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What makes a relationship erotic to you?

Thread starter sunandshadow
Start date Nov 11, 2011

sunandshadow

Impractical Fantasy Animal

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Nov 11, 2011

#1

Leaving sex acts aside, what makes a combination of two or three characters really throw sparks? Or what makes a single character intensely appealing whether they are in a relationship or are lonely and looking?

Reifier

No Stamina

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Nov 11, 2011

#2

I don't really find anyone who's projecting that they're lonely, appealing - its mean but its true because questions instantly rise up as to why etc.

This though is because confident guys are sexy to me.

Other than this I don't really know what your asking. Do you mean what makes me excited when reading about a romance? Or how as a writer, I would technically approach this?

I have issues so I would say that for me I need the chars to have some sort of friction with each other.

Maryn

I Tried

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Nov 12, 2011

#3

Reifier, that's true of a great many of the erotica writers here: power and confidence turn them on.

I'm not quite the opposite. I like a person who seems average in terms of strength and confidence, but who reveals a vulnerability in a moment of weakness or extreme trust.

I can see what others see in the strong manly-man types, and I like them to some degree, but not as my first choice.

Of course, what we like in real life, what we like to read, and what we like to write could easily be three different things--or more.

Maryn, who likes cheese

dangerousbill

Retired Illuminatus

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Nov 12, 2011

#4

sunandshadow said:
Leaving sex acts aside, what makes a combination of two or three characters really throw sparks? Or what makes a single character intensely appealing whether they are in a relationship or are lonely and looking?

Everyone has their own vision of the perfect erotic partner or character. This is one reason why it's better not to nail down too many details when the character is introduced, and let your readers build the character in their heads.

For example, in my world the ideal woman is tall, assertive, and self-sufficient. She's dark-eyed and dark-haired, socially agreeable and a professional in some technical field. She likes sex, but on her terms.

But when I'm introducing a character, I won't give even this many details, only those needed to carry the story forward.
But she's still there in my head as I write. (She also bears a remarkable resemblance to my wife.)

Last edited: Nov 12, 2011

Maryn

I Tried

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Nov 12, 2011

#5

Bill, you should know how much that final parenthetical sentences says about you, all of it good stuff.

Maryn, admiring

sunandshadow

Impractical Fantasy Animal

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Nov 12, 2011

#6

I generally find a lonely insecure person more attractive than a highly confident one, but that's not really the point I was trying to get at with this thread. The reason I asked about a relationship in the title and first sentence is that I was thinking how any character will be more interesting paired with some types of characters than others. Like, between Character A and Character B I may prefer A, but B might be a hotter combination with C. And this would be because of they are either opposites or complements in some way, so together they create a high-energy dynamic interesting to writers and readers alike.

Filigree

Mildly Disturbing

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Nov 12, 2011

#7

Lonely insecure people can turn into clinging nightmares, all too quickly. I like a little vulnerability, but with inner strength.

Victoria

practical experience, FTW

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Nov 13, 2011

#8

When two people are not supposed to be together, I find it extremely erotic, a bit of the forbidden fruit. Also, the building of sexual tension is as much a turn on for me as the actual act, maybe more. I love to write about these relationships and to create that raw, primal attraction. It's as much a psychological arousal as a physical one.

Fruitbat

.

Kind Benefactor

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Nov 13, 2011

#9

I would say the strongest erotic feelings latch on to someone in a wild way that is outside of the conventional expectations of pairing up and settling down.

Last edited: Nov 16, 2011

Maryn

I Tried

Super Member

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Nov 14, 2011

#10

I thought of something else which more directly addresses the original question than my previous reply.

What makes a relationship erotic, rather than a partner or potential partner erotic? Newness.

When you've been with a person long enough to be intimate, but the amazement of a new sexual relationship is still there.
While you like talking and doing social stuff together, the minute you're alone, neither of you can wait to get into bed.
You feel attractive, hot, even, because it's obvious you are hot and attractive to your partner.
You're aroused just thinking about him/her--and you can't seem to stop.
You're no longer on your best sexual behavior, limiting yourself to activities which seem pretty mainstream, but you have not finished exploring the kinky stuff--by a long shot.
Your partner still surprises you in bed.
The sexual aspect is a high priority in the relationship, and it's important to you both that the other one is sexually satisfied.
You can't guess very well what your partner will do in bed, or ask you to do.
You would rather miss sleep you really need than tell your partner you're too tired.
The pressures of real life are still not allowed to enter the sexual aspect of the relationship.

And so on. Anybody who's had a sexual relationship that lasted six months or a year can no doubt add a bunch more reasons why a new relationship is so very erotic.

Maryn, who also likes the longstanding ones, but they're different

tedi.s

Demigods, wolves, & Vamps... Oh my!

Registered

Nov 14, 2011

#11

Chemistry that literally goes up in flames. the kind that has you taking risks. Sneaking around. doing things so outside your normal self but without the least concern for getting caught because you HAVE to be with that person so badly or you die. hmmm, sounds a little like a stalker but yea, I kinda dig that too.

Gonna put that on the list of things to talk to my shrink about

seeker_nomad

total newbie

Super Member

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Nov 15, 2011

#12

So for me it's the chemistry between two (or more, whatever) characters that makes an erotic relationship really great. The logical next question here is, what is chemistry?

I think it has to do with a sort of "sync-ness". Like if the characters are in a room with a lot of people, they're always still focused on each other- there's a lot of science behind "mirroring behavior", where people unconsciously mimic each other's gestures, word choices, etc. My two cents is that characters with chemistry do that unavoidably. And chemistry leads to arousal, which for me leads to believable erotic interactions.

Appealingness is awfully personal.

For what it's worth, I like smart, arrogant, and slightly dangerous. And business suits, I really like suits.

veinglory

volitare nequeo

Self-Ban

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Nov 15, 2011

#13

Basically I like plausible characters who desire each other. They don't have to be someone I would want to have sex with.

Kendeldavi

Learning to swim without goggles

Registered

Nov 24, 2011

#14

I guess for me it has the be the willingness to explore the physical. There is just something special about a character who can state what they want, how they want it and then they go to the point of showing or teaching that person how to get them there.

I've been on both sides in my life and each time those moments raised the level of the erotic experience for both parties. It's moments like that which are the most fun for me to write.

Silver-Midnight

Super Member

Registered

Nov 24, 2011

#15

I guess good chemistry. I mean if I can answer that. Although I don't mind characters who are to each other "all of the time", I prefer characters who can laugh with each other, joke, tell off or slightly make fun of(but in that good friend way). Like a real friendship/relationship....I think. Haha.

I hope you understand what I'm saying.

Also that fine line between friendship/relationship that's always tested(at least through the novel).

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