Question for the Men

FoamyRules · Feb 12, 2012

Well, this is the first time I've done this but I'm currently working on a Romance Erotica that's told primarily through the male's POV.

Since I'm not a male, I was wondering what are the things that sexually stimulate men? Would you prefer for the woman to be the aggressor? Or is it best for the man to remain in control?

Of course I'm ope to any suggestions from anyone who has any.

thothguard51 · Feb 12, 2012

what are the things that sexually stimulate men?

Men are dogs. I know, I am one of them...

As to answering the question, the answer will depend on the individual character, just like with women. Some men like aggressive women and some men may feel threatened by them. It really will depend on the situation and the characters involved.

Now, if you are talking purely about physical stimulation, (copping a woody), some men are aroused by visual sensations, think about the guys who go to strip clubs or watch porn. Most men are aroused by physical activity such as kissing, slow dancing, touching, feeling, and all that implies. Usually, the younger a man is, the easier it is to get them aroused. Hell, a good stiff breeze might arouse a guy when he is young.

Boston Steve · Feb 12, 2012

Generally speaking, men respond sexually to visual and verbal cues, as opposed to mental or emotional ones: seeing his partner's (or another woman's) body, hearing her whisper very dirty things in his ear. A woman taking the initiative during sex would be a turn-on for many (but not all) men. So would voyeurism of F/F sex, and participating in F/M/F or F/F/M threesomes. Women in positions of authority, such as the boss or a college professor, are sexually arousing, independent of whether said authority figure ultimately ends up being dominant or submissive. So are situations involving having sex, or engaging in sexual behavior, in public.

/broad generalization

maxmordon · Feb 12, 2012

Personally? I love women to be the aggressors. Generally? It depends on the character.

FoamyRules · Feb 12, 2012

Thanks

That helps out a lot.

My male character is a senior in college who falls for the junior who just so happens to be a shifter (she's human but can shift into any animal she pleases) So the story can fall under urban fantasy, romance, and erotica.

Boston Steve · Feb 12, 2012

Are you targeting this at a male audience or a female one? Most men aren't going to grok the shifter meme.

Paul · Feb 12, 2012

is a stiff breeze taken yet?

FoamyRules · Feb 12, 2012

Boston Steve said:
Are you targeting this at a male audience or a female one? Most men aren't going to grok the shifter meme.

I'm trying to go for both if that's possible.

thothguard51 · Feb 12, 2012

Paul said:
is a stiff breeze taken yet?

Post #2...

robjvargas · Feb 12, 2012

I'm very turned on by visual images of the female form. And the thought of my hands in all the sensitive (dare I say "forbidden"?) places gets me excited as well.

A shapeshifter, eh? Imagine the guy petting a dog, and the transition slowly reveals her... I'm not into bestiality, but the idea of a female body just sort of "revealing" itself... I better stop now.

FoamyRules · Feb 12, 2012

robjvargas said:
I'm very turned on by visual images of the female form. And the thought of my hands in all the sensitive (dare I say "forbidden"?) places gets me excited as well.

A shapeshifter, eh? Imagine the guy petting a dog, and the transition slowly reveals her... I'm not into bestiality, but the idea of a female body just sort of "revealing" itself... I better stop now.

Well it was suggested that I make her a shifter so that it can appeal to women somewhat, but isn't a big part of the story more of a subplot. I also thought about making her a gamer.

dangerousbill · Feb 12, 2012

FoamyRules said:
Well, this is the first time I've done this but I'm currently working on a Romance Erotica that's told primarily through the male's POV.

Since I'm not a male, I was wondering what are the things that sexually stimulate men? Would you prefer for the woman to be the aggressor? Or is it best for the man to remain in control?

Golly. Male-female dynamics are unbelievably complex. You must know this. Some men like an aggressive woman; others are totally turned off. Some men like a tease; others like a straightforward approach. Some men will screw anything with a hole; others want to take time and let things build up naturally.

You must know your characters well enough to know how they'd react in a sexual situation.

