Framing text and "e-mails"

E-mail is in quotations because I don't refer to them as that.


I'm working on a dystopian book set in the near future which has a great deal of communication occurring through digitally rendered dialogue. I'd really appreciate some suggestions on the most grammatically appropriate ways to frame this as well as what is most readable.

For instance, writing:

His display read, "You can't do that, Jane."

{How does that work? His display didn't read, but it sounds right.}

OR

I saw the words on his display: You can't do that Jane.

{This also sounds okay, but it looks less like dialogue.}

OR

He typed, "You can't do that, Jane"

{O.O}

Help!

I am not sure if I need to put these things in quotes or not! There is a HUGE amount of communication that occurs in this manner, and I'd like to set it apart from speech, which is a rare occurrence.

Also, I am curious about how to place a missive like an e-mail in my novel. Most of them are small. I can't find this in my references. I guess this would be a note of a sort?

Really appreciate any and all assistance. I am willing to do some odd things, but I don't want to break any major grammatical rules if I can avoid it. I'm already creating a new language which is difficult enough.

I think I am going to use guillemets to define the text. I will probably use italics elsewhere, and I hate to get that mixed up. The guillemets will be easy to find and replace.

I also think "showed" will be easy to use as a generic verb, you know, to replace "said". I don;t know why this didn't occur to me earlier.

Wait. I do know. NOT ENOUGH COFFEE.

Yes, I am creating my own language, or most of one, but it's based on English. I guess you would say I am creating new slang, but there is a lot of it.

The monitors are called dsplys or dsply. Can't really say, "he dsplyd" because that is turning a noun into a verb. My husband and I talked about that last night. It also eliminates my using the verb display as well.

The language/slang is abbreviated, so that makes it more difficult, and I want to make it as readable as possible. So far it's going okay.

Thanks to both of you! Fallen, the examples you gave were helpful.

Snick, I think I will use a double tab for the e-mail notes. That will set them apart from the rest of the text more.

Trying to use it in small amounts.

I will definitely beta.

I'm going to have to write parts with more narration than a standard modern novel. If I did all the "dialogue" as it was taking place in the slang that was being used, the reader wouldn't understand it, and if I use English, it makes the entire novel fall apart because it is based on speech, text, and why they are doing all of this.

So far, it's working I think.

I really appreciate the advice.

Xelebes, I didn't think of that! How will I ever manage it?

*growls*

Must get creative. Perhaps some stacking?

Chase, I think I would have remembered he signed earlier in the day today if I'd had more coffee before posting. Using showed is working very well. It should be seamless for the reader after a few chapters just as a book with ASL is.

I'm sure any publisher who takes the MS will have their own ideas about the guillemets, but at this point it's the best solution I can find. They're valid, as near as I can tell, and I do need something to differentiate between text and speech because there will be points when both are being used.

brianjanuary, I considered the colon, but I like my commas. Chase can tell you I am overly fond of them. In this case, I want to give the impression of verbalization. Replacing quotation marks and keeping commas did that fluidly.

Many thanks for all the input.

I ended up putting the e-mail-type things in Courier. Indents didn't set them apart enough! AnWulf's suggestion was good, and that was the best font I had.

Torgo, that's a good suggestion as well.

My only concern about it is confusion with an em-dash. I'll see what my agent says when he reads it. It's easy to find and replace/find and delete. I will keep it in mind!

Soul, I think as long as you're consistent that would work. One thing about italics is that you need to make sure that if you use them for one thing, you use them with caution for another. I wouldn't use them for texts, emphasis, AND internal thoughts all in the same book. It's confusing to read.

I can't use italics in this book because it would be italics all over the damn place. It's like text messages met e-mails and had babies, and they are replacing verbalization for 60% of my dialogue.

The comparison with ASL is good, and any method that sets that apart from spoken word would be a positive one. The guillemets work as does the quotation dash. I'm storing both away for later!