How to encourage "swinging" in wip?

c.m.n. said:

How do you encourage a non-monogamous (is that the right word?) relationship within a WIP so the reader doesn't consider it cheating?

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How do you do it in real life?

Yeah, I don't know either.

Your characters need to talk. It's not like the opportunity to swing will present itself, they'll exchange meaningful looks, and off they go for a lovely time had by all. If they have not already established that they're open to the possibility, they might reasonably presume one another to be disinterested, maybe even disgusted.

Is the swinging just about sex, not about a relationship of any kind? Is the existing relationship so strong that swinging poses no threat? Nobody's going to get jealous of something about the new partner? No risk of anybody starting a secret affair if they hit it off well swinging?

One way might be to have them role-play during just-them sex. I'm the tired businessman, and you be--the desk clerk at the hotel, because I forgot my credit card. And the door swings open, and this cute couple starts watching...

Maryn, who has certainly talked about this but will say no more than that

Your characters need to talk. It's not like the opportunity to swing will present itself, they'll exchange meaningful looks, and off they go for a lovely time had by all. If they have not already established that they're open to the possibility, they might reasonably presume one another to be disinterested, maybe even disgusted.

Is the swinging just about sex, not about a relationship of any kind? Is the existing relationship so strong that swinging poses no threat? Nobody's going to get jealous of something about the new partner? No risk of anybody starting a secret affair if they hit it off well swinging?

One way might be to have them role-play during just-them sex. I'm the tired businessman, and you be--the desk clerk at the hotel, because I forgot my credit card. And the door swings open, and this cute couple starts watching...

Maryn, who has certainly talked about this but will say no more than that

One of the simplest approaches is to just start the story with an established couple who have already agreed with each other to look for a third or other couple to play with. If that doesn't work for a particular project you might try giving the couple sort of a hero-worship/celebrity-admiration crush on a specific other couple or individual. I remember watching the movie The Littlest Vampire, which is a kids movie so it doesn't even mention sex, yet the interaction between the human parents and the vampire parents had me convinced that the two couples were strongly feeling the pull of attraction to each other.

Make it clear to the reader that this happens with everyone's consent. After that, you can pretty much write anything that doesn't involve children or donkeys.

(And even then, I've read a donkey show in a novella published by a reasonably well-known epub. And rape. So go figure...)

You need everyone involved to be very non-jealous. You need them to have The Conversation- mine and Jos's took four years.

After that, what Scarlett said.

In my MFM novel, the heroine is living with her boyfriend (Guy A) and runs into her old lover (Guy B) at a party. She and Guy B stopped seeing each other because they lived too far apart, but now she only lives a mile from him. They become friends, but then end up kissing.

Heroine confesses the kiss to Guy A and says she's going to end the friendship because she can't trust herself not to kiss--or go further with--Guy B again. Guy A says, "Keep the friendship, and if anything happens, just be honest with me." Ultimately, through a lot of negotiation and honest discussion, Heroine ends up dating both men, with both men's knowledge and consent (and there's a threesome at the end of the book).

So yeah...discussion, honest communication, and have them set some ground rules. I know couples who swing in real life, so I modeled the discussions in my novel on what those friends told me.

Good advice so far - honesty, communication, etc. I'll add a note on terminology so we know what we're talking about. Swinging is usually what couples do together as recreation, even if they are close friends with the other people. It sounds like you might mean an open relationship or something like that. Having an encounter doesn't have to be planned in advance, but unless you want to make this a major conflict, they would need a previous "understanding" of the permeability of the relationship.

It's not clear in your question how much of a "couple" the first two are when the third one appears. Are they just dating at that point? Is the first MC trying to choose between the others? Where they meet is also relevant. If it's at a venue conducive to open relationships, there would be certain assumptions making things easier.

I've done some of this in real life, but I'm not sure which parts apply to your story.

Communication is the key to accomplishing this in real life and should be in your story. Honestly, some people will still consider it cheating no matter how you frame the situation. You can't get a round that. To some people if you're married or committed you don't sleep with other people under any circumstances. You're story will turn them off.

Then again, some people don't like BSDM, same sex or transsexual stories, but that shouldn't stop you from writing it.

You might find the polyamoryonline site to be good research.