Dialogue Help!

Is the story told from a particular person's point of view?

If so, then the character is seeing this woman for the first time, so you can just give a quick description that sounds like a first impression.

Delvianna01, this is more about point of view than dialogue. Consider who your point of view character is. Who's telling the story at this point? What else is going on? What details would your point of view character notice about this new person? Meeting someone new usually reveals more about the POV character than the new person (at least at first). You don't have to reveal this information simply through dialogue tags. Until your character has a name to hang on this new person, use description that reveals how your POV character thinks.

Let's say your characters are at a party. The first time your POV character notices this beautiful middle-aged brunette is when she says "What a surprise!"

POV character Captain Kirk:

"What a surprise!" said a woman in sultry tones. Her dark hair looked soft and touchable, her lips... (you get the idea )

POV character a little girl (1st person POV):

"What a surprise!"
It wasn't Mommy. The lady had dark hair like Mommy, but she had brown eyes and Mommy had blue eyes. She crouched down and looked at me.
"Are you lost?" said the woman who wasn't Mommy.

Hope this helps...

first of all, every time you use an exclamation point, Jesus picks up a tiny kitten and throws it into a blender. I'm not justifying it, or taking a stand on exclamation points, only informing you of one of writing's Cosmic Truths.



Now, that isn't quite what happens (he puts them in a microwave) but it might be very helpful to have a bit more info. The initial dialogue might be anything from

"Holy shit! Mary?"
to
"Oh, its you again," he growled (although I'm not fond of "growled".)



"What a surprise," the brunette in the slutty red dress said. Quick didn't know her yet, but looking at her legs, he certainly intended to.

So the aunt is known to the character but not the reader?

There's no need to over-explain relationships. The character knows who the aunt is. A simple dialogue tag will do fine. "What a surprise," said Aunt _____. Or just her name, depending on how familiar they are with each other. If you were to go with just the name, or no tag at all, the example you gave would do just fine.

Delvianna01 said:

So, the scene is the MC is going to her aunts house. She knocks on the door and the aunt is excited to see her niece. So she says, "Evelyn, what a surprise!" because the MC came over unannounced.

Click to expand...

Just to play Devil's advocate, are you sure you want to start your scene with a meet-n-greet? Is there a reason to start at the door, or could you start later in the scene where the aunt is rushing around putting clothes on because niece-y-poo has caught her unawares in her skivvies on wash day?

In other words, there are many ways to show the aunt is surprised by the visit without having her opening the door and saying, "What a surprise!"

You've received some excellent advice above, but it occurs to me your question might be a matter of punctuation.

"What a surprise!" said Aunt Mary.
"What a surprise!" Smiling widely, Aunt Mary wrapped her arms around me.

When period would end the quoted dialog it gets changed to a comma, but any other ending punctuation--exclamation point, question mark, etc--stays as is.

Whether to capitalize the following depends on whether it's a dialog tag or a separate action.

Aunt Mary opened the door. As usual, her hair and makeup were perfect, but she started when she saw me. "Evelyn, what a surprise!" Her smile didn't reach her eyes, though, and she had that look people get when they're interrupted in something important.

It's kinda difficult to give advice on this without a context, even a brief one. If you posted the paragraph that would help. There might be a way to avoid the tag altogether then - that would be the best solution.

Sometimes you don't even need a dialogue tag, or even name the person.

"What a surprise!"

Yeah, right, phone-baloney Auntie Ruth. Your eyes don't even crinkle when you smile, so don't go on faking a pleasant surprise when you see me and Mum at the door. I know when you're lying.

Delvianna01 said:

Every idea I have about how to do this just comes out all wrong. I'm terrible with dialogue and I'm learning so please any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. How would you write in someone who is not formally introduced yet.

"What a surprise!" (being said by a beautiful middle aged brunette)

Please insert dialogue tag or another way of writing who said it. Thanks!

Click to expand...

"I... I love glee." Colour rose in Mike's cheeks.
"What a surprise!" A brunette swaggered into the room and signalled to the bartender. "Let me save you the trouble." She flicked out her card to Mike. "Names harry. I'm really a she-man." She dusted lint off his shoulder. "I can cure you of your little... obsession." Her fingers trailed down his side.
Mike had always been into middle aged women. Beautiful, middle aged women. figured it would be easier to find one who shared his tastes in teen-angst flicks. So she was a guy... So she hated like the most awesome show ever... They could share underwear and socks and...

okay I'm going to stop now. Its waaaay past the hour.