My current wip involves a woman, raised in a small town, who is freshly divorced from an abusive husband. In a new environment, she discovers that she's actually a natural aggressor. She had suppressed it to conform with the close atmosphere of her small hometown, but now she finds herself attracted to a man who is awed by her, and very shy.

HarryHoskins · Feb 12, 2012

As a completely normal representative of an English man-type-man, my view is that I like it when women are smart.

If a woman is smart then I become tumescent as soon as I identify it. For this reason it is very difficult to concentrate on a site like this.

This sexual attraction to smart women is not, however, the De Botton 'will to live'. This sexual attraction to cleverness is not so our potential babies will have a higher IQ. If, and of course with my tiny mind this rarely happens, I do get to fuck a smart woman, I will deliberately double my prophylactics to make sure the cleverness only ever rubs off on me and me alone.

There is, for me (and no doubt I speak for all men here) no greater turn on than a smart woman.

I shall now retire to bed with a photo of Germaine Greer. (OZ issue)

Brickcommajason · Feb 12, 2012

It's said that women fall in love with their ears, but men fall in love with their eyes. I can't speak for all other men, but we seem to appreciate the visual aspects of a woman's body....maybe you can emphasize visual senses to make your character feel more male...

kuwisdelu · Feb 12, 2012

FoamyRules said:
Since I'm not a male, I was wondering what are the things that sexually stimulate men?

Suprasternal notches.

Chris P · Feb 12, 2012

Another vote for visual stimulation here. To turn on a male character, let him see things. To turn on the male reader, show him things.

One time, my wife got a halloween costume that was in the shape of a giant piece of candy corn. It got me wild, and she was "It's candy corn, baby! What's sexy about candy corn?" What was sexy to me were the bright colors, the tight leggings, and the short skirt. It wasn't sexy to her because it was candy corn. I was all about the visual and she was all about the mental.

robjvargas · Feb 12, 2012

FoamyRules said:
Well it was suggested that I make her a shifter so that it can appeal to women somewhat, but isn't a big part of the story more of a subplot. I also thought about making her a gamer.

I can't say I understand how the shapeshifting appeals to women. That glittery saga some like to pretend is about werewolves and vampires has the shifters be pretty men.

Otherwise...

:sarcasm

CharacterInWhite · Feb 12, 2012

Maybe it's because I identify as pangendered (as opposed to male), but I will insist that arousal is fundamentally gender neutral.

I know chicks that like looking at well-toned gentlemen. Male strip clubs are less popular than mainstream ones--but they do exist.

While I will not deny that my attention can be easily grabbed by visual aspects, I will argue that it is grabbed for longer periods of time by other things: How she speaks and the way she touches people. I like dancers (not using that in the "polite euphemism for stripper" sense) because they have a tendency to press their bodies against me without requiring any prompting, a by-product of their routines. I like goal oriented women because I feel like there's a future with those types of people--and that assurance makes them easy to trust. These are mostly tactile and emotional stimulations instead of visual ones, and they get the gears running far better than just a skimpy outfit alone.

At the moment, the only credentials I have for arguing this point are an equal number of male and female beta readers who had to reach for icewater with my work. I wrote the passage in question with a deliberately gender neutral emphasis on intimacy, and it seemed to get both sides of the fence.

Long story short: Don't generalise men (or women, or anyone for that matter). Write your characters as you think they would behave, and the believability will fall in to place.

FoamyRules · Feb 12, 2012

robjvargas said:
I can't say I understand how the shapeshifting appeals to women. That glittery saga some like to pretend is about werewolves and vampires has the shifters be pretty men.

Otherwise...

Me personally vampires and werewolves don't really appeal to me that much unless it's written very well. As a female, I know what turns me on and that's kind of how I designed my MC. I'm used to writing from a woman's POV so this story is a bit of a challenge.

FoamyRules · Feb 12, 2012

CharacterInWhite said:
Maybe it's because I identify as pangendered (as opposed to male), but I will insist that arousal is fundamentally gender neutral.

