I'd like to understand how this is real to some people. In my case, I can always make up some crap but, of course, it is crap. I'm of the opinion that anyone can do the same. And even when it is crap, something good may come of it.
I think writer's block is real to many people and sometimes when you're sitting there looking at a blank page and you just can't find your way past it or a way around it, it starts to cascade on top of you until you're just covered under in doubt and fear on top of whatever other reasons that existed to bring you to a standstill, it's hard to see anything else.
As you don't understand, it's pretty clear you've never been faced with it.
Never face looking at a computer and feeling ill because at that particular time, a simple reminder of a stupid computer brings on all kinds of feelings and emotions that may not even be associate with writing.
I'll give you an example.
I'm currently living very remotely. It's a half hour drive to the nearest gas station, grocery store, hell civilization. We live on a dirt road that is a mile from the nearest road and we are the only house on it. No neighbors. Just us in the house, the farm animals and the occasional hunter that vrooms by.
I'm unemployed. So that means in order to get a job, I'll be driving at a minimum of half an hour
if I'm lucky to get a job at the nearest small town. And it is
small.
I do what job hunting I can through the internet. Don't know about you but the local papers here are filled with foreclosures and the only want ads are those looking to 'Make $1000 a day surfing the internet'. Or a truckdriver with CDC and X years driving experience. Yet every day, I get online and scour hotjobs, usajobs and all the host of job sites out there looking for work.
This has been going on now for three years. No prospects.
The depression starts to wear on a person after a while. There's only so much praying and positive thinking a person can do on their own before they hit that breaking point.
So the thought, the mere
thought of sitting down to the box that is 1) my only contact to the outside world (other than family consisting of one) 2) a constant reminder of what pretty depressing circumstances I find myself in and 3) a tool that reminds me that day after day,
if I struggle with the words,
if I manage to make it all right,
if I find someone to represent me,
if all these variables, some of which I can control and some of which I can't...makes me ill to think about on some days.
That's how someone can be brought to a standstill and suddenly feel overwhelmed by it all.
However, after all that, it's not a pity party I'm throwing. I don't get there often and most of the time I do manage to keep things separated out. It's been a struggle at times and I've had to find a way to tease out the depression that is due to current circumstances, figure out a way to turn it to the positive and keep going forward with what little momentum I can scrounge up on some days.
I'm a list-maker and a goal-setter and know how to break down insurmountable tasks into smaller ones. It's how I cope. I see a problem and start looking for ways to beat it. But some days...it's really hard to see any solutions at all.
