Is this too much?

I'm writing a supernatural romance of sorts. It is between a couple of mine that I've mentioned in another thread.

Here is the quote.

DVKirste said:

A girl with a fiery temper who flirts like a dominatrix and a musclebound brute who keeps to himself most of the time and insults people with a scowl when he actually does talk. That is the couple I write about when I'm bored or have writer's block.

They've been werewolves, magicians, mutants, even normal humans. I add some kind of element of tragedy, an enemy, and a person trying to control the extremely independant male of the couple. Normally someone with authority who controls everything from the shadows. Sometimes, it's the girl's mother, sometimes it's someone from the male's past. It just depends on who I'm channeling at the time. It's what I've always liked.

For anyone who is wondering, the male is based on the great wolf, Fenrir of norse myth fame and the girl is a mixture of the deadly sins, lust and wrath.

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This version of their story is the original that me and a friend made up while we role played. The characters' names were Ulva Nocolas Garm and Rei Mononoke but I've changed them to Ulric Garm(the full name is not yet thought of. Any help on this would be appriciated) and Atia Lisanna Harlot.

The story is in twenty-two year old Atia's pov and revolves around her drug abuse, alcoholism, her life on the street after she ran away, a haunting past of rape, and other traumatic things such as witnessing horrific murders and stuff that I haven't even thought of yet. Ulric is hired by her mother and father to find her after so many years of worrying about her, not knowing if she is dead or being harmed. Ulric works as a Jack-Of-All-Trades, taking money for anything from anyone who will pay him. He takes jobs ranging from being a body guard to being a gardner. He suddenly appears as she is about to be raped by a dealer known as "Swim" in exchange for heroin. She's not particularly thankful though. Ulric and Atia fight constantly until they get into a knock down drag out fight and Ulric reveals that he is stronger than any mortal after being forced into the road outside the bar and being ran over by a truck. He gets up and goes back into the bar and Atia asks the obvious questions, finding out that Ulric is a werewolf. she becomes ensnared by the wolf and romance ensues, though violently. Even if he is immortal and thirty men strong, Atia isn't just going to suddenly become shy or fragile. He's just a man after all... same as all men.

it's something like that. I'm entirely sure how the whole story is going to go. I'm still in the planning stage right now.


Atia personality is that of a dominatrix, flirting with men as she looks down on them and humiliates them. Thinking she's too good for most men. She is her own bouncer at the bar where she works because the last bouncer pissed her off and she beat him into the ground. She's also very vulnerable though. She has a soft side, an innocent side but it's been torn apart and mutilated. She doesn't allow anyone to see her weakness because the last time she did, it was exploited. She wants to never let that happen again but she's also very lonely because her big bad girl show has scared away most guys and those who take an interest in her are never the gentle type.


Ulric is a century old werewolf who has been ostricized from society since his birth. He never knew his father because he was also a werewolf and he raped the woman that Ulric called mother. When he was born, she took one look at his eyes and went insane, trying to kill him because he had inherited his father's demonic eyes. When she can't kill him no matter what method she uses, she kills herself instead and Ulric is left to be an orphan. He grows up and is always excluded by the other children, beaten by the various foster parents he lives with because he is stubborn and independant. Ulric moves across the europes, learning various languages, cultures, and just how heartless humans can be. He grows inverted and cold, heartless so that he doesn't have to feel the sorrow and rage that he has accumulated over the years from constantly being hated and feared. He thinks that solice lives only in solitude and doesn't stay in one place for very long. Because of that he just takes whatever job is available, whatever it may be, and leaves whenever he wants to.


I'm pretty graphic about it all and I just wanted to know if I should forget about YA and market it as just a dark romance.

I know that teens can take a lot but can they take this much?

missesdash said:

They aren't teenagers so it's isn't YA anyway. Man I say this on so many threads!

That being said, it's pretty overdone and bursting with cliches for any conventional market. Things like drug abuse, rape, alcoholism and various horrific life experiences shouldn't just be piled on like salad toppings at an american restaurant.

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Isn't the early twenties considered a young adult? i didn't think that category exclusively belonged to teens...

As for the cliches, other than the drug abuse, which belongs to my cousins' life experiences, and the travel/immortality, this is my life...


Is it really not ok to write a story like this?

chocowrites said:

surely not?

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I try not to lie and I never lie about this stuff.


Everything about this, down to the eyes that Ulric inherited, and other than the drug abuse and the mother's suicide/Ulric being an ophan, is my story. I have my dad's eyes... and all that.. but my mom is alive and I'm not an orphan. I got the abusive mother and foster parents from my mother being slightly b****y and my babysitters being horrible, horrible people.

Elysium said:

Also, it seems like you need to read more YA books in general...

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I'm actually in the process of doing that. In the past three weeks I've read more than I have in years.

missesdash said:

Okay so everything about this except most of it is your story.

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Most of the character design is. I've lived through all of it, just some of it is embellished with atristic license. The only thing i haven't experienced is my mother's suicide and the drug abuse is a secondary experience.

Please don't make light of this...

chocowrites said:

Didn't mean to imply you were lying (though isn't that was writing fiction is? kind of?). I just was hoping the witnessing horrific murders wasn't part of your life.