I know chicks that like looking at well-toned gentlemen. Male strip clubs are less popular than mainstream ones--but they do exist.

While I will not deny that my attention can be easily grabbed by visual aspects, I will argue that it is grabbed for longer periods of time by other things: How she speaks and the way she touches people. I like dancers (not using that in the "polite euphemism for stripper" sense) because they have a tendency to press their bodies against me without requiring any prompting, a by-product of their routines. I like goal oriented women because I feel like there's a future with those types of people--and that assurance makes them easy to trust. These are mostly tactile and emotional stimulations instead of visual ones, and they get the gears running far better than just a skimpy outfit alone.

At the moment, the only credentials I have for arguing this point are an equal number of male and female beta readers who had to reach for icewater with my work. I wrote the passage in question with a deliberately gender neutral emphasis on intimacy, and it seemed to get both sides of the fence.

Long story short: Don't generalise men (or women, or anyone for that matter). Write your characters as you think they would behave, and the believability will fall in to place.

That makes a lot of sense. Thank you for this. I guess in order for me to pull this off is i I can get inside my MC's mind and write. With him being a different gender than I am it's difficult.

J40ADF · Feb 13, 2012

All of the above but I assume that there would be no romantic involvement where she is in shifted form.
Unless she could shift into things other than animals

areteus · Feb 13, 2012

I've learnt from past experience that it is sometimes difficult to interest publishers in a male MC for erotica or romance, mainly because the majority of romance and erotica readers are women so they like to be represented as the MC... Just letting you know that a male MC may not be an easy sell.

I sometimes get aroused on the bus. Its the gentle vibration of the engine in just the right place... if a nice looking woman gets on the bus then it is almost assured there will be a reaction...

Arousal is a complicated thing and there are some many factors to take into account. What works for one man once may not work all the time because the one time it did work there were other, unrecorded, factors. I sometimes like a woman to be aggressive and take initiative but other times I like to be the one in control. A lot depends on my mood at the time. I do wonder if the heart of your character dynamic here should be linked to a struggle for control - she wants to be a modern, in control woman and so she sometimes comes across as dominant and aggressive but her werewolf instincts make her want to go for a man who can dominate her and be the alpha male of her pack. So one minute she is very aggressive and almost bullies him into sex and other times she wants him to take the lead. And, like dogs in the real world, she misbehaves and refuses to respect him until he manages to prove to her that he is a worthy pack leader... I can see a lot of fun with that dynamic, with him unsure of what she actually wants and her unable to really tell him exactly what she wants.

Boston Steve · Feb 13, 2012

FoamyRules said:
Well it was suggested that I make her a shifter so that it can appeal to women somewhat, but isn't a big part of the story more of a subplot. I also thought about making her a gamer.

Don't write the story you think will appeal to the most people. Write the story you want to read, the one that's burning to get out of your head and down on (vurtual) paper.

Anjasa · Feb 13, 2012

Boston Steve said:
Don't write the story you think will appeal to the most people. Write the story you want to read, the one that's burning to get out of your head and down on (vurtual) paper.

Excellent advice. When you're writing to please others, your voice gets diluted, your point gets muddied, and it stops appealing to anyone.

When I try to write for an assumed crowd, it never gets as much passionate response as when I write something that gets me squirming and crazy.

dangerousbill · Feb 13, 2012

Boston Steve said:
Don't write the story you think will appeal to the most people. Write the story you want to read, the one that's burning to get out of your head and down on (vurtual) paper.

Doubly true in erotica.

Question for the Men

Hamtaro Rules

A Gentleman of a refined age...

Penúltimo

Hamtaro Rules

Hamtaro Rules

A Gentleman of a refined age...

Hamtaro Rules

Retired Illuminatus

Straw-fed

Revolutionize the World

Likes metaphors mixed, not stirred

Kind of a big deal

Hamtaro Rules

Hamtaro Rules

Fantasy Smut? Yes please!

Retired Illuminatus