My character hears voices

razormoney · Dec 7, 2005

Hey all,

I am on revision 13 of a script -- at last, the final touches. I am trying to decide the best way to write a female character who is asked a question then hears voices from earlier in the script which direct her to an answer.

EXCERPT FROM SCRIPT --

MEDICINE MAN
So when was the last time you wished for something?

This catches Brooke's attention. In her MIND...

People sing "Happy Birthday." Janice says "Make it a good one." Her mom tells her to "Make a wish."

BROOKE
Yesterday.

I didn't want to make a big deal out of writing in voiceovers for such a quick hit. The voices should blend together as she is pausing to think of an answer.

Anybody have a better, or more correct way of tackling this situation. After this stumbling block I am home free -- I think! This one is going to WorldFest perfect or not.

Razor

scripter1 · Dec 7, 2005

Well,

first you have to keep in mind that film only makes use of two of the senses, sight and sound. If we can't see it or hear it then it can't be filmed and the audience won't receive the info.

SO, we can't very well know what is happening inside a character's mind.
You either have to SHOW us the event which means some kind of a flashback, dream or vison, or you have to TELL us the info which means dialog, and that means VO.

VO is actually the perfect tool for something like this.

If you write in a good, believable reaction or response to the voices from the character hearing them then the audience/director should get a clear image of the way they should be presented and the impact you want them to have.

Scarry voices would create a scared reaction.
Soothing voices, a calm relaxed reaction.
Etc.

Secondly find some scripts in which characters hear voices and see how these writers handled it.

Optimus · Dec 7, 2005

Scripter,

I don't think razor is asking how to write hallucinatory voices a character hears (like a schizophrenic). I believe he/she is referring to a brief auditory memory.

Like...

MEDICINE MAN
So, when was the last time you wished for something?

Brooke thinks and, for a brief moment, HEARS her parents SINGING "Happy Birthday" from when she was a child. She shakes it off.

BROOKE
Yesterday.

razormoney · Dec 8, 2005

Exactly, Optimus

I was looking more for something like what you wrote, Optimus. While I thoroughly understand I can't put something on the page that doesn't invoke an image, I wanted to stay away from the VOICEOVER just to drive home the fact that the voices simply "play" in the character's mind while she contemplates an answer. If I used 3 voice overs I'd have to use ellipses (...) to indicate a continuous stream of speaking. I wanted to focus on the character's reaction at what she hears rather than what she does hear.

Any more thoughts. Thanks guys, this forum is awesome.

Anybody else submitting material to WorldFest or Moondance?

Razor

PS -- I'm a dude, Optimus

dpaterso · Dec 8, 2005

razor, glad to hear you're not a he/she. Not that there's anything wrong with he/shes, you understand.

I'd probably do it the old-fashioned way:

INT. WHEREVER - DAY

MEDICINE MAN
So when was the last time you wished for something?

Brooke thinks it over--

INT. BROOKE'S BIRTHDAY PARTY - DAY

RELATIVES AND FRIENDS sing "Happy Birthday" as they crowd round the cake. Brooke blows out the 18 candles.

BROOKE'S MOM
Make a wish!

JANICE
Make it a good one!

BACK TO SCENE:

BROOKE
Yesterday.

MEDICINE MAN
Oh.

...because the actors are still going to have to read and learn their dialogue. They might easily skim past your narrated dialogue. Er, oh, wait a minute, you don't want the visuals. D'oh. Forget what I just said. But I'd write it as above with the V.O.s for the same reason -- the actors must see their lnes.

-Derek
-> * <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
A man might be thought wealthy if someone were to draw the story of his deeds, that they may be remembered.

razormoney · Dec 8, 2005

Thanks

Dpat,

Thanks for your input. I might just go with the VOs. However, you mentioned the actors needing to learn their lines -- the actors have already spoken their lines earlier in the script (my mistake, I forgot to mention this in previous posts). Therefore, the editor, or whoever, would be able to just replay the dialogue already recorded from those portions of the movie (assuming this thing would ever get that far!) while Brooke thinks.

Knowing that, would you still use the VOs?

Writer1 · Dec 8, 2005

Hmmmmm...

Maybe --- VO(dialogue from earlier BIRTHDAY PARTY scene) ?

That way, a reader will easily be able to follow it..especially since the b-day party dialogue isn't particularly memorable. That said, is this REALLY necessary for your story?

razormoney · Dec 8, 2005

The dreaded VO

VOs it is then. I think it is necessary for the story because her answer is tied to the memory. Thanks. Off I go to correct the scene.

Razor

razormoney · Dec 8, 2005

Another angle

OK, this is really bugging me. If I use VOs from earlier in the script do I have to use a FLASHBACK since I do not want the actual visual part -- only the voices?

I love writing, but formatting blows.

