Concerned About Head-Hopping

Darkshore · Dec 9, 2011

There is a scene in my current WIP that I would like to tell from two different POV's. A man is imprisoned, and is being tortured in the first POV. The second is that of the man leading men coming to rescue him. It goes back and forth between the two. So far each POV is only a few pages each, I've been separating them with line breaks. Should I use chapters instead to further separate them even though the page count of each is a bit short?

Arcadia Divine · Dec 9, 2011

I can go either way, but I'm personally leaning more toward line breaks. Overall I think it depends a lot on how you write it out, with line breaks or chapter breaks. I don't think I can go any farther without knowing what you wrote.

Darkshore · Dec 9, 2011

Thanks for the advice. I was just worried that switching back and forth so often with just line breaks would confuse or frustrate the reader.

defcon6000 · Dec 9, 2011

Line breaks work, especially if this is the same scene, or all going on in the same scene.

Or, you can write the same scene from the two different PoVs, giving them each their own chapter or such.

Diana_Rajchel · Dec 9, 2011

Another recommendation for line breaks.

Darkshore · Dec 9, 2011

Seems like line-breaks will be the way to go. It starts in the cell with the first POV character, then cuts to the second POV character en-route to the prison, then continues back and forth in that fashion for a bit. Thanks everyone.

mirandashell · Dec 9, 2011

As long as it's plain to the reader after the first line break that you're now using a different POV, then it won't be a problem.

The golden rule is: don't confuse the reader. You need to establish the pattern straight away.

BotByte · Dec 9, 2011

Ditto X50349 for line breaks

But make it overly clear that the POV is changed and that the reader knows that this is "that" and this is "that" in the story. This will keep the reader from becoming confused.

I hope that vagueness didn't confuse you.

BethS · Dec 9, 2011

Line breaks are fine.

dogfacedboy · Dec 9, 2011

I would prefer line breaks. A continual time line is more confortable to read. It's a personal preference but I hate when chapters back up the timeline to re-tell the same scene.

Calle Jay · Dec 9, 2011

A question? Do you use different POVs throughout the manuscript? Have both of these characters had scenes before? How did you indicate that to a reader?

If you used chapter breaks with POV shifts in other parts of the book, you'll need to stay consistent. If you used line breaks in other places, use line breaks. It doesn't really matter to me how long a scene or chapter 'looks'. I'm more concerned with clarity and consistency.

Gondomir · Dec 9, 2011

Dems da breaks

For what it's worth, I cast another vote for line breaks.

Nualláin · Dec 9, 2011

When I need to do this, I always do it with line breaks. I find that serves the fluidity and the momentum better... When you're writing a really tense nail-biter of a scene, the last thing you want is your reader shutting off in between passages of the action.

A chapter break is an invitation to nip to the loo or go pour a cup of tea. A line break says, "Sit still and keep reading!"

dangerousbill · Dec 9, 2011

Darkshore said:
Should I use chapters instead to further separate them even though the page count of each is a bit short?

Line breaks are okay. It isn't head-hopping if it's clear to the reader when the jumps between povs occur. Usually, this means they happen in a clean, consistent way.

Darkshore · Dec 10, 2011

Calle Jay said:
A question? Do you use different POVs throughout the manuscript? Have both of these characters had scenes before? How did you indicate that to a reader?

If you used chapter breaks with POV shifts in other parts of the book, you'll need to stay consistent. If you used line breaks in other places, use line breaks. It doesn't really matter to me how long a scene or chapter 'looks'. I'm more concerned with clarity and consistency.

This is the very beginning of the book, the first chapter. But yes, throughout the rest of the novel I have multiple povs.

IceCreamEmpress · Dec 10, 2011

Line breaks are fine.

Have someone else look it over (your test reader or whoever) to make sure it's clear who's the perspective character in each bit.

Architectus · Dec 10, 2011

Unless you are writing the novel in omni close like Dune is written, I don't see how this will work, no matter how you format it. Or unless these are two main POV characters that get about equal POV time, and thus switch between chapters like some Romances do.

But if this only happens once, well ... odd. It will most likely reduce the chances of it being published.

mirandashell · Dec 10, 2011

It does work though, Arc. I've read plenty of books where a line break represents a change of POV. It's used quite a lot in MTS.

As long as it is made clear, the reader will follow it just fine.

Architectus · Dec 10, 2011

mirandashell said:
It does work though, Arc. I've read plenty of books where a line break represents a change of POV. It's used quite a lot in MTS.

As long as it is made clear, the reader will follow it just fine.

That's not what I was worried about not working. Dune does it just fine, but POV shifting is consistant throughout the novel. If the novel is all in ONE POV then only one place in the novel there is a quick POV shift, I don't think it'll work. I can't think of any novels that do that.

Darkshore · Dec 10, 2011

Architectus said:
That's not what I was worried about not working. Dune does it just fine, but POV shifting is consistant throughout the novel. If the novel is all in ONE POV then only one place in the novel there is a quick POV shift, I don't think it'll work. I can't think of any novels that do that.

I stated in my post above that there are multiple POV characters throughout the novel

. But thank you for the concern and advice.

Architectus · Dec 10, 2011

Darkshore, then that can work as an omnipresent POV novel, be it close omni or far. Dune is close omni. It's very rare now days, though. Might be much harder to get a close omni published today, verses when Dune and LOTRs were written.

Darkshore · Dec 10, 2011

Architectus said:
Darkshore, then that can work as an omnipresent POV novel, be it close omni or far. Dune is close omni. It's very rare now days, though. Might be much harder to get a close omni published today, verses when Dune and LOTRs were written.

I'm a bit confused as to your meaning. It's not really omni it's more of what I'd call a close 3rd, like Sanderson's Mistborn series. This a bad thing?

IceCreamEmpress · Dec 11, 2011

Darkshore said:
I'm a bit confused as to your meaning. It's not really omni it's more of what I'd call a close 3rd, like Sanderson's Mistborn series. This a bad thing?

Not at all. Having lots of perspectives is fine, as long as it's always clear whose perspective the reader is experiencing.

Darkshore · Dec 11, 2011

IceCreamEmpress said:
Not at all. Having lots of perspectives is fine, as long as it's always clear whose perspective the reader is experiencing.

That's what I thought. I was just confused by Arc's saying it only works in omni.

Architectus · Dec 11, 2011

Omni is when you jump around from any character's POV and tell us information that character's cannot know. Close omni is jumping around in many character's heads.

Close 3rd is sticking to one character, which is almost identicle to first person, but you say he instead of I.

3rd person sometimes has a few POV character's, mostly just two, the main characters. This is most popular in romances, but also used by authors like Koontz, for the good and bad guy.

Writing from many character's POV is just not popular. That's all I'm pointing out.

Concerned About Head-Hopping

Darkshore

Stranger

Arcadia Divine

Darkshore

Stranger

defcon6000

Diana_Rajchel

Writing from my Seaside Palace

Darkshore

Stranger

mirandashell

BotByte

Not a Reader, a Writer

BethS

dogfacedboy

Calle Jay

Romance Novelist & Freelance Editor

Gondomir

Nualláin

dangerousbill

Retired Illuminatus

Darkshore

Stranger

IceCreamEmpress

Hapless Virago

Architectus

mirandashell

Architectus

Darkshore

Stranger

Architectus

Darkshore

Stranger

IceCreamEmpress

Hapless Virago

Darkshore

Stranger

Architectus