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I watched a man get shot just a couple years ago, 2010 i think, right in front of my house by someone doing a driveby. Called the cops to help him immediately but he died on the way to the hospital. It happened in the blink of an eye. They were gone before i could even open the door. Gang violence was high that year.

missesdash said:

Okay well whether or not you lived it isn't any of my business. So I apologize for even going down that road. However, that doesn't make the story less cliche. Cliche doesn't mean "never happens."

Have you been to TVtropes? You can get an idea of what kind of tropes you have here.

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I'll check it out.

I'm in a talkitive mood tonight. I think I should take a break from the internet and get to writing since my mind is racing so much.

Interesting thoughts. thank you all. I am at a point where the description I gave can be editted to be less graphic.

Also, the character examples were only examples. I thought they would convey the personality a little but the story is more about Atia being 'saved from despair' by Ulric. Not about their gruesome past and all that. I was going to use them as walls for the character's to overcome in order to fall in love, not really just describe every single traumatic happening. I was going to pick and choose what was appropriate and what mattered to the story. the outline i wrote is just how i see it in my head. I unfortunately have the ability to create very graphic images of things. It helps in writing but it's not always a good skill to have, for reasons previously stated.


This story is kind what happened between me and my friend who created the character Atia is based on. She saved my life by way of this couple and our role play and this is really a story dedicated to our friendship and the budding romance between us.

Also, I planned this to be a series. I won't put all that into one book. That'd traumatize people...

maybegenius said:

It's generally a very risky idea to fictionalize your own life experiences exactly because people are going to be critical of them and it's very difficult to divorce yourself from your feelings on the issue. There are going to be people out there who will hate, HATE, what you've written. It will happen. It happens to every writer. If you put too much of your personal experience in there, it's very possible that you will feel like they're hating on YOU and YOUR LIFE, rather than the fictional words on the page. Are you prepared for that?

It's very, very common for writers to transpose their experiences on their characters. It can almost be a form of therapy. That said, falling into the trap of, "This really happened to me and it was dramatic in my life, therefore it will make good fiction" is a dangerous one. It sets you up to be very easily defensive when someone is critical of your work, which WILL happen. It's also very easy to hide behind the guise of, "I won't change it because this is how it happened to me and this is what I felt," even though it might not be best for the story.

Just things to be mindful of going forward.

Other than that, everyone else already covered that this storyline isn't YA as written. "Young Adult" is kind of a misnomer. In current book marketing, YA is aimed at juveniles aged 12-18. End of story. That's the main target audience. It should probably be referred to as "teen lit." What is it about this story that makes you feel it might fit in the YA section? The age of the characters alone does not determine where the story is best marketed. Many novels written for adults feature young protagonists. As has been mentioned upthread, the placement is less about the content and more about the tone/voice/experience. How is this story going to resonate with teens? What about it is relevant to them?

I'll end on a totally personal preference kind of note, so take this with a grain of salt. I'm very sensitive to sexual assault in fiction and I prefer it to be handled very carefully. Your proposed plot/characterization sounds very rape-y to me. I have big issues with the trope of having a big strong man save the female protagonist from rape, especially when they later end up romantically involved. I have never, ever seen it done well. Rape and abuse as drama are major triggers for me as a reader. I've seen rape and the aftermath of it done very well in fiction. I've also seen it done horribly. It's a fine line to walk. I heartily second the recommendation to go to TV Tropes and research Rape Tropes. Please treat with care.

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Thank you for your very detailed post. It was very helpful. And I will keep it in mind. I wasn't going to do the the "man saving the girl from rape" thing though. Atia is a very independant woman and has the will and skill to defend herself, as many victims learn after their first attack, and she fights Swim off of her on her own. Ulric only saves her from being chased by Swim's men... or something. My first idea was Ulric's arm bursting through a window or wall and ripping the person who was about to hurt(my idea being someone aiming a gun at her) through the wall or window he punched through. I might take the rape element out all together though.

As for the "Voice" of the story, I never intended it to be one of complete fear or entirely dark. there would be moments of that but I was going to use sarcasm and humor to lighten it up a bit. Atia is sort of a smart ass sort of character. And the romance between them wouldn't really be a sweet one in the conventional sense.

They do fall in love but in a violent way. I can't really characterize it any other way. Ulric yells and Atia punches and they glare at each other and tear each others' places apart when their mad at each other or jealous of someone they were with... because they love each other. It's something my friend and I do in our role play of these two for humor because the storyline is such a dark one. It's not always for comic effect though. Sometimes their genuinely mad at each other, sometimes their using it for foreplay, sometimes Atia fights with Ulric publicly and turns around to someone else in the middle of the conversation and is mildly polite to them just to annoy Ulric. At one point the character Atia is based on got a kitten and Ulric's base got very very jealous of it, to the point that he would occasionally throw it into a tree(which is not something he would do in the books.)

Also, the two of them will always be a B**** and a Jerk, a little less toward each other as the story goes on but they never are lovey dovey or cuddle on the couch in front of a fire watching a chick flick. That's just not the type of romance that they have. They are too animalistic to be that kind of couple.

I'm working on something different. Once I come up with something, I'll come back for everyone's opinion. Thank you for your assistance.