Razor

dpaterso · Dec 9, 2005

try again

I don't think you need FLASHBACK since you're just using the voices, all ya need is the V.O. to indicate the speaking characters aren't in the current scene, e.g. and just for fun's sake:

MEDICINE MAN
So when was the last time you wished for something?

Brooke remembers--

CROWD (V.O.)
(sings)
Happy Birthday dear Brooke...

BROOKE'S MOM (V.O.)
Make a wish!

JANICE (V.O.)
Make it a good one!

BROOKE
Yesterday.

...which is what I should'a written last night.

I firmly believe that for every bewildering, frustrating, show-stopping script formatting problem, there is a simple plain English solution. Don't overthink. Use the Force.

-Derek
-> * <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
Generosity, that was my first mistake. I leave these people a little extra, and then they hire these men to make trouble. Shows you, sooner or later, you must answer for every good deed.

scripter1 · Dec 9, 2005

I share D's concern.

The VOICE is actually speaking a line of dialog, one that should be VITAL to the script. If we miss these lines we may not fully understand the character and their arc.

Using VO makes the line stand out in the scene.

After I wrote my post I thought about this a little more. I was watching RoTS (Star Wars) and there is that little little moment where Annakin hears the screams of the sand people he slaughtered.

If it is some indistinct sound or noises then you would write that in the action line and possibly cap it or put it on it's own line so that it stands out.

But if the voices say a distinct line then you need to write it as normal dialog and mark it as VO.
It has to be clear in the script that a character is needed for these lines. An actor must be cast, paid, and credited.
The director may choose to recycle the lines from the earlier scenes but in the script it needs to be clear what these voices are.

razormoney · Dec 10, 2005

Thanks all

I've taken all your advice and hopped over this stumbling block. Thanks again for your inputs.

Razor

scripter1 · Dec 10, 2005

You are welcome.

That will be fifty cents please.

Ha ha.

Best of luck to you and happy writing.

razormoney · Dec 11, 2005

How about this idea?

I am going to italicize the V.O.s to highlight the fact that they've already been said -- I will use the technique throughout. I know another screenwriter who uses this and it works pretty well.

R

dpaterso · Dec 12, 2005

You'll appreciate that's a non-standard technique, and no one will know why on earth the V.O.s are italicized. So who cares if the director has the actors say the same lines over again, or whether he remembers these lines were said previously? Not your concern.

As has been said elsewhere, you "italicize" in a screenplay by underlining text, not via actual italics, since italics don't photocopy too well, and the first thing that happens if people read your script and grow a spark of interest is, they make photocopies.

For a suspicious moment there I wondered whether this is a spoof -- if you're making up joke questions for a laugh. Shrug, maybe not, but maybe you can see why I'd think such thoughts.

-Derek
-> * <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
The practice of art isn't to make a living. It's to make your soul grow. ~The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing (Kurt Vonnegut)

razormoney · Dec 12, 2005

Not to worry

Dpat,

My question is not a spoof. I am new at this. I have a friend who writes great scripts that win lots of awards but after reading your comment it is obvious that he has not taken the time to use the latest accepted formatting techniques (he likes to italicize flashback dialogue and bold flashback sequences and inserts -- that all seems to be sacrilege according to this site -- other than that his writing is pretty damn good). Anyway, I may have learned a few bad habits from reading his scripts.

I had not seen the discussion about using underlines instead of italics because of the copy problem. While I understand this, I have to wonder what kind of crappy copier doesn't show italics. Regardless, the underline makes sense because even a crappy copy will transfer the underline. Thanks for that info.

So, I assume you think I should nix the italics for voiceovers altogether and I assume you wouldn't underline them -- so I'll just use a regular VO with regular type.

Now, am I to understand the underlines are for purposes of emphasis? I'll go see if I can find that thread.

Appreciate the help Dpat. Remember, I am a newbie, so forgive me if I ask a stupid question.

R

dpaterso · Dec 13, 2005

Don't mind me, I've no way of knowing if anyone who posts is a learning screenwriter or an experienced/pro screenwriter, I'm just responding to what I read. And I'm not claiming I'm right! As with everything, I'm just expressing personal opinion.

My objection to italicized V.O. would be, how is a reader supposed to know what italicized V.O. means? It doesn't mean anything. It's not an industry standard.

Here's one recent thread re italics/underlines, tho' I'm not sure whether any grand conclusion was reached and agreed upon:

http://scriptsales.com/boards/showthread.php?t=16079

-Derek
-> * <- Click on this magic star to be transported to my website. Ruby slippers optional.
________________________________________________
The practice of art isn't to make a living. It's to make your soul grow. ~The Complete Handbook of Novel Writing (Kurt Vonnegut)

razormoney · Dec 13, 2005

Thanks

Dpat,

Thanks for that thread, I'll check it out. And just to let you know, I was reading some advice column on script writing which pointed out how difficult it is in distinguishing italic from non-italic in the Courier font.

R

My character hears voices

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