Rant: I've got the blahs

KathleenD · Oct 3, 2011

I'm supposed to be doing promo for my next book. Failing that I'm supposed to be finishing the next one.

I just don't give a green frog's fart about sex right now. I am not in the mood. I am especially not in the mood to write one more orgasm. I have a great scene all blocked out and when I sat down to write it all I could think of were the squicky squelchy parts of sex.

Sounds, specifically, in case you couldn't tell. The moist sound of two bits of sweaty belly flab slapping together is stuck in my head. I don't know if it that's better or worse than the vagina farts I'm also hearing.

This is why so many vanilla writers turn to penning bad/unrealistic/uninformed BDSM even though at minimum we need to watch more YouPorn on the topic. ANYTHING but writing more "stick his perfectly proportioned wang in her never-breached-by-a-nine-pound-baby hoohah and send her to glorious heights of orgasm."

/rant off

anniemr · Oct 3, 2011

I'm sorry you have the blahs but this really made me laugh. Perhaps tomorrow the icky sounds won't be so bad.

Fruitbat · Oct 3, 2011

Hope you feel better.

sunandshadow · Oct 3, 2011

Could be the time of year. Where I am the weather has been suddenly cold, rainy, and dark this week and it's totally triggered my "eat fatty junk food and start conserving energy for winter" instinct. Bleh.

Maryn · Oct 3, 2011

Kathleen, that may be the blahs for you, but you wrung a smile out of me when I would not have thought that possible.

Ever considered a comedic turn, writing about writing erotica vs. real life sex? Could be hilarious.

Maryn, who remembers a funny bit by a comedian who'd been deaf then got an implant, talking about hearing sex for the first time

KathleenD · Oct 3, 2011

Actually, you guys are cheering me up. I should have whined earlier

If you can't write sex, you can make sex writers laugh.

Maryn, that's a fantastic idea. I'm serious! I actually feel inspired for the first time in days. I will totally write a "Real Sex Romance." Extra attention will be paid to the way a man waddle-lurches to the bathroom when it's all over, clutching the condom around his bits so nothing drips on the dry-clean-only rug.

Sunandshadow: I'm on my fourth garlic cheesy biscuit for the evening. I've gone past ruining my waistline and hurtling toward destroying my circumference.

VeryVerity · Oct 4, 2011

Maryn said:
Kathleen, that may be the blahs for you, but you wrung a smile out of me when I would not have thought that possible.

Ever considered a comedic turn, writing about writing erotica vs. real life sex? Could be hilarious.

This.

Sorry the blahs have got you, but glad you're feeling a bit better, and your post did indeed made me grin.

Go write while you're inspired! Something fresh should give you a break (and a giggle) to be ale to come back to the other stuff later on.

I plan to pig out on cake later.

firedrake · Oct 28, 2011

KathleenD said:
Maryn, that's a fantastic idea. I'm serious! I actually feel inspired for the first time in days. I will totally write a "Real Sex Romance." Extra attention will be paid to the way a man waddle-lurches to the bathroom when it's all over, clutching the condom around his bits so nothing drips on the dry-clean-only rug.

Priceless.

Write it, now.

If you search back through Erotica SYW, teh Bunneh (I can't remember his user name) wrote a hilarious "real sex" scene. I'll have to see if I can find it.

ETA: Rats...he took it down.

dangerousbill · Oct 28, 2011

KathleenD said:
Sounds, specifically, in case you couldn't tell. The moist sound of two bits of sweaty belly flab slapping together is stuck in my head. I don't know if it that's better or worse than the vagina farts I'm also hearing.

It sounds like the makings of your next novel. The fact is, we're animals. We drip fluids and make disgusting noises and shit ourselves (at times). Mainline erotica tends to idealize our characters as flawless gods, and sex as ultimate bliss.

Sometimes, we have to enjoy it in spite of the less agreeable aspects of being creatures made of meat.

A sensitive item:

I don't know your age, but if menopause is in the offing or long past, speak to your gyno about putting a smidgin of testosterone in your HRT. (The word: Methtest )

It works like magic and those disgusting belly slaps may suddenly become interesting again. It worked for the Warrior Queen.

tedi.s · Oct 28, 2011

KathleenD said:
Actually, you guys are cheering me up. I should have whined earlier If you can't write sex, you can make sex writers laugh.

Maryn, that's a fantastic idea. I'm serious! I actually feel inspired for the first time in days. I will totally write a "Real Sex Romance." Extra attention will be paid to the way a man waddle-lurches to the bathroom when it's all over, clutching the condom around his bits so nothing drips on the dry-clean-only rug.

Sunandshadow: I'm on my fourth garlic cheesy biscuit for the evening. I've gone past ruining my waistline and hurtling toward destroying my circumference.

Bwahahahah!!! If you are going for real, don't forget to include the birth control, er, I mean the children, interrupting when you know you are three strokes from glory!!

Enjoy the biscuits. Maybe we will meet one day when our gravitational forces pull us to one another

Domino Derval · Oct 29, 2011

Annabelle rubbed her lithe body over Gyros's firm, hairy chest.

*Squeak, squeak.*

As she withdrew, his penis fell against her thigh. *Ker-slap!*

She kneeled before him, lowering her knees to the linoleum floor. *THUD, squeak.*

She took him into her mouth then, expertly performing the arts she had learned from the geishas on her potent Greek billionaire. *Sluuuuuuurp, slurp slurp, lap lap lap, POP*

Ruth2 · Oct 29, 2011

I *love* it when someone writes sex as it really is! You go, girl!!!

Rant: I've got the blahs

KathleenD

New kid, but no need to be gentle.

anniemr

Writers write

Fruitbat

.

sunandshadow

Impractical Fantasy Animal

Maryn

I Tried

KathleenD

New kid, but no need to be gentle.

VeryVerity

Aliens ate my homework

firedrake

practical experience, FTW

dangerousbill

Retired Illuminatus

tedi.s

Demigods, wolves, & Vamps... Oh my!

Domino Derval

FREAKING OUT!

Ruth2

Tam, na Koncu Drevoreda