Awkward sentence

indigo123 · Dec 27, 2011

Hi all,

In an essay, I want to say two things very concisely (word limits

):

1. Another influence on me has been my cousin X.
2. He is my closest family member.

This is what I have now but I'm not sure if it is awkward:

Another influence on me has been my cousin X, my closest family relation.

Eternal · Dec 27, 2011

One of my closest relations, my cousin x, has also had an influence on me.

My influences include one of my closest relations, my cousin x.

You have probably already considered these, just ideas though.

alleycat · Dec 27, 2011

A question, since I saw your other thread: Don't you have an older brother who is your closest family member?

indigo123 · Dec 27, 2011

Hi alleycat, I have no siblings.

Edit:
Just saw the other thread again. Both threads are about the same person. I want to say "Cousin X is my closest family member. Over the years he has been the perfect brother ....."

alleycat · Dec 27, 2011

Then I might change it to " . . . he has been like a perfect brother . . . "

blacbird · Dec 27, 2011

That sentence reads perfectly well to me. Why do you think it is awkward?

caw

kguiver · Dec 27, 2011

Hi.
It doesn't sound extremely awkward, but I do like Eternal's first suggestion. It might flow better

inspiredbymusic · Dec 28, 2011

Suggestions:
Another influence has been my closest family member, cousin x. He is like a perfect brother ...
or
Another influence has been cousin x, who is a like a perfect brother ...

Awkward sentence

indigo123

Eternal

alleycat

Still around

indigo123

alleycat

Still around

blacbird

kguiver

I'm unique, just like everyone else

inspiredbymusic