one being voiced, or someone else speaks, or there's an explosion.

So whether you want ellipses or a dash depends on how your character is to deliver this line.

But an important thing to note is that it rarely matters if the reader can hear the line the way the author does inside his or her head. Usually you don't need ellipses or dashes or italics to show emphasized words unless it actually matters that the reader hear it exactly the way you do, because the meaning changes if it's heard any other way. Other that sarcasm, that's pretty rare.

Okay, all that said, let's dive in.




[1] "But. . ." He crossed his arms. "Why wouldn't they blah blah blah." This one is my favorite it you intend the trailing off. The line He crossed his arms is not a dialogue tag but an action done by the character, so it has to be separate as a sentence, and capitalized. It cannot be replace with any variation of he said. You're starting a new sentence with why, after the period completing the previous sentence, so of course it's capitalized.

[2] "But. . ." he crossed his arms, "why wouldn't they blah blah blah." This one doesn't work for me because the guy crossing his arms is not a dialogue attribute. Although I used to know a kid who could make his hands in his armpits sort of honk, he could not make words that way. However, if you were to replace the arm crossing with some version of he said, this would work.

Or. . .

[3] "But. . .," he crossed his arms. "Why wouldn't they blah blah blah." Nope, flat wrong. No comma after ellipses, ever.

[4] "But. . .," He crossed his arms, "why wouldn't they blah blah blah." Nope. Same reason.

Or. . .

[5] "But--" He crossed his arms. "Why wouldn't they blah blah blah." This would be my choice if the speaker self-interrupts by crossing his arms. You have a proper ending for the incomplete sentence, a new sentence with proper capitalization, then another new sentence of dialogue also with proper capitalization.

[6] "But--" he crossed his arms, "why wouldn't they blah blah blah." See [2].

Or. . .

[7] Another option made by contributors.

Which is where I come in, perhaps. I can't see any reason for the timing of the arm-crossing to affect your sentence. Why not skip the difficulty in favor of He crossed his arms. "But why wouldn't they blah blah blah?"

Maryn, who's pretty sure on this

If you're going to interrupt dialogue with an action, it needs to be an action tag that can only fit in that place. The character crossing his arms could be put before the dialogue.

If you need an action tag in the middle, this is the way I've most often seen it done:

"Sorry I'm late. But--" she dug into her shopping bag and produced a heart, still dripping blood, "--look at what I found! Hungry?"

He crossed his arms. "If you think I'm touching that thing, you can forget it. I think it's still beating."

Now, I'd find that first sentence unacceptable, the capitalization wrong. But hey, I'm a self-appointed expert, not an editor.

If I were an editor, I'd rewrite it to:

"Sorry I'm late." She dug into her shopping bag and produced a heart, still dripping blood. "But look at what I found! Hungry?"

Maryn, fan of rewrites

When it comes to grammar suggestions, I am the sketchy guy in the back alley selling them out of his trench coat. I am not to be trusted.

That said, I think if the ellipses happen at the end of a sentence, you need to add a final (fourth) period, as in....

I.e. (I believe) You still need to punctuate the sentence. The ellipsis is not a substitute for punctuation.

But you know what? It looks wrong to me, and it's so uncommon to see that fourth period that I think the rule must be archaic and fast-disappearing.

jjdebenedictis said:

When it comes to grammar suggestions, I am the sketchy guy in the back alley selling them out of his trench coat. I am not to be trusted.

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This got a laugh out of me, and since I'm sick, that's not easy.

That said, I think if the ellipses happen at the end of a sentence, you need to add a final (fourth) period, as in....

I.e. (I believe) You still need to punctuate the sentence. The ellipsis is not a substitute for punctuation.

But you know what? It looks wrong to me, and it's so uncommon to see that fourth period that I think the rule must be archaic and fast-disappearing.

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Oh, me, too! I don't care what the Chicago Manual says, it's three, always three. And we don't have to space between 'em, either. So there, Chicago.

It's a living language. It changes. Let's always do three no matter what, and be part of the change!

Maryn, rarely this gung-ho

Maryn said:

Now, I'd find that first sentence unacceptable, the capitalization wrong. But hey, I'm a self-appointed expert, not an editor.

If I were an editor, I'd rewrite it to:

"Sorry I'm late." She dug into her shopping bag and produced a heart, still dripping blood. "But look at what I found! Hungry?"

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Technically, it could go either way. But your version changes the dynamic slightly. By having her interrupt herself to search in her bag, tension is increased. It's subtle, but it makes a difference.

So if my editor changed the sentence in the same way you did, I'd change it back.

I agree with the above, only have action interrupt dialogue if it really does interrupt it haha! You know how people say to read your story out loud when you revise it...I like to take it a step further and act out the characters as well. In private...and sans and unsavory/physically impossible/strenuous tasks. But observe the things you do when you read your work. One time, I "scratched my head" so much it hurt! so it helps to determine which actions are awkward and overused


semi-off topic. But I sometimes do that to books I read. I read "smiled sadly" just yesterday, and I spend the better half of a minute trying to smile sadly...didnt work!