Titles that didn't make it

three seven · Dec 12, 2005

Apologies if you've seen these a thousand times before, but I hadn't and they're funny.

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Children's Books That Didn't Make It To The Press (But Should Have)

You Are Different And That's Bad

Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

Fun Four-Letter Words To Know And Share

Hammers, Screwdrivers And Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book

The Kids' Guide To Hitchhiking

Kathy Was So Bad Her Mum Stopped Loving Her

Curious George And The High-Voltage Fence

All Cats Go To Hell!

The Little Sissy Who Snitched

Some Kittens Can Fly

Grandpa Gets A Casket

The Magic World Inside The Abandoned Refrigerator

Garfield Gets Feline Leukaemia

The Pop-Up Book Of Human Anatomy

Strangers Have The Best Candy

Whining, Kicking And Crying To Get Your Way

Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

Pop! Goes The Hamster... And Other Great Microwave Games

The Man In The Moon Is Actually Satan

Your Nightmares Are Real

Places Where Mommy And Daddy Hide Neat Things

Dad's New Wife Robert

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I've already started work on #4.

stormie · Dec 12, 2005

Needed a good laugh tonight. Thanks!

Mike Coombes · Dec 13, 2005

Excellent. Reminds me of the joke...

Guy in pub, crying his eyes out. Barman asks what's up. The guy's too emotional to speak, but instead goes to the piano and starts playing. Within minutes the barman is crying too.

"That's the most beautiful thing I ever heard," he says when the music ends. "Where can I buy the record? Who's it by?"

The man has now composed himself enough to answer. "I wrote it," he said, "But I can't get a record company interested, I been to them all and they all sent me packing."

"How can that be," the barman asked. "It's wonderful, it'd sell millions. What's it called?"

"I love you so f*cking much it makes me want to sh*t" replied the man.

LloydBrown · Dec 13, 2005

Thanks

I had not seen that, and I am a happier person for the experience.

reph · Dec 13, 2005

Supposedly, the following really happened, although I can't vouch for it personally. A book written to educate children about the New York sewer system was called The Adventures of Little Tommy Turd.

Sarita · Dec 13, 2005

I really like "The Man In The Moon Is Actually Satan." I just may try my hand at a dark children's fairytale to share with my future children...

LloydBrown · Dec 13, 2005

reph said:
Supposedly, the following really happened, although I can't vouch for it personally. A book written to educate children about the New York sewer system was called The Adventures of Little Tommy Turd.

In a similar vein, we had a columnist from the (very large circulation) local paper show up at my game store during the pre-Lord of the Rings excitement to write an article on role-playing. The person running the game had planned for the characters to venture into a sewer system and encounter an animated pile of human waste in a bit of light-hearted fun.

With high-profile witnesses, the "turd golem" appeared in slightly different form, like mud or something far less icky. It would have been funnier that way, but the publicity from the column probably wouldn't have been so positive.

StoryG27 · Dec 13, 2005

Oh no, that's a horrible list, and I can't stop laughing.

trumancoyote · Dec 13, 2005

You should add Family Guy's Catholic variation on Everybody Poops: You're a Naughty Child and that's Concentrated Sin Coming Out the Back of You.

Teehee.

MadScientistMatt · Dec 13, 2005

And along the same lines, here's what some of the covers might look like.

And a couple more galleries, some even more twisted.

Titles that didn't make it

three seven

(Graeme Cameron)

stormie

storm central

Mike Coombes

Guru

LloydBrown

reph

Fig of authority

Sarita

carpe noctem

LloydBrown

StoryG27

Miss Behave

trumancoyote

My Name is Sweet Thing

MadScientistMatt

Empirical Storm Trooper